


Moving On...

by daniellavictoria



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: -Ish, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Canon Compliant, Coming Out, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Fluffy Smut, Forgive me for those please, M/M, Pining, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Some pretty cliché Larry moments, Unrequited Love, and Zayn is still in the band, i'll add as i go - Freeform, if that's a thing, its a year off of canon, minor drug use/alcohol use, non-au, one too many "green/blue eyes references, probably more tags, sorry bout that, sort of, think of 2015 as 2016, unintentional bearding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-21
Updated: 2016-04-13
Packaged: 2018-02-25 17:33:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 91,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2630342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daniellavictoria/pseuds/daniellavictoria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*Harry's coming out and Louis has to decide if he's willing to watch the one person he can't live without move on with someone else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Only looking forward...

**Author's Note:**

> *I took some liberties with dates of events and names of behind the scenes characters (I just couldn't be bothered to look them all up honestly) so its probably going to seem a little off from canon but oh, well. Sorry if its a bit jumpy in terms of time periods as well (lots of flashbacks) so if it gets confusing please let me know. I also went a bit cliché crazy on the Larry moments and may have switched up some things so please don't hold it against me. I'm going to go back and edit but just to take out the few too many 'blue eyes/green eyes' and 'curly haired boy' and 'younger lad' 'older lad's descriptors that I used. Lol. It got a bit too redundant so sorry for that. But stick with it and I promise you won't be disappointed. Thank you so much for giving this a read and remember...'Be nice to nice' ;)
> 
> All Chapter cover art throughout by the AMAZINGLY talented and lovely hazstylestrash :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The OTRA tour has come to an end and the boys are heading back home after an angst-filled year. Relationships have changed, most notably between Harry and Louis but that's nothing new.  
> Things happen...  
> Read on.  
> Prepare for flashbacks!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Storyboard for Moving On...
> 
>  
> 
> <http://daniellavictoriaao3.tumblr.com/post/132310574881>  
> 
> 
> All Chapter cover art throughout by the insanely talented and lovely hazstylestrash :)

Chapter 1 [cover art](http://daniellavictoriaao3.tumblr.com/image/143456369736) by hazstylestrash

 

  **HARRY STYLES (2015)**

He rested his head against the cool glass of the window trying desperately to stop the throbbing behind his eyes that had been plaguing him all morning. Holding back tears for the better part of a day will do that to you.  Sunglasses hid his tired and bloodshot eyes from the world around him.  No one needed to know...

Harry wouldn't allow himself to dwell on the reason behind his migraine.   _What good would that do, Haz?_   _Only looking forward_ , he scolded himself. _That's supposed to be your new mantra, Harry! Live it! Love it! Breath it! Be it!_

The unmistakable sound of Niall entering the cabin was a welcome distraction.

"Jeeeezus, this thing is heavy!" he groans, hauling his oversized duffel down the aisle making his way towards his seat across from Harry. "How the fuck can I have accumulated this much more shit since our last show? Crazy!" 

"I believe they call it being a 'shopaholic', mate." Harry laughs good-naturedly as he takes out his phone queuing up the playlist he so fittingly titled _Calm._ A bit of Coldplay here a dash of Elvis there.  Definitely what he needed.

Niall guffaws and sits himself down across the seat from him with a thud. "Gah!" the blond laughs. "I'll take a double chicken wrap from Nando's over a trip to the shops any day!" He winks at Harry playfully as he settles into his seat. 

Harry gave Niall a small smile as he placed one earphone in his ear leaving the other out so as not to be rude to his friend.  Niall was a big talker and whether or not he felt like talking at the moment Harry would never purposefully ignore him. Luckily, Niall currently seemed more interested in his phone and less in a bit of banter.  Harry relaxed back into his seat, pressing play just as the flash of Niall's camera phone went off in front of him.

"You gonna post that one?" Harry mindlessly runs a hand through his hair and it falls in soft waves that frame his face perfectly.

Niall turns his phone around to get his friends approval. "Not bad, eh?"   

Harry nods his approval with a half-hearted shrug. "Eh."  He found he didn't have the energy to care whether or not he looked like the epitome of heartbreak. Not now anyway.  

Niall proceeds to fiddle with his phone some more, ultimately posting the pic of Harry on Twitter with the caption 'Heading home...'. 

It's nice to have Niall with him on this flight back to the UK because not only is he funny as fuck, but completely understanding when Harry has to disengage himself for a bit.  If Harry is noticeably quiet for longer than most people would allow without questioning, Niall just knows what he needs.  Whether its an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on one meaningful glance and he gets it.  This may be turning into one of those moments Harry needs Niall the most.

In the past it would have been all of them: Harry, Louis, Niall, Liam and Zayn. All five together headed to wherever. _All_ together, being as loud and obnoxious as they wanted to be. Playing pranks, goofing off and just generally annoying the hell out of their crew on board. But...they were young then.

Five years have passed since the day they were thrown together on the X-Factor.  Five years of recording albums, touring, and crazy life-changing experiences. They're all older now, of course and much more established in the music industry.  They've all  taken on multiple roles when it comes to their music and other artists as well.  Songwriting, producing, mentoring...Louis had even started his own production company for up and coming unknown artists at the beginning of the year.   A dream of his since as long as he could remember, as Louis had confided in Harry one day back at the X-Factor house.  

It would be a complete lie to say that all the boys were as close as they were in the beginning.  Sure they got along fine but at the heart of it things had changed.  Things that altered the dynamic of their friendship.  It felt like a wrestling match sometimes.  Harry and Niall in one corner.  Zayn and Louis in the other.  Liam as the poor soul of a referee, impartial and fair.  Harry, unfortunately felt completely at fault for the division.  He couldn't help who he loved.  Couldn't help that he wore his heart on his sleeve. Sometimes embarrassingly so...

Soon the jet is in the air and flying steadily and smoothly. As soon as the seatbelt light is switched off Harry jumps up to head for the loo.  _Next time try not to polish off a 32 oz. bottle of water before you're about to hop on a flight, eh, Styles,_  he scolds himself.

As he's finishing up drying his hands Harry couldn't help as his thoughts wandered until blue eyes and caramel hair filled his mind's eye. 

_Dammit!_ Looking down at the starchy white paper towel he's holding crumpled in his hands Harry is reminded of his and Louis' first encounter.

**< flashback>**

**HARRY STYLES (2010) - X-Factor Auditions**

_Calm down, Harry!!!_  He scolds himself. _You'll do fine. Now just take your damn wee!!!_ To say the 16 year old was nervous would be an understatement. I mean you're about to go out and possibly embarrass yourself in front of some of the biggest names in the music industry. You should be pissing your pants not actually having trouble going.

As the curly-haired boy tried to relax a rather large man wearing far too much Drakar Noir sidled up to the urinal next to him.  He was practically rubbing elbows with Harry his presence demanding that much space. 

Harry swallowed audibly trying to will himself not to gag on the stench of the man's overwhelming cologne and close proximity.   _Why do the urinals in here have to be so damn close?!?!_

The boy closed his eyes to regain his focus on the task at hand.  It was a little unnerving being _thisclose_ to someone else's wee, he would rather not share a glance with some strange guy while holding his dick.

Harry feels the shuffling and quick zip and flush next to him as the man finishes up.  Eyes still closed he becomes vaguely aware of someone approaching the urinal to his left as he finally relaxes his bladder enough to relieve himself.  Harry sighs loudly, running a hand through his curly hair.  Opening his green eyes when he finally finishes he unintentionally looks up into the mirror above the urinal meeting the blue eyed boy next to him and then... _IT_ happens.

He feel something warm and wet hit his shoe and, well...of course!

"Oops!" The boy's voice was so soft and sweet that if Harry hadn't already seen him he may have thought that a girl had mistakingly entered the men's room.  

 

_Oops?!?! That's all he has to say?!?!_  

Harry whips his head to face the boy not exactly knowing what he was going to say.  He wasn't a very confrontational person, to be honest.  He always would erupt into a fit of giggles at the mere thought of having to speak up for himself or challenge anyone.  

Calling the boy a clumsy pisser came to mind but when their eyes finally met face to face and Harry spoke he found he could only utter "Hi."

Harry is at a loss for words.   The boy was a little taller than him with tanned skin, caramel hair and the bluest eyes Harry had ever seen.  The stranger was smiling nervously, peering up at Harry through thick, long eyelashes clearly embarrassed. 

_'Hi', Harry?  Really?_  

Harry's breath catches as a small, unexpected smile makes it's way to his lips.

"So sorry about that, mate" the 'clumsy pisser' croaks. He clears his throat, finding his voice. "I just...um, got distracted and...it was an accident. Didn't mean to splash ya!"

Harry knew that this boy was probably just as nervous about his own audition as Harry was about his.  As Harry's nerves led him to have a shy bladder maybe this boy's nerves turned him into a reckless pisser.  

"No problem", the curly boy smiles.  Well, it was but who was Harry to judge when it came to issues of these sorts, really?

The blue-eyed boy returned the smile, eyes crinkling at the corners and Harry knew he was in trouble.

_Adorable._

After both boys finish up Harry assesses the damages grabbing a wet paper towel to dab at his dirtied shoe.

_God, I hope I don't have to go up on stage smelling like fucking wee!!!_

And this boy, this adorable boy who pissed on his shoe was actually...hovering over him with a smirk plastered on his face.  His thin lips all screwed up, eyes adorably crinkling at the corners once again. 

"By the way, name's Louis. Louis Tomlinson", the clumsy-pisser smiles as he wipes his hands dry, tossing the paper towel in the trash with a swish. "Just thought you might want to know the name of the lad who just had a piss on your shoe! Ha!" He flicks his caramel fringe away from his eyes with a quick shake of his head.

_Adorable and funny, too!_

Harry lets out what could only be described as a 'giddy bark' that reverberates throughout the bathroom.   The green-eyed boy claps a hand over his mouth and _what in the hell was that?!?!_

Louis simply smiles once again, eyes bright with amusement.

"Erm...I suppose so. Harry Styles."  He introduces himself with a shy smile  continuing to wipe mindlessly at his shoe.

Louis leans against the sink watching him and Harry can feel those blue eyes boring into him.  It was awkward to say the least but what was worse was the fluttering Harry was feeling in the pit of his stomach.   _And what is this boy doing to him?!?!_  

A moment passes and Louis doesn't move to leave so Harry meets his gaze with a cocked eyebrow. Louis seemingly shrinks back at the gesture, his smile slowly fading.  And Harry may be imagining it but he thinks the room just got a bit dimmer.

Louis clears his throat, a slow blush pinking up his cheeks.

_Adorable._

"Just admiring your curls there, mate." Louis' lips twitch into an almost imperceptable simper. "They're very distracting, ya know!"

Harry wouldn't bet money on it, he wasn't the sort.  However, he couldn't help but feel that this Louis was, well...flirting with him! At that point in time Harry was pretty open with his family and close friends about his bisexuality but he hadn't really met many other boys like him.  He wasn't too sure if this boy was just being polite because he felt bad or because he was attracted to Harry or something along those lines.  Harry didn't want to jump the gun so he settled for polite and brushed off any butterflies and tingling he was currently feeling every time the two made eye contact.

"Ya know, you could help me here!" Harry remarks with a playful smirk.  "It is YOUR wee". He throws him a wink just for good measure. _Don't want to make him feel too bad, do I?_

What can only be described as a goofy grin flashes across Louis' face, quickly spreading like a tidal wave over his thin lips and crinkling the corners of his soft blue eyes.

_Adorable._

Then with a quick nip to his lower lip Louis fetches a paper towel from a nearby dispenser, practically tripping over his own feet. "Sorry, again...Harry." he rakes his fingers through his shaggy hair averting his eyes. 

Harry takes the proffered paper towel with a polite nod and quickly finishes drying off his pissed upon shoe.  

Harry offers a cheeky smile as he rinses off his hands. "You know, I hope my hair won't distract the judges from my sure to be top-notch performance." 

Louis guffaws, clapping his hand to the curly-haired boys' shoulder. "See you out there, Curly! Good Luck!" And with that he quickly makes his way to the door of the loo and is gone.

Harry shakes his head in amusement, smiling to himself. "See ya, Lou", he mutters. Now, all that was left of the adorably cheeky Louis was the soft groan of the door slowly closing behind him.

< **end flashback >**

**Harry Styles (2015)-present day**

Harry can feel the dull ache creeping up behind his eyes, his headache threatening to return if he let's another tear slide.

_Get it together, Harry!_  

He rubs his hand down the back of his neck trying to ease some of the tension that's been attacking every muscle fiber in his body for the last 12 hours. The tension that had started with, ironically enough, his  _last_ encounter with Louis.

< **flashback >** 

_***12 hours earlier*** _

"So you're really doing it then, yeah?" Louis shifts uncomfortably, leaning back against Harry's hotel room door.  His eyes focused on anything but the curly boy in front of him.

Harry nods silently, running a shaky hand through his loose waves. "Yeah, Lou. I am."

Not 15 minutes earlier Louis had 'approached' Harry in the lobby of their hotel after having just returned from their final show. Paul, their tour manager and unofficial 'babysitter' shuffled close by as well as a few of their crew members. There were late night hotel patrons milling about the dimly lit lobby, some stumbling gracefully from the hotel bar trying to make it back to their rooms before completely embarrassing themselves.   

"Need to talk," Louis had whispered, brushing past the younger boy. He was trying to be inconspicuous and failing miserably as his eyes darted around making him look all too obvious. Like he was 'trying-to-close-a-drug-deal-in-the-middle-of-the-day-in-front-of-a-police-station' conspicuous.

Harry couldn't help but roll his eyes. This was how his and Louis' public interactions were the last couple of years.  It was getting better as of late but it still was frustrating.  The two of them even stood next to each other in some interviews and for a few performances this tour. However, it didn't make it any less hurtful knowing that to Louis, the worst thing in the world for him would be for anyone to see them interacting.  At least that's what it felt like to Harry..

Harry was about to suggest getting a drink at the bar when he stopped himself. _Not in public, Harry!_  He reminded himself, sarcastically.  _Lest anyone think 'Larry Stylinson' is back at it_.

"I'm in 918", the younger man whispers making his way past Louis to the elevator bank.

Louis clears his throat with a quick nod as the rest of the boys and the band exit the buses and make their way into the hotel lobby.  They would usually come in the back entrance but the lift there had suddenly broken down leaving them no choice but to parade through the lobby.  Luckily, the security was tight so the boys needn't have worried about being mobbed on their last night in Miami.

And now, as Louis leans against the door to room 918 he looks so nervous gnawing at his cuticle, gazing up through hooded eyes. Like he fears that Harry is about to 'out' him as well.  Something the younger man would never do but something Louis had so clearly been terrified of happening for a while now.

Harry walks further into his room to settle on the bench at the foot of the bed. He opens his mouth to speak but Louis is still standing plastered to the door.  The younger man huffs impatiently. "I won't bite, ya know."

Harry could swear he sees Louis' lips quirk up for a split second before the blue eyed man shuffles closer.

"Harry...I...Harry...," he stutters, clearly flustered hands moving about as if he's trying to pull the right words out of the air around him. "You know what people will think...I mean...about me...a-and you...," his voice trails off.

And... _did he really just...?!?!?!_

Harry jumps up, heat radiating from somewhere deep inside him turning his face a bright red. He throws his hands in the air in exasperation.

"God, Lou!  Listen to yourself!  This is MY life we're talking about.  MY life!"   Harry inches closer to Louis who remains frozen in place, eyes distant. "I went along with what YOU and management wanted to do for the last three years! 'Avoid prolonged eye contact' ..." Harry begins counting off on his fingers all of their 'public interaction restrictions' as it had been labeled in their mutually signed contract. "'No more tweets to each other, other than what is pre-approved by publicists'...'Must arrive separately to promotions, interviews, venues...' Harry could have gone on word for word. He read and reread that stupid contract between Louis and management a dozen times before reluctantly signing it those three years ago. "'And NO publicizing MY sexuality lest it led people to believe all the rumors were true about you and me! Right, Lou?!?! Deny, deny, deny! Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit!"

He was in Louis' face now, closer than they'd been to each other in quite some time without the usual restraint.  Tears of frustration and hurt blurred Harry's vision. He literally felt like he was breaking inside while Louis just stood there staring into space.

Harry swiped at his eyes brushing away every last tear. He realized then as his vision cleared that Louis was trembling. He was like a raw bundle of nerves, practically buzzing. Like if Harry just reached out and brushed his fingertips against Louis' cheek it might send a shock straight to his core.  Louis had always been high strung but this was something else.  Something... _intense._

The air stills around them except for the sounds of Harry's ragged breathing.  The younger man backs away slowly, crumpling down onto the bench.  Head in hands, Harry exhales a shaky breath. "I...Lou...I'm sorry."

It happened so fast that he didn't have any time to react.  One minute Louis was trembling where he stood and the next he was melting into Harry's arms, hot tears staining his cheeks.

"I'm scared, Haz." He buries his face in Harry's neck, as the younger boy sits hands raised in hesitation.  He stilled, unsure of whether he should pull Louis closer and wipe away his tears or give him a chaste pat on the back.  Harry had to remind himself that he and Louis were alone and that there was no one around to scrutinize their actions.

"I don't know what to do," Louis whimpers softly, lips brushing against Harry's neck. And for an instant Harry felt 16 again...

He sighs deeply as he lifts the hem of his shirt to wipe away Louis' tears.  With a sniffle Louis raises his head to meet Harry's green eyes.  They remain like that as Harry continues dabbing at Louis' cheeks, a shy smile crinkling the corners of his former best mate's blue eyes. 

"I'm here for you, Lou. I've always been here for you. That hasn't changed. And despite everything that's happened between us I don't think it ever will." Harry can't look away because this is the longest that he's held Louis' gaze in so long and he's missed this.  Missed this contact with this man so very, very much.

"Whatever happens, Lou. If rumors start..." The younger boy swallows and Louis averts his gaze. "This has been a long time coming for me, Lou and honestly I don't think it will come as a complete shock that I'm...well, not completely 'straight.'"

Louis smirks. "No.  I don't think it will be that much of a shock, Haz.  I mean 'I study rainbows'?!?! Subtle, you."

They share a quiet laugh as Louis reminds Harry of a tweet the younger man had posted earlier in the year.  Harry shrugged sheepishly.

The air feels just a little bit lighter around them and Harry hates to say or do anything to disturb this moment.

"Listen, Lou.  You've stated to the world that you are straight as an arrow.  You and," Harry pauses, swallowing hard. "You and Eleanor...are in love and are happy and whatnot."

Louis squeezes his eyes tightly, tears forced down onto his cheeks.  He sighs dejectedly, slowly his head.   

"Guess I've always been a bit sensitive on the issue, yeah?" he says with a half-hearted smile.  Louis inhales deeply, shaking away the tension and rubbing his eyes.

He clears his throat, flipping his caramel fringe away from his eyes.

_Ah, there's the Louis I know and love_ , Harry thinks, fondly. _Sassy, Lou.  All hair flipping and quick with a clever remark._

"So...how are you going to do it, Haz?  An interview, a first page article in People like Ellen?" Louis smiles, nervously. 

_Little does he know..._

Harry hadn't really told any of the boys too much about Will aside from that he might be seeing someone.  He wanted to make sure they were serious before all that. Harry felt guilty that he was anxious to see Louis' reaction when he told him.  Part of him was hoping that Louis would suddenly realize that he's been an idiot and jump into Harry's arms showering him with long overdue, passionate kisses.

_Highly bloody unlikely_ , Harry surmised.  

The younger man clears his throat nervously. "Well...Lou. I...I've actually started seeing someone and the plan is to have us papped together.  That's...well, I don't like using Will like that but he's agreed and he feels kind of honored to be such a big part of my coming out."

Harry looks down at his hands fumbling restlessly with his rings .  

The room remains silent and uncomfortable.  Louis is squirming in his seat and Harry peers up at him slowly, assessing the damage, if any.  Louis' face remains blank, expression unreadable. 

Seconds pass without a word spoken between them before Louis opens his mouth to speak but then thinks better of it, lips pressing into a thin line.

"Lou? Say something--"

"I-I'm happy for you, Harry," Louis stammers, a rush of words breaking his silence.

Harry tenses as a bit of confusion and anger begins creeping its way into his veins once again. 

_Happy for me?!?!  He's 'happy for me'?!?!?!_ Such kind words...if they came from anyone other than Louis.  Coming from Louis they were just a nail in the coffin that was their relationship.

"I...erm...didn't know you were seeing someone.  Will, is it?'  Louis' squirming even more now. 

"Yes...Will.  It's been about 3 months now." Harry is smiling now at the thought of his boyfriend.  His truly supportive boyfriend. 

Louis lowers his eyes tears pooling in the rims of his blue eyes once again.  He blinks, tears sprinkling down on his hands.

He sniffles. "What's he like?"  Louis swiftly raises his head to meet Harry's green eyes, his lips pressed tightly together.  "This... _Will_?" He spits the name out like something bitter on his tongue.

To say Harry is a bit taken aback by this response is, well a complete understatement. 

"'What's he like?'" Harry repeats Louis' words, contemplating. He doesn't know quite how to answer that question.  How do you describe your current boyfriend to the love of your life?  The younger man tenses but then the image of Will's deep brown eyes and kind smile comes to mind.  

Harry's eyes soften. "He's...he's good to me, Lou.  Supportive. I think I deserve that, don't you?"

The words aren't meant to sound harsh but he feels Louis might take them as such so Harry quickly follows up with "We all do."

Before he can think twice about it Harry is reaching for Louis' hand gliding his thumb over his knuckles trying to soothe away any lasting tension between them.  

Louis doesn't flinch. Harry is a bit surprised at Louis' reaction expecting the older boy to get all anxious at his touch.  Such an intimate touch that they hadn't shown each other in such a long time.  Harry relishes it and try and sear the moment in his mind. He smiles as Louis' thumb responds in kind, grazing Harry's knuckles over and over. 

"Yes, Harry.  We certainly do.  Especially you." Louis' eyes are focused on their entwined hands resting between them on his lap.  A humorless smile plays at the older man's lips. "I'm just...I'm just sorry it's not...I...I'm just sorry, ok?" 

Harry gives a quick squeeze to Louis' small, delicate fingers that lay warm in his massive hands. "Well, I just hope my coming out doesn't make things even more awkward between us.  It's a happy time for me and I would love it if you would...I don't know...be a part of it.  A part of my life.  Our contract is up next month and we don't _have to_ continue with all those restrictions anymore.  That is...if you don't want to.  I-I mean maybe we could..." his voice trails off, as he chooses his next words carefully because, he thinks _God I do not know where I am going with this_.  "I...I don't know.  Maybe go on a double date.  You and...Eleanor and Will and I.  Maybe it would be good for all of us.  And...and just think of it this way. If all four of us are seen out together then that sort of like helps to detract from any potential rumors?  Like, you know the press and all those 'Larry' fans will see that we...erm...support each other's relationships and that they were wrong.  Completely wrong when they...when they...' a lump begins to form in Harry's throat "...when they believed that w-we were in love. You and I."

_I won't cry.  I won't allow that lump in my throat to turn into a choking sob just like it wants to._  

Harry bites hislip to stop the inevitable quiver.  That's when the pounding ache at the back of his eyes begins.

Louis' brows knitted in confusion. "I-I...," he starts, struggling for the right words. "Why would you...I mean..." He barks out a humorless laugh. "Yeah...yeah, I suppose. I mean who knows!" Louis stands abruptly, dropping Harry's hand. _"_ And maybe, eventually, we can even have a double fucking wedding!!!"

Harry catches the flash of anger in his blue eyes as Louis storms off towards the door.

"What the fuck, Lou?!?!" Harry jumps to block Louis' exit.  He easily reaches the door before Louis in just a few strides.  "What's the matter now?!?!"  There is no way Harry is letting Louis walk out without so much as an explanation for his outburst.  They had had way too many unresolved arguments over the past couple of years and this was too important to Harry to simply let go.

Louis crosses his arms, eyes cold.  He's practically buzzing once again but this time the fear is replaced by obvious anger.

"Out of my way, Harry!  Zayn's waiting for me.  We...we're going out and I don't want to keep him waiting!" He stammers through his lies, nostrils flaring in anger.  "Just out of my way, all right?!?!"  Louis grabs a fistful of Harry's shirt but the younger man is much bigger and his effort is wasted.  Harry stands firmly, back against the door. 

"C'mon, Lou.  Please don't leave this as it is right now!  I thought you would be happy to know that I won't be pining over you anymore.  Making you uncomfortable with my every glance in your direction.  I thought the double date idea would have made you happy if there was a chance the rumors would stop.  My intentions were good, Lou.  Really they were." 

_Well, mostly..._

Louis' sighs, releasing his grip on Harry's shirt.  "Please, Harry." His voice is much calmer now. "I'll find you later and we'll talk some more, ok?  Promise."

And although he doesn't believe him Harry reluctantly steps aside anyway.  

_Suppose I can't hold him hostage now, can I?_

As the door closes behind Louis, the throbbing behind Harry's eyes returns with a vengeance.  And even though he's alone now with no chance of anyone bearing witness, he refuses to cry anymore. 

He doesn't see Louis again after that.  Louis does not 'find' him to continue their conversation.  Harry expected as much.  He still refuses to cry.

 

**< end of flashback>**

 

**Harry Styles (2015) present day**

Eyes still throbbing Harry makes his way back to his seat after splashing some cool water on his face.  He returns to find Niall, blue eyes wide, jaw practically on the floor.

"Holy Shit, Harry!" He exclaims from behind the screen of his phone. "Uh...wow..."

"What is it? What?" Harry leans in to see what has his mate's knickers in a twist. 

"Holy shit!" Harry exclaims. "What was he thinking?" He feels frozen in place as he reads the comment under the picture of him Niall had just posted of on Twitter. There, plain as day for the entire fandom, for the entire _world_ to see, is a comment from one:

_@Louis_Tomlinson_ ( _ **verified**_ ) -

_**@Harry_Styles. Looking good, Harry** _ **_;)_ **

Harry's jaw drops and immediately he thinks Louis' account had to have been hacked. But then he can't help himself from secretly hoping for it to be real and that Louis' eyes had finally opened...

 

 

Chapter Cover artwork by the amazing [hazstylestrash](http://hazstylestrash.tumblr.com/)

 


	2. What was he thinking?!?!?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis doesn't understand what he's done until its too late to stop himself from hitting the send button. It could have been that he was sick of the distance that he had put between him and his best friend or...it could have been the two or three shots of Johnny Walker Blue Label he had done as soon as he got on the jet. Or both...  
> Harry isn't sure what's going on in Louis' head...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I realize the first chapter may look like I am Louis bashing but please stay with me. This is FICTION, after all!' Don't hate, pleeeaaase!!!  
> Oh and please forgive me for those who don't like Taylor Swift. She's only in this chapter briefly but does play an important part in the storyline. Your comments/kudos would be soooo much appreciated. Thank you so much!!!!

 

**Chapter 2[cover art](http://daniellavictoriaao3.tumblr.com/image/143456799361)**

 

 

 

**Louis Tomlinson - 2015 (present day)**

 

Zayn practically has to drag Louis to his seat he's so fucking tired.  _Sleep?  What's that?_   He hasn't slept at all since his fight with Harry the night before and even though he could barely keep his eyes open Louis' mind wouldn't stop racing. 

_What the fuck was he thinking?!?!  Double date?!?!?_ Louis' heart starts pounding in his ears at the recollection of Harry's suggestion.  _With him and...and...Will?!?!_ Even in his mind he spits the thought out like something bitter.  _And how the hell didn't I even know about this...boyfriend?  Am I that so far removed from his life that I didn't even pick up on a mention of it here and there?  Do the other boys know and didn't tell me?  I know Zayn doesn't know.  He would have told me... I mean, why wouldn't he?  Well, Harry says he's happy with...his boyfriend._ Louis swallows hard at the thought, a lump forming in his throat.  _I suppose I should be happy for him._   _I_ _'should'_ _.  But why, for fuck's sake, am I so completely not???_

Louis pulls his hood up over his head as he slumps down into the window seat, trying to will himself invisible.  Trouble with that is even if he was invisible these thoughts would still be invading his brain.

_I should have gone back.  I should have gone back and just...I don't know what!  I told him I would find him later and I just couldn't bring myself to do it._ Louis lowers his eyes as Zayn comes to sit across from him, shot glasses in hand Liam right behind him.

"I think you need this", Zayn says with a sympathetic nod as he passes Louis a shot glass filled to the brim with amber liquid. 

_This is gonna sting but he's right_.  _I need to forget_.  _I need to just NOT feel right now because, to be honest, I don't even know what the fuck I AM feeling_.  

Louis downs the shot after a quick cheers and fuck was he right.  It burned like a son of a bitch, but it was also just what he needed. 

"Whooo!" he coughs.  "Have another, boys?"  Louis' senses are dulling just the slightest and he's somewhat surprised at how quickly he picks up a buzz. For the moment his mind isn't on Harry. 

He thinks _Just think what one more will accomplish!_

Liam glances pointedly at Zayn so quickly Louis barely has time to notice before Liam is slowly reaching under his seat retrieving the bottle of Johnny Walker Blue Label Whiskey.  With a hint of reservation in his eyes Liam refills all three shot glasses. 

Louis quickly downs the second shot without pause, foregoing the customary cheers.  The other two follow, quickly clearing their throats of the burn. The older lad's throat seems to be enjoying this burn and decides that it could get used to it.   

Louis sighs, satisfied.  "Just what I needed."  He leans back into his seat still holding his empty shot glass. 

"I thought so," Zayn drew out.  "You need to just chill.  Get some sleep." Zayn makes to grab the shot glass from Louis' hand but Louis quickly jerks his hand back.  Zayn's eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

Louis' head was now pleasantly devoid of thoughts of...of... _what thoughts am I trying to avoid???  Ah, yes._   _Good old J.W. is working!  Good lad, good lad..._ He smiles numbly aware of holding out his shot glass.  He wordlessly nods to Liam a request for another refill.

"Another?"

"Another." Louis holds the shot glass steady as Liam pours his... _what is it now?  Third?  Yeah, well who's fucking counting?_   He downs it once again without hesitation.  Zayn passes Louis a bottle of water to chase the burn.

_Awwww, he knows me so well, he does_.  _Good old Zayn.  Zayyyynnnn.  Zen.  Zennnn.  Yeah, I'm drunk._

Louis exchanges the shot glass for the bottle of water and downs it in record time.  Though to be honest about a quarter of it probably ended up _on_  him rather than _in_  him. 

"All right, lad.  Get some sleep, now." 

_Aww, Daddy Liam being so dad-like.  Saying such dad-like things._ Louis smiles, nodding in agreement.  Closing his eyes he feels the rumble of the jet's engines as he sinks deeper into the recesses of his obscenely oversized hoodie. 

_Maybe I_ can _disappear..._

He barely notices Zayn and Liam leaving as he attempts to allow sleep to take over. 

_Shouldn't be long now..._

Bzzzzzzzz...

_What the fuck?!?!_

Bzzzzzzzz...

_Fucking shit, dammit, bastard!!!!!!!_

_How fucking rude of my damn phone to go off at such an inopportune time?!?!_

Louis fumbles for my phone in his too fucking tight skinny jeans and _dammit why do I wear such tight pants?!?!_ Head spinning he makes out the name displayed on caller ID.  _Eleanor._

_Oooh, not a good time, El._  He shakes his head, pressing Ignore. 

_Sorry, love._   _Well, I'll be back home soon.  She can talk to me then._  

He and Eleanor had been off and on for the past year what with this last tour and Eleanor finding work in London as a buyer for TopShop.  Things just haven't quite been the same for awhile now and _fuck!  Now I'm thinking thoughts again!!!!  Dammit!_ _I was so pleasantly numb for a millisecond before..._

He picks up his phone now resigned to not falling asleep as quickly as he had hoped.

As if on cue, a notification that Niall posted on Twitter lights up his lock screen. "Well, ok then..."

_Awww, what a good lad that Niall.  Always posting for our fans.  Thanking them for how great they are and how much we love them and appreciate them and..._

But it wasn't a tweet to their fans.  It was a picture.  Of Harry.  Harry on his phone.  On their jet.  With Niall.  His hair messy.  Loose curls grazing his shoulders.  Sunglasses blocking Louis from seeing his green eyes and...

_Oh, of course!_  He laughs to himself fondly.  _Good old Harry with his crazy blue and gray patterned shirt unbuttoned down to just below his butterfly tattoo.  How haven't I noticed how tan he had gotten?  He always looks so lovely tanned.  Always loved sitting by the pool or on the beach just the two of us.  Well, not always just the two of us but it kind of always felt like it was.  And...yeah.  Harry looks good with a tan.  Always did._

He knows he's still smiling but he finally realizes due to the sudden metallic taste in his mouth that he am biting his lip. He begins sucking his lip relishing the new taste mixing so well with the burn of J.W. still numbing his throat. Still staring down at his phone Louis frowns when he notices that Harry is not smiling in the pic.

_Haaaaaaz! No.  Why do you look so sad? Please don't be because of me that you're not smiling.  But...but maybe its because Niall caught him off guard. Idiot always taking stupid pictures with his stupid fucking camera.  He knows Harry has always hated pics of himself when he's caught by surprise. Just like I do_.   _I swear the nerve of Niall!!!_

_But Harry always looks good.  Beautiful, even._

Louis has always had a shit ton of hang-ups about his appearance. Pretty much always been super-critical of any pics of himself. Harry has always had a way of making him forget.  Forget about how much Louis worried about his weight and his voice and...  Well, the younger man always had a way with Louis.  A way to just make him feel... _perfect,_ really _._ _Beautiful._ At least in Harry's eyes, anyway.

The phone begins to darken and Harry is fading.  He quickly taps the screen to bring him back to life. 

_I hope he knows how good he looks.  He should know.  Niall won't tell him.  I was always the one to reassure him just like he was always the one to reassure me of how good we each looked in pics.  It's not right if he doesn't know!  Even if our fight isn't the reason for him not smiling I should be the one to reassure him again..._

Louis now realizes that he is extremely drunk as auto correct is having a field day as he types out his comment under Harry's picture.  Luckily, he believes it turns out just like he wanted it to.

_And for good measure I'll add a ;) and...POST!_  

He switches off his phone and pockets it once again.

_There!  That's it.  Now I can relax knowing that Harry is going to see what I wrote and smile again.  He always did when I complimented him.  On his curls...or the way he smelled...or...his...or his...performance...or..._

Sleep sneaks up on Louis like a bandit.

 

**Harry Styles-2015**

"He can't do that, can he?" Niall looks just as confused as he is.  "I mean, you guys signed that contract and everything and...that comment is...", the blond laughs wryly, "...well, management is NOT going to be too happy with him." 

Harry shakes his head in disbelief.  "What...what the bloody hell?" 

Right then the unmistakable ringing of his phone shakes Harry from his daze.  _Uh-oh!  Has the shit storm begun already?_

He's actually relieved when he sees who's name pops up on caller ID.  

"Oh, my God, HARRY???"  He holds the phone inches away from the friendly and familiar voice second guessing his judgment upon answering the call.  "Please tell me you saw what Louis wrote about Niall's pic of you on Twitter.  _Please_ tell me.  _Please!!!!_ "  She sounds like an epic fangirl at the moment and Harry can't help but find it endearing.

He sighs, dropping down into into his seat.  "Of course I have, Taylor."  Taylor Swift had been his 'girlfriend' for like a month back in 2012-2013.   What they actually were was a publicity stunt that their teams both mutually agreed would benefit their careers and public images.  Harry would benefit Taylor by being her muse for her next album and she would be, well...his 'beard'.  He actually hated calling her or thinking of her like that because 1. She was and is a sweet, sweet girl and they got along really well. And 2. Harry did not _choose_ to have a 'beard'.  However, their management and publicists thought it beneficial that he at least keep up his perceived heartbreaker image to keep the girls interested.  What actually wound up happening is Taylor became one of his dearest friends.  Both of them true romantics at heart.  They would spend hours talking about failed relationships and heartbreaks.  She was someone Harry felt he could completely trust with his 'secret' and so one day hanging out at her home he revealed all about his unrequited love for Louis.  She feigned ignorance at first but eventually admitted that she had been a secret 'Larry shipper' for a while which Harry found quite funny. He found himself telling her ALL about his and Louis' 'relationship' and how he had always felt like Louis had such a strong hold over him.  Like Harry couldn't even  _think_ about anyone else knowing that there may be the tiniest chance that Louis could feel the way about him that he did about Louis. And for some reason or another Harry kept perceiving an unspoken sliver of hope .  An unspoken feeling that Louis just couldn't or wouldn't voice but that was hanging there between them.  He held onto that for the longest time and Taylor understood but in her opinion Louis was getting off on the attention Harry gave him and was simply stringing him along endlessly.  He considered her opinion.  He really did.  But Harry was hopelessly gone for Louis at that point and no amount of persuasion or sound argument against the matter would sway his feelings for him.  However, that didn't stop Taylor from developing a strong dislike towards Lou as she now considered Harry a close friend and didn't want to see him hurting.  So after their brief 'relationship' ended they still remained friends seeing each other occasionally with mutual friends but talking or texting here and there.

"So?!?!"

"'So' what, Taylor?", Harry teased.  Knowing her she was probably hopping up and down unable to contain herself. 

She groaned loudly.  "Harry!!!  What is going on between you two?  Did you two make up or... _make out?!?!_ "  She giggles like a school girl and he can't help rolling his eyes.  _Romantic fangirl, that Taylor._

He glanced up at Niall who was furiously texting with God knows who, thumbs tapping with epic speed across the screen of his phone.  _Damn, he's quick!_ Harry's briefly distracted from his phone call admiring Niall's texting abilities but is brought back down to reality when he hears Taylor gasp into the phone.

"What? What is it?"

"It's...it's gone!  The comment he made.  It's gone..."  She sounded so heartbroken on Harry's behalf. "What the _fuck_?!?!"  And _there_ was the Taylor he came to know!   Someone who could turn on a dime from sweet girl next door to crazy bitch if the moment called for it. 

"Our publicists are always on the alert, love. Either that or it was a joke or...or he was hacked.  Or...I don't know what to think."  Harry's mind was becoming jumbled and he just couldn't think straight at the moment.  "I-I'll have to call you later, Taylor. Ok? Sorry. Bye-bye."  He didn't even wait for a response before hanging up.

_She'll understand,_ he tells himself as he throws his phone down on the seat next to him.

Niall looks up from his phone, brows furrowed with worry.  "Louis got drunk and passed out as soon as they got on the plane.  Liam said he was acting all weird and shit."

Harry feels his heart fall...  

 

 

 

All chapter cover art by the amazing [hazstylestrash](http://hazstylestrash.tumblr.com/)


	3. Now What?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare for more flashbacks (those are the best parts this chapter I think ;) )  
> Enjoy and PLEASE let me know what you think via Kudos and comments. All appreciated!

Chapter 3 [cover art ](http://daniellavictoriaao3.tumblr.com/image/143455142446)by hazstylestrash

 

 

 

Liam feels the two shots of whiskey laying warm in his gut, the jet's engines rumbling below his feet. He and Zayn had just finished 'tucking Louis in' after a few rounds of shots and to be honest he could've done without more alcohol.  But the buzz was nice and would probably allow him some sleep at least for a few hours.  However, he couldn't shake the uneasiness he felt watching as Louis kept throwing the shots back.  One, two, three.  One right after the other.  He had seen Louis' eyes begin to get a bit hazy after the second and that would've been all right.  He's an adult, for fuck's sake.  Still, knowing that Louis and Zayn had smoked a bowl both last night and this morning and that Louis seemed so damn eager to continue the refills Liam just _knew_ something was up.  Plus, he hadn't seen Louis this quiet in such a long time and _that..._ that was a little scary. 

"Hey, what's up with Louis?" He finally questions Zayn, concern evident in his tone as they slip into their seats and buckle themselves in.

Zayn dips his head and rubs his hands down his face with a sigh. "To tell you the truth...a lot, man.  A lot.  I know he had a fight with Harry last night-"

Liam groans, knowingly.

Zayn continues. "And...uh...Harry told him about the dude he's been seeing, so...I don't know, you know."

"Oh," is all Liam can muster. He nods, leaning his head back against his seat.  _That explains it..._ , he surmises.

For all the years Liam has known him Louis has always been...magnetic.  Energetic. He could brighten up anyone's day, lighten anyone's mood with his constant need to make others laugh.  His constant need to be the center of attention. He shined.  He really did.  But he was his brightest around Harry.   It was unspoken, probably even between Louis and Zayn Liam supposed, but they all felt Louis had always been hiding something. Stifling a part of himself that only came out around Haz.  Always 110% himself around him. Louis was obviously aware Harry was bisexual being his best mate and all.  But he also knew that Harry thought the sun rose and set with him.  The boy had a crush on Louis that couldn't be hidden from anyone who saw them together and Louis obviously loved the attention Harry gave him.  Louis never outright stated his sexuality but because of his campy mannerisms and tactile affection shown towards Harry and the other boys he was easily labelled "the Gay One" early on by some fans.  It didn't seem to bother Louis at first.  It didn't dissuade him from being affectionate and hands-on with Harry and the boys.  They just chalked it up to Louis being well... _Louis_.  He was a very touchy-feely person to everyone really.  But when he was around Harry well...when he was around Harry it was... _different_.  Much more _intimate_. They were clearly the very best of friends but even more so.  Like two halves of a whole.   However, things were said.  Whispers in every corner of the X-Factor house, then later with management and the label and even Simon. Eventually, the powers that be got involved and little by little Louis' light grew just the tiniest bit dimmer.

**< Early 2011>**

_It's such a homey office_ , Louis thought sarcastically eyes scanning the modish room.  All stark pale gray walls with modern black and white art scattered here and there  The ice blue velvet and dark wood furniture signifying the immoderate taste of its occupant.  Louis rested his forearm on Harry's shoulder, shifting his bum against the plush velvet cushions of the couch.  He and Harry had received a call that morning from Simon saying he needed to meet with them but wouldn't discuss the matter further over the phone.  Of course they had been a little concerned that the other boys weren't summoned as well but Simon hadn't seemed upset over the phone so they decided they weren't going to be.  Three hours later they were being ushered into Simon's private office by his secretary and told that he was running late from an earlier meeting but would arrive momentarily.  

"Simon's got good taste, yeah?"  Louis tugged playfully at one of Harry's curls.  Harry smiled shyly at the gesture, shrugging his shoulder to brush Louis' hand away in mock protest.  Louis laughed lightly, running his fingertips through the wisps of tiny curls growing at the base of Harry's neck.  Harry's eyelids fluttered and Louis let his fingers reach deeper until he was massaging Harry's scalp and he had Harry practically purring like a kitten.

"Mmmmhmmm. Posh."  Harry mumbled, though Louis wasn't sure if Harry had uttered an actual word or just moaned from the pleasure of Louis' spectacularly magical fingers doing spectacularly magical things to the curly-haired boy's curly head.

" 'Scuse me, love?  Did you say...'posh'?" Louis stifled a giggle.

A slow smile spread across Harry's cheeks as he leaned into Louis' fingertips.  "Posh."  He repeated firmly, eyes still closed. " _Very_ posh..."

Harry shivered shaking Louis' hand from his neck, his eyes springing open.  Harry instinctively reached for the throw pillow resting under his arm, grabbing it and pulling it onto his lap. He began nibbling nervously on his bottom lip.

Louis smiled slyly, eyeing Harry through the corner of his eye.  It took so very little to get young Hazza going.  Louis felt a weird sense of pride (that he would never admit to himself and _definitely_ not to others) that he had that kind of affect on Harry.  Was able to make the boy blush with just a touch of his fingers.  Able to get him hard with a sexually suggestive action or remark. And Louis would _definitely NOT_ admit to anyone least of all himself that he was a bit...ahem...turned on when Harry responded in kind.  To be honest he didn't know what to think about that.  What that _meant_ about himself.  Louis chose not to think too much about it.  He's young and just...well, hormones and all that.  _Those bastards will do crazy things to ones sexual appetites I'm sure_ , Louis told himself, reassuringly. He told himself this almost every time he felt that pesky twitch of his cock whenever Harry stared at his mouth as he spoke or kept his gaze longer than would be considered customary unless you were trying to pick someone up in a bar.  _Hormones...yes._

Harry's eyes narrowed. "What?" he drawled, slowly and deeply turning his head to look at Louis.  The smirk on Harry's face said that he was well aware that Louis knew what he was hiding under that pillow on his lap. He knew that Louis was just waiting for the right moment to tease him about it. 

Louis chuckled, hands thrown up in defense.  "I-I'm not saying anything, Harold!"

Harry groaned, chucking the throw pillow at Louis who instinctively blocked it, smacking it to the ground near their feet.  They erupted into laughter, shoving each other playfully as Harry reached for the pillow.  At that moment Louis spied the white band of Harry's boxer briefs peeking out the back of his jeans.  Biting his lip mischievously he quickly moved to attempt a wedgie grabbing for Harry's bum when...

"Ahem!"  Simon cleared his throat, dramatically alerting the boys to his arrival.  Both continued laughing but sat up straight on the couch, Harry crossing his legs in an attempt to hide his semi.  "Boys."

Simon crossed the room settling into the plush silver wingback chair across from the boys,  the black leather binder he had been carrying placed on his lap.  Business written all over his face.  He looked from Louis to Harry then back to Louis.  The boys shifted in their seats, small smiles being attempted through the unusual tension slowly seeping into the room.

"How are you, Simon!" Louis said, cheerfully. "You wanted to see us?"  _Better cut to the chase_ , Louis thought to himself.  _Wedgies to give..._

Simon slowly smiled but it never reached his eyes, sending a shiver up Louis' spine.  _Awe, SHIT!  This isn't good..._

Simon sighed.  "Well, I suppose you're wondering why I wanted to see just the two of you and not the rest of the boys." 

Louis shifted in his seat.  "Yeah.  I suppose..."

Harry shrugged and gave a brief nod. 

Simon continued. "I understand you two are very close.  Best mates, yeah?"

Harry gave a small smile. "Yeah.  We are...best mates."

Louis patted Harry on the shoulder, beaming. "Don't know what I would do without this one!"  But, then Louis suddenly had a thought.   Maybe Simon felt that he and Harry were forming a little clique just the two of them and were excluding the other boys.  _Better to clear that up straight away_ , Louis thought. "But all of us boys are close, really."

Simon leaned forward in his chair, elbows on his knees chin resting on his bridged fingertips.  His relaxed change in position making Louis and Harry relax a little as well.  This was _Uncle Simon_ after all.  No need to be on edge.  _But then again..._

Simon cleared his throat, pausing to collect his thoughts.  "Boys," he began. "Boys, Modest and your PR team have come to me with concerns about the nature of your relationship.  They wanted me to meet with you first to discuss these concerns before setting up a formal meeting with you and the team."

Louis felt the floor drop out from beneath him and his stomach began churning, bile rising up to the back of his throat. "The...erm...' _nature_ ' of our relationship?"  He glanced over at Harry who curiously had his eyes glued to the ground, fingers preoccupied with the innumerous bracelets lining his wrists. 

Louis abruptly turned his head back to Simon. "What is _that_ supposed to mean, Simon and why does there have to be a bloody meeting about it?!?!"  Louis was trying to keep his voice calm but he could feel _panic_ starting to attack every fiber of his being and _why in the bloody hell is Harry so unaffected right now?!?!?_   Louis shifted his gaze back to Harry who remained eerily calm.

"Listen, Louis", Simon began.  "I know this is a very sensitive subject but honestly boys in this business not a lot of things are off limits.  Management and your PR team need to know EVERYTHING there is to know in order to not be blindsided by something written or questioned about by the press.  So..." he pauses sitting back in his chair. "...having said that...Louis?"

Louis instantly tenses, his eyes locked with Simon's.

"Louis. I'm sure you have heard the chatter amongst the fans that they think you may be-"

"What?!?!" Louis interjects quickly, a rush of adrenaline surging through his veins and... _what the bloody fuck?!?!_.  "Gay?!?! Yeah, I hear it!  I'm _not_ though so management doesn't have to worry about the 'nature' of mine and Harry's relationship.  We're _just_ best mates! _That's all!"_

Louis didn't know why he felt like crying at that point but he heard the choking sob almost free itself with his last sentence.  He wanted to say more only he couldn't.  Not without making an utter fool of himself, probably start blubbering like a baby and he didn't want Harry...and Simon, of course...to see him like that.  He once again looked over at Harry who remained resolutely silent up to that point.

"Harry?"  Louis said calmly despite his rising anxiety.

Harry looked up straight into Simon's eyes, steadfast.  "Well...I-I'm bisexual actually.  But...no.  Louis and I...no."  He shook his head lowering his gaze back down to his hands in his lap.  "There's, erm...there's nothing like that going on."

Louis' jaw dropped.  It was the first time Harry had stated his sexuality outright.  Hadn't ever heard Harry use that word- _bisexual-_ to describe himself. Of course Louis had got the hint the first time Harry got a painfully obvious boner when Louis was playing with his curls as they watched a movie in their flat.  But, Harry didn't know Louis had seen the bulge through his trackies and Louis hadn't teased him about it, either.  Just used that little tidbit of newfound knowledge to add some spice to his and Harry's near constant bantering. 

Simon clears his throat and Louis thinks Simon looks a bit uneasy.  "Well...ok, Harry.  Thank you for telling me that.  That's something the team should know.  And Louis..."

Louis is stunned into silence, his heart starting to flutter like a hummingbirds' wings.  A bit dramatic but accurate description of his racing heart at the moment. "I-I..." He wipes a hand down his face, flustered. "I-I don't know what to say, to be honest."  He was numb.

Harry squirmed next to him eyeing Louis briefly, an unidentifiable expression on his face. 

_How can Harry be so open...so_ sure _of himself_ , Louis wondered in awe of his best mate.  _Bisexual?  He's so young and yet...he just knows!_

Simon opened the binder resting on his lap.  "Well, your management and PR team have noticed that you two are very...well...ugh, listen!  I know boys will be boys and whatnot and back in the day I used to crack naughty jokes with my mates as well.  But, guys.  I've looked into the specific things that have Modest concerned and honestly...I _can_ see their point."

"What 'specific things'?"

"Well, Louis.  Like how very physically affectionate you two are with each other when performing.  Your video diaries that honestly had me blushing sometimes with how you and Harry were overly affectionate with each other-"

"Overly affectionate?!?!" Louis snapped.  Harry jumped in his seat.  "He's my BEST FRIEND!  Why wouldn't I treat him with affection-"

"It's more than that, Louis." Simon continues carefully, dismissing Louis' interruption and Louis was slightly relieved that Simon didn't bite his head off at that. "It's not the type of affection one would show a best mate.  It's not the kinds of jokes you crack with your best mate.  It's all very...", Simon squirms, "...flirty.  You seem to openly flirt with each other.  Interviews, performances, and I've heard from others about your behavior with one another-"

"Others?!?! What 'others'?!?!"  Louis was freaking out now. _WHAT OTHERS?!?!?!?!?!?!_

Simon waves his hand dismissively, shaking his head. "It doesn't matter.  What matters is that management has noticed and they are concerned that their 'boyband' will not live up to the standards they have set for you.  You boys are marketed to young girls, for God's sake!  And here you two are looking like a proper couple in front of them.  Louis.  Harry.  I know you say that there is nothing going on of that nature but if there is and you are simply afraid or too uncomfortable to tell me please know that it is in both your best interests if your team knows."

"Nothing is going on, Simon."  Louis hangs his head soberly. 

Harry nods, sniffling. He wipes at his eyes quickly.

_Why is Harry crying?!?!_

"Harry?" Louis says, cautiously reaching out to place his hand lightly on his best mate's knee and... _oh_ , _it's_ _trembling!_ "Harry!  It's ok..."

Harry laughs wryly but says nothing as he continues to brush at his teary eyes with his thumbs. 

"I'm sorry this is upsetting, boys.  I know this can't be easy, Harry and I don't want to put any undue pressure on either of you.  But, again. Modest and the team would like to discuss an addendum to your contracts to address your public interactions in order to head off future rumors about your relationship.  Now I'm not sure _specifically_ what they would like from the two of you but I have heard discussion of the possibility of one of you getting a girlfriend.  They'll say that the other one of you set it up and that everyone's happy and blah blah blah." 

"A-a girlfriend?" Harry finally speaks, tear stains evident on his pale cheeks.  "Won't that kind of upset the fans as well?  We'd be 'taken', ya know?  Unattainable, so to speak."

"Well, Harry your PR team has already played up your 'lady charmer' image and I don't think they could work it so that you would all of a sudden be the 'settling down type'.  That's why I said _one_ of you..."  Simon's eyes drifted to Louis.  "Louis..."

"I'll do it!" Louis practically shouted, nodding vigorously.  The lump in Louis' throat was still there and his ability to remain calm was tentative at best.  Easiest thing to do was to agree to said girlfriend and get the hell out of there before Simon had him thinking about things he didn't want to think about.  _Things like Harry with a girlfriend..._

Harry inhaled quickly, eyes wide and wet staring at Louis.  He blinked and a lone tear fell onto his reddened cheek.

Louis sighed, somber. "I-I'll do it."

 

  **< 2015>**

Liam's phone chimes in his pocket.  It's a post from Niall on Twitter of a picture of Harry as he flips through his phone.  _Heading home..._ is the caption.  Liam immediately likes the photo and the caption which when he read it made his heart soar just a little.

_Can't wait to see, Soph_ , he smiles at the thought of his longtime girlfriend. 

He's contemplating writing a comment when he receives another alert.

" _Louis Tomlinson_   _@Louis_Tomlinson commented on Niall Horan @NiallOfficial 's photo: "Looking good, Harry ;)"_

Before he can register any shock Liam can hear the unmistakable mumbling snores coming from some four rows behind where he and Zayn are seated and notes that Louis is passed the fuck out in a whiskey-induced coma.  Therefore, Liam surmises only one possible explanation for this out-of-character tweet from 'Louis'-

_Fucking hackers!_

He begins to shut his phone when a text comes through from Niall who apparently was taking the comment more seriously than Liam was.  Letters strung together some making sense as words.  Others not so much.  The message is clear though-

_**Have you seen this?!?!** _ **(screenshot of post and comment)** **What** _**the fuck is up with Louis????  What was he thinking????**    
_

Liam quickly types back a reply noting how his buzz was beginning to make his eyelids heavy and the screen a little blurry.

**_Calm down, Nialler.  Louis passed out after the three shots of whiskey he had as soon as we got on the plane.  No way he sent that.  They'll take it down right quick.  Prob hackers or some shit._   _He WAS acting all weird, though. Anyway, everybody's passing out here. Talk later._**

With that Liam shuts his phone and settles in for the long flight home.

 

**< Louis Tomlinson-2015>**

_His green eyes flutter between my eyes and my mouth as he has me pinned to our couch a smile still crinkling his eyes me wriggling underneath him, hysterical. We're wrestling playfully with each other and Harry has flipped me head over heels onto the leather couch in our flat heaving his entire body on top of mine stem to sternum.  His hands around my wrists pinning them above my head.  Typical behavior for us, really._

_But now, our laughter is beginning to subside and our grins starting to slowly fade as Harry's eyes search my face. **So close...**_

_"W-what are you doing, Harry?"  Our faces are so close it's like we're passing the same breath back and forth between us. **So close...** _

_**"** Lou-" , he breathes as he slowly leans in, his green eyes still searching mine.  He releases my wrists as he traces his fingers slowly down my arms making my eyes and heart flutter simultaneously.  I let out a shaky breath.  _

No!  No!  No!  _I feel the panic building in my gut and rising to my chest._ This can't be happening.  Everything was going so well.  This can't happen...

_But then why do I find myself staring at his mouth?  His soft, full cherry-red lips.  The lips that for some reason seem to turn so effortlessly into the biggest and brightest grin with any one of my stupid, silly jokes.  I mindlessly lick my lips and now Harry's fingers have reached my underarms and I shudder at his touch, partly because I am ticklish but also because I feel myself beginning to give in.  Feel the heat building in my chest, in the pit of my stomach.  My mind races as all traces of rational thought escape with each breath between us.  Soon the aching heat I am feeling in my gut begins traveling down my body and the panic rises again.  I gasp, my eyes frantically pleading with Harry.  Wordlessly communicating my reservations._

_Harry's fingers reach my chest and he brings a hand to lightly grip the back of my neck. "Lou, I-"_

_His lips are so close I am now_ positive _we are sharing the same breath between us.  Passing each inhale and exhale to each other like in a game of tennis. He brushes his nose against mine, his eyes drifting closed and for the moment we feel like one being as I feel my eyelids becoming heavy, fluttering closed.   Our lips have yet to touch as I slowly bring my arms down to my sides, awkwardly. I don't know what I'm doing.  I don't know what I'm feeling..._

_"Louis!" my eyes snap open as I hear Liam's voice and I shove Harry off of me and onto the floor in a flash where he lands with a thud.  Takes me a sec to realize as I search frantically around the living room for Liam that Harry and I are still alone.  I glance at Harry still on the floor and we exchange confused looks, brows furrowing.  He must have heard it too. Technically, Liam or any of the boys could walk in at any moment and misconstrue the situation so...yeah, I have every right to be paranoid.  But...we're alone.  And Harry is still on the floor where I tossed him in a paranoid panic._

_"Louis!?!?" Harry's mouth forms my name in a distant shout which...well, it's a bit odd because he is less than five feet away from me yet he sounds so far away now._ _I'm seriously confused.  I_ _inch closer to Harry but strangely he scrambles to his feet backing away from me like a petrified dog afraid of it's cruel owner.  "Harry..." I barely whisper his name as I choke out a sob, reaching out my arm for him._  Why is he running from me???

" _Harry...Harry...what...why are you...where are you..."  I stutter, quickening my steps yet I feel like the distance between us begins to expand.  Like I'm walking backwards on an escalator with no hope of ever making it to where I desperately need to be and it is the MOST frustrating feeling in the world!_

_He's almost to the door of our flat now and I don't want him to go because I have this feeling that he'll disappear once the door closes behind him._ _Disappear from my life...forever.  And I know it's my fault he's running away.  I don't know exactly why but I'm sure it is._   _I'm terrified as my heart begins pounding out of my chest and I'm sobbing...sobbing so hard I can't breath.  Shaking.  "HARRY!  HARRY!!!"  My arms are outstretched towards a retreating Harry, begging for him to return.  To show him that he doesn't have to be afraid of me._ How can he be afraid of me?!?! 

"Louis!!!! Wake up!!!" _Liam's voice booms, so thunderous it shakes the flat almost knocking Harry and I off of our feet.  It's then I realize...as I watch Harry finally reach the doorway slowly glancing over his shoulder at me with pained and watery eyes..._

_.................._

"Louis, wake the fuck up man!!!"  Liam is shaking Louis by his shoulders as his eyes fly open, gasping. 

"HARRY!!!" Louis' arms fly out grabbing at the black and white plaid button-up in front of him.  Knotting his hands in the soft fabric, holding on for dear life.  But it's not Harry, it's Liam.  And to say Louis is embarrassed would be a _serious_ understatement. 

He awkwardly releases his grip on Liam glancing around to see if anyone else had witnessed the outburst.  And...yeah.  There was Zayn, not more than 5 feet behind Liam concern laced throughout the expression on his face.  The rest of the crew is thankfully oblivious either fast asleep or plugged into their headphones at the opposite end of the cabin.  Zayn and Liam exchange worried glances which Louis pretends to ignore.

Louis' mouth feels like he's been chewing on cotton balls and his head is pounding.  _Ah, Johnny Walker, ya bastard!  Thought you were me friend..._

He clears his throat as he curls up hoping to disappear, his cheeks burning with embarrassment. 

"I'm all right, boys," he says with a wry laugh. "Just a stupid fucking dream..." 

He _doesn't_ want to talk about it which, by the look crossing Liam's face right now is exactly what he was intending to try and get Louis to do. 

Fortunately, it is at that moment that the Captain announces that they will be making their approach into Heathrow momentarily. 

Louis clears his throat, temporarily relieved. "Buckle up, lads!" 

_Saved...for now._

 

**< Harry Styles-2015>**

Finally on his way back home after being picked up at Heathrow by private car service he reviews the 6 phone calls and 10-15 different text messages he received all about Louis' comment on Twitter. He ignores them all and waits for the call he's been dreading.  Not dreading because he doesn't want to speak to him.  Dreading because he honestly doesn't know what to say! Or what he's going to say...

There's a gnawing ache in the pit of Harry's stomach when he sees Will's ID pop up on his phone screen. 

_Maybe he doesn't know, yet.  Maybe he hasn't seen it, yet._

Psyching himself up for the inevitable is fruitless.  He sighs and answers the call.

"Hey there, stranger!"  He prays the hesitation in his voice is brilliantly concealed by his stellar acting abilities.  Harry groans inwardly. 

_Who am I kidding?!?!  I can't act for shit!_

"Hello there!" Will says, a smile evident just by the sound of the genuine cheerfulness in his voice.  "Welcome back, H!"

Harry relaxes into his seat. 

He smiles, his uneasiness replaced with calm.  "Thanks, love.  On my way home.  Meet me there?"

Will chuckles softly.  "Already here!  Just waiting outside in my car for you.  I've got a surprise for you."

"Hmmm... _really_?" Harry grins, wickedly. 

There's a long pause and Harry begins to wonder if he misjudged Will's affability.  "Yeah...I missed you...a lot." 

_Relax, Harry._ He smiles, relieved. "Missed you, too!  _A lot_!" Harry laughs as he emphasizes the last bit.

Another pause as Will clears his throat.  "Lot's to talk about, I bet..."  

_Aw, shit! He knows..._

 

 

 

 

 All chapter cover art by the amazing [hazstylestrash](http://hazstylestrash.tumblr.com/)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. A change of heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry comes out (sort of...) and Louis thinks that proposal of a double date is starting to sound like a good idea...
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING-detailed panic attack in last part of this chapter  
> It's brief, though...  
> but you've been warned, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I picture Will as Shawn Pyfrom (I have added a link to a pic in this chapter so I hope you all approve.)  
> This chapter is pretty long and focuses mostly on Harry but its pivotal in regards to the rest of this story.  
> I also know little to nothing about the UK so anything referenced I looked up on Google (bless u Google!!!)  
> Don't forget!  
> Kudos and comments are GREATLY appreciated and keep me motivated to keep on writing.  
> Thanks so much, guys!!!!

Will Baker (inspiration)- <http://www.pinterest.com/pin/166703623677085931/>

 

 Chapter 4 [cover art](http://daniellavictoriaao3.tumblr.com/image/143455125296) by hazstylestrash

 

 

**< London - late August 2015>**

It was all pretty romantic really, Harry supposed.  You could call it a 'meet-cute' like from a Hollywood rom-com. And meeting him couldn't have come at a better time.

He and his good friend Ed were on their way to the studio planning to work on some new song ideas that Harry had come up with recently.  Ed was at the wheel, listening quietly as Harry sang him the first few lyrics of a song he penned titled ' _Moving On'_ :

' _I guess I'm all alone ..._

_Just thought you would be here..._

_Standing by my side..._

_I guess I should have known...'_

Ed sighed, deeply before looking over at Harry, eyes gentle.  "Honestly, H.  You need to meet someone and...I know it won't be easy, but...maybe it's time, yeah?"

Harry knew why Ed felt the need to say what he had just said to him.  It wasn't the first, hell probably not even the hundredth time Harry had come to him with lyrics so glaringly obvious.   _Louis.  Always Louis..._  

Harry nodded, ruefully.  "Mmmm. Yeah...I...maybe."  His voice began to crack by the end of his response and he felt a tightness in his throat.  Ed was right and, yeah. Harry knew it. _Of course_ he did.  But, God help him, it didn't make him love Louis any less.

They drove on in comfortable silence. Harry curled up against the window watching as the familiar streets became an unrecognizable blur and grateful his friend didn't push the subject any further.

They were slowing down for traffic when Harry spotted a small group of disheveled individuals poking around in a trash bin. Harry's chest ached watching them disappear out of view as Ed continued on.  Brows furrowed with concern Harry leaned towards Ed without a second thought. "Where's the nearest take-away?"

Less than an hour later, the two men were passing out boxes of Domino's pizzas and bottles of water to each homeless man, woman and child they came across as they drove. And when the 50 boxes they first purchased were gone they went back for 50 more.

They had made there way to a particularly rough part of London as the sky began to darken to an angry gray and there was quite a nip in the air. The ten or so 'rough sleepers' who had made this particular side alley there place of rest for the night were clearly unprepared for such climate.  Harry noticed this and mentioned to Ed that perhaps they should come back later with blankets and something warmer to drink.

Ed slowly shook his head in disbelief.  "I hope people know what an outstanding young man you are, Harry!" He smiled warmly at his long-haired friend as they handed out the last few pizzas.   "It's not like every 21-year-old would do something like this."  

Harry shrugged, a small meek smile played at his lips and the corners of his eyes. "It's nothing, really..."  Harry could never take a compliment but that only made him more endearing to Ed.

The redhead clapped him on the shoulder before heading back to his car. "It's not 'nothing', mate!" he shouted back over his shoulder to Harry. "It's bloody altruistic, is what it is.  You've got such a big heart, H... I hope you know that." 

"Well that's very kind of you to say, mate." He moved to follow Ed back to his car after handing out the last of the water bottles and immediately walked right into a young man who somehow had snuck up behind him without him noticing.

"Whoa, there!  Sorry 'bout that..." Harry apologized, as he collected himself.  "You all right? You ok?"

The young man smiled warmly, waving a hand dismissively.  "My fault, really.  Shouldn't have snuck up on you like that."  

It was then that Harry _really_ took notice of the man in front of him.  He couldn't have been that much older than himself.  A quick assessment led Harry to guess late-20's maybe. Deep brown irises framed by long lashes and tanned skin.  A loose olive-green beanie covering most of his golden-brown hair spare a few strands near his ears. He was shorter than Harry but his broad, toned shoulders and defined arms led Harry to imagine curling up nicely into him and...

_Alright, then! Getting ahead of ourselves, Harry!!!  This guy could be a stalker trying to sneak up on you to cut a lock of your hair to complete his twisted shrine or something even more devious!_

But then Harry's attention was brought down to the man's bright blue shirt with the words THROUGH THE DARK-Homeless Help Network emblazoned across his broad, toned chest.  

The brown-eyed man's lips slowly turned up into a playfully knowing smile, making Harry avert his gaze quickly.  

 _Smooth, Haz!!!  Caught you gawking at his pecs!_

It was then Harry noted the 3 or 4 other outreach workers all wearing the same bright blue shirt now milling about handing out what appeared to be coats and blankets and encouraging a few of the rough sleepers to find shelter for the night.  And, ok!   _Definitely not a stalker... Legitimate humanitarian we've got here, Harry!_

"So you're the one they're calling the 'Pizza Angel'."  The man's voice cut into his thoughts, warm with a hint of amusement sneaking in around the edges.  He gave a short nod toward an older woman a couple yards away from the two of them busy wrapping herself up with a thick wool blanket. "Edna over there said you were beautiful, but I had no idea..."

Harry's eyebrows shot up in surprise.  

_Well now...Hel-lo there!_

Harry reigned in his shock at the man's forwardness, clearing his throat awkwardly.  "Well, erm...that's sweet of you to say. But I suppose I am  _one half_  of the "Pizza Angel's"," Harry air-quotes the term which he deems utterly ridiculous but sweet nonetheless. He motions over to Ed who is leaning against the passenger door of his car watching Harry, smirking. The redhead waves then shoots him a thumbs up sign as he wiggles his eyebrows.

 _Dear God, Ed!  Please don't do that!_ Harry silently pleaded.

"Well, ' _One half_  of the Pizza Angels', I'm Will.  Will Baker. And you are...?"

 _And well...Baker???_ Harry mused, delightedly.  _Well, that's a happy coincidence! I used to_ be _a baker! Save that little anecdote for later, though..._ Mentally noted ✔

Harry smiled broadly holding out one hand for Will to shake while raking through his loose chestnut waves with the other.

"Harry!" he introduces himself,  shaking Will's hand maybe a little _too_ enthusiastically. "Styles. Harry Styles." And Harry could feel the heat rising to the surface of his cheeks and yes. Will didn't bat an eye when Harry mentioned his last name so either he didn't know who in the hell he was or the man was a simply talented actor.  Or, maybe he did recognize him and just didn't care.  Either way, there was an obvious mutual attraction that couldn't be ignored.

"Nice to meet you, Harry..."  It seemed that minutes passed as the two men continued their handshake longer than would be considered customary, a shy smile on both their lips and... _oh!_

 _Harry, just do it,_  Harry psyched himself up. _It's time...  And his last name is BAKER for crying out loud!!!_   

"Would you like to maybe--" started Harry. 

"Would you want to get a drink or--" Will started.

They both chuckled nervously, releasing each other's hands.

"Yeah", Harry smiled after their laughter had died down to soft titters.  "I'd like that...yeah."

Two hours, four cups of tea and two blueberry scones later and Harry has fallen 'in like' pretty hard and he's pretty sure the feeling is mutual. The conversation has yet to falter between he and Will and they easily get on very well. It turns out Will is a Social Worker and was in fact the founder of the Through The Dark - Homeless Help Network.  Harry couldn't help the swell of admiration that he felt invading every line of his face as he listened to Will detail all the ways his program was aiding the downtrodden of London.  And Harry decided _Yes. 'Kind Eyes' are_ definitely _the right words I would use to describe him.  Kind..._ His eyes trailed down to Will's smooth lips as he continued speaking of his plan's on expansion of his program.   Harry mindlessly licked his own parched lips. _And...hot.  Yes.  Definitely hot, as well. Kind and hot...that's a good combo._

"...and basically we're hoping to expand to Chigwell and Loughton by the beginning of next year! Really excited about that!"  Will smiles and Harry thinks the room just got brighter.

 _And a nice smile..._  

✔✔ and ✔!

"That's wonderful, Will..."

"Yeah..." Will takes a sip of his tea, eyes flickering down to Harry's full, cherry lips. _Did they just turn the heat up or...  "_ So...tell me more about this former life as a baker, Harold!"

 

 **< Present Day>** 

 

As the car turned up the winding hill leading to Harry's home he spotted him.  The 28-year-old had his arms crossed wearing an anxious smile to rival Harry's own as he leaned against his Jeep parked in the driveway. Harry's nerves got the best of him before he could even open the door to the car as sweat beaded on his brow and upper lip and his heart picked up speed just a little.  He swiped at his face wiping his damp hand on his jeans.

At Harry's request his driver came to a halt right in front of Will's Jeep. He had been slightly worried that time apart would impact the depth of his feelings for Will as time apart from Will meant time spent in close proximity to one Louis Tomlinson.  And when Harry was in Louis' presence, even after all that has gone down between them that would make any clear-headed person run for the hills, Louis _still_ held a special place in his heart.  _Always will..._  Harry often lamented to himself.

"Hi, there..."  As Harry stepped out of the backseat all legs and soft curls Will approached him with a soft smile, big brown eyes crinkling.  Harry found his smile infectious and returned it with equal softness.  Harry took in the tan skin and golden hair of his boyfriend of three months who was straining to keep the humongous bouquet of pink and white cabbage roses hidden behind his back. 

Harry stifled a laugh, glancing bashfully up at Will through his eyelashes.  "Those for me?"

Will cleared his throat, slowly bringing the bouquet into view.  "Welcome home, Harry."

_Home._

 

 **< flashback-one month prior>** 

 

The fire was casting a golden glow throughout the darkened living room, creating pulsating shadows on every barely visible surface.   Harry _loved_ this.  Sitting in front of his fireplace with a glass of wine.  Soft music playing almost inaudibly from the antique record player he had picked up in some obscure little shop somewhere in Los Angeles.  Losing himself in the arms and lips of his beautiful, _beautiful_ boyfriend.  He could get used to this. This... _this_ was nice.   _This_ was how it should be...

The wine was doing funny things to Harry's senses now.  His skin felt insanely hot against his boyfriend's cool lips and chilled tongue that were slowly trailing languid kisses down Harry's neck and chest.  _Insanely HOT!_   So insanely hot that he briefly worried he might be burning Will's mouth though the sober part of himself knew this to be quite impossible. Harry's mouth hung open in pleasure as he arched his long, lithe back drowning in a sea of lingering touches and soft caresses.  Will's soft, amber-hued hair grazed Harry's collarbones and his lips twitched into a brief smile.  Harry brushed the hair away from his boyfriend's eyes just as Will peered up at him, his tongue now slowly bathing the swallow tattooed over Harry's heart.  Harry's mouth went dry as he brought his hands to Will's face guiding him up and meeting their mouths in a fervently heated kiss.  He lapped his tongue into Will's mouth like it was the oasis in the middle of the Sahara.  Soft moans echoed between them as their hands tugged at each other's hair, mouths pulled open as they both lost themselves in each other.  Their fingers boldly exploring both heated and chilled skin alike. Will traced his fingers down Harry's tanned, tight abs swiftly unbuttoning the pointless last two buttons that his boyfriend had left fastened on his white silk shirt.

"I mean...", Will said through a throaty laugh.  He raised his eyebrows in mock disbelief.  "Why even button those?  Why even _wear_ a shirt, really?"

A deep rumble of a laugh made its way up Harry's throat that he bit back in amusement.  "Dunno.  Perhaps I shouldn't..."  He sat up then, tugging his arms out of his sleeves without breaking eye contact with Will.  Harry watched as his chocolate-eyed boyfriend ran his tongue over his bottom lip leaving it moist and so damn inviting.  Begging to be sucked on.   _Bitten..._ Harry's fingers twitched with the need to touch and he reached out to run his thumb across Will's slick lower lip. Will's eyes fluttered closed with a soft moan escaping his parted lips. Quickly making light of his shirt, Will straddled Harry's hips as he stretched out on the thick, white shag carpet laid out in front of the fireplace.  The tenderness in his eyes of which Harry had been drawn to when they first met now dark and smoldering with palpable lust. Will leaned forward, bracing his hands on the floor next to Harry's head careful not to catch the long, soft waves splayed out like a halo.  

He hummed as Harry ran his hands up and down his arms kneading his fingers into his muscles just like Harry knew he loved.  "You know how I love when you do that, don't you?" He sighed, biting his lip as Harry's hands continued on to his shoulders.  "You  _know_ what it does to me..."

Harry smiled slyly, slowly nodding. "Mmmhmm..."  The younger man's fingers dug in just a little deeper and Will let out a soft groan as he rolled his hips. Harry let out a short gasp at the sudden contact against his hardening length.  His neck strained as he raised head, his lips parting desperate for contact.

"Kiss me.   _Please..."_  Harry breathed, as his teeth grazed along Will's jaw. Harry's hands fell to Will's hips, his thumbs pressing into hipbones in readiness.

Will captured Harry's lips hungrily, tasting the Merlot on his boyfriend's tongue. The younger man grazed his fingernails urgently down Will's back finally reaching down under what Harry decided were _horrendously_  obtrusive briefs to grip Will's arse.

The older man moaned into Harry's open mouth. Arching his back he pressed his arse into Harry's hands eagerly rolling his hips forward, his throbbing cock searching urgently for friction.  Harry obliged removing one hand from Will's arse only to reach between their sweat-slicked bodies to caress his boyfriend's hardness through hispants.  Harry decided then and there that his boyfriend wore way too many unnecessary articles of clothing.  I mean... _briefs!  Pants!  C'mon!_

"I...I want..." Harry panted as Will sucked fervently behind his ear, sure to leave a mark.  " _Please...please, Will.  I need this..." God do I need this,_ Harry thought as he deftly unzipped Will's pants reaching in to stroke his dick.

The older man gasped as Harry wriggled underneath him attempting to free him from his trousers.  Trousers and underpants were quickly discarded as Harry joined their hardened cocks and began pumping.  Will lowered his head to rest on Harry's shoulder, panting as he fucked up into his boyfriend's hand. "Oh, God! Harry..."  Will, sucked feverishly under Harry's jaw grazing his teeth down the singer's neck before sinking his teeth into his shoulder.

"Fuuuck!" Harry hissed.  He  _liked_  that.  Will soothed the bite with soft sucks leaving Harry wanting  _more.  Just...MORE!_

Harry collected their pre-cum with his thumb using it to slick up their cocks as he continued stroking. 

"I-I wanna taste you", Harry murmured breathlessly and he felt his boyfriend nod against his shoulder eagerly. Will lifted himself off of Harry and stretched out on the floor next to him with a lascivious smile. 

Harry drank in the sight of his golden-skinned boyfriend spread eagle, cock red and pulsing against his groin.  Harry's own member ached between his legs as he straddled Will's knees and slid his palms up the man's thighs before cupping and gently massaging his balls.  The singer leaned down to nuzzle the neatly groomed soft hairs framing his boyfriend's hardness. 

"Mmmmm..." He breathed in the heady scent as he brushed his nose tediously up Will's length before tonguing at the sensitive head.  Will shuddered, a soft gasp escaping his parted lips. Their eyes locked and the older man panted as he reached out to brush Harry's falling waves away from his face.

Harry continued massaging Will's balls as he his licked his boyfriend's impressive length from base to tip before taking him into his hot, wet mouth.  His hand came up to grip the base of Will's cock, and stroked what length was left untouched by Harry's mouth.  Harry hummed, hallowing his cheeks as he took Will all the way down until he could feel his gag reflex kicking in. But by the way Will was now arching his back, clawing at his own thighs in intense pleasure Harry didn't want to stop.  He remembered the little trick his friend Nick (yes.   _That_ Nick!) had told him about how to stave off the gag reflex when giving head.  

He smirked as he brought his swollen, slick mouth to the head of Will's cock. "You like that?"  Harry continued pumping his boyfriend's shaft as he licked teasingly along the head, never breaking eye contact. 

Will could only nod as he ran his trembling hands through his hair, gripping the back of his head before sucking his bottom lip between his teeth to muffle a whimper.

_Ok.  Hope this works because I could do this all day..._

Harry gripped his left thumb in his left palm and squeezed tightly as he enveloped Will's leaking cock.  He took his rock hard length all the way down till he felt the head hit the back of his throat and...nothing but Will digging his nails into Harry's shoulders as Harry swallowed around him.  Again... again...

Body shuddering, Will gripped Harry's hair between his fingers as the younger man continued to suck and lick and pump his cock.  He was close... _so_ close. "H-Ha-Harry", he stuttered breathlessly. "I'm...I'm...gonna..."

Harry gazed up through his lashes with darkened eyes, Will's spit-slicked cock halfway in his mouth.  Will met his eyes and Harry winked at him before swallowing him down one last time.  That was all Will needed and within seconds he was cumming intensely down the back of Harry's throat with a shuddering moan, the younger man claiming every last drop.

"Jesus, Harry", Will laughed, incredulously.  "That...that was... _you_  were _amazing!!!_ "

Harry smiled shyly, wiping the corners of his mouth with his thumb then sucking on the pad.  "Well, thank you. And by the way, you  _taste amazing!!!"_

Will growled in amusement, grabbing Harry by the wrists and pulling him into a lazy kiss. 

"Now", Will started as he ran his fingers through his boyfriend's hair ending with a gentle tug.  

A surprised gasp escaped Harry's swollen lips giving way to a smoldering grin.  He loved _that,_ as well!

"Now", Will continued, eyes hungry. "Let's see how amazing _you_ taste." 

 

20 mind-blowing (pun intended) minutes later the pair lay fully spent, Will mindlessly tracing circles along Harry's stomach as the singer sighed contentedly.  

"Well?"

Will chuckled, eyes crinkling as he nodded.  "Yeah.  Just as I fully expected!   _You_ are absolutely delicious, Mr. Styles!"

 

Exhaustedly satisfied, the men settled back onto the couch Harry curling into Will's chest, both of their glasses filled once again with Merlot.  Harry couldn't believe how content he was with his life at that very moment.  He watched the flickering flames of the fireplace hypnotized into deep reflection. He thought ruefully about how he had essentially held off on any and all relationships for the past 5 years in hopes that Louis would finally admit that he  _wasn't_ 'in fact straight' as he had once argued on Twitter and was and always had been totally and completely in love with his bestest.  Alas, the closet Louis clung so desperately to was a particularly deep one and Harry surmised that if Louis held any romantic feelings towards him they must not be strong enough. Not strong enough for Louis to swallow his pride, overcome his insecurities and profess his undying love for his best mate.  

Then...here comes this man.  Kind, compassionate, fit.  But, most importantly to Harry, out and proud.  And...and Harry is proud.  Proud to have him for a boyfriend.  He doesn't deserve to be a 'secret' in Harry's life.

"Hey, Will?"  The hesitation in Harry's voice didn't go unnoticed.

"Hmmm?" The older man shifted, rubbing a soothing hand along Harry's arm.

Raking his fingers through his loose waves, Harry inhales shakily before continuing. "Next month the contract with our management team is up..."

Will nodded thoughtfully, reaching for Harry's hand to interlace their fingers.   

Harry began to feel his anxiety dissipate through their entwined fingertips. "Well, I'm...I'm coming out.  It's time.  Especially now that...well..." He gives his boyfriend's hand a gentle squeeze. "And...I...I was wondering how you'd feel about that. You'd be pretty much thrust into the spotlight and all and it may become a bit too much and--"

_Ok, nerves are back..._

"Hey, hey, hey," Will interjected, gently.  "Whatever you need me to do I'm here. I'm a big boy.  I can handle it, Harry.  Don't worry about me." 

Harry smiled, turning around to face his boyfriend.  "Yeah?"  He searched Will's eyes for any hint of uncertainty and found none.

Will grinned, eyes crinkling at the corners. "Yeah..."

 

 

**< Harry Styles - Present Day>**

 

Harry reached out for the flowers sweeping his boyfriend in for a long overdue hug.   They squeezed each other tightly, Harry inhaling the smell of roses and Will's cologne.

_click...click...click_

Harry couldn't miss the unmistakable noise of a camera shutter going off somewhere near by.  He tensed.

His PR team had explained that they didn't want his coming out to look staged.  They said that they wanted their trusted contract photographer, Roger Goode, to capture him and Will candidly before setting up more formal shots.  So Harry expected to be surprised when it happened, of course.  Just didn't expect it first thing, is all.

"You hear that, too?" Will muttered, breath ghosting Harry's ear.

Harry nodded. "S'okay."

"You ready for this, babe?" Will gave him a final squeeze before nuzzling his nose in to his boyfriend's loose curls.

"Ready as I'll ever be.  You?"

Will brought his hand up to gently cup Harry's face, caressing his cheek with his thumb. "Ready..."

And the utter significance of this moment wasn't lost on either of them as Harry leaned in to give his boyfriend a kiss.

_Click...click...click..._

 

 

**< Louis Tomlinson - Present Day>**

 

Louis had decided he was simply never going to drink alcohol ever again. That was it.  End of story! Not up for discussion and all that.

Zayn and Liam had shown him his 'drunk-tweet' right before they were stepping off the plane at Heathrow. Despite the overwhelming sense of dread he felt knowing that he would certainly be getting an earful from Modest and the like Louis felt surprisingly...calm.   _Relieved_ even, although he couldn't pinpoint exactly why at the moment since his head was still a bit foggy from the traces of whiskey lingering in him.

As soon as they exited the plane onto the tarmac they headed over to the awaiting cavalcade of Range Rovers there to take each of them home.  It was then that Louis felt the incessant buzzing of his phone in his pocket alerting him to unread messages and missed calls.

He rolled his eyes, digging his phone out as he trudged along behind an annoyingly sober Liam and Zayne. Sure enough,  over a dozen calls, voice messages and texts from Modest and Brian Lowe, the head of their PR team.

He supposed he was going to have to face them sooner or later but Louis surmised later would be better in this situation.  He still wasn't sure why he did it.  Commenting on Harry's picture what he did.  He never let himself slip quite so publicly before. And the thing is Louis had been so good with hiding his feelings.  Reigning in every urge to banter openly with Harry,  to run his fingers through Harry's loose curls, to stand just close enough so that Louis could catch the subtle scent of Harry's shampoo which...well, which Louis had grown to associate with Harry so much that he had gotten Eleanor practically a lifetime supply.

And if he never felt an ounce of guilt when he buried his nose in his girlfriend's hair to inhale the familiar scent with only the thought of Harry's curls in mind, well...so what!

Louis went to switch his phone off with a quick swipe of his thumb when he clumsily stumbled, dropping it with a thud.  Alberto, his bodyguard, grabbed his arm to steady him when he heard the unmistakable sound of a camera shutter going off in rapid succession just a few yards away obviously trying to get a shot of him falling on his arse.  

 _Front page stuff, boys!_ Louis laughed to himself. _Stupid fucking paps..._

But when he looked over in the direction of the sound he saw Len Truman, the assistant of their contracted photographer, Roger Goode.  Roger was always the one to get the official HQ shots of he and the boys with Len always hanging around somewhere in the wings. So Louis was curious as to why Len was suddenly taking the reigns with Roger apparently no where in sight.  The short and scrubby blonde man was never one to even make eye contact with any of them. _  
_

Liam and Zayne were just outside their rides waiting for him so they could say their 'see-ya-later's' when he noticed the backdoor to his ride opening, long and slender legs clad in skintight black denim exiting gracefully.

_And...well, why is Eleanor here?_

They were on a break, for crying out loud!  Of course, whether it was to be indefinite Louis was still mulling that over...

Then...it hit him like a brick to the forehead.  

His tweet!  

_Ah, Modest...predictable bastards._

_Damage control and all that._

"Ah, El!" Louis plasters on his biggest smile as he reaches an uncomfortable looking Eleanor, throwing a wary arm around her shoulders in greeting.

_click...click...click_

Eleanor tenses in Louis' embrace.  "What's going on, Lou???" She hisses in Louis' ear through gritted teeth, then plants a chaste kiss to his cheek. "I got pulled out of work for this!"

_click...click...click..._

She's fiddling nervously with her hair and sneaking awkward glances in Len's direction.  
"I...um...I saw," she mutters softly, meeting Louis' tired eyes. "On Twitter.  What you wrote."

And well, _of course_ she did!

_click...click...click_

Louis sighs dejectedly. Out of the corner of his eye he can sense Liam and Zayn watching he and Eleanor's painfully awkward exchange.  "Can we talk about this in the car?"

_click...click...click..._

With the unmistakable sound moving even closer the brunette straightened up, painting a plastic smile across her face. "Of course... _love_."

Louis gave a terse nod towards the open car door El had just exited from. "I'm just going to say goodbye to the boys, yeah."

The young woman nodded moving to climb back into the backseat.  Louis helped her in as she teetered in her insanely high heels.  A little risque for work footwear, Louis thought.  But hey what would he know...

He turns towards Liam and Zayn, both boys eyebrows raised, inquisitively.

"Mr. Tomlinson!  Mr. Tomlinson...um, Louis!"

Len is jogging towards him awkwardly, fumbling with his camera equipment as he waves trying to get the singer's attention.

And... _weird_.

Alberto, who had been standing off to the side inconspicuously, moves like lightening despite his size. He's between Louis and the photographer immediately, Len coming to a quick stop a few feet away from the singer jaw dropping in surprise.  It's no surprise his bodyguard doesn't recognize the man coming towards him, mistaking him for just another unwelcome pap.  Len liked to remain in the background quietly running errands and carrying back-up equipment for his boss.

Louis pats Alberto on the arm.  "I've got this, mate.  He's Roger's assistant."

The larger man stepped aside with a quick nod but stayed close by. 

Len takes the last few steps with an embarrassed smile and apologetic eyes. "Sorry! So sorry 'bout that," the photographer says.

"Hello, Mr. Truman.  What can I do for you?  Were Eleanor and I blocking your shots of Liam and Zayn, or summat?"

"Oh. No, actually I'm here to capture you and Eleanor's reunion.  Didn't Mr. Lowe tell you? He said he would contact you before you arrived." 

And, yeah...missed calls, ignored texts and all that. Yes, Louis was shit. Oh, well...

"Oh. I suppose he may have tried," Louis says with mock sheepishness.

"Ah," Len nods.

"Well, then what can I do for you then, Len? And, no offense because it's actually great you're moving up and all but where's Roger? Everything all right, there?"

The photographer opens his mouth then quickly shuts it without uttering a word, his brows furrowed in confusion.

Louis glances over his shoulder as Liam and Zayn walk up behind him waiting for Len's reply.  They all had grown rather fond of Roger over the years so of course they'd all want to make sure he was alright.

A look of recognition flashed in Len's eyes. "Oh, no.  No, no!  He's fine.  Just fine. Mr. Lowe insisted he capture Harry's homecoming and well..." He leans in lowering his voice to just above a whisper "...his reunion with his boyfriend."

Louis felt the numbness start first in his face of all places...

"His 'coming out' pics, you know. Roger's over by Mr. Styles' home as we speak, actually." The blonde man smiled warmly before continuing on. "Should be lovely as he actually mentioned the boyfriend is there with a stunning bouquet waiting for Mr. Styles' arrival."

Then the numbness travelled down his arms reaching his hands...

"Sounds perfectly romantic, yeah?" The photographer sighs, wistfully. 

And Louis finds himself praying that his stomach is the next to go if only to stop the sudden spasms wracking his gut. 

He feels a hand on his shoulder and knows it is Zayn.   And Louis knows the look his best mate is giving him even though he can't see it.  Something like pity, maybe. Well, because... Zayn knows. He _knows_ knows.  He's actually the only one who does...

It appears that Len is speaking again but Louis can't hear him over the pounding of his heartbeat in his ears and... _oh!_  Yes, there goes his stomach, arse and legs.  Feet next!

Zayn gives his shoulder a light squeeze.

All at once, Louis' feels his entire body begin to tingle and he finds he is having trouble taking enough air into his lungs.

Eleanor is now lowering her window to see what all the fuss is about.  

Len briefly synopsizes the whole bloody story of Harry's homecoming and bloody fucking boyfriend and...and, Louis can feel Eleanor's eyes on him. Taking in his obvious physical reaction to this information.  

She says nothing as she raises her window back up.

The photographer is left staring at the blacked out window of the SUV, a bit confused now.

"That's all for today," Liam says to Len, politely. He steps between the photographer and Louis to open the car door motioning for Louis to get in. 

Louis' mind is racing and...well, he knows he's having a panic attack. Harry used to have them all the time back in the day. Louis had always been there to calm him down, though. Harry eventually stopped having them all together.  

_Harry...  I've finally really and truly lost him..._

_He'll forget about me now. He'll move on and just...forget about me!  But, he can't!  Not when he doesn't even know..._

Len side-steps Liam. "But, PR wanted me to get some 'loved-up' shots of Mr. Tomlinson and Ms. Calder to run simultaneously with Mr. Styles' coming out. Some strategical plan they have to--"

"No!"

And Louis' mouth seems to be working now.  Well, that's good.

Everyone freezes, looking over at him now.

"Just...no!"  With that Louis somehow finds the strength to move, hopping in the backseat then slamming the door.

Eleanor is staring out her window when he settles in next to her, silent.  Thankfully, the car has bloody brilliant soundproofing so Louis doesn't have to hear Len's increasingly annoying fucking voice. 'How perfectly romantic' and all that bullshit. Visions of Harry sunbathing on a beach while his hunky new love rubs sunscreen all over his body and of their holidays spent together in Cheshire with Anne, Robin and Gemma begin invading his thoughts. 

 _I'll be out of his life for good then, I suppose._ Louis felt the prick of tears in the corners of his eye and he swiped at it quickly with the back of his hand.

As he begins flexing his fingers to get rid of the traces of tingles still lingering his mind flashes back to his last moments with Harry the night before. 

 _'Maybe we could go on a double date,'_ Harry had said.

Of course Louis had scoffed at the idea!  What made Harry even think of something so...so... _bloody fucking brilliant!_

Of course! Aside from the fact that he and El were currently on the outs and that Louis may have to steel away to the loo every now and then to vomit when Harry and this boyfriend look at each other well, _bloody fucking brills!_

Louis clears his throat, reaching out a tentative hand across the seat to Eleanor. "El?"

She slowly turns her head towards him, a look of resignation on her face. "Yes, Lou?"

Of course Louis feels some sense of guilt because its all now glaringly obvious. But, well...he sees it all slipping away now.  Sees someone he knows he will never be able to live without getting farther and farther away from him.  And well, his and El's relationship had run it's course. They both knew it truly had.  And she had had her suspicions about him and Harry from the beginning which Louis always adamantly dismissed with a quick and awkward shag. So, he supposes it won't be quite that big of a shock when he asks her for one last favor before they officially go their separate ways. 

"El, love," he says, gently. "How would you feel about accompanying me on a double date?"

And well, Louis had never before seen Eleanor's eyes go quite that wide...

 

 

All cover art by the amazing [hazstylestrash](http://hazstylestrash.tumblr.com/)

 

 

 


	5. You don't always get what you want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis has a secret.  
> A reeeeaaaalllly good and telling flashback ;)  
> Louis and Harry really need to have a talk...  
> 'Unintentional bearding' tag is explained

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me some more great comments and kudos and all that good stuff!!!
> 
> In regards to timeline I am really shit at keeping track of what was going on when in terms of certain events occurring so I'm taking some leeway with dates and years. Also with some names of crew and behind the scenes characters as well. 
> 
> This is a pretty long chapter that covers a lot.  
> I've decided to take my time with the whole story so it is going to be at least 15 chapters. I'm not writing that in stone, though. I just want to be able to do this story justice and not rush just to get it out there.  
> That being said I will probably be publishing a chapter every 2 weeks or so although I already have a bit of Chapter 6 written. That one may be up sooner than later. I'm also putting up storyboards on my tumblr but I'm not 100% positive how to put a link in here to my page.  
> I'm on there as tru-gemini. Hopefully I can put up a link to it soon. I'm also shit at manips on the storyboards so if anyone is willing to offer their services I'd be super grateful :)  
> Thank you for commenting, kudos and just reading this story. I really appreciate it!

 

**Chapter 5[cover art](http://daniellavictoriaao3.tumblr.com/image/143455179666) by hazstylestrash**

 

 

 

**< Harry-present day>**

It had been a while since he had woken up to someone curling around him, warm breaths caressing the curls at the back of his neck.

_Little spoon, indeed._

He hated to disturb the overwhelming sense of utter contentment he was feeling as he gingerly unwrapped Will's arms from around his waist.  With a quick kiss to his sleeping boyfriend's forehead Harry slipped out of bed to ready himself for the sure to be hectic day ahead. 'Coming out' firestorm and whatnot...

Will groaned as the bed dipped under Harry's weight and the younger man flinched, pausing.  After a beat, and Will's eyes remaining closed in sleep Harry released a tentative breath now tip toe-ing out of the bedroom.  He grabbed a pair of pants  taking a quick sniff of the roses his boyfriend had given him the evening before that were hastily thrown into a 'vase' and placed on his dresser.

 _Roses belong in the bedroom..._ Will had said before pulling Harry's t-shirt over his head in one swift move before unbuttoning his own.   _That way we can enjoy the scent while we thoroughly enjoy each other._

Harry really couldn't argue with that, to be honest.  So he quickly grabbed the closest thing he could find that resembled a vase (crystal drink pitcher) and placed the roses inside.  He carried them the entire way to the bedroom as they left a trail of clothing behind them.

And Will was entirely correct as it turns out.  With every gasp and moan that Harry made as Will sucked him off at the foot of his bed he was hit with the intoxicating floral scent.  This only intensified his arousal as it reminded him of what a fucking lovely man his boyfriend is and so, so _generous. Yes, verrrry generous, indeed!_

Harry grabbed his phone off of the hallway table before making his way into the kitchen to make some tea. Quickly throwing his hair up into a bun he puts the kettle on trying not to make too much noise.  

 _Wouldn't want to wake the boyfriend, now would I?_ Harry smiles to himself, cheekily.

_Boyfriend..._

_So nice...that word.  Gonna be even better to say it out loud when I introduce him to everyone._

_"Hello, everyone!  I'd like you to meet Will. My BOYFRIEND!"_

_"Allow me to introduce my BOYFRIEND, Will."_

_"This is my BOYFRIEND, Will. BAKER! His last name's BAKER can you believe it?!?!?"_

_Yeah.  It sounds nice..._

Harry busies himself while waiting for the kettle to boil by opening up Twitter on his phone.  A little unsure of when anything would be announced or 'leaked' he hesitantly scrolled through his mentions.  Nothing.

_Well.  Ok, then.  Just another normal day ahead. So far._

The kettle goes off and Harry quickly scrambles to remove it from the stove before the noise can wake Will.

Too late.  A minute or so later he hears the soft pad of feet down the hallway and can't help but smile despite feeling a little guilty that he had awoken his sleeping boyfriend.  Harry is reaching for the teacups when he feels two strong arms wrap around his waist and a nose nuzzling in between his shoulder blades. 

"Could go for a shave there!" Harry jokes, turning to face his still sleepy-eyed boyfriend.  He throws his arms around Will's neck. "Getting my back all scratchy and whatnot."

Will smiles, slyly reaching down to brush the back of his hand along Harry's inner thigh. "Well then you better check between those insanely sexy thighs of yours.  Probably left my mark there as well."

Harry groans before dipping down to engage his boyfriend in a heated kiss.  

_Morning breath, be damned!  I have a fucking BOYFRIEND!!!_

 

_____________________________ 

 

Later that morning, after Harry had made him his "World Famous Fry-up" and followed that up with some minty freshly-brushed lazy kissing on the couch Will decided it was time to address the elephant in the room.

"Sooooo. I really liked that pic that Niall posted of you on Twitter yesterday." Will immediately felt his boyfriend tense up in his arms. He couldn't read Harry's expression as the younger man was resting his back against Will's chest but he could imagine.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. And um...I see Louis did, too!"  

 _Ok.  It's out there now.  Out there to discuss. Our first 'boyfriend' discussion, really._ Harry exhaled, shakily but didn't turn around to face Will.  He didn't know what looking into Will's eyes would do to him.  Make it impossible to stray the slightest bit from the truth.  Like he might just tell him exactly how he felt when he read Louis' comment and how he had hoped Louis had finally come around and how disappointed he was to find out that Louis was probably drunk or hacked or...

_Stop. Just breathe, Harry!_

"Y-yeah. That was weird. Um I think he got hacked or something. Our media PR already deleted it so..."

So no harm, no foul. It's all said and done. Water under the bridge. Over and done with... 

"Just forget about it." But Harry could feel Will squirming underneath him now and yeah, he's not going to 'forget about it'. So Harry braces himself for what's coming next and is so very glad that he decided not to turn around from the start.

"Harry..." Will clears his throat. "Harry. Look at me."

And... _oh, shit_!  Harry is the _worst_ actor. Wears his heart on his sleeve, on his face, in his eyes, and its even laced throughout his voice when in certain situations. Even more so when it comes to one Louis Tomlinson. When talking about Louis. When thinking about Louis. When just being in Louis' presence.

And Harry doesn't know why he blurts out "Nothing happened!" to Will, still not meeting his boyfriend's eyes. Maybe they were the words that Will wanted to hear in answer to his yet unasked question and Harry was just beating him to the punch.  Skipping the middleman, so to speak.  

But, no.  Harry just was utter shit at lying and even though he isn't lying to Will when he says that nothing happened the feelings Harry still has for Louis...ARE _something._

_But dammit!  This.  This right here is me moving on!  Louis has no right to take that away from me._

He absolutely had NO right to have stamped his entire self onto Harry's heart. So indelibly onto Harry's soul.

"O-ok." Will's voice cuts into the scramble of thoughts and guilt and just a tad of resentment towards Louis whirling through his mind. "I believe you. I trust you. I wouldn't be with you if I didn't. But that's not what I was going to ask you, Harry."

At this point Harry realizes how guilty he must look by not facing Will. He decides to bite the bullet and pray that whatever it is his boyfriend asks him he won't have to fib or pull out his 'stellar' poker face.

He turns to meet Will's trusting deep brown eyes and Harry feels a little lighter at the sight of the soft smile that greets him.  

_Ok. I can do this._

Will brushes Harry's hair behind his ear with one hand and cups the younger man's cheek with his other. "I just wanted to know if you were ok.  I know what you've gone through with Louis.  I know how hard it must be to be around him. I'm under no delusions, Harry. You're in love with him.  I know that. He'll always have a place in your life, in your past, that I will probably never have-"

"No, Will-"

The older lad holds a finger to Harry's protesting lips. "No, Harry I've accepted it.  It's ok.  I just have to try my damnedest to prove to you that I'm the one that deserves your future."

_Oh God how did I get so lucky? That's some romance novel rom-com shit right there..._

Harry feels Will's words settle somewhere in the vicinity of his own heart.  Nudging at the small portion that hasn't been scarred by unrequited love.  It feels nice.  Warm.  But...

"I am, Will.  I mean I _was_.  I _was_ in love with him but..."  Harry wants to swallow those words now. Hit delete, edit, cut but there they are.  Hanging awkwardly in the air between them.  Harry lowers his eyes. "Shit! I-I'm over it.  You're right.  That's all in the past. I'm only looking forward, Will."

He turns all the way around now, wrapping his long, lithe arms and legs around his very present boyfriend's neck and hips.  This feat was no easy task but worth it when Will enveloped him like Harry was an oversized puppy, pressing a kiss to his temple.

"So. _Are_ you ok?"

Harry simply nodded against Will's shoulder. "Yeah." That was all he could say.  Leave it at that. Just in case he really _wasn't._ And just in case that pesky fucking lump in his throat that had been bothering him since his last encounter with Louis threatens to burst.

And then. Well, then Will says something that makes Harry flinch.  "It's not like Louis could steal you away from me anyway.  He's straight! At least I have that on him!"  And then Will laughs. He laughs because, well because he doesn't know.  No one does, really.  Maybe Louis told Zayn but probably no one else, surely.  This was information that Will did not need to know right now because all it would do would cause upheaval in their relationship.  Besides, it was Louis' place to divulge such info not Harry's.

"MmHm." _Good answer, Haz!_

It must have been because that was that.  End of conversation for the moment as Will gave Harry a quick squeeze and said nothing further on the matter.

 

**< late 2010>**

 

In all honesty, there  _were_ just a  _few_ times that Louis questioned his attraction to Harry.  Just a few times he felt the need to push past teasing just to see how far he could actually go.  What his mind and body would allow to happen before his 'heterosexual subconscious' jerked him back.  Yeah. Just...a  _few.  Well, maybe a bit more than a few..._  

See Louis couldn't help it that he loved to make people laugh.  Get his friends riled up any way he could.  He lived for it, really.  His own mother had given him a talking-to about always having to be the center of attention.  He couldn't deny it.  It was just something innate.  So he had told her as much with a playful laugh dismissing any negativity that came with that fact.

Some would call his sense of humor a bit...raunchy.  Lots of penis jokes and the like.  All in innocent fun, really.  But Harry.  Well, Harry found Louis HILARIOUS!  The cackle that that boy emitted when Louis cracked even what he, himself, deemed probably not his best joke or quip was quite a sight to be seen.  You could see Harry trying to reign it in with a bite to his lip and a scrunched up nose, eyes all squinty.  That's what Louis loved.  Yeah, he lived for the times that Harry tried to hold back.  He likened it to a challenge. Getting  _any_ type of a rise out of Harry, really.  Louis'd take it all.  And he'd _do_ it all.  That is if Harry let him...

Case in point:  

He and Harry had just arrived back at their shared flat late after finishing a game of footie with some friends.  Louis couldn't be bothered to walk the 100 or so feet up their drive so he had decided it was a completely splendid idea to hop on Harry's back.  Well, he was so bloody tired as he always seemed to put in more than anyone else they played with.  Played like a proper footballer all the way through.  That fact earned him the right to an impromptu piggy-back ride by his best mate.  Didn't it? Yes, of course.  Proper footie etiquette.

Harry hadn't protested when Louis had jumped on his back mumbling something about how the worst player had to carry the best player to bed and tuck them in. That it was some new rule that had just been put in the books and all that.   _In there somewhere, Harold. Really..._ yawn... _Haz.  And tea.  Yeah, something about making tea for me as well..._ yawn.

"Breakfast in bed?" Harry said. He shifted to tighten his grip on Louis' thighs as the drive got a bit steeper. "Does it say something about that, as well?"  Smirking, Harry glanced over his shoulder where Louis' head was resting and... _bad idea, Harry!_

Their lips barely touched but it was enough to get Harry's heart racing.  Louis felt the brush of softness against his lips and the warmth of the younger boy's breathe as it ghosted over them.  Louis didn't flinch at the near kiss with his best mate. He  _was_ exhausted after all.

Harry cleared his throat, not allowing his steps to falter. Praying that Louis wouldn't use this to poke fun at him.  Not tease him about how Harry was trying to kiss him with promises of a proper English breakfast after a ravenous night of lovemaking.  And... _oh!_

At first Harry wasn't sure he was feeling what he thought he was feeling against the side of his neck.  Warm... _yes_.  Wet... _yes_. Yes, he was sure of it.  100% positive that Louis was running his tongue slowly up the side of his neck.  Even more so when he felt the pressure of the older boy's mouth sucking gently right underneath his jaw.

Harry's breath hitched in his throat as Louis let out a soft moan that would most likely be imperceptible if not for his proximity to Harry's ear.  He began slowing his pace as Louis' mouth opened wider to take in even more of Harry's sweat-slicked skin.  He thanked God that he was wearing baggy trackies!!!  The younger boy's eyes fluttered closed as he tilted his neck to allow Louis better access and... _what?!?!_

This...this wasn't happening!  

"What...what are you doing, Lou?"  Harry's voice was a raspy whisper, unable to contain the arousal in his tone.  

 _All just a joke, a teasing gone too far, surely,_ Harry surmised.   _Or maybe Louis was just...um, sleep-sucking?  That could be a thing...right?_

"Hmmm?"  Louis hummed as his mouth detached from Harry's neck sloppily.  "Just a love bite, Harold."  The older boy nuzzled his nose into the damp curls at the base of Harry's neck.  

God, how he loved this boy's curls!  "Just. A. Love. Bite."  Louis gave a chaste kiss over the bruise that he left under Harry's jaw and hopped off the younger boy's back walking the rest of the way to their door.  He rubbed his eye sleepily as he turned to look at Harry, giving the stock-still boy the once-over.  

"Those trackies aren't nearly baggy enough, Curly," he smirked, cocking an eyebrow with a glance to Harry's groin.

Harry slowly reached a hand to wipe the damp Louis had left on his neck fully aware of his growing problem below.

But as Louis stepped through their front door he suddenly realized that his own trackies weren't baggy enough to conceal his very obvious erection.  He had been so turned on as his cock rubbed up and down Harry's back as the younger boy carried him towards their door, a bounce in his step. That didn't help either.  Why in God's name did he have to walk with a bounce in his step when Louis was in such a precarious position. All spread eagle and so very close.  As Harry grabbed his thighs tighter and tighter and his curls tickled Louis' cheeks Louis just couldn't help himself.

And, just... _why_?!?!  Why _couldn't_ he help himself?!?!?!  

It was weird that the moment he had met Harry in the bathroom at the X-Factor auditions he began to question everything he had ever believed about himself. Question every time he had maybe admired other lads' fitness, the way their bodies moved on the pitch and, with Harry their adorably soft curls.  But more importantly he questioned why the moment he saw Harry across the room at the auditions did he feel _such_ a connection to this stranger. Like all of a sudden he couldn't take deep enough breaths except when he was near Harry.  Looking at Harry.  Touching Harry.  That last one threw him for a bit of a loop because, WHAT?  

Why did Louis need such reassurance that Harry was there, close.  Feeling just a little bit more grounded with the touch of his hand to Harry's arm, his cheek. Always wanting to make Harry smile.  To make him happy.  Because when Harry was happy it was just a fact that Louis' day brightened up just that much more.

Harry was Louis' counterbalance.  Kept him  _even_.  They're personalities complimenting each other's just so perfectly that Louis had often questioned his belief in the term "soulmate".  

 _A mate could be a soulmate, couldn't they?_    

_I mean "mate" is 50% of the term so...yeah._

Louis felt the term fit perfectly, though he never said such out loud.  Not everyone would have the same understanding of the word that he did.  They might have thought Louis was...was _in love_ with Harry and that was just, well.  

Harry wasn't a female.  Harry was perfect in every other way, made Louis _feel_ perfect.  But the fact remained Harry was his best mate. And he had a cock.  And Louis just couldn't fathom how or why on God's green Earth he found himself so fucking turned on whenever he ran his own hand through those curls of Harry's. Or why he stared at Harry's mouth framed with those perfect lips whenever the younger boy spoke. Why he always would question if Harry's lips tasted like cherries because they were always so plump and red. Why he squirmed as his own cock twitched knowing Harry was getting hard because of something _he_ had done.  Knowing that _he_ could do all that to Louis just raised the question... 

And questions needed to be answered.

 

**< Louis - present day>**

 

It had been a painfully awkward ride home from the airport to say the absolute least.  

"Double date?"

Louis squirmed just the littlest bit under Eleanor's intense gaze. "Erm...yeah."

"Well I guess I just have to ask this first.  You do remember we" she motioned between them with her hands "are not together at the moment."

"I'm aware, El."  Louis' voice was soft but impatient.  He needed to get on with it, for crying out loud!

"And I, well I'm not sure we will ever be again." She said it like it was just a fact shared between just the two of them and there was that damn itch on Louis' conscience.

_I never meant to use you.  To hurt you._

"I know..." he whispered.   _We won't._

The silence became deafening and Louis had never been a truly religious man but he couldn't help but pray that the driver's right foot would somehow turn to lead. The ride would be a little less than an hour till they reached his home but they might as well have been driving to France.

"Well then why, Lou? And...and does this have anything to do with Harry?"

Now Louis thought himself a decent actor at the very least.  And after all the behavioral training Modest had put him through to 'tone down' his 'flamboyant nature' he felt his skills may be even a tad better than decent.  But when Eleanor had questioned whether or not his odd request had anything to do with Harry all of Louis' 'training' went out the door.  Reflexes took over as his jaw dropped and his eyes shifted at a loss for words.

Eleanor sighed. "I suppose it does, then."

"El-"

She held up her hand to silence him. "It's fine, Louis." Eleanor laughed, bitterly. "Never felt like you were all mine, you know." 

"I...God I don't know what to say."  Louis dropped his head into his hands, pressing his palms to his eyes.  "I-I don't know what to say."

And this wasn't how Louis had seen this going, to be honest.  He had been planning on having a frank discussion about how they needed to maintain a friendly relationship no matter what the status of their romantic relationship currently was. He planned on explaining that by going on a double date with Harry and his...boyfriend...that it was good PR for the band. It would show the fans-and the media-that there was no rift between he and Harry as a good amount of people seemed to believe due to their awkwardness and avoidance of each other over the past couple of years. Even better PR for him because of the traces of whispers still lingering about Louis being homophobic.  

And of course...to quell the rumors.  But that's not at all why Louis wanted to take Harry up on his offer of a double date. Not at all.  

"Just say 'It's all been a lie, El. I've never loved you!' Say it!" Eleanor's eyes glistened but her voice was stern. Her brown eyes boring into Louis' blue when he dared to look up.

"I did, El!" he nearly shouted. Lowering his voice to barely above a whisper he muttered, "I did.  Just..."

She scoffed. "Just not the way you love him, right? Just not the way you love Harry?"

_No. Never the way I love Harry..._

But he's not about to divulge the things he had done...with Harry. The things he had never told _anyone_ about. The things the two of them had done to try and answer the annoyingly persistent questions Louis had kept asking himself. The questions he eventually did get the answer to with Harry's help.  But Louis wasn't ready.  It had been all too much when he realized what it all meant.  Harry hadn't understood what the problem was. Why Louis wouldn't just openly accept that part of himself just as he had done with himself. It had all seemed so easy for Harry. Like, 'Yeah. I fancy blokes. That's just me. Don't like it? Fuck off!'

But that was something Louis couldn't fathom himself doing at that point in time.  Not when he was already in a relationship with Eleanor.  What was the point, really?

 _I'm in a heterosexual relationship and will not be cheating on Eleanor with anyone, woman or man.  That is, of course starting_ after _I figured it all out with Harry.  But, that was all in the name of research really.  Harry was simply helping me out.  Nothing more..._ _Yeah.  The feelings that developed between us were just...unexpected. Nice, but unexpected nonetheless._

And Louis couldn't bring himself to cheat. No matter how hard it was to be around Harry knowing how he felt about him.  He wasn't a cheater!  But it wouldn't stop him from getting obscenely close to it with the younger man. Just...not in public, of course.

"I'm sorry, El.  I never meant to hurt you or string you along or..."

_Never meant to but somewhat aware of it all the same._

"Did you know?" She cut in, leaning towards him with her arms crossed. "Did you know the whole time that you were in love with him? That you were...what? Bisexual? Gay? What?"

"I don't know! I really...it's really only ever been Harry. I honestly...I mean I-I'm...bisexual?" It was a question really. Not an answer.  Of course he had found Eleanor attractive. He would have had to to remain in their relationship for as long as they had. And yeah, they'd had sex. Not very often, mind you. And, hind sight being 20/20, El had always questioned his need for closing his eyes and burying his face in her hair whenever they did. Why he inhaled the scent of her hair as he came, the stronger the scent the harder he came. Eyes always screwed tightly shut.  

He'd told her-and himself, to be honest-that it was just some type of kink, maybe.  Some people liked to lick armpits, he liked to sniff hair.  He wasn't on the crazy side of kinky at least.  He also told her - and once again, himself - that he needed to close his eyes because for him it 'intensified' his orgasm.  But one thing he couldn't explain to himself was why images of his best mate's face flashed through his mind's eye when he came so intensely.  As he buried his face in Eleanor's hair inhaling the scent of the shampoo that he had bought for her.  The shampoo he had bought for her because it was the one Harry used. That reminded him of Harry. That... _Oh, God!_

 _Oh, God. It's always been Harry. It's only ever_ been _Harry._

The tension was turning the air in the back seat to soup. The panic welling up in the back of Louis' throat increasing by the second, choking him.

"I'm sorry. I just want us both to be happy. You know we both haven't been in a long, long time, El."

It was the truth. They both knew it.

Suddenly, their driver hit a bump in the road hard, sending both he and Eleanor towards the ceiling of the Range Rover.  

"Shit, man!" Louis rubbed the top of his head, wincing. He glanced at Eleanor who was doing the same.  "Y'alright?"

She nodded as a slow grin appeared on her face. Louis then watched as the grin got obscenely wider turning into crazed laughter right before his eyes.

He flipped his hair out of his eyes with a quick flick of his head. "Think ya might have hit your head a little harder than you thought there, El." 

That just made her laugh harder, turning obnoxious laughter into breathless cackles.  Her head thrown back, mouth wide open.  Suddenly she gasped, clapping a hand over her mouth.  Her brown eyes wide in shock over her out of control outburst.

"Oh, Louis. Yes!" And for a minute Louis had to think about what she was responding to.

"Yes you hit your head harder than you thought, or...?" He looked over at her cocking an eyebrow in question.

"No! No, Louis.  I mean, well I did hit my head pretty damn hard but no." She smiled, hesitantly. "We do both deserve to be happy. We do. We absolutely do."  She slowly reached a tentative hand towards Louis' resting on the seat between them. She grasped his hand, eyes softening.  "And I want you to know that if Harry is the one person in this world that will make you happy then...well, so be it."

Louis furrowed his brows, waiting for the punchline. 

"That being said..."

_Ah, here it is._

"...I suppose I should tell you about Matthew."

Louis' eyes shot up. "Matthew?"

Eleanor nodded, sheepishly.  "We're just talking for now.  Waiting to see where it will go.   _If_ it will go, really. I really like him, Lou!  We've had to really be sneaky even just hanging out as friends because of all the damn paps and gossip that it would cause."

Just on principle Louis felt like he should be hurt by Eleanor having interest in another man.  But, hey.  Who was he to judge.

_Like the pot calling the kettle black, Tommo!_

"Um, well that's good! That's...that's _great!_ " he sputtered. "See, you're happy. I'm...well, I'm..."

"When and where?" she sighed, eyes soft.

"What?"

"When" she repeated slowly, "...and where?  This double date with Harry and-?"

" _Will,_ " Louis grimaced, still unable to say the name without feeling nauseous.

"Will. Ok. Harry and Will."

"Please don't...just don't. It's still too soon."  Louis placed the back of his hand to his forehead in mock swoon. Full dramatics on display. 

Eleanor muffled a small laugh, swatting his hand away.  Louis smiled, hesitantly. 

"We're all right, yeah?" Louis searched her face for an answer.

She sighed, pulling him in for a brief hug. "Yeah. We're ok. Friends?"

_Friends? Yeah. Louis could be friends._

"Friends." he repeated.

"So, when and where loverboy?" She patted him playfully on the shoulder. "And what's the plan?"

"I actually have no idea. It was actually Harry's idea. The double date."

Eleanor's eyebrows shot up. "Really?"

"Yeah. I kind of got the impression he was trying to rub his boyfriend in my face.  Make me jealous, ya know. I pretty much  stormed out after he suggested it. Told him we'd talk later, but I...we never did. So...yeah. I guess it's all kind of a tentative double date."

"Well then you must call him. Talk it out. Set things in motion. We'll talk details tomorrow." 

And with that the atmosphere became clearer and the weight Louis had been carrying around on his shoulders became a little bit lighter. He could do this.

_I can do this..._

 

\--------------------------------

 

Louis chickened out at the last minute.  Harry's number was dialed. Louis' finger hovering over the green phone symbol. But that's as far as he got before tossing his phone on his bed and flopping down next to it watching it bounce up and down. 

_Tomorrow..._

_This had to be thought out properly, anyway. What to say. Why I changed my mind about the whole double date idea. Also, having to come up with some lame excuse as to why I never went back to finish our talk like I said I would..._

And with these thoughts Louis passed out within minutes trying not to think about what Harry was doing at that very moment with his...with Will.

 

\---------------------------------

 

When and why he set his fucking alarm was beyond him.  But there it was.  Accompanied by incessant buzzing vibrating the entire bed.

"Fuuuuuuucking hell!!!!" Louis picked up the phone wanting to toss it against the wall.  He growled as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and shut his phone alarm off. 

12:30

_Shit!_

Louis rolled over onto his back still fully clothed from the day before instinctually opening up the Twitter app on his phone. It was his usual morning ritual first thing upon waking.

In the back of his mind he knew what he was looking for when he logged on to his account. There had been plenty of time for the pics of Harry's 'blessed boyfriend reunion' to have been posted.  Plenty of time for gossip sites to sink their slimy teeth into this mind-blowing hunk of gossip. Well...not really gossip if it was going to be confirmed anyway.  Either way, it was plenty of time for Louis to lose his shit. 

_Nothing.  Nothing? Ok._

_REFRESH._

_Nothing._

_REFRESH._

_Nothing._

_REFRESH._

_Nothing._

(shower)

After getting cleaned and dressed and throwing something haphazardly together to eat, Louis sat with his cuppa on the balcony off his bedroom. Phone fully recharged.

_3:00 p.m. now.  Definitely has to be something!_

Louis took a sip from his tea as he opened up to Twitter.

Again, not that he was anxious to see pics but...

And he just wasn't prepared.  Not really. No matter how hard he tried to psych himself up beforehand he just could not be prepared for the flood of pictures and tweets.  One right after another.  

But the worst were from the fans. They cut like a knife reminding him how stupid and foolish he had been all these years.

 

**_-If Harry is happy then I am happy but give a thought to Louis.  He must be devastated._ **

_Ouch! That one hit a little too close to home._

**_-So proud of Harry!!! :))))  Still sad he's not with Louis, though :'(_ **

**_-Oh my God!!!  Harry is gay!!!!  I knew it! And damn his boyfriend is HOT!!!!_ **

**_-See.  Louis is with El NOT Harry!!!!  All you Larry Shippers must feel like fucktards! HAHAHAHA!!!_ **

**_-Harry may be gay and in love with his new boyfriend but Louis is in love with Eleanor!!!!!_ **

****

Louis' heart dropped.  

_'In love with his new boyfriend...'?_

_NONONONONONO!!!_

A wave of nausea overtook him when the same picture kept coming up over and over again. Mocking him.

Harry with his arms wrapped tightly around a shorter man with golden brown hair lips gently touching and yeah. There were those fucking flowers in Harry's hands hanging around his boyfriend's neck.

_This could have been you.  This SHOULD have been you, with Harry!_

Louis couldn't deny that Harry looked happy in the picture.  And it was true that Will was hot but...

_Maybe you should just take your medicine, Tommo! Lie in the bed you made. Just accept the fact that Harry is happy and it just so happens that you're not the one who made him so._

_I can't.  I can't let him go without him knowing. I can't let him forget me.  Forget us...  What we've had. How far I've had my head up my arse trying to abide by the heteronormative confines of what was expected of him from their management, label, PR, the whole fucking world!!!_

_I can't let him go. I can't let him go. I can't let him go._

With tears springing to his eyes Louis found the strength to dial up his former best mate, the feeling of nausea still ever present.

After three rings Louis was beginning to feel a little more courageous.  He sat up straight finishing off his cuppa in one gulp. Like it was just a friendly call he was making not a possibly life-altering conversation he was about to have with the love of his life.

_Love of my life..._

"Louis?"

His breath hitched as he heard the familiar deep voice enveloping him like a warm blanket.  
"Louis, are you there? I know it's you, ya know.  The whole caller ID thingy that every phone has nowadays."

"H-hi, Hazza." His voice was shaky but determined now. "I'm sorry. Sorry I didn't come back to finish our discussion. I just...just... Ah, fuck it! I chickened out.  I smoked up with Zayn then passed out and I'm just a...a dickhead! I'm a dickhead, Harry and I'm sorry."

Harry laughed and Louis' heart swelled at the sound. "S'alright. Calm down. You're not a dickhead, Lou. I wasn't really expecting you to come back, to be honest.  Kinda felt like I fucked up any chance of that when I saw your reaction about my suggestion of the whole double date thing. Stupid of me anyway. Just-"

"No! It's a great idea, really! Umm....when do you want to do it? I've already talked it over with El and everything. She's game."

Louis was met with silence on the other end of the line. 

"Harry?"

"Oh. Uh, yeah. Yes. Ok," Harry sputtered. "Let's, erm, see about this weekend, yeah?" 

"Good. Good. Yeah. Ok, then."

"Ok, then."

"I saw the picture of you and Will, by the way. Kinda hard not to. It's all anyone's talking about. You two are the talk of the town!" Louis tried to sound humorous but really didn't feel it. "He's quite a stunner, your boyfriend! You sure know how to pick 'em, Haz!"

Harry gave a brief laugh. "Yeah. Yeah, I suppose I do. Older and beautiful is just my type, I guess."

_Oh!_

Well Louis wasn't expecting that.

Louis clears his throat nervously.

"Well, I-I'll talk to you soon, love." Louis' voice was now barely above a whisper overwhelmed with mixed emotions.

"Yeah. Bye, Lou." 

Louis set the phone down on the patio table with a shaky hand letting out a controlled exhale. 

_Ok, Louis. You've got till next weekend to come up with a way to win Harry's heart back. You can do this! Yeah!_

Louis stood up from the table as his tea and toast with jam made its way back up from whence it came.  He barely made it to his toilet before his stomach lurched and he was vomiting up his breakfast.

"Good pep talk, Louis!" he groaned as he wiped the corners of his mouth with the back of his hand. "Goooood, pep talk."

 

 

 

All cover art by the amazing [hazstylestrash](http://hazstylestrash.tumblr.com/)


	6. Given a chance...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How it all began...  
> (finally some Harry and Louis action ;) )

 Chapter 6 [cover art](http://daniellavictoriaao3.tumblr.com/image/143455190851) by hazstylestrash

 

 

 

 

**< Late 2010>**

 

"What the fuck was that, Harry?"

Louis was fuming, having waited till they got back to their room to explode.

"Mind telling me why in the bloody hell you just asked me ON CAMERA if I was... _bisexual_?!?!?!" He whispered the word glancing nervously at the thin door separating them from the other contestants milling about in the X-Factor house.

He gently led Harry further into the room by his elbow, the younger boy worrying his lower lip raw. "It was a joke, Lou. I'm sorry."

Louis sighed, unable to stay mad at Harry for longer than a few minutes. He couldn't explain why but it just impossible to Louis to think anything other than fond thoughts of the younger boy. Especially with him looking all soft and nervous, green eyes beginning to get a bit misty.

"Ok. Ok, Haz. Just...don't joke about things like that when there are cameras, all right?"

They had made their way to Harry's bed, legs hanging over the edge, sides touching. Louis reached over to wrap a soothing arm around the younger boy's shoulders grazing his fingertips up and down Harry's arm.

The younger boy shivered at the touch. Louis pretended not to notice.

"But..." He looked up to meet Louis' eyes, wondering if the older boy knew how deeply he affected him with every touch. Wondered if Louis knew that every time his fingers grazed Harry's arm or cheek or anywhere on Harry's body the younger lad could feel it hours later. The slight tingle under the skin like a welcome invisible bruise. "...I wouldn't care, you know. I-If you were."

Louis froze as a slow smirk spread across his face. "What? You think I fancy men, Harold?"

Harry's eyes softened as the corners of his lips pulled down into a frown.  

Louis felt like he was punched in the gut. 

He knew he could tease Harry day or night and he wouldn't mind. But by the look on the younger boy's face he knew that the current topic may be hitting a little to close to home for him.

Louis didn't like it when Harry frowned or basically wore anything but a smile on his lips. One preferably put there by Louis himself, to be honest.

"Listen, Haz. It's just with all the rumors already out there about me I just...I don't know..."

"Hey, Lou." Harry glances up at him through thick lashes, bashfully. "I-It's ok if you do. I can appreciate a fit lad, ya know."

Louis knew what Harry was getting at. He knew Harry like the back of his hand even though they'd known each other less than a year. The younger lad wore his heart on his sleeve and his fondness for Louis all over his face. Harry had never outright said it but Louis knew. _He knew_.

"I never thought about it, Harry." So...it was a little white lie. _Big deal!_

Harry nodded, staring at his hands in his lap. "Hmmm."

"H-have you? You know. Have you ever thought about...with, ya know...?"

Harry nodded slowly never looking away from his hands. He cleared his throat, " Erm...Yeah."

"Oh."

But Louis had already known the answer to that question, didn't he? "Yeah? Ok."

Louis wanted to say more. _Ask_ more. But he already felt like he had crossed some type of invisible barrier that he had unknowingly put up a long time ago. But who better to breach that barrier with than his best mate, really?

Right?

Louis' finds his mouth is suddenly dry. His tongue sticking to the roof of his mouth.

Throat constricting, he croaked "Water. I think I'm gonna get something to drink. You want?"

He quickly stood up turning towards the door but was stopped when Harry gently tugged him back by his wrist.

"Lou...?" Harry whispered.

Louis' breath caught in his throat as he glanced back over his shoulder.  Louis gave a quick squeeze to the younger boy's wrist, quirking his lips in a half-hearted smile.

"It's ok. Just thirsty. Really!" the older boy nodded reassuringly.

Harry returned the smile.

"Yeah. Ok, Lou." But Harry's voice betrayed the small smile on his lips.

And even though he spotted a bottle of water half full on his nightstand on the way to the door Louis couldn't will his legs to move fast enough. The uncertainty of what would have possibly happened if he stayed in the room with Harry any longer making his skin buzz.

What doors would have been opened that could never be closed again?  Louis wasn't sure if he was ready to find out.  If he would _ever_ be ready to open that door was the real question now hanging over his head following him like his own personal storm cloud.

 

 

**< Early 2011>**

 

The beginning of the ride back to their flat was rather well...not awkward, necessarily.

Just _different_ , is all.

Instead of sprawling across the backseat with his head resting comfortably in Louis' lap as usual Harry chose to sit upright and unmoving. Eyes focused anywhere but Louis' direction. Louis knew that what they had just been confronted by Simon with had the potential to impact the way they acted around one another.  How they showed their affection for one another now that they knew all eyes were on them.  Judging their every touch or look in each other's direction.  

But one look at Harry's downcast eyes and fidgety fingers in the seat next to him and any apprehension Louis had flew out the window. 

"Come 'ere, lad." He wrapped an arm around the younger boys shoulders and drew him in close. Stroking his curls as Harry let out muffled sobs into the crook of Louis' neck.  He blindly raised a thumb to swipe hot tears away from Harry's cheek.

"Hey. Hey!" Louis said softly, nudging Harry so he'd look up at him. 

Harry slowly raised his chin, not leaving the comfort of his spot on Louis' shoulder. Watery green eyes, greener than Louis had ever seen them peered up through soggy lashes.

Louis shifted so he could look his best mate in the eyes, their faces so close their noses were practically touching.  "They'll never change us, ok?  They'll never change me and you."

Louis placed a kiss on Harry's forehead and the younger boy leaned into it sighing. "I hope not, Lou. I really hope not. That would be...shit!" he sniffles.

Harry wrapped an arm around Louis' waist squeezing closer like he was holding on for dear life. Fingers tugging at the hem of the older boy's shirt like he was Harry's anchor keeping him by his side. Making sure no one could pry him away from his best mate.  Not without an absolute epic struggle, at least. 

_They can try..._

Louis' stomach tensed as Harry lowered his head into Louis' lap, nuzzling into his clothed belly. Sure it was a familiar and near constant seating arrangement for the two of them but it all felt-and here's that word again- _different_ now.  Now that the big bisexual elephant in the room had been confirmed head on there was a feeling of uncertainty in the air between the two of them.  

Like there was a new variable in the mix when they were this close. The possibility of it meaning so much more for _both_ of them.

"I'm proud of you, you know." Louis carded his fingers through soft curls, reassuringly. "What you said in there. I mean...I-I don't know if I could ever be as brave as you are-"

Harry turned onto his back quickly, brows furrowed. "Not brave, Louis. _Honest_. I was being _honest_." His face softens. "But...yeah. Thanks. Can't be anything but honest about who I am. Seems like it would be too exhausting, you know."

Harry smiled wearily up at Louis, eyes locked with the older boy's.  More meaning behind his words than even he knew at that moment.

Louis' breath caught in his throat. He swallowed audibly, averting his eyes. "Yeah..." he breathed. "Yeah. Exhausting."

 

 

**< 20 minutes earlier>**

 

"We'll have more to talk about soon, I'm sure. I still have to have my meeting with Modest and your PR team but things will probably be happening quite quickly, boys. I'll be in touch." With a pat to their backs and a brief nod from Simon they were ushered out of his office.

Just like that.

Just like that and their world was turned upside down.

Talks of "Behavioral training" for Louis to tamper down his supposed 'camp-like' behavior that seemed to be fueling the gay rumors.

_Training?!?!?!_

_They want to 'train' me like I'm a bloody fucking monkey!!!_  

Well, yes. Technically he _had_ described himself as being 'flamboyant' but well he meant it in the dramatic sense. A...theatrical air to his mannerisms, really. Not...feminine. And he just liked to look nice is all. Had a bit of a...'metrosexual' vibe going on. 

_God help them if they make me grow a beard or summat!_

And there were talks of Harry simply never addressing his sexuality either way. Leave well enough alone. Of course, discretion was of the utmost importance when it came to relationships that were outside the realm of what was PR-approved. Any relationships with the same sex were discouraged as it was just too risky. Too risky because what gossip rag or paparazzi wouldn't just jump at the chance to out him at even the hint of a relationship with another boy? Plus, how could _anyone_ really be trusted? Girl _or_ guy.

Then of course the discussion had moved on to Louis' 'long-term girlfriend' plans. Further discussion with Modest and PR needed to happen before anything was put in motion but Louis dreaded _anything_ that was out of his control.

He had already thought of maybe looking up some of his female friends from back home or something along those lines. He would not, _would not_ have an arranged 'long-term girlfriend' set up by the likes of Modest.  He imagined PR bringing the girls in like cattle while Louis waited behind a two-way mirror before making his selection from the bunch.

_No way in hell!_

 

_\---------------------_

 

By the time they were dropped off back at their flat Louis and Harry had fallen into a comfortable silence. And any sense of awkward tension between the two of them completely dissipated.

"Cuppa?"

Louis smiled warmly, toeing off his shoes by the door. "Whaddya think, my boy?!?!"

Harry ducked his head returning the smile and retreated to their kitchen. After a quick wee Louis returned to find Harry settled onto the couch lips pursed blowing the steam off the cup of tea. "A bit hot. Didn't want it to scald you or summat."

Louis just paused leaning against the doorway to their living room wondering how he got so lucky to have discovered this boy's existence in the world.  How the stars must have aligned to bring Harry into Louis' orbit knowing that he needed such a mush ball like this boy in his life. This boy who was all encompassing in his world to a point where the average person would question where one ended and the other began.

Soul mates of the best mate variety, Louis figured.

If that's a thing...

Which he wholeheartedly chose to believe that it was.

"How did I get so lucky?" Louis quipped. "My very own blower!"

The split second after the word exited his mouth Louis knew his choice of word was about to make Harry squirm.

 _Haha! Still got it!_ Louis thought smugly as he watched Harry's eyes briefly widen, lips pausing mid-blow.

The older boy cleared his throat with a smirk and a cocked eyebrow in Harry's direction. 

And then...

And then Harry giggled.

_He giggled!_

It was the sweetest most endearing sound Louis had heard in quite some time.  All soft and bashful with full-on dimples displayed.

Louis wanted to poke them. He usually did. His fingers twitched aching to do just that. 

Louis pushed off the doorway with his hip wearing a grin about to split his face. He was about to join Harry on the couch and bury his pinkies in the younger boys dimples just because he could but then...

Well, then Harry took Louis completely off guard. 

Placing the cup of tea on the table next to him the younger boy leaned back into the couch folding his arms behind his head, a playful smile on his lips. "I aim to please, Lou." he said, coyly. "I aim to please." 

Louis' mind goes fuzzy as he stops in his tracks. Unable to react with even a squeak of a response as Harry crosses his ankle over his knee his semi once again on display subtly tenting his trousers.

Granted. They have always cracked naughty jokes.  Made playfully suggestive remarks to get the other hilariously uncomfortable in a public setting. All fun and games, really.

Well...all fun and games until someone pops a boner from said suggestive remark. A suggestive remark which Louis hesitates to think _may_  have some now obvious truth behind it.

Sure. Before Harry had outright stated his bisexuality Louis knew Harry may have had a little...'crush' on him. But now with the cat out of the bag Louis is replaying every time Harry had playfully made motions of one giving a blowjob and wondered if Harry wasn't thinking of Louis when he did so. If maybe Harry really _did_ think of him as more than just a silly boy he kind of occasionally worshipped. 

And if maybe...

If _maybe_ Harry really _did_ want to please Louis.

In _every_ sense of the word.

Either way, Louis' dick is now hard.

 _Obviously_ so. 

 _Painfully,_ obviously so.

He doesn't have time to think of the implications of his present state as Harry chooses that moment to lick his lips before naughtily biting down on the plump lower one batting his eyelashes up at Louis.

Louis can't tear his eyes away as his breath hitches and he finds himself mindlessly mirroring the younger boy, darting his own tongue out to moisten his suddenly parched lips.

Harry's eyes fall to Louis' mouth and then slowly lower and lower...

_Oh, God!_

Louis knows the moment Harry sees his hardness.

It's obvious by the way the younger boy releases his lip from between his teeth with a sharp intake of breath, jaw slackening. Harry's eyes dart up to Louis', confused yet intrigued.

"Lou...?"

Louis fish mouths, unable to make sense of why he is not running out of the room at this very awkward moment. Why he's not grabbing something to hide his erection very obviously brought on by his best mate's suggestion of pleasing Louis in more ways than one. 

In all ways that Louis is now imagining as he continues to stare at Harry's cherry red, wide open mouth.

"I-I..." _Yeah, good. Vowels are good. Now lets try for some syllables, Louis._ "I...erm..."

_Alright. Keep it going, Tommo._

_And stop staring for fucks sake!!!_

Louis finally tears his eyes away and he can feel his face heating up.

 _Other_ parts, as well.

_And what is Harry doing?_

Harry is now standing, look of wariness still evident on his face.

_What the fuck is he doing and why can't I move my legs???_

Harry hesitates but then begins to move closer taking measured steps toward him.

Louis doesn't move.

Louis doesn't think he _can_ move.

Louis thinks he may not want to run away from this after all.

He doesn't run away when Harry is a mere foot in front of him, his breathing loud and heavy.

He doesn't run away when Harry is reaching out a hand to lift Louis' chin so he can meet his eyes.

Louis doesn't look away when Harry's eyes search his face trying to gauge whether or not Louis wants him to stop. Stop touching him. Stop moving closer.

Harry finds none of it. Only confusion and a bit of hesitation in those impossibly blue eyes but no sign of alarm or disgust. No sign that Louis wants him to back away, pack up his things and dissappear.

"Lou?" Harry glides his finger softly along Louis' chin as the older boy's eyes flutter closed, breath ragged.

Louis is clenching and unclenching his hands at his sides, all thoughts of poking dimples seeming silly and foreign at the moment. Right now his hands want to do other things. Other things that he has never allowed himself to think about them doing.

"Louis?" Harry's right hand gently moves to caress the back of Louis' neck, thumb brushing the older boy's jaw tenderly. "It's ok, Lou."

They're so close now. Harry is so close that Louis can catch the scent of the peppermint candy that Harry had been sucking on in the car on their way home.

Louis wants to taste it.

"H-Ha-Harry..."

Harry softly glides his hand up Louis' arm before finally intertwining his fingers behind the older boy's neck.

Louis shivers, letting out a soft gasp. He blinks as Harry leans in bringing their foreheads together.

Louis' hands make their way to Harry's shirt balling it into his fists at the younger boy's waist.

Both of their chests heaving with anticipation, shoulders tense holding them in place.

"I-I have, Harry. I have thought about it," Louis finally admits in a breathless rush of words afraid he'd lose his nerve. "When you asked if I had thought about lads...like _that._ I lied when I said I hadn't thought about it. I just...I don't want to feel this way, Harry."

He's crying now as Harry brings him into a tight hug. "It's ok, Lou. Shhhh. It's ok."

Louis can feel it now. He _lets_  himself feel it now as Harry's entire being envelopes him.

Harry leans back to kiss away the tears running hot down the side of Louis' cheek and the older boy finds himself pressing his face into warm, soft, pillowy lips. Chasing the comfort that he finds in Harry's arms and his touch in that very moment. 

Louis needs this. He needs this comfort right now after everything they've been through today. Everything that's been asked of him and Harry today.  To change the way they are with each other. How they look at each other. How they talk to each other. How they...how they _touch_ each other.

And suddenly Louis feels the floor fall out from beneath his feet as he can't help but imagine how a world without this, right here, right now would leave him feeling. 

_Empty._

Plain and simple. 

His life would feel _empty_.

God he's only known Harry a little over a year but he truly cannot imagine his life without him now.  Can't even remember what his life was like before Harry came into it.

Louis grabs helplessly onto Harry's waist clinging to him like a lifeline, fingers digging into soft cotton covering the even softer skin of the younger boy. 

Louis needs to feel it.  Needs to feel the soft warmth of Harry's skin against him. Under his fingers so frantically trying to hold on to HarryandLouis. To hold on to... _them_.

Hold on to what they are to each other. What they represent to each other. 

_Home._

_Comfort._

Louis' hands tremble as his pinkies graze just below Harry's t-shirt, skin just as warm as Louis knew it would be.

_Love._

Harry's lips ghost over Louis' ear, his breath hot making Louis melt into the floor. "Can I kiss you?"

_Yes! Please!_

"Can I kiss you, Lou?" Harry's asking again and it takes a moment before Louis realizes he hasn't uttered a peep. His body is screaming _yes_ but his mouth has yet to respond.

Harry's hands travel to his shoulders then graze his arms before intertwining their fingers. 

_Say something, you twat!!!_

He doesn't. He doesn't think he actually can speak at least not any comprehensible words at the moment without some sort of gasp or moan or whimper. Some embarrassing sound that is hanging on the tip of his tongue from the feel of Harry's lips so fucking close to his face. 

His skin is buzzing. Vibrating. Words aren't coming so he does the next best thing.

He nods.

Dear God! He fucking _nods_!

"Yeah?" Harry would sound almost giddy if his voice hadn't dropped an octave into the realm of seductive.

Once again, Louis nods almost imperceptibly.  Their cheeks pressed together, caressing.

And then Harry's lips are pressing sweet kisses along Louis' tear-stained cheek slowly until they reach the corner of Louis' mouth.

The younger boy hesitates until Louis turns his face for thier lips to meet.

There is no kiss.

Just their parted lips barely resting against each other, sharing ragged breaths.  

Suddenly Louis feels every muscle in his body unwind.  Every muscle that held even an ounce of apprehension towards this moment happening right here, right now completely relaxed. 

"Harry?" He can almost taste the peppermint candy on the younger boy's lips. 

"Yeah?" Harry breaths.

"Don't know if you caught that nod or not, but--" And Louis is cut off by Harry's lips pressing into his and the older boy ends his thought with a whimper.

Louis' fingers find themselves entangled in the soft curls at the back of Harry's head. And he realizes he will never be able to touch those curls again without being reminded of this very moment. The moment he first snogged his best mate.

The first time his best mate...

_oh!_

...slipped his tongue into his mouth.

The first time his bes-

_Oh!_

The first time his best mate sucked tenderly on Louis' lower lip before giving it a soft nip.

_Fuck it!_

Louis knows Harry wants this to mean something and of course to Louis _it does_ but all the older boy can think of is how he wants Harry's tongue back in his mouth. Wants to taste it. Wants to suck on Harry's tongue until every trace of peppermint is gone.

Louis grips the back of Harry's head parting his lips to deepen the kiss. 

Harry gasps into his mouth in surprise but quickly catches up. Tongues caressing between feverish persistent kisses. 

Harry leans into him, backing Louis up the few steps to the wall behind him. Their bodies pressing impossibly closer and Louis feels that need again. He aches for the warmth of Harry's skin under his fingers. He had barely grazed the skin of Harry's hips moments before but he instantly knew it wouldn't be enough to feed whatever it was that was driving him forward. 

Harry surprises him as he suddenly breaks the kiss. "So...this is ok, yeah?" His voice is rough yet excited, a small smile playing at the corner of his eyes.

Louis meets his gaze with heavy lids. "What do you think, Harry?" And he really doesn't know where this burst of confidence and assuredness is coming from but he finds himself guiding Harry's hand to the tight bulge in his own trousers.

Harry's eyes flutter closed as a groan escapes from behind his deliciously swollen cherry red lips. "Oh, God! _Lou!_ "

The throbbing in Louis' cock is getting painful from the warmth of Harry's huge hand resting atop his trousers and Louis wonders how amazing it would feel if Harry's hand wasn't restricted by such confines.

Louis reaches one hand to unbutton his jeans seeing as Harry seems momentarily frozen.

... _and my how the tables have turned!_  

"Lou..." he breaths, roughly capturing Louis' lips with his own. "Lou, I've wanted this... _this..._ " Harry gently squeezes Louis' aching cock "...for so long, Lou. Wanted _you_..."

Louis doesn't let him finish the thought though as he's now grabbing Harry by the hips swinging him around until their positions have switched. Harry now pressed into the wall. Louis pressing their bodies tightly together as he hooks his chin over the younger boys shoulder. Panting as he rolls his hips, rubbing his cock against Harry's still clothed bulge.

Harry's hands are reaching underneath Louis' shirt, nails digging into his lower back before the younger boy is reaching down to palm at Louis' arse. He's rocking his hips now in rhythm with Louis and he suddenly realizes what a nuisance pants can be in instances like this. But Harry is also wondering if this is moving too fast. If this is the first time Louis has even kissed another boy should they be moving to the getting each other off phase so soon.

The younger boys hips stutter as he hesitates but Louis won't have it. He reaches down between them, his chin still hooked over Harry's shoulder, and rubs the heel of his hand up and down Harry's swollen length. 

Harry moans loudly right into Louis' ear and the older boy takes that as a sign to slip his hand down the front of Harry's pants.

The younger boy's knees buckle at the touch of Louis' hand on his bare cock and he can feel the trickle of pre-cum already.  Louis can as well and he glides his thumb along the tip of Harry's dick collecting it and God! Louis has never wanted something so much in his entire life! 

He doesn't know why he denied himself this moment for so long.

 _I like dick_ , he thinks to himself, as he begins stroking Harry pressing his hardness into the younger boys groin rolling his hips in rhythm with his own hand.

_I like dick...a lot!_

"Fuck, Lou!" Harry bites down on the crook of Louis' neck and the sting goes straight to the older boy's cock. Harry has a tight grip on Louis' ample arse and begins guiding him feverishly quickening their pace. 

Louis almost loses his balance as Harry practically lifts him off the ground by his arse. He lets out a breathless laugh, continuing to pump Harry's leaking cock with long strokes.

"You wanna maybe take this to the couch or...?" Harry's voice is rough and deep and dripping with want.

Louis nips at the younger boy's shoulder before meeting Harry's eyes and replying with a smirk. "Might as well..."

And Harry thinks he's never heard such beautiful words spoken. May even get them tattooed somewhere...

Louis removes his hand from Harry's cock, bringing his thumbs to caress the younger boy's v-line before gripping his waist and pulling him towards the couch. 

Panting, both boy's tumble gracelessly onto the couch Louis falling on top of a ruddy cheeked Harry. Louis latches on to Harry's swollen bottom lip sucking it in before deepening the kiss and Louis doesn't think he can hold on any longer. He feels the cool wetness on his pants from his pre-cum.

"Trousers, Harry. Off. Now."

Harry hesitates as Louis tugs at the waistband of his jeans. "Are you...are you sure, Lou?"

Louis groans pressing his prominent hardness into Harry. "Come on now, Harold," he whispers into Harry's ear, a ghost of heated breath making the younger boy's toes curl. "I couldn't _be_ more sure." He nips at Harry's earlobe before sucking it between his teeth.

Seconds later, both boys have scrambled out of their trousers and shirts returning quickly to their previous positions and stroking each other's cocks in a heated rhythm. Too breathless with anticipation to kiss for any length of time they settle for muffled moans and whimpers into each others ears as they chase their climax.

"Fuck, Lou!" Harry reaches around Louis' back with his free hand digging his fingers into the older boy's arse cheek. "I'm...I'm gonna...I'm gonna fucking cum!" 

Louis takes that moment to roll his hips into Harry roughly which has the younger boy cumming in his pants and on Louis' fist with a strangled moan, before biting down on his lip reducing it to a whimper. 

"Holy...holy...fucking...shit, Haz." Harry's hand is still gripping Louis' throbbing cock and the older boy can't help but fuck up into the tight hold. One...two...three thrusts of his leaking dick and he is pulsing cum all along Harry's bare chest. He's cumming so hard that tiny spurts are actually reaching Harry's collarbone.

Louis is seeing stars and by the dazed and far away look in the younger boy's eyes and Louis knows he sees them too.

Louis collapses on top of Harry, disregarding the wet stickiness between them. Harry doesn't seem to mind.

They lay breathless for what seems like minutes but was probably only about 20 seconds before Louis breaks the silence.

"So...," he begins, still trying to catch his breath. He smiles into Harry's shoulder a bit terrified at the thought of what he is about to admit. "I...erm...I suppose I might be bi as well, Harold!"

Harry barks out a laugh and Louis can't help it when he follows suit as he realizes he isn't alone in this.

As terrified as he might be about what is to come he knows one thing for certain.

He sighs contentedly, nuzzling his nose into Harry's apple blossom scented curls.

 _I am not alone!_  

**< Harry - present day>**

 

After he had hung up with Louis, his hands still shaking Harry gripped the counter so hard his knuckles turned white.  His head was swimming with confusion, anxiety, excitement and just a tad bit of regret. Regret that he had even suggested the bloody double date thinking that he could possibly be in the same room with both Will _and_ Louis was a bit ridiculous. Knowing how solid of an actor he is it wouldn't be too long before his residual fondness or whatever traces of feelings he still felt forLouis would be evident all over his face. 

But Louis was most definitely not a threat to Harry and Will's relationship _at all_. And not just because Louis couldn't...or wouldn't...love him back the way Harry wanted him to.

No.

It was because he cared deeply for Will and he knew Will returned those feelings in kind. His boyfriend deserved his utmost respect and Harry was not going to let some stupid unrequited 'bullshit' get in the way of what he himself deserved.

To be someone's one and only.

To be someone's first choice.

Someone's _easily-made_ choice.

 _Yes_. That is what Harry deserved. 

"Ok." Harry took a deep breath and a step back, flexing his hands at his sides. "You can do this. Yes. You. Can. Do. This! Yup."

_Good pep talk, Harry!_

____________________________________

 

PR had set up interviews almost immediately after the first photo of he and Will was published. 

He agreed to speak on air to Nick first who of course was bursting at the seams.

The BBC Radio Morning Show host had been encouraging and supporting Harry for years.  He had made Harry promise that when he decided, well more like _was allowed_  to come out that his show would be the first to hear it from the horse's mouth. 

So the day after the photos surfaced of he and Will he prepared himself for the inevitable call wishing his boyfriend had gotten the day off so he would have someone's hand to hold at the moment.

 _9 a.m. on the dot! Gotta love Nick's punctuality_. 

"Harry!" Nick said, a smile on his face evident through the phone. "We're not on air just yet but I wanted to let you know how proud of you I am, young Harold. And how honored I am that you're kicking the closet door open on my little show."

"Well, thanks mate. I appreciate that. Not like you would have let me get away with not coming to you first with this juicy bit, yeah?" Harry smiled.

Nick scoffed, playfully. "Well...you're right there but I'm still honored, nonetheless."

"Thanks, Nick." Harry settled into his armchair, trying to get at least physically comfortable even if his insides were filled with fiery butterflies. His skin prickled as he felt the urge to move.

_Maybe pacing would be better..._

So, yeah. He was now pacing his living room floor, rubbing the back of his neck with one clammy hand while white-knuckling his phone with the other.

It wasn't like he and Nick hadn't already discussed how they were going to address the topic of his coming out. They casually prepared months ago with Nick's occasional barb about how much he would be able to pull now when they went out to the clubs. Letting all the eligible young studs out there know that he was so very available.

Well...that was before he had met Will, of course. No banter about that now.

But to be safe Harry had sent a quick warning text to Nick the day before, the older man reassuring him that he would of course be respectful as this was Harry's _'moment'_. Nick could appreciate the monumental importance of such an event as this being a gay man himself.

This was a big deal! _HUGE_ deal, really.

He was coming out!!! He was coming out and announcing to the world that he was gay _and_ he obviously had a boyfriend. And, yes. He was happy. _They_ were happy.  

So, yes. Harry was really fucking nervous!!!

"Ok. Harry." Nick's voice cut in. "We're on in 3...2...1-"

He took a deep breath. Ready...

"Good Morning once again, lovelies. I have on the phone with us one very busy young man by the name of Harry Styles. Just back from One Direction's On the Road Again tour. How are you doing, Harold?"

"Fine. Very good. Hello everyone."

"Yes, yes. Now Harry how very tired you must be from all the non-stop traveling, screaming fans and all that."

"Sure. But we loved it. We love our fans."

"And your fans love you to bits I know it, Harold. So..."  Nick loved his dramatic pauses. He cleared his throat loudly.

"Ye-es?" Harry drawled, knowing what was coming.

"Let's just address this big rainbow colored elephant in the room, shall we? I'm loving these pictures I'm seeing of you and this very handsome man going around, Harry." 

Harry clears his throat. "Mmmhmm."

" _Very_ handsome man, by the way everyone if you haven't seen the pictures quite yet. Adorable, really. And you, erm, seem quite _close_..."

Harry could just hear the invisible air quotes around the word 'close'. No doubt Nick displaying the randiest smirk ever seen on the likes of him.

Harry smiles. "Yeah. Yup." And thank God Nick can't see him blushing or else he'd never live it down, all 'smitten like a kitten' the older man would surely tease.

"Ok. Get on with it, Haz. Who is this dashing young man and what do you have to say for yourself?"

_No beating around the bush, I suppose. No skirting the issue. No sense in dragging my feet and...yeah. Now's a good time._

"He is...my boyfriend, actually." And he didn't know that he would feel such an utter sense of calm when the words finally left his mouth but there it was. 

"Your _boy_ friend, is it? So there's some big news, is there H? Something you would like to let the world know, if they haven't already guessed by this point at least?"

Harry decided he needed to sit down. Palms still sweaty he places his phone on the arm of the couch and curls up hovering over it as he puts the speaker phone on. "I suppose I do!"

And Nick being Nick Harry wasn't that surprised when the DJ chose that moment to begin playing 'I'm Coming Out' by Diana Ross softly in the background.

Harry groans, playfully. "Well I guess no mystery there now is there?"

"Sorry, Harry. But this is a very serious occasion and who wouldn't want a soundtrack to go with it? I mean, really? I wish I had had one!"

"Well then I must thank you, I suppose. But...erm...yes. This is me...coming out! So...yeah."

"So what you are saying, if I understand correctly, is that you are...?"

"Gay. Yes."

"Well, well.  I'm proud of you, Mr. Styles." And then Nick is turning Diana Ross on full blast leaving Harry feeling lighter and freer than he has ever felt in his entire life up until that point.

 

________________________

 

After countless phone calls and texts from his family, Will and his closest friends congratulating him on his coming out Harry finds himself searching through his vinyl collection stacked vertically on sturdy shelves next to his vintage record player. He's feeling almost giddy as the realization hits him that he no longer has to hide who he is or worry about whether or not he can hold his boyfriend's hand in public lest paps be nearby. He is finally being _honest_ with his fans. With _everyone._   It's all he's ever really wanted.

When he finds what he's looking for he gingerly removes the record from its linen sheath and places it on the turntable platter dropping the needle softly in place.

Biting his lip in anticipation Harry can't help but clap his hands excitedly when the music starts and Diana is belting out his song.

_"I'm coming out. I'm coming...I'm coming out..."_

Harry raises his hands above his head, swinging his hips and singing along. He grabs his phone and brings it to his mouth using it as a 'microphone'. 

_"I'm coming out...I'm coming out."_

He shimmies over to the kitchen, his bare feet hardly feeling the shock of the cold tiles underneath. He abandons his phone for a whisk from the utensil pot next to his stove as he continues his own little celebratory performance.

_"I want the world to know. Got to let it show..."_

He's in his final chorus, arms flailing, hips still swinging when he spots him.

Harry drops his 'microphone' and the whisk bounces with a clatter as it hits the wood floor of his den. He had been planning on performing an encore for the various sculptured wildlife adorning the walls around him but oh, well! That idea went out the window the moment he laid eyes on the man in the doorway who was smiling fondly at him as he made an utter fool out of himself.

"Hi, Haz." The man smiles, blue eyes crinkling at the corners. "I rang the bell and knocked but..." he gestures with his hand towards the speakers still blasting. "Door was unlocked so I let myself in. Hope you don't mind."

Harry rubs his eyes with the palms of his hands, unable to comprehend why Louis Tomlinson is standing a mere 15 feet in front of him. Louis who is now bending to pick up the whisk that eventually came to rest at his Vans-clad feet.

Finally the song finishes and Harry thanks The Lord that it wasn't the full album, just the single. He doesn't think he'd be able to make it to the record player without tripping over his own feet. 

Harry watches as Louis turns the whisk over in his hands smiling wistfully. "Never did perfect the art of the whisk, I must say."

As Louis looks up and their eyes meet Harry swallows the lump he wasn't aware had formed in his throat. 

"Hey, Lou..."

_A little late to the game but a polite greeting nonetheless. Well done, Harry!_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All cover art by the amazing [hazstylestrash](http://hazstylestrash.tumblr.com/)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...yeah. Let me know what you think about how it all began between Harry and Louis in the comments section. I was so nervous about doing it justice so this chapter took a little longer than I expected. Sorry about that (*sheepish grin*)  
> Thanks once again for kudos, comments, bookmarks, hits and shares. Please feel free to share this on twitter or tumblr. ;*


	7. The inappropriate and the ill-timed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Louis 'dropped by' Harry's he wasn't planning on spending the night...but, well shit happens.

Chapter 7 [cover art ](http://daniellavictoriaao3.tumblr.com/image/143456276161)by hazstylestrash

 

 

 

Initial shock of the unexpected appearance of his former best mate aside Harry couldn't help but notice the almost imperceptible flutter of butterflies' wings beating against the walls of his belly. He can't look away yet his conscience is deafening. Screaming at him to close himself up before he unwillingly opens up the Pandora's Box of old familiar feelings.

It's just what Louis does to him.

It just... _is_.

"Soooooo..." Louis breathes, eyebrows raised as he rocks back and forth on his heels. 'Awkward' is not the word for this moment. "I...erm...heard you. I-I mean not just...well, yeah just now...erm...but like on the radio with...with Nick. So...I guess-"

"Yeah," Harry cut in doing Louis a tremendous favor and putting him out of his misery. The poor boy was squirming and stuttering and Harry could of course sympathize with the awkwardness of the situation. "Yeah. My big 'Coming Out'!"

Their eyes met as Louis smiled warmly. "Yeah. Yeah...congrats, Haz" the older man whispered. And if Harry didn't know any better he would swear Louis' voice just cracked. 

Harry searched Louis' eyes warily as he stepped closer. "Lou? You alright?"

With each step closer to Louis, Harry got a clearer picture of those pale blue-gray eyes he used to want to stare into for days. Familiar yet foreign just the same. And when Harry was a mere two feet away he watched as a single tear fell onto Louis' cheek as the older man blinked.

Harry forgot himself for a moment and closed the space between them quickly pulling Louis gently into his arms. 

"Lou? What's the matter? What is it? Is Jay alright? The kids?" Harry stroked the back of Louis' head soothingly as tiny arms wrapped around his waist, delicate fingers digging into his back.

It felt... _good_. And for a moment Harry allowed himself to imagine that things had never changed between the two of them. That this was something that was old hat for them. Nothing out of the ordinary or something that could be questioned. Just Harry comforting his best mate who was clearly having some sort of melt down. And...oh, yeah.

"Lou?" Harry said more firmly. He pulled Louis arms from around his waist and held him out at arms length, searching his face. "What is it?"

Louis' eyes were red-rimmed but his cheeks were relatively dry. The pale blue-gray strikingly vibrant. He shook his head vigorously, sniffling. "Ah...just. I'm just happy for you is all."

Harry wasn't buying it. No way in hell was this an instance of happy tears.

Brows furrowed, Harry gave a gentle squeeze to Louis' shoulders leaning down to maintain eye contact as Louis ducked his head. "Bullshit, Lou! What is it, really?"

Louis laughed wearily wiping at his eyes. "No. Really."

Harry took a step back still not buying it.

Louis straightened up smoothing out his now rumpled white tee. He cleared his throat meeting Harry's concerned gaze. "Harry! I just wanted to come and congratulate you and see if you wanted to maybe...-"

Louis was cut off by a shrill ring coming from the other room. "Oh! Shit!" Harry held up a finger. "Be right back. Erm...my phone, yeah."

As he watched the tall, broad-shouldered man he once called his best mate scurry off in the direction of the noise Louis picked up the whisk he had earlier tossed onto the loveseat next to him. He mindlessly rubbed the prongs with his thumb overcome with fond memories of he and Harry huddling over their stove in their flat. Harry cooking. Louis poking and prodding him in his sides laughing at how Harry could keep such a steady pace of whisking even through such distraction. Later on it had become kisses to the back of Harry's neck and the occasional grope but Harry maintained his rhythm.

_The dedication that boy has to his cooking! My God!_

"Yeah! Oh, I know babe. It was such a relief to finally just say it, ya know!"

Louis could hear Harry talking softly but excitedly in his kitchen. He could hear the smile in every word Harry spoke even though he couldn't see the man himself, out of sight two rooms over. 

Louis shuffled his feet, deciding it was the perfect time to return the whisk to its rightful place. And if he just so happened to catch every word of Harry's conversation with "babe" it was just a coincidence.

He walked slowly, listening intently and praying to God that his shoes would choose today of all days to forget that they occassionally squeak on smooth and shiny floors. That is if shoes were able to make such a choice and _dammit!!!_  

_Focus, Louis!!!_

"Well, I just feel like I can...yeah...oh, I know. I just feel like I can breathe easier."

Pause. Coy giggle from Harry. 

Playful gasp. "How did you know?!?!"

Pause.

Loud bark of a laugh.

Louis' breath caught in his throat as the laughter once reserved only for him escaped from Harry's mouth. Louis felt like he'd been kicked in the gut by a thoroughbred. He reached out to the wall in the hallway in an attempt to steady himself, legs suddenly turning to jell-o. 

_God! Fuck it! I have to tell him. I have to tell him now. I'm losing every part of him I've ever had. That I could ever call mine!_

But then...

"Erm...yeah. Actually, he's...erm", Harry clears his throat, nervously. "He's here now."

Louis' ears perk up and he's able to take a breath. He takes a few more tentative steps legs suddenly a bit sturdier. 

"Yeah! It was a bit of a surprise, I know."

Long pause. "Yeah. I'm alright. It's fine. I'm _fine_ , Will. _Really_!"

And why would Louis' presence bring into question Harry's state of well-being?

_For fuck's sake! I'm not a fucking axe-murderer!_

Louis heard what he assumed was Harry putting on a kettle for tea as he heard the younger man filling something up with water. There's the distinct sound of metal on metal as the kettle is placed on the burner and the click-click as the stove is turned on. Louis' heart warmed as he heard Harry rustling through a drawer. 

_Always the gracious host_ , Louis smiled softly.  _Probably searching for the odd bag of Yorkshire hidden in the back of a drawer somewhere-_

"Yeah. I just put the kettle on. Where did you put that box of Orange Pekoe you brought over a while ago? I can't seem to find it...Aha! Found it! It'll be ready when you get here." Harry pulled out Will's favorite mug, plain white with the word 'cuppa' embossed in typeface on the side, and placed an orange and brown tagged teabag inside. 

Louis swallowed hard, his eyes brimming as the realization hit him. 

_I've already lost him...haven't I?_

"You want to cook me dinner?" Harry continued. "Here? Of course I want to celebrate with you, babe!"

Louis practically gagged at the sound of that word. _Babe_. Plus...

_Orange Pekoe, for fuck's sake?!?!?! Come on now! Blech!_

Louis' stomach for some fucking reason unbeknownst to him decided to growl at that very instant. Loudly reverberating off of the marble floors and high-end painted walls of the hallway just outside of the kitchen area. 

_Really need to stop personifying articles of clothing and major body organs_ , Louis thought grabbing at his belly in an attempt to muffle the incessant rumble coming from within.

It was a failed attempt apparently.

"Wait," Harry mumbled into the phone, the sound of shuffling bare feet coming ever closer in Louis' direction. "Lou?" He called loudly. "S'that you?"

_Shiiiiit!_

Louis cleared his throat slowly strolling into Harry's line of sight and made his best attempt at nonchalance as he tried to appear as if  he hadn't been eavesdropping the whole time. "Yeah. Sorry. Didn't want to interrupt or anything." He held up the whisk in his hand with a sheepish grin. "Just...erm, figured you might need this for your celebratory dinner or summat..."

And shit!!! Did he really just 'out' himself as an eavesdropper by way of a whisk? God, maybe Harry wouldn't notice...

Harry's eyebrows furrowed and for a second Louis had a thought of just getting it all over with. Rip off the big fucking emotional plaster he had wrapped himself up in so long ago. Tell Harry that he just realized he'd been the biggest fucking twat on the planet for turning his back on him all those years ago. That he loved and needed him more than anything in the world and he couldn't imagine a life without Harry being the center of it. Beg him to give him another chance to prove he means it this time. That he really is ready to admit that he royally fucked up by playing along with the powers that be back then and that he knows now that with Harry by his side he really would have had everything he had ever wanted.

_Fuck the money!_

_Fuck the fame!_

Love...

...friendship.

That was what was worth fighting for. Fighting to keep in his life. _Harry_. It was _always_ Harry. It always should have _been_ Harry. 

And now here Harry is. Planning a romantic celebratory dinner with "babe". Readying "babe's" gag-inducing tea, NOT Louis' yummy Yorkshire. And laughing how only Louis could make him laugh. That laugh that even some of their fans had affectionately dubbed Harry's "Louis laugh" reserved only for him now felt to Louis like a complete lie. 

"Lou?"

His racing thoughts dissipated as Harry's voice broke through the fog of regret forming in his head. He cleared his throat, stepping forward to place the whisk back in its rightful place on the kitchen counter just as the tea kettle began to whistle.

Harry slowly raised the phone to his ear never taking his eyes off of Louis, the younger man's eyebrows still knit in dubiety.

"Lemme call you back, Will." His voice sweet and, Louis noted ruefully, fond as he removed the kettle from the burner and placed it on a crocheted trivet on the counter.  

Louis felt the word vomit about to erupt from his gut but could do little to stop it, panic already creeping up his spine. "I may have heard the tail end of your conversation there, Haz. Sorry 'bout that. Didn't mean to eavesdrop, really. I-I guess I should go now so you can get on with it then. Suppose the boyfriend is on his way over now so it might be a good time to shove off. Wouldn't want to intrude on a romantic evening-"

Louis had been backing away towards the door when Harry surprised him and said "Don't go, Louis. Please."

And the look on Harry's face told Louis he was serious and despite his misgivings Louis stopped in his tracks with an incredulous pout. "Really?" 

"Well, yeah. I mean well we hardly got to talk and actually..." Harry cleared his throat, hesitating only a little. "Actually, Will wants to meet you. You know. Make the whole double date paparazzi parade seem a little less awkward. We're still on for this weekend, yeah?"

_Oh, yeah..._

Not like Louis could forget. He'd been throwing back antacids like they were going out of style just thinking about it. PR had contacted him after they had spoken with Harry regarding the whole double date idea and let's just say Louis had never heard Brian Lowe, the head of PR, more pleased with him. With Louis'... _compliance_. After the whole _'looking good, Harry'_ tweet (dubbed 'Always in my heart 2.0' by Larry shippers according to his twitter mentions) Brian thought Louis was becoming a loose cannon.  

_No. Not a loose cannon,_ Louis had thought. _Just had the biggest fucking wake-up call smack me upside the head is all._

"Well...I-I mean yeah. Yeah, of course we're still on," Louis responded, a bit flustered. "I just I guess I just didn't think you'd want me here when...you know. When your...when he got here."

Louis doesn't think he's fidgeted so much in his life. Cracking his knuckles and toeing at the floor throughout the entirity of his ill-executed response to Harry's invitation.  

Harry's face softened as he closed the distance between them in three long strides of his joggered legs. He placed his gigantic man paws on Louis' shoulders, meeting the shorter man's eyes in earnest. "Please, Lou. Don't ever think like that. You're my best fr-" he started but caught himself, pressing his lips together tightly. "You are _always_ welcome, Louis. And hopefully we can eventually get back to the way things were between us, you know. I miss you."

Louis really didn't know where the fuck all this newfound confidence and extra set of balls had come from but he figured what the hell as he wrapped his arms around Harry holding him tightly.

"I miss you too, Haz." Louis breathed into the soft, apple blossom-scented waves tickling his face. "So much. You don't even know." He missed those curls and scent matched with the man in his arms. How he ever subconsciously thought that buying Eleanor the same shampoo that Harry used could act as some sort of a stand-in for the real deal he may never understand. 

Harry's arms wrapped gently around Louis' waist as he leaned into the welcome embrace.  Harry wasn't sure what brought about such a change in Louis. The older lad hadn't held him like this in quite some time. _Years_ , in fact. But, then again, they were in the privacy of Harry's home. No prying eyes and all that and over these last couple of years they were barely left alone together. Harry _missed_ this! He missed it _so much_. Just being able to _touch_ Louis let alone _hold_ him again left Harry feeling like it was his birthday and Christmas all wrapped into one sweet and familiar little package. 

He sighed, breathing in Louis' scent. Breathing in... _Louis._

He was so lost in the moment that he didn't hear his front door open. Didn't hear the dropping of car keys onto the marble table in the entryway. Didn't hear anything other than the soft breaths warming his ear where Louis had his nose buried in Harry's curls.

"Well, hello!"

The two men jumped apart like someone just fired a pistol at the starting line of a race. Louis stepped back crossing his arms over his chest and averting his gaze to the floor while Harry's head shot up in surprise. It was quite comical, actually.

"Babe! Hey!" Harry's voice was surprisingly calm as he brushed past an obviously uncomfortable Louis to give his boyfriend a chaste peck on the lips. "Tea's all ready for you on the counter."

Will was standing in the vast entryway, hand still poised as if he was about to drop an imaginary second set of keys onto the table next to him. He was holding one of those reusable shopping totes brimming with ingredients for his and Harry's celebratory dinner that night which the younger lad graciously took off his hands.

"Brilliant! Your door was opened so I just let myself in. You really should keep a lock on it, H." There was a short pause and then Will cleared his throat expectantly.

"Oh!" Harry flusters. "Yeah! Will this is..."

Louis had been frozen in his spot after Harry had walked away from their embrace to greet his boyfriend. Now, Louis started to slowly turn around dreading every inch that brought him closer to making eye contact with Will. He worried that every thing he had been feeling about himself and Harry would be evident the second Will laid eyes on him. Louis had the training to hide it, sure. But this was somewhat new territory. A part of him didn't want to hide it any longer but now was neither the time nor place nor with the present company. Louis had some semblance of self-respect.

So Louis plastered the biggest, albeit fake, smile on his face as he was met with warm, dark brown eyes. Will had been just a name. Just a hastily glanced at figure in a picture. But _now._  Now, here _he_ was. Standing just a few feet away next to Harry.  _His_ Harry! 

_Louis'_ Harry!

Used to be what people had called the younger man at one time. Back when they were inseparable. Came as a pair, the two of them. Where one went the other followed.

_Inseparable!_

"Louis!" Will's voice broke through his thoughts, and before he knew it the older man had his hand clasped in between his two hands gently. "So good to finally meet you!"

For some reason Louis believed he was genuine and he allowed the gesture without hesitation, his smile coming more easily. Now...Will was attractive. Very much so and of course Louis hated him all the more for it. He hated him even more when Louis noticed how apparently muscular and toned Will's upper body was underneath his fitted gray tee.

_Well, of course he is!_ Louis groaned inwardly.

"Same, same," Louis lied with a polite grin. Underneath his insides were twisting but he could see Harry give a relieved sigh while raking a hand nervously through his waves.  _Odd..._ "Just on me way out, though. Don't...erm...don't want to impose on your plans."

Louis shuffled awkwardly around Will and made to leave before the older man was reaching out clapping a hand on his shoulder to stop him. "Not a bother at all, mate. In fact why don't you stay. I've bought plenty."

_And...COME ON!!!! He has to be a right fucking nice person as well?!?! What the fuck?!?!?!_

Louis needed other reasons to hate the man smiling warmly back at him waiting for him to accept his invitation. Other than the fact that he and _not_ Louis held the position and title of 'Harry's boyfriend'. Not being a dickhead sort of cuts his list of reasons substantially.

Louis doesn't know how to respond of course. Doesn't know if he's ready to watch the man he loves... _loves_ _..._ be all domestic with someone other than him. And Louis was fully aware how adorable 'domestic Harry' could be. But...

"See, Lou? I told you it wouldn't be a bother. Join us!" Harry smiled at Louis over his shoulder as he made his way to the kitchen to unload the groceries. "Please..."

_Well..._

"Well...I-I guess I could stay." 

_What am I doing?!?!?!_

He moved to help Harry unload the groceries before he remembered that maybe that wasn't something he was _allowed_ to do yet. It had been too long without that level of familiarity between them. And, anyway. Will had beat him to it. So he just stood there unsure of what he  _is_ allowed to do.

"Brilliant!" Harry beamed at Louis then turned to Will, "So what are we having, babe?"

Louis swallowed the sudden wave of nausea that hit him watching Harry and Will carry on like two lovebirds.  _Oh, God! What have I gotten myself into? Is this how its gonna be all night? 'Babe' this, and 'babe' that. Third wheeling it, Tommo. Third wheeling on a relationship that could_ _have_...no!Should have  _been yours! Now Will probably knows Harry better than you do... At least the Harry he is now._

Louis hangs back watching as the two men move in sync getting out all the necessities in preparation for tonight's meal. He wants to die. Well...not _literally_ but he needs to be put out of his misery at the moment before he becomes violently ill from the scene playing out before him. 

_That used to be_ us...

"I am making you..." Will began, wrapping an arm around Harry's waist pressing up against his side. "I mean _us. Us!_ " He turns to Louis, correcting himself. "I am making us Moroccan Chicken Tagine with-"

"Olives?"

Louis bites his lip to stop the smirk about to break out on his face. He watches as Harry lifts a small glass jar off the counter, holding it up in disgust.

"What?" Will loosens his grip on Harry, brows furrowed in question.

"No. Nothing. Its nothing-" Harry begins with a dismissive wave.

_He's still too fucking polite for his own good_ , Louis thinks.  _Well...what are best mates, or well 'former' best mates for if not for looking out for you when you can't or in this case_ won't  _stick up for yourself. So..._ _  
_

"Harry detests olives, Will." He meets Harry's eyes, smirk finally breaking out across his thin lips. "Calls them the devil's balls."

Harry cringes, nodding at Will apologetically. "Sorry."

"Oh." Will's shoulders visibly fall, disappointed.  

"You didn't know, Will. Not a big deal. I'll eat around them."

Will shakes his head, lips pressed tightly. "S'alright, Harry. I'll just leave them out. It'll kind of cut out a big portion of the recipe but...never mind. Whatever. So...Devil's balls, huh?" He glances up meeting Louis gaze with a half-hearted smile as he takes a sip of his tea.

It felt good to still have a part of Harry that Will didn't but Louis was kind of feeling for the poor guy. "'Devil's...Balls'," Louis nodded, curling his fingers to make air quotes.

Harry giggled. "Can't believe you remember that, Lou!"

Louis relaxes as he sidles up to the kitchen island. "Of course, Haz! How could I forget one of your better jokes!"

Harry guffaws. "Fuck you!"

And then they're laughing, he and Harry. Reminiscing as Will begins shuffling around the kitchen preparing their meal, only throwing a quick glance at them now and again when Harry laughs particularly loud at something Louis' said. They had of course offered to assist but Will had made a point of saying "This is _your_ night. Just relax. I've got this. Go!"

So after a quick peck to his boyfriend's cheek Harry grabs two beers and leads Louis off to the living room.

And...it's  _nice_ , is what it is. It's  _so_ nice to be able to relax with Harry and just be friendly and open again as they laugh about the most random things. Being able to just banter again without the awkwardness that had developed between them so long ago. _This_. _This_ was precious to Louis. They may be sitting on opposite ends of the loveseat but Louis still feels closer to Harry than he has in a very long time.

He sees the _man_ before him. Not the boy he once knew. This was a Harry he had yet to know. Louis realized he was a big part of Harry's past. A HUMONGOUS part of Harry's past. But it wasn't enough. He wanted desperately to be a part of Harry's present and future.

Louis further realized that to do just that he needed to be there for Harry in any way he would have him. And to do that he couldn't...he realized he simply couldn't be selfish.

He _wanted_ Harry, yeah. But Louis couldn't disrupt Harry's happiness by completely blind siding him with "Hey! Guess what! I'm in love with you and I realize I have been since the day I met you. So how about we give it a shot?"

No. He couldn't do that.

Because Harry seemed genuinely happy and Louis wanted to be the reason for atleast part of that happiness. Boyfriends may come and go but Louis wanted a permanent place inside Harry's heart. In his life. Him being a dickhead and springing all of his own inner turmoil on Harry might blow any chances of that. Especially since Harry had thought that his feelings for Louis were pointless to be had and in reality he couldn't have been more wrong.

 

**< October 2011>**

Louis is watching as little bits of dust float through the sunlight streaming in through his bedroom window. He's staring, really. Mesmerized.

He's also trying to forget.

Forget that in less than 24 hours he will be meeting his potential 'long-term girlfriend'.  Forget that he won't be completely devastating the boy lying in his arms, lightly snoring against his bare chest. Tiny puffs of warm air against Louis' skin that hits his heart like a hammer. Over and over and over again. He doesn't want to lose this. He doesn't want to lose  _them_ _._

After he and Harry had fooled around that first night a few months back Louis came to accept his bisexuality. Thanks to his best mate he realized he liked cock too much to just continue to deny it. It was his first time ever with another boy and he enjoyed it _immensely_! Especially because of who that boy was to him. A boy that made him feel safe and accepted no matter what. Who he drew strength from when he became overwhelmed with feelings of self-doubt. Louis didn't want to lose that. He  _couldn't_ lose that.

And Harry knew Louis was new to all of this. _Experimenting_. Experimenting went quite well actually. Sexuality confirmed and all that.

But things weren't so simple. Somewhere during those few months of snogging sessions in between FIFA and early morning hand jobs _feelings_ emerged. Feelings of being more than just best mates with benefits, but something more. Something much _much_ more.

It was the night before as he and Harry were just settling into his bed after an hour long snog fest that the younger boy dropped the bomb on him.

"I love you."

Louis smiled, bringing Harry in close. "Love you too, Haz."

Harry shook his head, curls tickling Louis' chest where his head was resting. "No. I mean...I'm  _in love_ with you, Louis."

Silence. 

Louis had never thought about forever being with another boy. Forever and being 'in love' was for the girl he would eventually marry. He wasn't being homophobic, he told himself. Just. It's just all he'd ever known. All he'd ever dreamed of, really. Besides the dream he's living now of being a singer he always imagined a wife and family. _So many_ children. _At least_ 6 maybe 7. With his eyes and sense of humor of course.

He just couldn't see it any other way.

_But..._

He doesn't know what to say. He loves Harry. He  _does_!

Couldn't picture his life without him. Can't even stomach the thought, really. But... _in love_ _..._

"Louis." Harry lifts his head to look at the older boy, expectantly. "Say something, Lou." 

He doesn't.

Harry's face falls. "You...you don't-"

"I don't know, Harry," Louis blurts. "I don't...I-I mean I love you. _So much_. I _do_! You _know_ I do." He wipes at the sweat beginning to form on his brow despite the chill in the air.

Harry nods, running his fingers through the sparse patch of hair on Louis' chest. He runs his tongue along his bottom lip, pensive. "MmmHmm."

Louis can feel Harry deflate in his arms as the younger boy lays his head back down. He can't stand it. Can't stand knowing that he is the one that did that to Harry because he just...

Well, it's all been a bit of fun, yeah. They were having a bit of fun and of course he loves Harry. _Of course!_

He just can't wrap his head around the fact that Harry can once again just... _know_ something and voice it so assuredly like he knew from the start that he was bisexual. Louis has always been kind of slow on the uptake but he...he simply needed to _think_. Thinking was good, yeah. 

"We're both so young, Haz," he says, trailing a finger slowly up and down the younger boy's naked back. "How do you even know if-"

"I know, Lou..." Harry interjects, voice soft. "I just...I do. And it's ok if you don't but I need you to know that _I_ am  _in love_ with _you_. I-I just need you to know that, all right? Ok?"

He hasn't looked up from Louis' chest again so Louis can only gauge Harry's state by his deep and wavering voice. He's...Harry's gutted.

"Ok?"

_And...Oh, that wasn't a rhetorical question, Louis!_

"I...erm...yeah," the older boy responds, voice soft. "And...thank you, Haz. I...I do know I can't ever imagine my life without you in it. And...I love you. Please say you know that."

Harry nods his head, curls tickling Louis' chest and armpit and he jumps at the feeling with a soft giggle. May not be the most appropriate time to have giggled giving the seriousness of their current conversation but hey. 

Harry's head snaps up, mouth turned down in a frown.

Louis grimaces. "Sorry! S'your fault though with those curly locks of yours. Weapons, they are!" Louis gives a brief tug to a loose tendril falling across Harry's cheek. 

The two boys look at each other with a hint of humor playing at the corners of both of their mouths. Waiting for the other to finally crack. Of course it's Harry who practically spits with the force behind his barking laugh. 

Louis loved that laugh. 

That was a laugh only Louis could elicit out of him and he couldn't help how special that made him feel.  _  
_

That was Harry's  _'Louis laugh'._

Within seconds the tension lifted between the two boys. After a few lingering cuddles and tender kisses Louis watches as Harry drifts off. His head resting, as it usually is, on Louis' chest.

The uncertainty of what the next day would bring and what the outcome would mean for he and Harry weighing heavily on his mind Louis fell into a fitful slumber.

 

**< Present Day>**

The dining room is so artfully done that Louis just knows that Harry had a hand in every bit of its design. There were matte black walls with a suprisingly beautiful glossy black baroque pattern. A single interlocking circle framed mirror flanked by two small black shaded lamps hung above an ultra modern mirrored sideboard.  The ebony stained dining table was surrounded by coordinating white velvet padded chairs with a black and white striped pattern on the back. The chairs at either end of the table were nailhead trimmed wingbacked chairs with a black and white geometric pattern and very befitting of a rockstar. Louis thought they fit Harry perfectly. Every bit of it, really.

Will had laid out the meal quite nicely and it at least looked edible, Louis decided. Even though the man didn't have the courtesy to find out his boyfriend's dislike of olives, Louis would give him the benefit of the doubt. He would just have to be offended by the slight on Harry's behalf, that's all. And, well...

_I would have at least asked what_ my  _boyfriend's food likes and dislikes were before planning a special meal for him. But that's just me, I guess!_

Louis watched as Will pulled out the chair at the head of the table for Harry, the younger man biting down on a fond smile. "Thanks," Harry mumbled.

_What a bloody fucking gentleman this one is, eh?!?!_ Louis' sarcastic wit was on point even in thought. Pity to deprive the room of it, really.

"Oi! What about me?" Louis gives a quick nod to the chair on Harry's left with a smirk. He waits expectantly with his hand on his hip. 

Will stills halfway to sitting down in the chair to Harry's right. "Oh! Erm..."

Harry laughs. "He's fucking with you, Will. Sit your arse down, Lou!" And then...well Harry smacks Louis on the arse. It's a quick pat really but there is definitely contact between Harry's hand and Louis' right arse cheek. 

Louis briefly thinks he might be turned on before he notices the flash of surprise in both Harry and Will's eyes. "Oh, shit. Sorry, I...sorry." Harry is adorably flustered. 

Louis clears his throat quickly taking his seat as he realizes he may be sporting the beginnings of a semi in front of Harry and his boyfriend which. Yeah. A bit inappropriate and ill-timed. "Looks delicious!"

_Good save, Tommo!_

Will is silent and Louis looks up to notice dark brown eyes staring back at him, questioningly. Louis repeats himself just in case he didn't hear his compliment but Will's eyes remain fixed and Louis may or may not be getting seriously uncomfortable. 

"Thanks." Will gives a quick smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes before finally,  _finally_ looking away. "I tried..."

"It does, babe. It looks fantastic. Smells incredible!" 

_Kinda laying it on a bit thick, aren't ya Haz?_ And really it's so hard biting his tongue when in any other situation with Harry, in the past of course, Louis would have just come right out and teased him about his overt gushing. 

Louis just pours them all wine. Tongue firmly placed between his teeth.

"Just hope it's as good  _without_ the olives..."

Louis wants to punch Will. He takes a sip of his wine instead. Then another as Harry apologizes to Will for his dislike of olives.

_Seriously, Harold?!?!_  

"This...is...delicious, babe!" Harry moans, wiping at his mouth after taking the first few bites of his meal. "You've outdone yourself, really!"

He's gushing again and Louis can't help it as he practically gags on his bite of chicken. It's just...Harry  _moaned!_

Louis coughs violently while reaching for his glass of wine and Harry leans over to pat his back. 

"Y'alright, Lou? You ok?" Harry looks genuinely concerned as Louis' eyes water and he chokes out "Yeah, yeah."

"I take it you don't agree then?" Will is grimacing at Louis, clearly taking Louis' coughing fit as his dislike for the meal he prepared. 

"No." Louis coughs, taking another sip of the wine. He clears his throat. "I mean...it's good. Just went down the wrong pipe is all." He vaguely notices Harry's hand has moved to the back of his neck where it rests with a soft grip.

Will definitely notices. He looks at Harry pointedly. "Think he's alright now, Harry."

"Hmm? Oh! You good now?" Harry says, sliding his hand down to Louis' shoulder. It feels nice. Harry's hand on his skin. Warm and intimate. It shouldn't have Louis thinking of how it would feel if Harry's hand was to touch other parts of him but it does. It's like he's a fucking horny teenager now that he's come to accept his wants completely.  It's like Harry's the carrot being dangled in front of him, the horse.  Louis finds Harry just out of his reach but he's still feeling so needy. Desperate for the touches he'd denied himself for so long. The touches Harry had always been willing to give.  _So willing..._

And Louis prays that Will doesn't drop his fork within the next minute or so because he is most definitely sporting a semi underneath the table right now.

Louis nods as he fiddles with the napkin in his lap, averting his eyes and willing his dick to calm itself down.

_Easy boy. Eeeeasy..._

With a quick squeeze to Louis' shoulder Harry removes his hand before reaching for his glass of wine and downing it in one shot. 

Louis thinks he may have to do the same as Will reaches over and grabs Harry's hand firmly. 

Louis wants to roll his eyes. He really does. He really  _really_ does.

He doesn't.

The tension is there but Louis doesn't know what to make of it really. Will maintains his grip on Harry's hand and...well, Harry doesn't seem to mind really but by the vague look of surprise mixed with confusion at the gesture in his green eyes Louis feels that its something that Will has never done before. Kind of sweet but also, in this particular moment, possessive almost.

Louis refuses to think on it further. He's all about getting on with the evening smoothly. No more touching that may or may not elicit semis. Just pleasant small talk. A bit of banter, perhaps. Then all 'nice to meet you''s and 'see you this weekend''s and then Louis can crawl back into his car and convince himself that all is not lost. His plans have changed is all. He's simply taking a detour on the road back to Harry's heart. Making sure they have their friendship back on solid ground before...anything else. 

And as lovely as Will seems to treat Harry well, Louis just can't see him spending the rest of his life with this guy. But he may be biased...  _May be._ So he'll take his time. He'll be there for Harry when he needs a shoulder to cry on just like a best mate should.  

_But until then..._

Louis sighs wistfully before finishing off his glass of wine and pouring himself another. He's realizing that being a friend to 'Harry with a boyfriend' as opposed to 'Harry  _without_ a boyfriend' may mean _substantially less_ physical contact than they used to have with each other in the past. And if his now thankfully deflated semi is any indication of Louis' true feelings towards Harry he thinks it may be a good idea. 

_I mean a shoulder squeeze and you're ready to have a wank? Really? Get it the fuck together!_

It's just...it's been soooo long since they...

And now Louis would be all in. He really,  _really_ would be, but...he's not a 'homewrecker'. Or a dickhead. 

He steels himself before breaking the silence. "So, Will. Tell me. How did you and Harold meet? Hadn't heard a thing about you two till just a couple of days ago so I'd love to hear it!" He keeps his voice light despite the blatant lie. He'd actually rather stick a couple of riled up scorpions in his ears than hear any sappy bullshit about how Will swept Harry off his feet like some knight in shining armor. 

Harry smiles at Will as he sips from his glass, eyes bright and fond. Louis swallows knowing that he may have just asked a question he most certainly won't be able to sit through the answer to without vomiting from sappiness. But he loves that Harry is smiling and that's all that matters at the moment. Louis is decidedly  _not_ a dickhead and he refuses to rain on Harry's parade by destroying some of his finest silk table linens with jealousy-induced sick. 

Louis' listens, gladly busying himself with finishing the last bits of his meal and polishing off his nearly empty glass of wine. His eyes never staying on Will too long as Harry's boyfriend recounts their 'meet-cute' in an alleyway somewhere near the outskirts of London. How they bonded over their shared love of charity and the Rolling Stones and... _oh!_

"His last name is Baker, Lou!  _Baker!!!_ Can you believe it?!?!?!"

Louis is wondering where he could find a good pair of scorpion ear plugs this time of night.

He smiles. Politely nods. Feigns delight even as Will tells Louis that the name of the program he started just so happened to be the title of one of their songs-Through the Dark.

_Oh, it's fate! How bloody fucking delightful indeed!_

"S'fate, innit then?" Louis nods. A smile which may or may not be more grimace-like than he intends spreads across his face. He's suddenly feeling a bit too relaxed as he realizes that he also may be a bit... _tipsy?_ Or drunk. Drunk may be the appropriate term, he decides. And...

_When the fuck did_ that _happen???_

Louis glances up at Harry who meets him with warm green eyes. A wistful smile on his plush, cherry red lips. Louis can tell Harry is drunk as well. Eyes a bit glassy and unfocused. But Louis isn't looking at Harry's eyes now. No. He's staring at his mouth. His once familiar lips that Louis wishes he had the opportunity to bite and suck on. Lips so swollen and red and slick from drink. Yes. Louis is most definitely feeling those two bottles of beer and three...maybe four glasses of wine.

"Lou? Y'alright there?" Harry is touching him again. A firm grip placed on his shoulder. Louis pries his eyes away as he catches Will squirming in his peripheral.

He sniffles. 

_Why...what the fuck...?_

He feels his vision blur which he initially thinks is due to his current state of intoxication until he feels the first hot tear hit his cheek.

_What the actual fuck, Tommo?!?!?!_

He swipes at his eyes frantically trying to come up with any reason for his drunken tears other than the actual truth. Louis' not even sure what the actual reasons behind his tears are but he does know that he desperately wishes that he was the one holding Harry's hand at the moment.

"Yeah. Sorry." He laughs. "Just...erm...well..."

_Spit it the fuck out-_

"Eleanor and I had a fight! Things aren't...they aren't. They're not..."

_Oh, for fuck's sake!_

"It was pretty bad. So..." He trails off, hoping they buy his bullshit story which was in all actuality not entirely untrue.

"Oh. Sorry to hear that mate." Will frowns, his sympathetic tone seemingly genuine. "It'll work itself out though. From what I hear from Harry you two lovebirds are meant to be!"

Harry coughs, averting his eyes as Will pats him gently on the back. 

Louis smirks, his eyelids suddenly feeling like lead veils. "Did he now?" He huffs out a laugh. "Well if...if Haz here ssss...if Haz...if Harry here says it then...then it must...must be true, yeah?"

"I...may have said it." Harry stifles a giggle, hiding behind his hand like a shy little school girl. Louis thinks he would probably find it endearing if his insides weren't currently churning for some odd reason.

Louis doesn't want to think about it.

"Welllll...there y-you have it then I s'pose!" Louis feigns a smile, shrugging. "I'm feeling better already about the who...whole situation." Louis imagines he is giving off the air of a cartoon drunk right about now. Sans exagerrated hiccups. He chuckles at the thought before deciding he may need to cut back on the drinking. 

Harry slaps his other hand over the one already covering his mouth. Ill-suppressed titters breaking through in snorts. 

Will looks back and forth between them, curious and confused. "I think you both may have had a little too much to drink. Sucks being the only sober one. Also sucks not being in on a joke." He looks pointedly at Harry. "So? What's so funny then?"

Harry's smile falls.

Louis thinks he might be sick.

"I think...yeah, I think I'm gonna be sick!" Louis pushes away from the table, his napkin falling to the ground from his lap. Silverware clatter around his feet as both Will and Harry watch him worriedly.

"First door on your right!" Will shouts at him as he stumbles towards the hallway, covering his mouth with one hand and reaching out to steady himself against the walls with the other. 

And this. This was not at all how Louis expected this night to go when he left home that afternoon.

 

___________________

 

Harry checks in on Louis when he doesn't come back from the bathroom after twenty minutes finding him in a heap at the foot of the toilet, groaning his apologies to no one in particular.

Most of the lovely meal Will prepared made it into the toilet.  _Most._ Louis may have gotten a bit on himself before figuring out how to turn the fucking unnecessarily complicated handle on the bathroom door.  _A bit._

He may have also passed out for a bit after Harry left to get him a new shirt but he definitely couldn't be sure as time is a bit lost on him at the moment.

His eyes are closed and to be honest he doesn't think he could pry them open even if he wanted to. Which he doesn't. Louis doesn't hear Harry return but he relaxes when a warm wet flannel begins gently dabbing at his mouth, then chin. Fingers reach for the hem of his soiled shirt and he lifts his arms without a word as it is precariously lifted over his head. 

Then the still warm flannel is dabbing at the dip between his clavicles where he must have gotten a bit of sick on him.

_So sorry..._

"So so sorry, love." He clumsily grabs for Harry's hand now dabbing against his chest. He presses it there before lifting the hand to his cheek, nuzzling it like a drunken little kitten. "Soooooooo sorry."

"Louis?"

"Yes, love?"

"Louis!"

"Mmmm?"

The hand he'd been so lovingly cuddling, sick covered flannel and all, is slowly pried from his grasp. 

"Think we'll have to prepare the couch for him, babe." It's Will's voice just in front of him and Louis' eyes fly open at the sudden sound. Too loud and unfamiliar to his intoxicated ears. It's Will's hand he's nosing at, cuddling. 

Louis looks to the doorway where Harry stands watching, eyes glassy and tired. He nods, running a hand through his loose waves clumsily before turning to leave.

His eyes still eyeing the spot where Harry stood seconds before, Louis could see Will still kneeling next to him and watching him out of the corner of his eye. Louis really couldn't think straight at the moment. Didn't really want to open his mouth in case something inappropriate popped out due to his current state.

So he went for the funny. As usual.

"I know I'm hot but could ya stop staring at me chest! I'm not a sex object, mate!" He laughs, taking the clean shirt out of Will's hands and slipping it over his head as gracefully as he could manage. And well, turns out graceful is definitely  _not_ something he could pull off at the moment. 

He grunted as he tried to squeeze his head through what he had thought was the neck hole but finally gave up, letting Will sort him out with a sigh.

"C'mon, mate." Will muttered, helping Louis stand one hand on his elbow the other gripping his waist to guide him out of the bathroom and into the living room. 

Louis barely registers Harry waiting at the foot of the couch holding a blanket ready to tuck him in before he's flopping down and quickly passing out.

 

 

 

All cover art by the amazing [hazstylestrash](http://hazstylestrash.tumblr.com/)

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I believe this chapter was a bit shorter than the previous ones but the next one is a MONSTER of a chapter and should be out within the next couple of weeks. I've been really sick so sorry for the lateness of Chapter 7. Hopefully won't happen again and I will be posting every other week. I'm aiming for 15 Chapters but it may actually be between 12-15. We'll see... ;)
> 
> As always, the best feeling for me as a writer is knowing that someone is reading and enjoying my work. So please, please, please let me know what you think and by all means...kudos! ;)


	8. I mean...you could've told me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More flashbacks and a lot of eavesdropping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know I said in my notes from last chapter that this one was going to be a MONSTER chapter but I decided to break it into two smaller chapters. 
> 
> As always, kudos and comments and shares and bookmarks are SO very much appreciated!!!  
> Thanks!!!
> 
> Art work by the lovely @hazstylestrash

 

 

Chapter 8 [cover art ](http://daniellavictoriaao3.tumblr.com/image/143455100716)by hazstylestrash

 

 

 

 

Though an alcohol induced fog was clouding his mind, Louis was positive that the muffled voices he was hearing somewhere nearby were not in his imagination. He wasn't sure of the time but there was a dull glow coming through his eyelids as he lay comfortably huddled under a warm blanket. A blanket he vaguely remembers Harry tucking him into. 

It's too comfortable to move. To make a sound that would indicate he was even the tiniest bit awake and therefore draw the attention of those nearby. Plus...well, Louis was nosy in all honesty. Eavesdropping couldn't be considered rude if you weren't in a state to be able to excuse yourself in order to give those talking a bit of privacy. 

No. Louis was most definitely  _unable_ to move. Therefore, anything Louis just so happens to overhear  _cannot_ be considered eavesdropping. For future reference and all. Just in case...

"You can't tell me you didn't notice-"

"Notice what, Will!" Harry attempts to keep his voice hushed but his voice is just so deep one would be unable to hear him at all if he truly whispered. "I don't know what you're on about!"

"The way he was...was looking at you. I just...it just seemed..." Will sighs. "I don't know. Maybe I imagined it or misread it, but he looked at you like he..."

"Will!" Harry's tone was cautious. "Don't."

"Like he _wanted_  you. Like _wanted_ wanted you. And when he thought I was you in the bathroom! The way he started caressing my hand was just...I don't see that as a 'friendly' gesture, Harry!"

Louis can practically see the air quotes when Will describes his moment of misguided drunken affection and he cringes underneath the warm cocoon he has made for himself on Harry's couch.

_God how fucking STUPID I must have looked! NEVER drinking again, Tommo!!! Too much at risk now. Can't let my inability to police my affection for "Harry with a boyfriend" while intoxicated harm any chance of starting over as his friend. Especially if Will thinks I have an interest other than repairing mine and Harry's friendship. What's to say that he won't make Harry choose between me and him._

Louis shuddered to think who Harry would choose if that situation presented itself. He just can't be sure at this point in time, to be honest...

"I can't believe you couldn't see that! If he wasn't actually straight I would feel quite uncomfortable with this whole situation, to be honest."

Louis tensed, gripping the blanket closer to muffle his quickened breaths. His heart was starting to beat harder through the haze of his exhaustion. 

_So Harry never told him about us. About our past. About...me._

"Uncomfortable? Will, he was my best mate. We're just starting to really talk again. Please don't read into things. Just...don't. Ok?" Harry sounds pouty and sincere and Louis knows what's coming next and he so wants to cover his ears.

"C'mere, babe."

Will sighs as Harry brings him in closer and the room is filled with the wet smacking sounds of the two men kissing. Little barely audible moans escaping here and there.

Louis wants to curl up and disappear.  Instead he gives himself over to the exhaustion seeping into every inch of his body and mind.

He slowly drifts to the sounds of fervent kissing getting farther and farther away and of a door softly closing.  

He tries not to think about what is going on behind that door as he falls into a deep sleep.

 

**\------------------------------**

 

Louis woke to an incessant buzzing vibrating just a little too close to his groin to not be of a pleasurable nature. Especially when his mind cleared enough that he remembered just who's couch he was curled up on. 

_Morning wood turning into a wet dream all over Harry's lovely couch via phone call might just make things a tad more awkward then they already are, Louis! Just a tad... And I don't think Harry's boyfriend would be too appreciative of me leaving cum stains, especially with his new suspicions regarding my behavior the night before._

After fishing his still-buzzing phone out of his jeans pocket he saw it was Eleanor. He hadn't spoken to her since the day after he and the boys had come back from tour and only to confirm that their double date with Harry and Will was still a go. Eleanor had distanced herself pretty quickly, even more so than before. Louis could tell by the tone in which she spoke to him becoming almost businesslike. Louis didn't mind it really.  He was anxious to move on as well. Preferably with Harry. Hopefully with Harry.

He couldn't deny that he was grateful for Eleanor agreeing to go along with the plan but he wasn't sure what  _their plan_ was. They still had to speak with PR about their final break-up and what that would entail in terms of seeding and how quickly things could be publically finalized. Modest and PR would  _definitely NOT_ be happy but at this point in his life Louis could not give two fucks.

"Hello, Louis. It's me, Eleanor."

Louis rolled his eyes. "No shit Sherlock! Still have you in my phone El." His tone was light and she was used to Louis' sense of humor of course.

Eleanor laughed good-naturedly. "Sorry. Yeah. Of course. Anyway." She cleared her throat and Louis could tell she was hesitant to continue.

"What can I do for you, El? You're still going this weekend-"

"Yes! Yes. Yeah..." she rushed. "It's just...I-I contacted Brian about our contract, Louis."

"Oh!"

"Yes. Erm...we have a meeting with him on Monday at 11."

Louis ran a hand through his mess of hair as he relaxed back onto the cushions. He could hear the shower running and that unmistakable deep voice that he had grown accustomed to years ago humming a tune from within. 

He smiled to himself a sudden eagerness making his pulse quicken. His first step towards complete freedom just days away. 

Eleanor must have mistook his brief silence for distress or apprehension. "Louis, I am sorry. I know I should have discussed it with you first before calling but-"

"No! It's...it's good. Yeah. Glad you did. I was going to call meself but I figured I'd wait till next week." 

Louis mindlessly found himself trying desperately to fix his hair into some semblance of neatness with one hand. His other hand continued gripping the phone but he was eager to hang up. He needed to do something about his breath. He simply couldn't open his mouth to speak face to face with Harry smelling of vomit and last night's ruined meal. 

"So...then. Alright. Now, Saturday..." Eleanor was being a trooper about the whole thing really. Even suggesting Louis wear a certain blue shirt that she swore would make Harry swoon. He was quite shocked by her quick acceptance of the situation but he didn't question it any further.  Of course, their relationship was always a bit rocky since it _was_ built on such unstable ground...

 

**< Late August-2011>**

 

Two weeks prior, Louis provided Brian with a list of qualities he would look for in a potential girlfriend. Personality traits: easygoing, good sense of humor, smart, able to keep up with his banter. Physical traits: brunette or blond but he was leaning towards brunette. Tall and lean. He liked long legs and, well...green eyes were a particular plus but beggers can't be choosers. Brian had given him a weird look after he had read over the list but Louis chose to ignore it.

One week later and Brian called to tell him that they had a short list of potential 'girlfriends' narrowed down by Louis' specifications. "Well, there are one or two stand outs that I think look promising but...we'll discuss that next week after I've tied up some loose ends. I'll send over their files for you to take a look. I think you'll be pleased."

Louis grumbled. "If you say so."

Lowe simply sighed before continuing. "Let's just make the best of it. Hmm?"

Louis supposed that was all he  _could_ do at that point in the game. Hopefully hit it off with one of these girls. Maybe right off the bat making a connection like...well like how he and Harry had really. Except this time...things would go differently of course. He wouldn't have to hide with this girl. He couldn't help feel a bit bitter at that realization though. How he had to hide what he had with Harry which, even though they weren't in an actual 'relationship' per se was substantially more real than what he was about to go through with. This 'arranged relationship' felt a bit like he was entering into an arranged marriage. Going in blindly and getting to know each other along the way knowing that the endgame was supposedly a 'committed relationship'. He just wondered if the girl knew what she was getting herself into. Hell! He wasn't even 100% sure of what to expect.

And then, well he also felt a bit like he was... _cheating_ on Harry. He wouldn't let himself commit to that thought though as he convinced himself early on that what he and Harry had was a 'friends with benefits' type of situation. ' _Best friends_  with benefits', to be exact. He also convinced himself that his newfound bisexuality could be measured in percentages. 75% interested in females. 25% in males. So therefore being in a relationship with a female would  _not_ be much of a sacrifice.  _It wouldn't!_

Harry had scoffed at his percentage explanation. "Well sorry then. I guess I'm 10%, 90%! But then again you can't really help _who_ you fall in love with, can you?"

Louis was stricken silent with that and Harry had refused to talk to him the rest of that day.

_______________________

 

Louis had snuck out of Harry's bed at around 7 a.m. in order to avoid the heaviness that had been hanging in the air between them. The quiet pain that Louis had observed in Harry's eyes over the last few days had him feeling more than a bit guilty but Louis told himself it wouldn't make a difference. He _couldn't_  change his mind. This was the only way he could continue in the band without the constant hounding from Management, PR and the public about the 'rumors' questioning his sexuality. The rumors which he had been told were shedding an undesirable light on the band as a whole. He didn't want that all on him. Not when he already felt he held a tentative place within the group. He had heard the whispers and read the comments on social media. 'Weakest voice'. 'Just a pretty face'. 'No talent twink'. No. He couldn't jeopardize the chance he had been given. 

_It is what it is..._ Louis told himself.  _  
_

He also didn't want Harry, who was so sure and comfortable in himself and his sexuality to have to sacrifice that part of him that Louis most admired. Not when he himself was still figuring it all out. 

Thankfully Harry didn't wake and Louis was showered, dressed and in Brian Lowe's office just an hour and a half later to prepare and go over any last minute details before he was to meet the girls.

"We've actually narrowed it down even further, Louis." Brian began all calm and business like, steepling his fingers before flipping open a file on his desk.  "In fact, I've narrowed it down to one."

"One?"

"Yes. It's actually quite amusing. She is related to one of Modest's recently retired employees. Her great uncle actually. So it shouldn't be quite as much of a hassle with covering all our bases in terms of the non-disclosure agreement as it might be with just some random." Brian looked practically giddy.

Louis wanted to throw up. 

He didn't but he wrapped his arms around his middle to quell the sudden nausea all the same.

"Soooo...then. Which one is it?"

"Calder. Eleanor. Student . Lovely girl. Does a bit of modeling so she would also have a vested interest in being in the spotlight to some extent. Good PR for her if she decides she's serious about going further with that." Brian clears his throat before taking something out of the file on his desk and lightly tossing it towards Louis. "Doesn't have green eyes, though. Sorry." 

Louis leans forward retrieving what turns out to be the girl's picture, big brown eyes smiling that Louis vaguely remembers from the list he had reviewed two weeks prior. She is quite pretty. And tall. 5'9" it says on the back of the pic. Long chestnut hair that fell in loose waves framing her face.

He felt a  _little_ better seeing as he wouldn't have to fake at least his physical attraction towards her. But, he had yet to meet her so for all he knew her personality was shit!

"Also..."

Louis' eyes narrowed suspiciously at the nervous hesitation in Brian's voice. Like the PR man was about to drop a bomb on him. "What?"

"Well, we have told Ms. Calder and her family a slightly skewed version of the truth, Louis."

"The truth?"

"Yes. The 'truth' being that you have been looking to settle down a bit and that you can't just go out on random dates to find 'the one'. So you've entrusted me to seek out someone I feel you would enjoy getting to know."

Louis cocks an eyebrow, incredulous. "The 'truth', eh?"

Brian looks away with a dry laugh. "We've also told her that the rumors about you being gay were clearly unfounded and that you had been finding it difficult for any girls to take you seriously enough to really give a relationship a chance."

"Ah."

"Listen, Louis. She's willing to meet you despite some suspicions-"

"Suspicions?" Louis squirms, leaning to toss Eleanor's picture back on Brian's desk. "What kind of suspicions?"

"Well her great uncle had suspicions about this all being a PR stunt. That Eleanor was to act as your 'beard' to deter from questions regarding your sexuality."

Louis' brows furrowed in question. "Well...it's sort of true though, innit? She would be my 'beard' in a way."

Brian leaned towards him, hands folded in front of him on the desk. "A beard is for someone who is trying to _HIDE_ their _homosexuality_. _"_ He pauses, looking at Louis pointedly. "Are you saying that you are gay, Louis? Because if so then...well..."

Louis fish mouths, mind racing. Here's his chance to say it. Just get it out on the table. No secrets. No pressure to keep a part of himself hidden. Even if it was still to be hidden from the public if at least his PR team knew then, well... It's not like he wanted to shout it from the roof tops. He knew the risk, but...

"No. Not gay." His voice was barely above a whisper as he found himself wringing his hands nervously. "No."

Lowe visibly relaxes as he leans back in his chair, cushions squeaking loudly. "Ok. Well, then. We will be moving you into your new flat within the week-"

Louis' head snaps up, eyes wide as a rush of adrenaline runs through his veins. "What?!?! NO!!!"

"Louis, you are to be in a committed relationship with Ms. Calder. You need time to get to know her without any" Brian gestures wildly with his hand, "distractions, shall we say. This isn't going to be all for show, Louis. If you don't get on with Ms. Calder then there really wouldn't be a point to all this. You really  _will_ be dating Eleanor if you so choose. And any relationship needs time to grow. You and Harry need that distance and from what I've seen of the two of you boys together this should have happened a lot sooner. Besides, you already signed the contract regarding your public interactions with each other so this is just the next step. You boys are just starting out really, Louis. You need to gain a substantial fanbase if the band is going to withstand the test of time. Those girls need to at least  _think_ that they may at some point have the tiniest bit of a 'chance' with you. You know how fan girls hold on to silly dreams. Being in this relationship with Ms. Calder paints you in a positive light that will really bring added interest to the band. Every gossip rag will be focused on the new loved up couple and hopefully forget about the 'gay rumors' and simply want the latest juicy tidbit on you two."

Louis wants to leap across the desk and wring the man's neck.

He obviously doesn't. 

Instead he sighs, defeatedly. "I guess I can see your point." And the thing is...he actually  _can._ Without Harry nearby Louis sees clearly what he needs to do. What needs to be done in order to insure his place in the band and for the success of One Direction as a whole. 

He sniffles, rubbing his eyes just as a voice comes through the intercom on Lowe's desk. "Mr. Lowe? Ms. Calder has arrived, sir. Shall I send her in?"

Lowe gives Louis a moment to collect himself and Louis doesn't miss the brief flash of sympathy in the man behind the desk's eyes before he looks at him pointedly. "Ready, Louis?"

Louis rubs his palms roughly over his face before sitting up straight. "Don't think I have much of a choice, do I?"

 

**< Present Day>**

 

"So...let me get this straight."

Louis couldn't help but smirk at the irony of Eleanor's choice of word. "Straight, eh? Eh?"

There's a beat and then Eleanor groans. " _Anyway._ Let me get this...let me make sure I  _understand_ this. You now just want to go on this double date to prove to Harry's boyfriend that your only intention is to be Harry's friend. And  _nothing_ more?"

Louis decides to ignore Eleanor's incredulous tone. "Nothing more. Exactly."

"Because Will thinks you have other intentions. That you are secretly pining for Harry and simply trying to weasel your way in between them. Is that it?" Eleanor repeats a loose summary of what Louis had explained to her moments earlier.

"Exactly, El," Louis groans as he bends to slip on his shoes. "I can't even let Will think...well, I can't let him _know_ that I'm...that I'm bisexual. He thinks I'm straight. If he knows I'm _not_...exactly he'll be even more suspicious and then who knows..."

"But I don't understand. We've broken up, Louis. It will be public knowledge soon enough. I get appeasing PR after that tweet you posted but...then what?"

"It's not about that. It's...it's just..." Louis says, flustered. He really just wants to show Harry that they _can_ have a normal friendship. That he wants to be a part of Harry's 'new life' and that Louis  _can_ be supportive. "It's not about you and I, really. It's about building a...a foundation. For me and Harry."

"Of friendship? A foundation of friendship?"

_Again with her incredulous tone, for fuck's sake!_

Louis sighs, exasperated. "Well I can't bloody tell him I'm in love with him over brunch while his boyfriend's off to the loo now can I?"

He hears the quick intake of breath from somewhere close behind him but it doesn't quite register right away what he's actually heard. He questions it later on how he was so focused on his conversation with Eleanor that he didn't even notice the shower shutting off. The door to the bathroom opening minutes later. The padding of still damp feet on the cool tiled floors that stop just ten feet away from where he was sitting, whispering just a litte too loudly into his phone.

 

"Shiiiiit," Louis breathes, squeezing his eyes tightly before running his free hand down his face. He can practically feel the eyes boring into his back which sends an odd tingle from the top of his head to the base of his spine. Like a million bees are just buzzing below the surface of his skin brought to life by the intense gaze from the man behind him. 

"What?" Louis startles as Eleanor's voice rings loudly in his ear. "What's the matter?"

He can hear the heavy breaths getting closer. The soft patter of feet slowly moving along the floor. Louis is unprepared for this. "Gotta go."

He quickly hangs up before Eleanor can protest, tossing his phone gently onto the cushion next to him. He still hasn't opened his eyes. 

Louis' mind races.

_This_ _isn't how it was supposed to go down. He wasn't supposed to find out like this. He's going to hate me!!!_

"Haz?" Louis' voice is shakey and barely above a whisper but he knows in the deafening silence surrounding the two of them that the younger man can hear him clearly.

There's nothing but silence now and barely audible ragged and shakey breaths coming from next to Louis on the couch. He had hardly enough time to register the fact that Harry had taken a seat beside him before the silence was broken.

"L-Lou?" His voice was cautious but the strain in Harry's voice was clear. 

Louis had yet to look over at Harry, scared of what he might see in those green eyes looking back at him. He knows their look of pain all too clearly and he doesn't know if he can handle knowing that he is the reason behind it once again.

"Louis. Look at me..."

He lets his eyes drift open as if just waking up for the first time as he turns to face Harry. Ready for... For what, really? He just doesn't know. 

And...

_For fuck's sake!!! He's practically naked!!!_

"For fuck's sake, Harry! You're practically naked!!!" He definitely cannot have this conversation with Harry if he's going to be sitting there with only a towel around his waist, the vague sheen of still damp skin outlining every curve of his muscles. This was to be a serious conversation and all...

Harry huffed. "Don't change the subject, Louis!"

"Subject? What subject is that? I didn't know a subject had been brought up for discussion other than you being half naked and practically..." Louis swallowed as he felt his mouth getting drier and drier as his gaze finally made it up to meet the younger man's eyes. "Practically soaking wet and..."

Harry quirked an eyebrow at Louis, holding up a hand to stop the other man's ramblings. "Lou! Just...tell me you were speaking about some other bloke. Please just tell me that Will wasn't right when he told me he suspected you weren't here just because you wanted to try being friends again. That you want something...that you want-"

"You?!?! That I want you?!?! Yeah, well I can't tell you that, Haz. I'm sorry!" 

"But...but...y-you can't be, Lou! I mean...Will...and...and I..." Harry shifts, eyebrows furrowed as if he's trying to solve the most complex of all maths problems. "This is all just...just...I mean...Lou? You could've told me. Why?" 

Louis can't ignore the pleading tone in Harry's voice as the younger man inches closer.  With tears stinging his eyes Louis chokes out "Could I? Could I have _really_ , Harry? I mean...here you are all loved up and fucking...fucking happy with your new boyfriend. All domestic and shit and then here I am!"

Louis knows he's getting a bit hysterical as he lets out an unamused laugh rubbing furiously at his eyes to quell the threatening release of tears. "Here I am! A fucking bloody cunt who lost the most important person in his life _ever_ because I was desperate to be accepted. _So_ fucking desperate, Harry. I hurt you so much. Please believe me when I say that I have never regretted anything more in my life. I am so, _so_  sorry. I was stupid. I was so fucking stupid, Harry..."

He's full on hysterics now and Louis knows he might have lost _any_ chance of having  _any_ part in Harry's life. "I just want you to know that I just want to be in your life however you'll have me. I..."

Before he can even finish his thought Louis is being enveloped by the sweet smell of apple blossoms as Harry wraps his arms around him soothingly. Harry's chest is cold and damp but all Louis can feel is the warmth intended behind the gesture. Breathing in the undeniable scent of _Harry_ he relaxes into the embrace letting himself forget all that has yet to be said between the two of them. 

 

__________________________

 

 

They sit like that for what seems like ages, Louis nestled against Harry's naked chest as his tears dry to the sound of the beating of the younger man's heart. Louis hears Harry sniffle once or twice followed by a quick squeeze from the strong tattooed arms wrapped around him. 

"God, Lou." Harry finally says, breaking the unusually comfortable silence as he relaxes his arms from around Louis. "You can't imagine how long I've waited to hear you say those words and for me to feel like I can actually believe you mean them."

Louis gently extricates himself from Harry's loosening grip. Reluctantly, of course. So,  _so very_ reluctantly. "I've always meant it when I've said that I'm sorry, Haz.  _Always-"_

Harry closes his eyes as a wistful smile slowly makes its way to his lips. He shakes his head gently. "Not  _those_ words, Louis. I mean..."

Louis hasn't a fucking clue what he's doing when he reaches over to grab Harry's hand resting on the younger man's bare knee. _Not a single clue_. But he's feeling his desperation to keep Harry close clouding his inhibitions much like the beer and wine he had imbibed the night before had. Interlacing their fingers without resistance Louis meets Harry's gaze and is relieved to find no hint of anger. Or hurt. Or pain. Just... _confusion._

"Harry? I meant it when I said I want to have a place in your life. However you want me. I'm not stupid enough to think that we could go back to the way things were between us. That's...that's just...well, we're different now. Older, yeah? Wiser." He laughs and a brief smile flashes across Harry's face but quickly vanishes.

Louis squirms as Harry clears his throat to speak. "I...I'm  _with_ Will, Louis. I  _want_ to be with him."

Of course Louis wasn't expecting Harry to just sweep him up in his arms forgetting all about his boyfriend. His boyfriend who was probably out there righting wrongs and saving the world like the humanitarian he is just as Louis and Harry sat there contemplating whether Louis had any right to a part of Harry at all.

Harry brings his other hand around to encircle their still intertwined hands resting on his knee. "But..."

_But?!?!!?!_ Louis' breath hitches and it doesn't go unnoticed by Harry. 

Harry bites his lip, eyebrows furrowed once again. "But...I've never stopped loving you, Lou. I don't think I ever could."

Louis smiles hesitantly, knowing not to get his hopes up. Nevertheless, he can't quell the rush of relief that washes over him knowing that Harry doesn't  _hate_ him. "I love you too, Harry."

Harry groans, dropping Louis' hands to rub at his eyes. "God. This is...this is just so...so fucking...just such...God, Lou! Why didn't you tell me?" Harry stands, flustered.

Louis can't help but watch as the rust colored towel secured around Harry's waist seems to loosen just the tiniest bit revealing even more of the laurel tattoos decorating the younger man's v-lines. His throat suddenly parched, Louis swallows audibly drawing Harry's attention.

"Oh, for fuck's sake Lou!" Harry laughs as he grabs to tighten the towel. "Eyes above the waist!"

Louis can't believe the playfulness and ease in his tone as Harry catches him practically undressing him with his eyes. Such a familiar playfulness and ease that has Louis hopeful that some semblance of a friendship can be salvaged.

Louis holds up his hands in mock defense. "Sorry. Sorry. Just haven't really seen those chub handles of yours in quite some time, you know. Well, atleast not in all their magnificent glory."

Harry gasps playfully, tossing a throw pillow that smacks Louis straight in the forehead. "Tosser!"

The quiet laughter feels good. It feels _so fucking good_  to just laugh again with this boy. This... _man_. And if starting over as mates is his only option right now Louis decides it might not be so bad.

"So...I guess we have a lot to talk about, eh?"

Harry sighs, dropping back down on the couch next to Louis. "Yeah, Lou. I suppose we do." 


	9. Between a rock and a hard place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter is finally finished at the sacrifice of the first few minutes of Game of Thrones!!! So...appease me with a few comments or a like or share. C'mon...it's a juicy little chapter. I deserve it ;)
> 
> Come and look me up:
> 
> I'm on Tumblr as thats-beautiful-larry  
> and on Twitter at @tru-gem

Chapter 9 [cover art ](http://daniellavictoriaao3.tumblr.com/image/143455113301)by hazstylestrash

 

 

Harry forgot that he had a couple of phone interviews set up for early afternoon today and it was already 11:30 so time was of the essence. He hated phone interviews. Never felt sufficiently prepared. He was lucky he had gotten in some practice with Grimmy before his coming out interview but of course that was the first big hurdle in this new and freer existence of his. Now, he must inform the masses of all the ins and outs of being  _Harry Styles - Gay Man! Dun-da-dunnnn!!!_  

But of course there was the pressing matter of the man sitting next to him on the couch, not even a foot away. The man who, not too long ago had ripped out his heart and tore it to shreds essentially ruining him for anyone else. The man who would barely look at him for the past few years because he was afraid it would be misconstrued or, Harry now realizes, seen for what it was. The man who not 20 minutes ago he overheard declaring his love for him to someone Harry didn't catch the name of. _Oh!_ By the way...

"Who were you speaking to, Lou? Who else knows how...that...that you..." He still can't seem to say the words without getting flustered. It was just all too much at once. Too many thoughts flying around in his curly little head. But Louis being the smart ass that he is...

"That I'm in love with you? Always have been? Always will be probably?" Louis says boldly, because hey! The cards are already on the table. What else is there left to _not_ say?

Harry sighs, running a hand through his damp locks. He isn't fully prepared for this conversation. Not really. But, well...it has to be had. The sooner the better, to be honest.

"Sorry, Haz. Just fucking with you, lad! Well," he fumbles, followed by a soft chuckle. "I mean, not really but...you know what I mean." Louis stands for the first time since they started their conversation, stretching his limbs out before mindlessly scratching at his belly underneath the hem of his shirt. 

Harry's eyes follow the movement but he quickly catches himself. "So...?"

It takes Louis a moment to remember the question. "Oh! That's the...erm...ha...interesting part. That was...that was Eleanor!"

Harry is momentarily struck dumb. Jaw dropping and eyes wide. Seconds tick by as Louis carelessly smooths out any creases in his clothing left from his night on the couch avoiding Harry's shocked expression at all cost. 

Then the silence is broken by a bark of laughter. "NO FUCKING WAY!"

_____________________________________________________

Louis made them tea as Harry ran to his room to throw on some clothes and grab his phone. His first interview was in less than 10 minutes with  _People_ Magazine and it was the one he was most nervous about. It was a worldwide publication that would reach the masses and his fans everywhere. It had to be perfect. _He_ had to be perfect. 

So his and Louis' desperately-needed-to-be-had conversation was put on the back burner until after he finished. Louis didn't mind waiting and Harry was actually very happy to have him there for this. It, in a way, felt like how it always should have been. He and Louis in it together...

After throwing on a pair of joggers and a tank Harry made his way back to the living room, tea already set on the end table for him. Louis sat at the opposite end of the sofa, legs stretched out and steaming cuppa in hand.

He peered up at Harry through his lashes, bringing the hot mug up to his lips carefully. "Nervous?" Louis pursed his lips, blowing a steady stream of air into the mug steam billowing around his hollowed cheeks and wide and innocent eyes.

Harry stretched out his legs next to Louis', phone gripped tight in his sweaty palms. He tracked every movement of Louis' just like he knew the other man wanted him to. Louis was always pretty transparent when he wanted attention.  _Especially_ Harry's. But he didn't mind. Not really. Louis was a tease and it was always something that attracted Harry to him. He just knew what buttons of Harry's to push. And push them he did!

Harry breathed deeply, lowering his eyes to the phone in his own hands. "A bit, to be honest."

"Mmhm," Louis nodded, taking a tentative sip of his tea while reaching out to give Harry's bare foot laying next to him a quick, reassuring squeeze. "You'll do great, Haz. I'm here if you need anything."

Harry gave him a quick smile, trying to shake the lingering electricity he felt left over from Louis' touch. "Yeah. Thank you. I'm...I'm glad you're here, you know. Just seems..."

Their eyes locked across the sofa and it seemed the air around them stilled. Words didn't need to be said when they could both read each other the way they could. The way  _HarryandLouis_ always could. Still can, apparently.

Louis' eyes softened first. "Yeah..." He lowered his gaze, dark lashes grazing his cheeks. "I know."

"Yeah..."Harry knew what he wanted to do. Knew the need was so great that he felt himself gripping the phone even harder than he already was just to restrain himself. That's when he remembered and scolded himself.  _Will... Lovely Will. Boyfriend Will._

The phone broke the beat of silence as it came to life with a shrill ring, the two men startling in their seats.

"There you go, Harold." Louis placed his mug down on the coffee table, clearing his throat and situating himself back into the cushions to get comfortable. "Showtime!"

Harry smiled, feeling more at ease the longer Louis' eyes were on him. Grounded. He felt grounded...and safe. Louis always knew how to make him feel-" _RING!!!!!!!!!!!_

Right. The phone. The interview...right.

Harry's interview began like they always do. Pleasantries and the basics. The woman was lovely. Michelle something-or-other. Harry was too excitedly nervous to really remember. 

It wasn't until 10 minutes into the interview that things started to...go off course. 

_Ah-choo!!!!!_

_Ah-choo!!!!!_

_AH-CHOOOOOOOO!!!!! "Oh, God. I'm sorry. Sorry..."_ Louis tried to whisper, rubbing at his nose with his knuckle.  _"Sorry!"_

"Bless you." Harry always had to be so polite. 

"Oh! You have someone there?" The interviewer asked, and Harry could practically see her leaning over her desk excitedly, pen poised in hand. "The boyfriend, perhaps?"

Harry squirmed.  _Oh, shit!_

"No. Erm...no. He's at work at the moment. Erm..."

He watched as Louis' eyes raked over him, taking in every inch of him as he tensed from the interviewer's probing question. With eyebrow's furrowed in concern, Louis brought Harry's left foot into his lap. A good foot rub was _always_ the solution when Harry was stressed. God! How Louis knew him. 

"Oh?" The interviewer's curiosity had obviously been piqued. "A friend, then?"

Now, Louis' hands may be miniscule but damn did he know how to give a good foot rub. Just like Harry liked it. Thumbs pressed to his instep, kneading. Rubbing deep circles into the pads of his feet.

"Erm," Harry squeaked. "A friend, yes."

Louis' gripped Harry's ankle firmly, sliding his fingers underneath the bottom of the younger man's joggers. He slowly kneaded Harry's calf, inch by inch until just below his knee. 

Harry gasped from the touch, startling himself back to reality. He nervously moistened his dry lips with a flick of his tongue. "Very good friend..."

Louis smiled slyly, never taking his eyes off of Harry's foot in his lap and mouthed  _"Very good..."_ He laid Harry's left foot between his legs as he maneuvered the right foot into it's place. 

"So...can I get a name? For the story of course." The interviewer was practically salivating by the sound of it. 

Harry reached for his cuppa taking a quick sip of the cooled down beverage with trembling hands. He scrunched up his nose at the temperature, quickly placing it back on the table.

"Cold?" Louis whispered. "Let me heat it up for you." Louis gave a final rub to Harry's right instep before reaching out his hands to Harry. "Give it here."

"Thanks, Lou." Before the words were out of his mouth he knew he had fucked up. He knew that it shouldn't have been such a big deal that his best mate (well...they're getting there, at least) was in the same room as him. Offering his support and whatnot.  _Shouldn't be._ But in his world...in  _their_ world...it was.

"Lou? As in Louis? As in Louis Tomlinson?"

So technically they  _were_ going to publicly go out together on that double date. And technically they  _were_ going to publicly 'rekindle their friendship' so...

"Yup. Yes. Mmhm." 

_OhGodOhGodOhGodwhathaveIdone????? Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit!!!!_

Louis' eyes go wide as he realizes what just happened. "Did you...did you just...did she hear... _oh shit!_ " 

But Harry reminds himself that _People_ is more on the respectable side of things as far as news/gossip magazines go and it is no stranger to 'coming out' interviews of celebrities. Still...

"A-are you going to print that? Is...is he being here going to be in the story?"

"Well...do you mind if it was, Harry?" At least she was asking. Harry had to give her that. "We won't if you don't want it to be but it would be nice to show that you have friends there who are supporting you."

_Friends. Yeah, that's what the public will get out of it if she printed that Louis was with him while he gave this interview. Sure..._

Harry groaned as he and Louis locked eyes. He tried to read Louis' take on what to do next by the look on the older man's face.

Louis scrunched up his face squeezing his eyes shut before popping one open to look back at Harry. He nodded the go ahead.

Harry looked at him one last time for reassurance, which Louis gave him with a mouthed _'It's ok, Haz',_ before he continued. "Yeah. Ok. You...you can say he was here. He's my best mate so...of course he'd be here for me."

The warmth radiated by the sheer volume of the smile that grew on Louis' face at that moment could have heated Harry's house for a thousand years. Louis was sunshine personified beaming down on him with crinkled blue eyes and gleaming white teeth.

Harry melted from within knowing he was the one who brought out such a smile. Knowing that he still could do that to Louis somehow made him feel a sense of purpose on earth. Louis' sunshine smile was for  _Harry._ Was there  _because of_ Harry. And the world needed that smile. Needed that sunshine just to function, really. Or...maybe that was just why Harry needed it... _  
_

 

The rest of the interview went off without a hitch and pretty soon it was time for goodbye's, Harry hanging up and melting into the cushions beneath him.

After warming Harry's tea, Louis had picked up his foot rub where he had left off leaving Harry relaxed and at ease. 

"So  _that_ was interesting, yeah?" Biting his lower lip in concentration Louis dug his knuckle into the ball of Harry's foot eliciting a grunt from the younger man.

"Mmm," Harry hummed, his lips curving into an unconscious smile at the touch. "That's one way to put it, Lou. I'd put it more like 'that was possibly a disaster but an interesting disaster at least'."

Louis shrugged as he pressed the pads of his fingers firmly on either side of Harry's ankle, the tips maneuvering their way under the band of the joggers. He glided his hands up Harry's calf underneath the soft cloth before firmly gripping the flesh and kneading at the muscle. 

Harry's lips parted in surprise at the intensity of pleasure Louis' fingers were bringing him. How lax and pliant he was becoming just from this man's touch. A touch that was so achingly familiar and so desperately needed.

It couldn't be sexual. Or at least that's what Harry kept reminding himself because...well,  _Will. Boyfriend Will..._

But God! It felt like he had been propelled back to a time when this was just an every day thing between he and Louis. Louis giving him foot rubs to relax his nerves followed by some soft kisses and possible, if they had both the time and the privacy for it, a couple of handies.

It's basically as far as they had gotten together. Mutual masturbation, dry humping, nothing past that. Although both men wanted desperately to go further, their relationship had been upended before either had the nerve to make the first move towards that next step. It had been enough for them. They were both young and inexperienced and give a boy a handie he'll be a happy lad so, yeah. It was enough.

But they're  _men_ now and all the things they hadn't had the experience of doing for the first time together made Harry wistful. That's another thing...

"So, Louis!" There was a conversation to be had and now seemed like as good a time as any. 

"Hmm?" Louis quirked his eyebrow questioningly, fingers still rubbing deep circles into the flesh of Harry's leg.

Harry drew his lips in thoughtfully, not quite knowing where to start. He was getting increasingly distracted from the matter at hand due to Louis'  _insane_ skills as Harry's personal masseur. How could he not be as Louis' fingers inched their way up to behind his knee, thumbs pressed to the underside of his patella and rubbing outward. 

His breath caught in his throat as he stifled a moan. "Loooou."

"Hmmm?" He didn't even look up as he bit down on a sly grin. Louis  _so_ knew what he was doing to Harry. Making him squirm. Making him forget and at the same time remember... "What is it, love?"

Harry rested his head back, licking his lips nervously. "Y-you need to stop doing that before...before..."

"Before what, love?" Louis' voice was syrupy sweet and playfully innocent and it was driving Harry absofuckinglutely insane. Louis carefully slid his fingers to Harry's lower thigh, kneading the muscle in slow, deliberate strokes. "What are you going to do, Haz?"

Harry unconsiously parted his thighs, biting down on his finger to stifle yet another moan threatening to escape from his mouth. Louis' hands just...God! They were like fucking magic! Plain and simple. They had the ability to make Harry do crazy things. Make Harry forget his troubles. Make him melt and writhe in pleasure all at once. 

He felt himself hardening, his cock barely confined in a worn pair of boxer briefs below his joggers. Harry whimpered as Louis leaned in, teasingly inching his fingers higher up his thigh. As the leg of his joggers was hiked further up it began to tighten making him squirm to allow Louis' easier access.  _What the fuck am I doing???_

He looked up into the hungry and lustful eyes of an ever closer Louis, blue orbs ablaze with want. And oh, did Harry  _so_ want this too. "Lou...," he breathed, releasing his finger from between his teeth.

Fingertips grazed under the hem of Harry's boxer briefs, stirring the sparse downy hair of his inner thigh and sending a shiver through his entire body. His groin was aching with a need he hadn't felt in such a long time. Such a pleasurable, exciting ache. One that Harry had always anticipated whenever Louis would walk into the room all sweaty from the stage, adrenaline pumping knowing he would have his fingers on him as soon as they were alone. 

"God, I've missed you," Louis whispered in a tear-strained voice. "So fucking much, I've missed you." He removed his hands from under Harry's joggers, sliding his fingers teasingly slowly back down to the younger man's calves before bringing one hand down to adjust himself. "But...but we can't. You know we can't and you know  _why_ we can't."

Harry was left panting. Wanting to feel the heat of Louis' hands on his pulsing length, the wet glide of his small and perfect lips gliding over his swollen cock, cheeks hollowed as he peers up at him with wide and lust-filled blue eyes. Those fucking intense blue eyes watching him as he fell apart, writhing in unimaginable pent-up pleasure. God, how Harry wanted to feel that pleasure. How he wanted to experience how Louis' pretty little 23 year old mouth felt around him, the sprinkle of scruff along the older man's jaw tickling his thighs. God! How he wanted it...

But...

 _He's right,_ Harry thought, steeling himself and bringing himself back to the present. A present where he very much had a very lovely boyfriend. A very hot and lovely and kind boyfriend. A boyfriend who he had flown back to every chance he had gotten over the past three months when they had a few days off in between shows, wanting to give their relationship a chance to grow. A boyfriend who was there for him and had become a fixture in his every day life whether it was through a phone call or Skype or text. Harry felt such a deep respect for Will. He really, really did. He admired him heart and soul. Cared for him deeply. Harry couldn't do this to him no matter how much his body...and  _heart_...wanted to.

Harry ran a trembling hand through his hair before adjusting himself and straightening out his joggers. He sat up, swinging his legs onto the floor and resting his elbows on his knees. He nodded slowly. "I know. I-I know, Lou."

_Fuck! What the fuck am I doing???_

 

 

 

All cover art by the amazing [hazstylestrash](http://hazstylestrash.tumblr.com/)

 

 

 

 


	10. Catching Up and Catching On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a juicy one so ENJOY lovelies  
> ;*  
> And don't forget to comment and like and share and all that good stuff! Keeps this writer motivated :)

 

 

Chapter 10 [cover art ](http://daniellavictoriaao3.tumblr.com/image/143455091766)by hazstylestrash

 

 

 

Louis couldn't really blame Harry for being at least a little bit angry with him. He realizes now that if he had taken off his stupid fucking blinders and swallowed his goddamned pride earlier then Harry wouldn't have to be wrestling with his conscience right about now.

Because...he knows Harry loves him. He knows the depth of what they had be it as friends or more than was immeasurable. So he understands when Harry asks him 'Why the fuck _now,_ Lou?!?!' after Will had texted him to ask him how his phone interview with PEOPLE went. 'Why now when I'm  _finally free_?!?!'

Harry's shoulders slumped as he stared at the phone in his hands, not yet responding to his boyfriend's inquiry. With pleading eyes he looks to the man sitting next to him on the couch. The urge to touch Louis is still very real but with a glaring reminder of why he simply cannot weighing heavily in his hands Harry steels himself. 

Louis stands, a bundle of nervous energy pacing in front of the couch and in front of Harry. He runs a trembling hand through his messy hair as the words he's kept locked up for so long pour out of him. 

"Because I can't lose you, Harry. I see you slipping away from me more and more each day and...and I-I'm fucking scared, Haz. I'm scared because I can't stand to see someone else making you smile the way...and I know, I  _know_ it's so fucking selfish. I  _know_! But  _I_ want to be the one to make you smile like that.  _I_ want to be the one who makes you laugh every single day.  _I_ " his voice wavers, unshed tears constricting his throat " _I_ want to be the one who gets to kiss you. And hold you. And...and...I was a coward. Plain and simple. I was a fucking coward who was scared that the only chance I would have at my dream would be taken away if I let myself...if I admitted to myself that yes. I was  _so fucking gone_ for by best friend, my very  _male_ best friend who when I wasn't with him made every day a little less...just...a little less _everything_." He steals a glance at Harry who at the beginning of Louis' speech had had his head in his hands, face buried in his palms. But now he sees the shimmering wetness of Harry's green eyes staring back at him, the man's bottom lip sucked in between his teeth.

Louis averts his eyes right away so as not to lose courage. Things need to be said and he can feel himself losing his resolve the longer he looks at Harry. He can not see tears in Harry's eyes. Not when, once again, he is the one who has put them there. It's been so long, too long. He needs to right what he did wrong if he's even going to have a chance to call Harry his friend. It would always be hanging in the air between them whether Will was in the picture or not. Unresolved issues,  _feelings_ left unresolved. And if Louis was going to get a chance to at least lessen  _some_ of the tension, well...it's now. 

He clears his throat before continuing. "I hurt you. I know I hurt you. It killed me, Harry. It's  _been_ killing me I realize now. Now that I got my head out of me arse I see why I've been," he hesitates because this is the first time saying the word out loud, "depressed."

Harry's eyebrows furrow as he tilts his head. "Lou?" he breathes, concerned.

Louis holds a hand up. "Let me get this out, yeah. Before I lose the nerve." He continues as Harry shifts in his seat clearly still concerned with what Louis has just revealed. 

"Go ahead, Lou."

"Ok. Well. I've wrestled with it all. Being... _bisexual._ Which in all honesty I don't even know any more. I haven't even been with anyone other than Eleanor and even then I" he pauses, swallowing audibly "I now realize my mind was elsewhere. Thinking of someone else." His voice trails off and he feels Harry's eyes boring into him as he continues pacing restlessly.

The air is still and it's making Louis' skin itch so he rubs at his arms, nails digging in here and there. Harry has said nothing further and neither has he. Louis' pacing seems ridiculous now that his speech has momentarily paused so he decides to sit, dropping down onto the armchair across from Harry. His hands still rubbing harder than really necessary at his arms.

Harry clears his throat, tentatively leaning forward placing his elbows on his knees. "So. Are you saying you think you're gay? Like 100%?"

He can feel the hint of teasing in Harry's voice. Knows he's taking the piss because of how Louis had once described his level of bisexuality in percentages which left Harry unamused at the time. Rightfully so since Louis had been completely lying to Harry  _and_ himself.

Louis can't help it when the smile he's trying to control breaks through across his face, a bemused chuckle following it. "You arse!" He tosses the throw pillow wedged behind him at a giggling Harry who throws up his hands defensively.

The two let the laughter die down before either speaks and its Harry who does.

"It's...it's taken me a long time y'know? To try and get over you. A really fucking long time, Lou." Louis' heart is in his throat as Harry pat's the seat next to him beckoning Louis to join him on the couch. Louis does so, hesitantly sitting cross-legged with his hands folded in his lap. Eyes on Harry searching his face for...for _what_  he didn't quite know.

"So. So you're over me then?" Louis whispers, more to himself than to Harry. A confirmation of what he had been telling himself all along. _Harry deserves to be free. And that includes from me, as well. He's moved on, Louis. It couldn't be more obvious so leave him be. Leave well enough alone and just appreciate_ any  _place Harry is willing to have you in his life at this point. Don't be so selfish as to assume that he_ can't possibly  _have_ feelings...love... _for anyone else but you!_

Harry raises his eyebrows as he stares down at his hands, reaching out for Louis' own. Fingertips grazing along the back of the older man's hand before gently grasping both in his. "I-I should be, Lou. I _need_ to be, to be honest. I haven't let myself feel  _anything_ for anyone else since...since you. No one compared. _Ever_. They couldn't. And I always held onto hope that you would come 'round and well, say what you said earlier." He clears his throat, squirming a bit as Louis rubs the back of Harry's hands with his thumbs. "I was depressed too, Louis. For so long I was depressed and always asking myself why. Why wasn't I good enough? Why wasn't I just... _enough_? Enough reason for you to...to take that chance? I would have, Louis!" His voice is straining now, eyes sad but strong as he brings their joined hands to his chest. To his heart. "I was  _so_ willing for  _you--"_

Harry's words are cut off as Louis smothers them with his lips bringing his freed hands to bury themselves in long-since- touched curls. It was as if the years that separated their last kiss with this one had never been. Harry initially freezes up before pure instinct kicks in and he's melting into the warmth of Louis' mouth. Lips part as they deepen the kiss, Harry's hands reaching up to rest on Louis' shoulders before gliding up the man's neck and finally cupping his face. Little whimpers escape from both men as their tongues finally  _finally_ meet. Shock waves of pent up need shuddering through both of their bodies as they grip onto each other hungrily, desperately. 

Both men are raised up on their knees now, bodies pressed close. Louis can sense the urgency in Harry's touch because he can sense it in himself. Afraid for this moment to end all too quickly when the reality hits that this is all just a heat of the moment type of thing happening between them. Because even though Louis is hopelessly lost in Harry right now he has most certainly  _not_ forgotten that the man who's muffled whimpers he's drowning out with his own lips indeed has a boyfriend who is very much  _not Louis!_

But Harry doesn't seem to be slowing down or have any other thought in his head besides  _touch Louis, kiss Louis, taste Louis, LouisLouisLouisLouisLouis..._

Harry's hands slip into the neckline of Louis' shirt, fingers grazing the soft skin beneath. 

Louis lets out a breathy sigh as their lips momentarily part at the touch. "Hazza...," he whispers.

Harry groans, bending down to attach his parted lips to the base of Louis' throat, sliding down to the prominent collar bones framing it. 

Louis arches up into the touch, gripping the back of the younger man's head as he continues sucking and nibbling at his heated skin. Harry always did like his collar bones. Drove him crazy when Louis wore wide-neck shirts that let them peek out and Louis very much knew it. He'd always catch Harry's eyes on them when he would wear such a shirt, eyes darting over but never staying too long along Louis' neck and shoulders. 

Yes.

Louis knew  _all_ of Harry's favorite things. What he likes...well, _liked_ anyway. It's been so long since Louis' known him like this that it would be naive of him to think that Harry hasn't explored further with other men. With  _Will..._

Louis pushes the thought away letting out a surprised gasp as Harry grips him behind the thighs, lifting and then lowering him onto the cushions below in one fluid movement. Harry continues laving at every inch of Louis' exposed skin the entire time, soft yet urgent grunts escaping the younger man's throat with every little movement of his tongue. He hovers above Louis now, his hand reaching underneath the hem of the other man's shirt. The touch of Harry's fingers just as urgent as his mouth.

Louis keens.  _Holy shit! This is happening!!!! This is really fucking happening!!!_

And then...

"Shit!" Harry stills, face buried in Louis' neck and his hand splayed across the expanse of Louis' lower stomach. "Fuck!" He removes his hand and grips the back of the couch. "No. No, I-I can't do this. I can't do this. Not to him. Not to Will. This. This isn't me. I-I can't."

Harry sits up dragging his hands roughly through his hair, pained eyes darting about unseeing.

Louis, rubbing at his reddened lips with one hand and straightening out his shirt with the other, quickly slides out from beneath him. "Yeah, yeah. This was a mistake." He sits down in the armchair across from the couch once again. "I'm sorry. Yeah we shouldn't have...erm... _I_ shouldn't have done that. Sorry." The words rush out in a torrent, panic and embarassment flooding his veins. _How could I have been so stupid! Practically jumping Harry like that! This isn't the way... You've just gone and made things more awkward between--_

"I can't do this with you again, Lou." Harry's trembling voice cuts into Louis' thoughts like a hot knife through butter. "I'm out now and I don't want to hide anything anymore.  _Especially_ who I'm sharing my life with."

Louis' heart is in his throat because well, because Harry isn't necessarily saying that he can't do this with Louis  _at all_ but that he can't do this with a Louis that is still in the closet. And to be honest, Louis hadn't even gotten that far with all of that. He was just so focused on getting back into Harry's good graces that he wasn't prepared for anything more and what that privilage might entail on his part. 

He swallows past the lump in his throat, voice soft. "I don't want that for you, Haz. You...you've waited for this for far too long. I've held you back for far too long, I know that now."

Harry looks up from where he sits with an almost hopeful glint in his eyes, face half-hidden by his hands. Green eyes dart over Louis' features trying to reconcile the other man' words with what had just taken place between them only moments ago.

The silence is deafening and Louis' skin is beginning to itch once again. "I want us to be friends again, Haz," he says, a pleading tone to his voice. "I want so much more than that and I know the timing is so fucking off the mark it's ridiculous but...I just need you in my life again. And if it's as just your friend then...I'll take it."  _For now_ , he adds to himself.

Harry's head is in his hands again, shoulders slumping as he lets out a shaky sigh. He slowly nods. "Yeah. I-I'd like that, Lou."

The air seems lighter as Harry looks up to meet Louis' eyes. There's still that bit of electricity left over in the space between them but they both choose to ignore it. Progress of some sort has just been made and that's enough for now. 

_Don't push it, Lou! Not now..._

Harry sniffles, rubbing a finger back and forth underneath his nose. "Don't suppose that double date would be the best idea though. I'll call Brian and let him know to call off the PR hounds and paps-"

"Don't be ridiculous! I'm still up for it if you are," Louis rushes, seeing another opportunity at a 'normal' friendship with Harry slip away. If Harry couldn't have him be a part of this monumentally important part of his life then what was the point of starting over? And he had told Harry about how he and Eleanor had broken up and discussed Louis' sexuality and his feelings for the younger man. He had to after Harry had walked in on him on the phone with her. "And Eleanor is still up for it, as well. Sort of like our last hurrah before meeting with PR to discuss our public break-up plan. Go out with a bang I suppose!" He laughs nervously.

Harry grimaces slightly. "Don't you think it will be...I don't know... _awkward_ for you, Lou? I mean...we just...and you just...are you sure?"

Louis nods, vigorously. Determined to swallow his pride for the sake of friendship.

A slow smile spreads across Harry's face, his eyes shining. "Well, ok then. It's settled!"

"What's settled?" A voice says from the doorway.

Harry jumps up way too fast to be anything but suspicious as Will makes his way into the room. "Will!" he says, excitedly embracing his boyfriend and awkwardly planting a quick kiss to his cheek. "Forgot to lock the door again, didn't I?"

Will is eyeing Louis over Harry's shoulder throughout the entire awkward greeting making a usually ace-at-poker-face Louis squirm. "Louis," Will nods to him in greeting before turning to face his boyfriend. "What's been settled then?"

"Oh! Well we've...we've settled on a place for tomorrow. For our date.  _Double_ date! For our double date." Harry fumbles with a nervous laugh.

Louis wants to bury his head in the cushions at how obvious the tension in the room is made worse by Harry's shit attempt at nonchalance. Instead he makes quickly to head out of there while he still can because Louis determines, by the way Will's eyes are boring holes into him once again, that Will isn't completely buying it. "I should go. Yeah. I'm gonna go. I'll text you, Haz."

"Yeah. Yeah, alright. See you later, erm...tomorrow!" 

With a brief parting glance to the two men, Louis is out of the door leaving Harry and Will in tense silence.

 

____________________________________________________

 

 

"So," Will starts after a brief minute of Harry fawning over him, grabbing his bag and jacket and hanging them on a hook in the entryway. "I was a bit worried the interview didn't go well since you never texted me back. And when you didn't answer my calls after that I left work a bit early to come see how you were. So...Louis' just leaving now, I see."

"Hm? Oh, yeah. Yeah, he just woke up, the lazy arse!" he laughs, turning towards the kitchen to put up water for tea. He busies himself filling the kettle and getting out the cups and tea while a silent Will looks on, leaning against the counter by the sink. 

Harry knows he's shit at lying and cursed himself for ever putting himself in a position to have to do so. Though he can't quite convince himself that he actually regrets what just happened between he and Louis. Not when he is still savoring the taste of him on his tongue.

_What the fuck have you gotten yourself into, Harry?!?! Mum didn't raise a cheater!_

"Ah," Will says, incredulously and Harry stiffens at the tone. "So he must have still been asleep when you were giving your interview then, yeah?"

Harry isn't sure where his boyfriend is going with this line of questioning but suddenly he feels a bit defensive despite the guilt  of his indiscretion still eating at his conscience.

He makes sure everything is set, appropriate tea bags placed in their respective mugs, kettle on the lit burner heating up, before turning to answer.

"Yes. Yes, of course. Obviously he was, Will. What are you getting at?"

Will crosses his arms in a defensive stance, eyebrows drawn downward in a frown. "Whatever do you mean, love? I'm just asking a simple question."

Harry exhales, shaking his head dismissively. "I...of course. Sorry." He reaches out a hand, interlacing his fingers with Will's. 

Will draws him into his arms, brushing their lips softly together. The kiss is brief but Harry can feel the tension as their lips part and Will goes to sit get a package of biscuits to accompany their tea. His feels a bit nauseous as he notices Will has gotten Harry's favorite ones out of the cupboard, the little ones with the bit of fudge in the center.  

"Time to break out these beauties in celebration of your interview going... _well,_ yeah?" Will says, smiling but there's an indefinable look in his eyes that Harry just can't read. The sentiment of getting out his favorite biscuits doesn't go unnoticed as Harry feels a thickness at the back of his throat, guilt rising like bile.

He hates himself for what he's done. For being so fucking weak that he would fall into Louis' arms again without a thought for Will and their relationship. 

His mind goes back to earlier that morning when Will had confronted him about Louis' behavior the night before. How he had suspected Louis wanted something more than to be just friends with Harry but dismissed it because Louis is straight. Or so he thinks...

Harry lied by omission because it wasn't his truth to tell. That's what made this all so difficult. He doesn't want to lie to his boyfriend but, then again if Will found out Louis is gay then rebuilding their friendship would be made so much more difficult. Adding a jealous boyfriend to the mix would be  _disastrous!_

But...

_...he has a right to be jealous._

Harry pushes the thought out of his head as soon as it pops up with a shake of his head just as the kettle whistles. 

The two men settle down at the breakfast bar wordlessly preparing their tea. Harry catches Will's eye over his mug when he takes his first tentative sip, steam billowing over his face like a dense fog. He winks at his boyfriend and Will gives him a small smile but it doesn't reach his eyes and this makes Harry's stomach drop once again.

He reaches across the table for Will's hand, loosely grasping at the man's outstretched palm. "Wish you could've been here for the interview, babe."

Will visibly tenses as he takes a bit out of a biscuit with his free hand. Eyebrows raised in question he replies, "Well, I wish I could've been here but...at least you had Louis with you, right?"

His tone is curt and sarcastic and Harry feels a chilled shudder run through him. "Babe, I told you!" _  
_

Will throws his hands up in mock pacification, effectively dropping Harry's hand on the table with a thud. "I know. I know. He was ' _asleep_ _'."_ He makes air quotes on the last word leaving a bad taste in Harry's mouth. 

_What the actual fuck?!?!_

The older man sighs, fingers roughly raking through his hair. He clears his throat as Harry looks on, an amalgam of emotions running through him as he watches his boyfriend become increasingly restless and visibly agitated. 

"Will? What's _really_  the matter?" Harry knows, by way of Will's reaction to anything  _Louis_ at the moment, that he's probably opening up a jumbo can of worms. But...there's no way Will knows what just happened between him and Louis. And that, Harry decides, would be the absolute worst thing for obvious reasons. So aside from that anything else would be welcome.

"I did a bit of research, Harry," Will says, staring down at his hands now wrapped around his mug of tea.

"Research? On what?"

Will's eyes flicker up to Harry's for the briefest moment before returning to his mug. "Well, I was just a bit... _curious_ I suppose you could say. I mean I've never  _never_ been one to Google anyone. _E_ _specially_ not my  _boyfriends_ of all things. And up until last night I hadn't even been tempted to do it. Not once because why would I ask a fucking computer about you when I have the real thing right in front of me. I mean, I could just ask you anything and you would answer me truthfully so why would I rely on the internet, right?"

Harry nods slowly, dread creeping its way along his skin like a million tiny spiders. "Mmhm."

"Right. But like I said. My curiosity got the better of me because I mean maybe that's just the way your friendship with Louis has always been. Touchy-feely and flirty-"

"Flirty?"

"-yes, and maybe I just needed to know. To _really know_ if I had anything to truly be concerned about. Because I know you said Louis is straight but..." he pauses, mouth agape and eyes darting sightlessly along the table in front of him, trying to find the right words. " _My God, Harry! He was the absolute definition of a fucking twink!"_

Well, Harry wasn't quite expecting that now. He has no time to respond, not that he could, as Will continues on.

"I didn't want to believe it when I came across all that 'Larry Stylinson' shit on YouTube. I kept an open mind, I did. Maybe fans trying to read into something that was simply a very affectionate friendship. I know you've been honest about the unrequited crush and everything but... _was it_ , Harry? Was it unrequited? Because from what I've fucking deduced from the 15 or so 'Larry Stylinson' YouTube videos I watched over my lunch this afternoon it wasn't a one-way thing, Harry! It clearly fucking wasn't!" Will's voice has raised to a shrill pitch, his face getting increasingly more red by the second. He stands abruptly nearly knocking his chair over making Harry flinch.

"He's gay, isn't he Harry? This whole relationship with this 'girlfriend' of his. She's a beard, isn't she? Am I right? Have...have you two ever..." his eyes widen at the thought. "You have, haven't you? Oh, my God! I'm so fucking stupid!"

"Can I talk now?" Harry stands, not knowing what the right words to be said are but tired of not even being given the opportunity to respond. "Can I please talk?"

Will scoffs, rubbing a hand over his face before sitting down at the table once again. "Please do."

His mind is a blank. What to say without outright lying to his boyfriend? 

_There's no getting out of this one unscathed, Harry. Best to tell the truth..._

With wetness prickling at the back of his eyes he swallows the lump of tears threatening to break out in a choked sob. 

He sits but keeps a distance, sitting back in his pushed out chair. Like if he got too close Will would be able to see right through him and any 'omissions' or white lies may or may not come past his lips.

"We...Louis and I, we did have a relationship, ok? It was a long time ago but yes. I lied," he says, voice trembling. "It wasn't my place to tell-"

"Not your place to tell?!?!?!" Will scoffs.

"No! Not my place to _out Louis_! To  _anyone._ Not even you, Will. As much as I wanted to be honest with you it's not my truth to tell and if I told you about Louis' and my previous relationship then I would have obviously been breaking his trust."

Will's eyes noticibly soften but the traces of a deep frown remain. "Well, yeah. I can see you not wanting to out him but, still Harry! After what we talked about this morning... I feel like a fucking idiot!"

Harry leans over the table now reaching out for Will's hand. The other man hesitates before taking it and the frown is still there but Harry will take what he can get right about now.

"Don't, babe. Please."

"How can I not, Harry?" Will's voice is soft in response and Harry feels his heart drop. "I mean, how can I compete with him? I sort of felt a tad bit of jealousy over just your friendship  _before_  I found this out. Now what?" Will sniffles wiping at his eyes with the back of his free hand. 

Harry inhales a shaky breath, tears pooling in the corners of his own eyes. "Will, please. It was over a long time ago. His relationship with his girlfriend was, for all intents and purposes, real and that was the end of it. We stayed friends for a bit but...," his voice trails off and he swallows another lump of tears before clearing his throat to continue. "But things got complicated and we drifted apart."

"And now? Why this sudden change of heart, eh? Why now?"

"He just wants to try and start over as friends, Will."  _Lies._ "He wants to support me in my coming out, you know. He knows I've wanted this for a really long time and he just...yeah. He wants to support me."  _Truth._ "As my friend."  _Lies._

"I find it hard to believe he doesn't want more. Not by the way he was acting last night. And what about his girl? Does she know he's bisexual?"

 _Oh!_ Bi _sexual. Right..._

Harry squirms a bit averting his eyes. "Yes. She's recently become aware." He fails to mention the fact that Louis and Eleanor have broken up and all those little details but, again. Omission can be one's best friend at times like these. 

The truth of Louis and Eleanor's break up would be public knowledge soon enough anyway and it would just open the door for more questions that Harry isn't sure he's fully prepared to answer. At least not at the moment. Besides, with their PR team foaming at the mouth at tomorrow's very public double date and what that could mean for promoting the idea of him and Louis not being 'mortal enemies' there was just too much riding on Will being all in. Realizing that, he's somewhat relieved that Louis hadn't let him cancel earlier. Tomorrow has a lot more riding on it than just a nice lunch.

"Recently?"

Harry groans. "Yes, Will."

"But haven't they been together for like four years or summat?"

"Something like that. Listen, babe. I'm with _you_ , ok. I _want_ to be with _you_. Louis was technically never my 'boyfriend'. We were each other's little secret because well, we decided it wouldn't work."  _Lies._ Louis  _decided it wouldn't work._ "He moved on, like I said, and now so have I. With you. My first  _real_ boyfriend." 

Harry doesn't mention how  _he_ considered Louis his boyfriend even though Louis would never quite admit it. How deeply he was in love with his friend and how much, he now realizes, he still is. No. He dismisses those thoughts because one. He really does care for Will.  He just simply got carried away. Having Louis' lips on him after so long was like a sudden shock to the system that made him drop his guard and...and it confused him and that's all there is to it. It won't happen again...

Harry watches as the last of his boyfriend's resolve withers away, the tiniest of smiles crinkling the corners of his big brown eyes. "Well. I...I'll take that honor then. I want to be with you too, Harry. It's just...after watching some of those videos I just...it scared me the way you two...the way you two even simply  _looked_ at each other sometimes!" His voice is soft but Harry doesn't fail to catch the note of bitterness in Will's words.

Harry rises from his chair and moves to stand behind his boyfriend, leaning down and wrapping his arms around the other man's shoulders. He nuzzles into the soft golden brown locks behind Will's ear. "That was then, love. This," he plants a lingering kiss to Will's jaw, "is now. Ok?"

Will leans into soft lips with a defeated sigh. "Ok, Harry. I...I just...," he reaches a hand back to card through Harry's hair pulling his boyfriend's lips down to his. The kiss, once again, is brief but warm all the same. "Ok."

 

It isn't until later that night, when he's curled up alone on his couch Will having gone back to his flat for the night to cool off, when Harry next hears from Louis. He's mindlessly flipping through Twitter on his phone while listening to his  _Calm_ playlist once again when he is alerted to an incoming text.

His heart and stomach simultaneously swoop as he reads the words Louis has sent:

_Just so you know, love. You were, are, and always will be worth it to me._


	11. Little white lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

 

Chapter 11 [cover art ](http://daniellavictoriaao3.tumblr.com/image/143456353891)by hazstylestrash 

 

 

 

**Harry-2011**

 

He waited until he heard the unmistakable click of the lock on the front door before unleashing the God awful choking sob that had been building since he had awoken an hour earlier.

Sobs wracked his body as he twisted the comforter in his balled up fists bringing the fabric up to his tear-riddled cheeks. 

He knew this was the beginning of the end for them. At least the ' _them_ ' that they had become over the past few months. He realizes now that he shouldn't have let himself fall for Louis. He could tell from the very beginning of this...whatever it was that was going on between them, that Louis wasn't as invested as he was. Whereas Harry wore his heart on his sleeve needing to show Louis how he was thinking about him with a small touch of his hand or a playful whisper, Louis always had his eyes glued to anyone that might see. Prying eyes ready to take a pic or add to the gossip rags about his and Harry's 'relationship'. 

His heart is broken. Completely, irreparably shattered. Even if Louis wanted to have some semblance of a relationship with him Harry wasn't sure it would even be possible. Wasn't sure if he could sit idly by and watch the love of his life be  _someone else's boyfriend._

The worst thing he could've done was fall in love with his best friend.

 _But how couldn't I? It was...inevitable, really._  

They both believed in fate. Louis especially would always talk late at night after days spent glued to each others' side about how their friendship was meant to be. Too many coincidences that brought them into each others' lives.

 

"I feel like I've known you all my life, Harry. How is that possible?" Louis had asked one night.

"Don't know but...I know what you mean."

"It's fate, lad. I believe our friendship was written in the stars," Louis had smiled, eyes glowing. "Fate."

_Fate..._

_Written in the stars...he and Louis._

_Harry and Louis._

 

But Louis was choosing to ignore fate in the name of keeping up appearances and Harry had never wanted to disappear more than he did at that very moment. 

And it was at that very moment, when Harry heard Louis slip quietly out the front door of their flat to meet his new 'girlfriend', that the first brick was laid surrounding his heart. 

 

**Harry-present day**

 

Harry stirs from his daydream by a wave of Will's hand in front of his eyes. "Harry? Y'alright there? You ready for this?"

_No. No, not really._

He clears his throat covering his mouth with his fist, nodding. 

Will eyes him warily from the passenger seat reaching over to give Harry's knee a reassuring squeeze. "So," he starts. "Tell me about this place that we're going?  _Colony_ , is it?"

"Yeah. It's a lovely cafe and coffee shop and they have an outdoor seating area off the side so...so we'll be seen, you know."

Harry had begun to feel a bit queasy that morning when on a 3-way phone call with Louis and their PR rep discussing the plans for that day. The big double date to put an end to the 'mortal enemies' and the 'homophobic Louis' rumors that had been following them around for a bit has arrived. Louis and Eleanor would arrive first followed a few minutes later by he and Will. They weren't to make it too obvious that it was all a PR stunt but when was anything planned by their PR team _not_ obvious. Nevertheless, they were told to keep it casual and natural. 

The paps were notified that the ban on pics of Harry and Louis together would be lifted and that had the vultures chomping at the bit. A tweet was also sent out from Louis' account ahead of time about the excellent espresso that  _Colony_ served and that he was looking forward to getting there some time this weekend.

Harry had sent out an instagram pic of a black and white espresso cup resting on his kitchen counter, his forefinger and thumb lightly grasping the tiny handle with his pinky in the air. 

 _'Buzzing...'_ was the caption.

Their fans immediately connected the two posts and Twitter exploded with the possiblities of a potential sighting of the two of them out together.

"We don't have to do this, you know. You can back out of this if you're uncomfortable with any of it, love." Will turned in his seat to face Harry. "Just say the word and we'll turn around."

_Too late._

"We're here," Harry said, gazing out of the window as they pulled up to their destination. As suspected their were a few paps milling about fiddling with their gear their heads snapping up at the arrival of a tinted-windowed Range Rover.

Harry sighed deeply as he watched the valet come around to the driver's side. He turned to Will with a tight smile. "Ready?"

Will's eyes darted over Harry's features curiously before exhaling loudly. "If you are...I suppose we should get to it then."

 

About 10 minutes earlier Louis and Eleanor had arrived to a few flashes from the paparazzi's cameras but nothing they weren't used to by now. Louis guided her through the open glass door of  _Colony_ with a hand to her lower back. They had had polite conversation on the way over and Eleanor had complimented Louis on wearing the blue shirt she had suggested stating that it did indeed bring out the color of his eyes beautifully. All very friendly. Friendly and...a bit awkward but friendly nonetheless.

They were immediately seated at a table on the side patio 'shielded' from the sidewalk by an artfully designed wrought iron fence with some sort of greenery winding around the bars to add to the sense of seclusion even more. The bars of the fence were open enough for the paps to get a clear shot of the two and, eventually, the four of them which was kind of the point of it all really. 

But Louis couldn't help how nervous he was, fixing his fringe incessantly. Cracking his knuckles until they made no sound at all and his hands were left aching. 

"Lou. Stop. It's going to be fine." Eleanor looked up from her phone with an exasperated sigh. 

They could hear the clicks and see flashes of the cameras going off nearby but it had all become background noise by now. Louis looked around noting how empty the patio was save for an elderly couple a few tables away and a young couple with a baby carriage, the mother bouncing the baby boy on her knee while sipping her tea carefully with her other hand. "It's pretty empty," he mumbled, mostly to himself.

Eleanor sighed again, eyes glancing up quickly before returning to her phone. "It'll pick up when word gets out that we're here. As usual."

It was then Louis understood how completely  _done_ Eleanor was with the whole 'being Louis Tomlinson's girlfriend' position. How finished she was with having to act unaffected by it all. Louis couldn't help but feel contentment when thinking of how soon it would all be over for the both of them. Even more so knowing that she wouldn't be hurting over it. "Yeah. I suppose so," he laughed, dryly.

She looked up then eyeing him somewhat suspiciously, eyes never leaving his face as she locked her phone and placed it on the table in front of her. "Something happened, didn't it? Between you and Harry? Something you're not telling me."

Louis' eyes darted around them hoping no one heard her. "Wh-what are you talking about and keep your voice down!" he whisper-shouted. 

She leaned towards him pushing her long hair behind both her ears before quietly repeating "So something happened between you and Harry, am I right? Did you tell him? That you're-"

Louis held up a hand shushing her. He squirmed in his seat as he extracted his phone from the pocket of his black skinny jeans.

Eleanor sat back in her chair, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. She watched as Louis began typing on his phone. "Wha-"

She was cut off by the sound of her phone buzzing across the table, her eyes glancing over to see who was texting her though she was pretty sure she knew who it was.

Eleanor looked up at Louis with a slow smile as she unlocked her phone.

 

_L: we talked. Kind of kissed. Is this weird me telling you this because I feel it might be weird?_

Eleanor smirked playfully before replying.

_E: It's fine. We're fine. It's who you are, Louis. Not saying it was easy to realize my boyfriend has basically been in love with someone else this whole time but whatever ;P_

Louis looks up quickly, a pained expression clouding his features. "Oh, El-"

Eleanor tut-tuts before pointing down at his phone. She clears her throat before typing  _It's ok, Lou. I'm over it. Been over it, really._

_L: Wow. Ok. So this isn't weird then? Telling you that I basically snogged Harry after telling him how in love with him I am? Not weird?_

Eleanor looks up pointedly. "No, Louis." She reaches across placing her hand over his left hand resting on the table in front of him. "Not weird. Just...spare me the details, yeah?"

Louis regarded her quizzically for a moment before replying with a nod. "No details. Like  _naughty_ details?"

Eleanor groaned, her head falling back. "Yes, Louis. Like 'naughty' details. Gah!"

Louis smiled amusedly as Eleanor's head returned upright, her hand coming up to stifle her giggles. 

He picks up his phone once again.

_L: I think his boyfriend suspects something happened though._

_E: Why do you say that?_

_L: I overheard them early yesterday morning and then later right before I left Harry's Will had showed up. He was shooting daggers at me and Harry was acting all fidgety and fucking obvious._

_E: Shit._

_L: Yeah_

_E: What are you going to do?_

_L: Nothing. I mean we talked and yeah we snogged a bit but he shot me down. He said he didn't want to start anything with me because he's finally free to be out and *_ Louis bit his lip pensively before finishing*  _he doesn't want to hide who he's sharing his life with._

 _E: Wow. And you don't want to give him that? You aren't ready? To come out?_   _Of course I mean in the near future. We haven't even 'officially' broken up yet so there's that little hiccup._ _  
_

Louis squirmed in his chair, his breath catching and panic rising up from his belly. "I don't...I don't know, to be honest," he says out loud. He hadn't yet readied his mind to even process the thoughts of a coming out. He had been so conditioned into stifling any part of himself that might hint to him being anything but straight that even entertaining the thought of coming out caused him to have heart palpitations.

 

"Harry!!!! Harry!!!!"

"Hi, Harry! Can I get a pic real quick?"

"Harry? Will? Over here!"

 

The air suddenly thinned as Louis heard the unmistakable commotion of paps and fans out in front of the cafe greeting Harry and his boyfriend upon their arrival. Eleanor looked to the fence able to see through the iron bars the two men arriving hand in hand. She blindly reached her own hand across the table placing it over Louis'.

"Don't worry, Louis. It'll be fine," she gave his hand a pat before leaning back and adjusting the napkin on her lap. "I suppose it'll be more awkward for Harry now seeing as he can't really stand the sight of me. Imagine having to pretend to actually want to be sitting here having lunch in my company."

True. Harry had placed most of the blame on Eleanor for he and Louis' friendship never being as close as it was before her 'arrival' into their little world. Especially when at one point Louis had made it clear to Harry that it just wasn't fair to be as tactile with him anymore now that he had a girlfriend that it made uncomfortable. Needless to say, Harry indeed saw Eleanor as a constant reminder of what was lost between he and Louis. 

Louis grimaced at her words. "Yeah..." he said, drawing out the word. "That's gonna be...different. But at least he knows about us now. Like not being together anymore. That may change the way he feels so...that could be good."

Eleanor's lips press into a tight smile, her brown eyes crinkling. "Well, even more good news to come out of this mess then I suppose."

The sounds of cameras going off and the clicks of fans' cell phones taking pictures with the two men trying to make their way into the cafe was steady and Louis began to get impatient.

"Thank you." He heard Harry say, politely. "That's all. Thank you. We have friends waiting on us so...don't want to be rude."

Louis smiled to himself at the ever polite and endearing young man he was undeniably crazy for.

"Thanks everyone." Will's voice broke through the noise.

"You're so cute together!" Someone cooed. "So happy for you two!"

Louis took a quick sip from his water glass, his mouth going dry suddenly as he listened to the adoring fans on the other side of the fence.

"But what about Larry Stylinson?" Someone shouted in the far distance garnering a few shocked gasps and a couple murmers of ' _Shhhh!'_ and  _"Oh, my God!"_

Louis sputtered, water dribbling down his chin earning a sympathetic smile from Eleanor.

_Oh, shiiiit!_

He heard Harry clear his throat obviously uncomfortable before he heard him whisper to Will "Come on, babe" and the unmistakable sound of the glass door to the cafe opening then closing.

Louis was still dabbing at his chin with his cloth napkin when Harry and Will were ushered onto the patio by the cafe's hostess.

Harry's eyes darted about trying to locate Louis and Eleanor while Will's eyes immediately met Louis' when they stepped outside.

Will's lips quirked up at the corners minutely as he placed a hand to the small of Harry's back whispering in his ear, his eyes still on Louis.

Harry turned in their direction with a nod, his eyes instantly softening when he saw Louis. He looked amazing in a cream button down shirt with blue and gray embroidery throughout unbuttoned to where just the tip of his butterfly tattoos antennae was visible. Skintight black jeans, aviators tucked up in his hair and black leather boots rounded out his look. Louis drank in every inch of the man before him, trying desperately to keep an unaffected expression on his face.

He cleared his throat, nervously. "Ah, Harry! Will! You made it!" Louis said with forced enthusiasm. He stood up to greet them as Eleanor shifted in her seat and plastered on a toothy grin.

Louis wasn't sure what the appropriate way to greet Harry would be. A handshake? A hug? His stomach swooped as he found his arm raising to pat Harry's shoulder lightly in a laddy lad kind of move. A move that despite being quite innocent in nature still made his fingers tingle and mouth go dry once again.

"Hey Lou," Harry greeted him, voice soft. "Y'alright?"

He nodded to Will with a nervous smile before replying. "Yeah. Yeah. Can't complain."

Harry's eyes briefly darted over to Eleanor, his friendly smile only faltering slightly. "Eleanor." He hesitated momentarily before leaning down and pressing his cheek to hers in an air kiss feeling her tense up in shock at the foreign gesture he offered her.

"Erm...yes. Harry. So good to see you!" she faltered, as he straightened back up guiding Will gently by the arm in front of him.

"This is Will. Will...Eleanor," Harry made the introductions and pleasantries were exchanged to the sounds of the clicking of camera shutters. 

_As expected..._

Louis' hands were shaking as Will sat beside him and Harry, noticeably tense, took the seat next to Eleanor. 

"So," Will sighed, picking up his napkin and arranging it on his lap. "This is nice, yeah?" He turned to Louis with a stiff smile before glancing at the others, Harry and Eleanor exchanging uncomfortable nods.

Louis returned the smile briefly before once again reaching for his glass of water gulping it down in three swallows.

He could feel Harry's eyes on him as he wiped at the droplets that escaped between his lips and the rim of the glass. He let out a shaky laugh. "Cheers."

Louis was desperately trying not to look at Harry knowing full well that if they made eye contact he wouldn't be able to guarantee Will wouldn't sense something in their interaction.

He was becoming paranoid and he knew it. If hundreds of thousands of their fans had been able to see his unspoken feelings for Harry in a simple glance who's to say an already suspicious, very observant boyfriend would not. He wanted to believe he could steel himself enough, _control_ himself enough to make this work. But he couldn't help but feel a bit twitchy and unable to stop himself from imagining all the ways it could all go wrong.

 

The server thankfully came by then greeting them cheerfully, filling up their water glasses and handing them menus promising to return in a bit for their orders.

"Oh, baby! They have that dessert that I've been dying to try!" Will looked up from his menu excitedly. "The vanilla bean citrus cake with the white chocolate ganache!"

"Sounds good," Harry mumbled from behind his menu without meeting his boyfriend's enthused eyes. "You should get it."

And wow. Louis noticed how disinterested Harry sounded and by the look on Eleanor's face, Louis reckoned she did as well.

Will cleared his throat, obviously a bit perturbed at Harry's response. "Share with me, H?"

Before Louis could think it through his mouth was opening and more words that one who is most definitely  _not_ in a relationship with Harry shouldn't utter were tumbling out without filter. "He's not a fan of white chocolate, Will. Belgian chocolate is his absolute favorite, right Haz?"

 _Ah, fuck!_ Louis mentally face-palmed himself, feeling a light nudge at his ankle under the table from Eleanor. 

" _Love_ Belgian chocolates," Harry moaned softly. His eyes flicked up to Louis, the beginning of smile tipping the corners of his mouth. 

And despite Louis knowing things were getting a bit ankle-nudgingly obvious he couldn't help it as he locked eyes with Harry, a knowing smirk slowly spreading across his lips.

 

_"Louuuuu!" Harry whined, crawling into bed behind a desperately trying to fall asleep Louis. He leaned over the older boy's shoulder to whisper "Boo bear."_

_Louis groaned loudly, reluctantly opening his eyes. "Ugh! Don't you dare call me that!" He rolled over to face a very naked Harry leaning over him, his face mere inches away._

_The younger boy reached over to fix Louis' sleep mussed hair before going in for a kiss. "I'm horny, Lou," he grumbled, gliding his hand down Louis' neck to his shoulder digging his fingers in as he brushed their lips together._

_"Hmmm. Oh, really," Louis quirked his eyebrow in amused interest as he raised his mouth from Harry's, gazing heatedly into his eyes._

_Harry nodded with a seductive pout. "Very." He looked thoughtful for a moment before adding "and hungry, actually. Horny and hungry."_

_Louis' eyes brightened with laughter. "What an interesting combination of needs you got going on there, Curly."_

_Harry laughed. "It_  could _be a_  fun _combination_ , _you know." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively._

_A soft gasp escaped Louis' lips but he quickly cleared his throat pretending to be unaffected. "Well, got any ideas then?"_

_Harry bit down on a grin, pressing his pointer finger to Louis' chin before dragging it painfully slowly down the boy's neck, then chest, before brushing the slightly coarse hair around Louis' naval. "As a matter of fact," he breathed, pressing his lips gently to Louis', "I have a few." He licked at the boy's lower lip to which Louis' lips parted in anticipation with a sharp intake of breath._

_Before Louis could get his lips on Harry once more the boy was jumping off the bed, his tiny and pert arse bouncing away towards the door._

_Louis huffed, a bit confused. "Harry? Haz what...where are you..." He sat up, the bedsheet pooling at his waist and his half-hard cock a tiny mound in his lap. He palmed himself, unsure of whether or not he would be getting to take care of said erection any time soon._

_The thought only just crossed his mind before he heard Harry shuffling around in the kitchen and the microwave being turned on._

What the fuck is he up to?  _Louis thought._

_The microwave went off after about 30 seconds, Harry returning to Louis' room soon after his hands behind his back and a playful grin on his face._

_Louis watched as an already fully hard Harry stalked up to the bed, anticipation electrifying the air between them. "Shit, Haz." He was unable to keep his voice steady as his groin began throbbing at the sight in front of him. He mindlessly licked his lips as Harry braced one knee on the bed in front of him, mischief in the younger boy's darkened eyes. "What are you hiding behind your back there, love?" He swallowed audibly, his pulse quickening._

_It was then Harry brought his hands around to reveal an octagonal glass jar filled with something resembling melted chocolate. He dipped his pointer finger into the substance swirling it around before bringing it to his already open mouth, tongue poking out to lick it clean before his lips enveloped the digit. Harry sucked on his finger, peering up through his lashes at Louis who's intense gaze had yet to leave the teasing boy's mouth._

_"Holy...fucking...shit, Harry," Louis whispered, a surge of arousal rushing through his body. He mindlessly pressed his palm against the throbbing in his groin, eliciting a soft moan from his own parted lips. "That's...that's so_  fucking _hot!"_

_Harry smiled coyly around his finger before dipping it back in and slowly situating himself next to Louis on the bed. Louis watched with bated breath as Harry dragged his coated finger down the side of Louis' neck, a rich, chocolatey aroma suddenly released into the air between them._

_Louis gasped softly, his head falling back as Harry leaned in slowly reclaiming the warm sweetness with his hot and insanely wet tongue. "Mmmm," Harry whispered after licking Louis' neck clean, feeling the older boy's rabbiting pulse beneath his tongue. "I absolutely_ love  _Belgian chocolate."_

_Louis shuddered with the overwhelming need to have Harry's mouth back on him. "Christ, Haz!" he groaned, gripping Harry's neck and eagerly pressing his open mouth to the other boy's, a rush of sweetness and warmth blanketing his senses._

 

 

"Good to know. Thanks, Louis!" Will's curt voice broke through Louis' quiet reminiscing. "So, not to olives and white chocolate, right, love?" He gave a choked laugh, glancing between his boyfriend and Louis' who both sat in stunned silence. "Anything else I should know about my boyfriend, Louis? Huh?"

"Will," Harry said, abruptly placing his menu down on the table in front of him. "Please!"

But Will chose to ignore the warning stare of his boyfriend, continuing as he turned to completely face the man next to him.  "I suppose I should consult you before I plan on cooking _my_ boyfriend dinner again, yeah?"

 _What the fuck!_ Louis fumed. He tried to control his temper, knowing full well that Will had every right to be a bit suspicious of the nature of his and Harry's relationship.  _  
_

Louis held up his hands passively. "Alright, mate. Calm down."

Will squinted at him with disdain. "' _Calm down'_?!?!?!"

"Will!" Harry said more forcefully. 

Will held up a hand to silence any further interruption from his boyfriend, his eyes never leaving Louis. "I _am_  calm,  _mate_!" he snapped putting emphasis on the  _t._

Louis could hear the scramble on the other side of the fence, the paps trying to get a clean shot of what was obviously becoming an increasingly heated exchange between the two men. He knew he had to get things under control before the situation got out of hand.

"Listen, Will. I-" Louis began, but was cut off by Will who abruptly rose from his seat throwing his napkin down on the table in front of him. 

"No!" he fumed, eyes ablaze as he glared down at a shocked Louis. He turned to Harry. "I can't do this, Harry. I-I'm leaving." He ran a hand roughly through his hair before placing his hands firmly on his hips and looking pointedly at Harry who was sitting in stunned silence watching his boyfriend in disbelief. "Let's go. I'm done here."

Will turned to leave as Louis remained mute and Eleanor pretended to be preoccupied with her phone. Their fellow diners were beginning to notice the commotion over at their table much to Harry's dismay. _  
_

"Sorry," he called out to the two couples apologetically with a polite, yet awkward smile. He turned back to Will his eyes pleading with him to calm down.

Will huffed in exasperation. "Fuck this!", he grumbled before storming off leaving his dumfounded boyfriend behind.

 _Well...fuck,_ Louis thought, his eyes darting over to Harry who had his head buried in his hands.

"Well, that was bloody brilliant," Eleanor piped up, opening up her bag and dropping her phone inside.

Harry groaned into his hands. "I'm sorry, Lou." He slowly lifted his head, a pained expression on his face. "That...I've never seen him like that. Had I known..."

Louis' mind began reeling imagining all the possible headlines that would accompany the HQ pics of today's disaster as the sound of the paps calling after a retreating Will filled his ears. 

 


	12. Spaces between us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember this is not strictly canon compliant so without giving it away I have to say that certain things that we know to have already happened in reality regarding Harry and Louis have not yet happened in this fic.
> 
> Just so you keep that in mind while reading this chapter :)
> 
> Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm keeping this one a bit short but sweet ;)

 

Chapter 12[ cover art ](http://daniellavictoriaao3.tumblr.com/image/143455070006)by hazstylestrash

 

 

 

 

Harry had awoke that morning to a text from Will that he honestly wasn't too eager to open. Restless thoughts kept him tossing and turning until the loud pattering of the mornings rain against his window finally made him give up on sleep.

 _God I miss L.A.,_ he thought wearily, rubbing at his sleep-crusted eyes before reaching for his buzzing phone. 

 

_W: Today's the day. Big show to put on for the hungry masses. I'm glad I finally get to meet Louis' better half. See you soon._

 

Harry blows a puff of air out of his lips noisily, running a hand through his sleep-mussed hair. He groans as he lays back down letting his phone fall carelessly from his hand to the mattress next to him.

"Harry, what the fuck are you going to do?" he asks himself aloud with a shake of his head.

He'd laid awake here and there throughout the night and early morning hours wrestling with his moral compass. How could he deny himself what he's always wanted? Always  _needed_? Louis' love. It was now his free for the taking being offered without hesitation and yet...yet, was it really? Would Louis be willing to  _finally_ not only admit to himself but to the whole fucking world that he is, in fact, gay?

And then there's the fact of, well...Will! It's just not right to string him along if he's so conflicted with where his loyalty really lies. And it's _that_  that kills Harry. He knows he's a good person. He does. But he's a good person who has been dicked around for far too long being deprived of the one thing, no the one _person_  that he knew would make him completely whole.

He needed time to think. He needed time to really digest everything that's happened over the past 48 hours between he and Louis and also between he and Will. It was very apparent that Will was jealous and would probably remain jealous even if Harry decided to stay strictly friends with Louis and continue on with his boyfriend. And starting over with Louis was more than Harry could have expected at this point in time. He'd only truly been with Will for a little over three months. If Will couldn't handle he and Louis remaining friends then...well...

 

________________________________________________________

 

 

It had been two weeks since the fiasco of a double date and Louis was still reeling from all the PR backlash. Everything from he being the third point in a love triangle involving Harry and Will to him just straight up insulting Will and declaring his love for Harry while an uncomfortable Eleanor looked on. Any way they spun it the straight narrative was kaput. The tabs caught on that Eleanor looked more than done while watching the little spat unfold before her more or less claiming that it was all one giant PR stunt. Which, of course, it was. One giant PR stunt gone terribly awry.

 

After Will stormed off the paps got a bit unruly which was a bit unusual for the UK photogs but this was just too juicy to remain composed about. A few started creeping a little too close to the iron fence with their cameras and their shouted questions to the point that the owner of _Colony_ asked them to leave or he would call the authorities. Surprisingly, they complied rather quickly and thankfully before Harry had broken down in tears.

But somehow a few fans lingered and had gotten a grainy pic of Harry with his head in his hands and Louis with his arm around him consoling him. Eleanor had excused herself to go to the bathroom so it all looked a bit... _compromising_ to the random onlooker.

"This didn't go the way you were thinking it would go, did it?" Harry mumbled as he rubbed his hands down his face revealing red-rimmed eyes and a pink-tinged nose. 

Louis, taking Eleanor's seat when she left for the ladies' room, hesitantly placed a gentle hand on Harry's back. "Actually...", he laughed, dryly, "I didn't know what I was expecting, if I'm being quite honest."

Harry sighed as Louis began rubbing his hand soothingly up and down the younger man's back and Harry had to fight the urge to lay his head on Louis' shoulder with every ounce of his being. This was something that only a week ago Harry wouldn't dream of being an issue seeing as Louis pretty much had been keeping his distance from him. But it's also this exact predicament that reminds him of what he's been missing for the past few years. What they've  _both_ been depriving themselves of. 

But there are people watching and more than likely a camera or phone poised to take a pic of them somewhere. He couldn't read Louis' mind on the matter. Couldn't predict what his reaction would be if Harry simply stopped fighting the urge and just...did it. Just stopped fighting the urge to be closer to his former best friend and resumed their natural affinity to be affectionate and tactile. He just...couldn't be sure what Louis was thinking.

But before he could think any further on the matter his body went into auto-pilot as the warmth in the crook of Louis' neck was drying his tear stained cheek. Harry breathed him in and it was like time stood still as he felt a calm spread throughout his body. Remembered the times when this was second nature and nobody gave a thought to such a gesture between the two of them. It was then that Harry knew that he could never let Louis go again. Even if as just friends and even if they could only be affectionate in private he would take it. But he couldn't fight the fact that a part of him would always seem to want more of Louis. What's more is he just couldn't be sure if Louis would ever be willing to publicly, once and for all, crawl his way out of his self-imposed closet. 

And then he seemed to get his answer as Louis froze. "H-Harry? Erm..." Louis was clearly uncomfortable with the public display of affection even though it was innocent enough in Harry's mind. 

 _He's not ready. He'll never be ready,_ Harry sadly thought. 

Harry straightened up in his seat as Louis dropped his hand from his friend's back. He closed his eyes sighing dejectedly as he began to process Louis' unspoken answer to his own unspoken question.

"Harry...I'm sorry. I just..."

"Do you think I should go after him?" Harry asked softly, looking down at his hands now laying clasped together in front of him on the table. 

"I...I can't answer that, Haz. You know I can't. That's up to you and only you."

He knew that. Of course he did. But he couldn't help wishing that Louis' answer had been different. 

 

 

Two weeks.  _Two fucking weeks_ and Louis hasn't heard a peep from Harry. He knows he's in LA to do the Ellen Show to discuss his coming out and also his latest charity work and of course Louis watched. How could he not?

He was curled up on his couch now after having just finished taking an hour long shower complete with a long overdue wank.  After downing a beer to calm his nerves he turned on the tv and watched Harry smash his Ellen interview by being his usual charming and clumsily witty self. Watched his eyes that, throughout the entire interview, held a trace of sadness that only Louis could identify having seen that look before. A sadness that betrayed the smile on his face in response to any and every question Ellen posed. And as much as he hated knowing that Harry was hurting up there on that stage in front of that audience...he couldn't bring himself to look away.

He knew.

He knew why Harry was hurting.

Because he was alone. Alone up there when he had always wanted it to be the two of them. Yeah. Louis knows...

Before he knew it the interview was over and Louis couldn't help but notice that Ellen hadn't inquired about Harry's boyfriend. About Will. But Harry had always been a pretty private person so Louis didn't really put much weight into the omission. 

Harry had eventually left the cafe that day saying he needed to speak to Will but Louis had no idea what the outcome was and obviously Harry hadn't felt the need to share. And being that it's been  _2 motherfucking weeks_ since he has spoken with the man he's not sure he'll be privy to that information anytime soon.

He wasn't sure  _why_ Harry wasn't responding to his texts or calls because they left the cafe that day on what Louis had believed to be good terms. It didn't end badly, per se, except for the whole Will tantrum and whatnot but between Louis and Harry? No. It seemed fine. 

Harry had apologized to Louis on Will's behalf and Louis had comforted him while he cried over that asshole's behavior. Then Harry had surprised Louis by laying his head on his shoulder and then...then...

Louis' eyes widened as he realizes now why Harry is probably most likely avoiding him and he wants to literally slap himself across the face.

_Oh fucking hell!_

_Bloody FUCKING hell!_

_I froze._

_He felt comfortable enough to lay his head on my shoulder and I fucking froze!_

Louis' gripping the TV remote a bit tighter than necessary feeling the black plastic give way and crack just a bit under his fingers. He winces as a shard cuts into his palm jarring him from his mental tongue-lashing.

"Fuck!" He sucks in air through his teeth, grimacing as he drops the remote to inspect the damage. It's just a small cut but it hurts like a bitch and he's a bit of a baby when it comes to pain. 

He's distracted from his thoughts only long enough to run his hand under cool water and apply a small plaster and then he's mentally beating himself up once again. He needs to talk to someone. Well, he needs to talk to Harry first and foremost but since that doesn't seem very likely right now he calls the next best thing.

 

"Louis?" the warmly familiar voice fills his ears and calms him instantly, if only for a beat. 

He breathes deeply before speaking. "Hiya, Gems. How are you?" 

There's only a brief silence before Harry's sister is huffing out a laugh. "Well how the fuck are you, Lou? It's been a while since I've seen you're name pop up on my phone, hasn't it?" 

She sounds happy to hear his voice so Louis takes it as a good sign that she doesn't completely hate him for breaking her brother's heart like he had believed to be the case for so long. Good sign. Yes. Gemma does not hate him. Harry on the other hand...

They make exchange small pleasantries before Gemma asks "So I know you didn't call me to discuss how my day has been going, Louis. Spit it out. What's up?"

Louis sighs as he leans onto the railing of the Juliet balcony in his bedroom his bare toes tracing along the iron bars nervously. "I fucked up, Gem. I really did."

"Yeah. No shit, love," she cuts in like she already knows what it is he has done. Which, well...she  _is_ Harry's sister and they  _are_ close so...yeah. She probably knows all the gritty details of the past couple of weeks.

Louis drops his head into his hand not clutching the phone and squeezes his eyes shut willing himself not to throw up. Atleast he's leaning over a balcony. Right place at the right time and all that.

He and Gem had been close once before when he and Harry were inseparable. She knew all about his and Harry's 'relationship' and all the sordid details so it wasn't like they couldn't cut through the bullshit and get right to it.

"Right, well...well how much has he told you? About...erm...us? I-I mean recently. Has he told you-"

"That you declared yourself a right arsehole for breaking his heart and that you wanted another shot at it? That? Is that what you mean, love?"

She sounds so comically smug that Louis can't help but let a small smile break through his mental anguish. "Yeah. And-"

"And that despite him having a boyfriend already you jumped his bones-"

"Hey", Louis interjects, defensively. "He kissed me back in all fairness!"

"Louuuu," she says in a tone that says he should know better.

He sighs, dejectedly. "Yeah. Yeah, I know. I'm shit." 

"Well...yes. And no."

Louis straightens up running a hand through his hair before walking over to his unmade bed and collapsing in a heap. 

He groans. "I  _am_! I am shit, Gemma! He reached out to me and I fucking...I froze! I bloody froze! It's like...it's like I," his voice drops as he feels tears prickle at the backs of his eyes, "like I rejected him all over again when this time  _I_ was the one who had asked for another chance. God, Gemma. I fucked up so badly.  _Again!_ "

There's silence at the other end of the line as tears finally break free and Louis is burying his face into his rumpled bed sheets to dry his eyes. "Gemma?"

"Erm...yeah. I'm here but I have no idea what you're talking about, love," she says, softly. 

"Our stupid double date. God, why I agreed to that is beyond me." He rolls onto his back staring at the ceiling through wet eyes. "It was your brother's idea and I guess I thought it was one way to show him that I could be there for him. So he could see that I still  _wanted_ to be there for him so I wouldn't...I don't know..."

"Become irrelevant?"

"Wow! A bit harsh but I suppose so. Yes."

"Listen, love. There's no way in hell that you could ever become irrelevant to my brother. Impossible. That boy will forever have a place for you in his heart."

Louis' not so sure.

"I hope you're right, love. I really do. But, well...did he tell you what happened? With Will? With...with us?"

 _More than likely_ , Louis guesses.

"You mean Will blowing up at you and then storming off?"

Louis' chest tightens when he hears Will's name fall from Gemma's lips. Too familiar. It made him envision the two bonding over baby pictures of a curly-haired cherub whom they both adored. Sickening. He hates it. 

"Well that and what happened afterwards? Between Harry and I?"

There's some rustling on the other end and Louis thinks he might have misjudged Gemma's level of remaining affection for him. He braces himself for one pissed off big sister.

But then she's back on the line and her tone is still friendly if not a bit more serious. "Ah. That bit. That's what this is all about. Well..."

"What did he tell you exactly?"

"That he was shocked at Will's behavior that's for sure!" She scoffs then mumbles "Bloody arsehole that one turned out to be, yeah?"

This sparks something in Louis' gut that he just can't place. Hope, maybe. Hope that if Gemma thinks that Will is no good for her brother that maybe. Just maybe...

"Glad he dumped him. Giving him an ultimatum like that! Who the fuck does he think he is? Really! My God!"

And, ok. Yeah. Louis' pretty confident that Gemma does not, in fact, like Will. Ok. So...

_Wait! Harry. And Will. Harry dumped Will! He dumped him! He dumped him because...wait!_

"What ultimatum?" Louis asks, abruptly sitting up. "What did he ask of Harry?"

Gemma hesitates now realizing that she may have overstepped giving away information that she shouldn't really be without her brother's permission. 

"Gem? Please?" Louis pleads. "He won't talk to me, Gem. I need to know."

She grumbles before speaking. "God! Ah, fuck it! I'm only telling you this because I love you and I'm hoping that you two will get your shit together. And...and I know you love him, Lou. I do."

"I do," he whispers, tears straining his voice. "I really do, Gemma."

She sighs, dejectedly. "Will told him that it was either you or him. Said he knew you were just trying to get into my brother's pants and steal him away for yourself. Said Harry had to choose and it was all or nothing. Which really if you think about it is quite stupid knowing that you have your new album and tour to promote and hell, that you're in a bloody band together! What a fucking arsehole!" She's grumbling again and Louis thinks he may have underestimated Gemma's level of dislike for her brother's ex. 

_Wait._

_Ex?_

_Yeah._

_So...that means..._

"He chose me?" he squeaks out, suddenly breathless. "He chose me even though...even though I froze? He laid his head on my shoulder, Gem, and...and it was so nice and felt so fucking  _right_ but I fucking choked! I am so used to the way things have been between us for so long, how  _conditioned_ I've been to reject any and all public contact between he and I that it has become like a goddamn reflex with me! Shit, Gem! He asked me if I thought he should go after Will."

"Yeah," she says, knowingly. "And you told him that it was up to him. I know." Her voice is tinged with the sadness her brother had felt when Louis didn't ask him to stay.

"It was just a reflex. I didn't want to tell him what to do, Gemma. Of course I didn't want him to go after him but who the fuck am I to tell him that? It would've been like me giving him an ultimatum and we both know that would have made me only look like a dickhead." He groans. "But if he wanted me to tell him not to go after Will then-"

"God, Lou! All you men are fucking clueless! Gay, straight, whatever! The whole lot of you!" She pauses as Louis remains silent still a bit confused. "Look. He  _wants_ to be with you, Louis. He  _does_! But you've hurt him, yeah? I'd never thought that I was a person capable of hating someone but I have to say for a while I came pretty damn close to hating you for what you put him through, Lou."

The words surprise him even though he knows they shouldn't. It's like a punch to the gut anyway and the tears are prickling at his eyes once more. 

He exhales audibly into the receiver. "I know," he chokes out. "God, I know."

"He became so depressed at one point but he refused to take the pills the doctor prescribed him so-"

Louis stills. "Pills?"

"Yeah, Lou. Anti-depressants. It was when you first started keeping your distance from each other." She pauses. "I don't know if I should be the one telling you any of this, Louis. I think this is something you should discuss with H. It's a bit intense and-"

"But he won't talk to me, Gems!" he says, exasperated.

"Well then do something about that you bloody idiot!" she exclaims, equally exasperated.

Louis rubs at the back of his neck with a frown, forehead wrinkled. "I'm an idiot, Gemma. Just tell me. Tell me what I should do?"

The girl huffs impatiently. "He thinks you're afraid, Lou. That you'll never be able to give yourself completely to him because you're still too scared to...to come out."

And Louis knew that. He did. But now it's been confirmed that Harry has given up any hope of Louis loving him enough to actually take that monumentally frightening step. For him. For Harry.  _His_ Harry.

But...

"Eleanor and I have broken up. PR wants seeding of an impending break up to last a bit longer before they confirm it outright but we're completely done, Gemma." The meeting with the PR team had gone rather smoothly and it was decided that Louis and Eleanor would be seen less and less together and when they were they would keep a tense distance no longer expected to hold hands or show affection. The press and public would get the message eventually. But Lowe decided they needed to draw it out a bit because of the whole cafe blow up seeing as how everyone would think their break up would have something to do with the rumors that had been spreading about he and Harry.  _Rumors...not so much._

"Yeah. I'm well aware. H filled me in on that little tidbit. It's about time is all I'll say about that, Lou. And it's a step but-"

"But not enough." It's not a question.

"I don't think so, love."

Louis bites his lip so hard he tastes blood. His mind is racing with what his next step should be. He doesn't know if he's ready for all this. It's not like he can just fly to LA and show up on Harry's door step and then everything will all be peachy once again. For the past few years every interaction with Harry had been run like a poorly oiled machine by their PR. After a while it became second nature to Louis and Harry had just closed himself off even when Louis would extend an olive branch with a quiet smile behind closed doors or even by just shortening the distance between them more than what they had become accustomed to. 

But Harry would become quiet and he'd get those lines between his eyebrows that Louis always hated to see because it meant Harry wasn't happy and he deserved nothing but happiness. Louis had caught himself a few times his own hand reaching out to run a soothing hand across Harry's cheek or down his arm before he played it off as a brief stretch or just fidgeting. His eyes would dart around to see their PR reps and assistants shooting him daggers and giving terse shakes of their heads while mumbling something inaudible to him through their gritted teeth.

And like as if on auto-pilot Louis complied. And Harry, unbeknownst to him, added another brick to the wall surrounding his heart.

Gemma's voice breaks through the painful memories. "It'll take a pretty grand gesture if you're really serious about this, Lou. I mean he's not going to go back in the closet for you and I would hope you wouldn't have the gall to ask him to. Am I right?"

Louis suddenly feels sick. He's petrified. Completely petrified and feeling torn in two. He's desperate. He  _wants_ Harry. He  _needs_ Harry in his life again and there's not a shred of doubt that it's more than just as friends. But there has always been PR hoops to jump through and even  _if_ Louis decided he wanted to come out it wouldn't be that simple. It just wouldn't. It never has been. For fuck's sake Harry had to wait almost  _6 fucking YEARS_!!! And that's with management and PR  _and_ their label all being aware of Harry's sexuality. With Louis, despite rumors and suspicions, Louis always denied, denied, denied. They simply wouldn't let him jump out of the closet without a well orchestrated plan or...if at all.

"Am I right, Louis? You wouldn't ask his to hide again would you?" Protective and loving big sister mode definitely activated as their is now an edge to Gemma's tone.

Louis' chest tightens but the words are on the tip of his tongue even though he's not sure what they _truly_  imply. "No, Gemma. Never."

"Well...good." Thankfully the edge is gone but the ache in Louis' chest remains as Gemma continues. "So I suppose you have an idea of what it would take to convince H to believe you are serious about this. Because there really is only one thing ultimately but we all know it's not that simple."

Louis huffs a laugh as Gemma reiterates Louis' previous thoughts. "I'm sadly aware. Yes."

"Sooooo...maybe you can think of some things to convince him that you're for real about all of this until the time comes then. Until you can officially come out like H has, yeah?"

Louis' mind is racing once again and he thinks a shot of something or a lighting up a spliff would be ideal right about now. Slow his mind so he can piece together a well thought out plan to convince Harry that yes. He will indeed publicly come out eventually but as they both know it's not that quick and simple. Things need to be put in place. Seeding is a slow process and of course the band! The implications of having _TWO_ _openly gay_ members might be considered an absolute nightmare for their PR team.

But there he goes again. Ever the businessman thinking with his head when right now he'd much rather allow his heart to take over for once. Maybe then things wouldn't have gotten to pear-shaped. 

And it's then that he realizes what he needs to do. "A 'grand gesture'," he says mostly to himself, repeating the words Gemma had said earlier. "A ' _GRAND gesture'_." It's almost comical how he can practically feel the proverbial wheels turning in his mind hoping to crank out the grandest of grand gestures that there ever was. 

A tinkling laugh comes through the receiver pressed lightly against his ear. "Yes, love. And only the  _grandest_ for my baby brother, you hear?"

Louis smiles brightly as the idea hits him. It had been all over Twitter last year and it hadn't bothered him really. Some fans always made assumptions about their complimentary tattoos and to be honest for the most part they were spot on. But as time went by and they were pulled further apart whether by their team's or their own doing it all became coincidental really. When Harry got the anatomical heart Louis had already had the idea of getting a spear on his arm but a great deal of fans saw it as an arrow to compliment Harry's heart. Louis didn't mind. Really, he didn't. He could see it that way even though it wasn't his intention unlike with Harry's ship and his compass and the Butterly and It Is What It Is tattoos. Those...those were them desperately trying to hold on to whatever shred of friendship that was left between them as the strings were starting to get pulled even tighter by their PR team. But this... _this_...

Louis is practically buzzing with anticipation as the wheels in his brain finally grind to a halt, plan finally in place. "The grandest, Gem," a smile lighting up his features as he hops off of his bed, shoving his bare feet into his Vans at the foot of his bed and grabbing his keys off of his dresser. "Only the grandest for my Hazza."

 


	13. Jealousy and Ultimatums

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just...don't hate me :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyway, I hope you've enjoyed this so far and of course please kudos, comment, share, bookmark, and all that good stuff ;) Makes a girl happy to see her work appreciated and enjoyed by all you lovely readers :)

Chapter 13 Cover [Art](http://daniellavictoriaao3.tumblr.com/image/143455208061) by hazstylestrash

**  
**

 

 

 

 

 

**Harry - 2 weeks earlier**

 

Harry really couldn't blame Will for being jealous. If the tables were turned he would be too. But what he couldn't fathom is  _why_ his boyfriend went all Jekyll and Hyde on him at the cafe.  Will never gave Harry any indication that he was the one to do that sort of thing but then again...

But it wasn't like he was  _flirting_ with Louis in front of him. At least...not to his knowledge.

Harry tried texting Will as soon as he made up his mind to go after him. Granted it took him a good five minutes to do so and he did wonder why that was for quite a while afterwards. He couldn't decide if it was solely because he was waiting for Louis to stop him or because of his own reservations regarding he and Will's relationship. Either way it wasn't a knee-jerk reaction to chase after his distraught boyfriend.

Once Harry had gotten his car back from the valet he drove around the area a bit searching for Will thinking he could possibly be walking around to cool off but then he thought better of it. Will would've been hounded by paparazzi and fans had he done that and that was just not his cup of tea.

Harry found himself in front of Will's flat a half an hour later, his phone still gripped tightly in his hand from the last phone call to Will that went unanswered. Once he parked and made his way to the door he wasn't sure what his next move should be. If Will isn't answering his calls and texts why on earth would he answer the door bell?

Turns out he didn't have to wait long to find out as before he could even lift his finger to ring the bell the heavy wooden door was unlatching and Will was poking his head out. His cheeks ruddy and eyes bloodshot and damp Will gave Harry a sad smile.

"Saw you walking up the path," he said, eyes dropping to the ground between them. He swiped at his nose, sniffling in wetly.

Harry's heart lurched in his chest, guilt twisting his gut painfully. "Baby, I..."

Will held up a hand, his eyes raising slowly to meet Harry's. "No, H. I'm sorry about all that. I shouldn't have blown up like that. I just...I'm...I just don't know!" He sighed exasperatedly running a hand through his hair.

It had begun to drizzle lightly, a ghostly mist slowly building like a fog around them. The London skies were grey once again and Harry couldn't help but think the atmosphere couldn't be more fitting for what he was feeling at that moment. This was all so new to him. Fighting with his _boyfriend._ Does he ask to be let in so they can talk or does he simply back off and give Will his space?

He decides the ball is in Will's court. So...he waits.

The silence between them lingers as Harry's fingertips begin to tingle, wanting to reach out and wipe the tears away from underneath the soft brown eyes in front of him. But he also wants to run. To where? He's not really sure...

Finally Will speaks. "Sorry I didn't answer your calls or texts. I just...I just needed to sort myself out for a bit. Too on edge, you know?"

Harry's face softens, reaching a tentative hand out to lightly brush his fingertips along Will's arm resting on the door frame. "Yeah. I know." He takes it as a good sign that Will doesn't flinch at his touch but he doesn't want to push it so Harry drops his hands to his sides before clasping them together behind his own back.

He clears his throat before speaking drawing Will's attention, his boyfriend's eyebrows drawing together in question as he meets Harry's gaze. "Can we talk? About what happened? Why you got so angry?" 

Will pauses, swallowing audibly as he closes his eyes with a pained grimace. He nods slowly opening the door wider so Harry can step inside.

 

 

Will spent the first five minutes that he and Harry were in his flat pacing restlessly, hands rubbing away unshed tears as Harry remained motionless, his back pressed against the door. Harry watched as Will would open his mouth to speak before raising his hands, shaking his head then snapping his mouth shut without saying anything. He didn't seem _as_ agitated as he was at the café so Harry really had little clue as to what exactly the outcome of any discussion they would have would be. He just couldn't read Will's behavior at this point.

"I can't compete with him, Harry," Will finally spoke, barely above a whisper. His voice cracked as he uttered his boyfriend's name.

Harry sighs, pushing off the door and taking a step towards Will. "It's _not_ a competition, Will."

"Isn't it?"

"No!"

"Do you still love him, H?" The question so sudden that Harry doesn't have time to conceal his shock.

"What?!?!" _Oh, God..._

"Do. You. Still. Love. Louis?" Will asks haltingly, as he closes the space between them. His eyes narrowed but the pain behind them remained evident.

_Yes..._

"I-I...I-I don't kn-yes. Ok? Yes. Of course I do. He's my best mate, Will." _Way to skirt the question, you sly bastard!_

But Will's already shaking his head. "You know that's not what I mean, Harry. Are you still _in love_ with him? With Louis?"

_Awww, fuck!_

Telling the truth would only hurt Will and lying would hurt no one since he and Louis would now obviously be nothing more than friends if Louis' reaction to Harry laying his head on his shoulder was anything to go by. It was enough for Harry. Will was so kind and he truly had a good soul. And it didn't hurt that he was extremely fit in all honesty. It was new, yeah. But...there _are_ feelings there for Will. How deep those feelings could go was yet to be determined but Harry felt he owed it to Will to try and take the time to figure that out.

"No. No, Will. I'm not in love with him." _Lies..._

Harry prayed the tremble in his voice wouldn't betray him. "Not anymore."

"Not anymore?" Will repeated in question, an evident edge to his voice. "But give it time and Louis would weasel his way back into your heart...and your pants, yeah?"

"Will! What the fuck?!?!"

Will laughs humorlessly as he rubs a hand down his face before holding up his hands placatingly. "I'm sorry. I'm...sorry. I'm just...do you know what it feels like to watch someone you are falling in love with-" he pauses with a soft gasp, turning away from Harry as his voice breaks.

Harry's chest tightens. _And there it is,_ he thinks. _It's gone too far now. How can I break his heart? Not when I know what that feels like all too well._

"Will," Harry says, reaching out to place a hand on his boyfriend's shoulder. He turns Will towards him effortlessly and the man falls into his arms, soft sobs escaping his lips. Harry rubs a gentle hand up and down Will's back until his sobs eventually die down.

Will sniffles into Harry's shoulder. "Guess it's shitty timing, yeah?"

Harry just grips him tighter, shaking his head. "S'okay, baby. S'okay."

Will buries his face into Harry's chest, his hands gliding upwards toward the strong shoulders enveloping him. He looks up into Harry's eyes, his own even more bloodshot than earlier. Harry's lips part to speak but Will acts on impulse grabbing his boyfriend by the back of the neck to connect their lips.

The kiss is strong yet soft. Urgent yet lazy.

Harry can do nothing but respond in kind. When the two men's lips eventually part from one another's Will takes both of Harry's hands in his looking up earnestly. "I love you, Harry. I know it's shitty fucking timing and all that but I do. And you don't have to say it back. I understand if you don't. It's...ok. I just...I feel like you knowing how deeply I feel about you could account for why I'm so..."

"Jealous?" Harry cringes but refuses to feel bad about questioning something that is so blatantly obvious. Will is jealous. Period.

Will stiffens, rolling his upper lip in between his teeth contemplatively. "Well. Huh. Yeah I-I suppose that _would_ be the right word for it. But can you blame me, Haz? I don't understand how you can't possibly see a reason for me to be...jealous!" He drops Harry's hands before crossing his own arms across his chest. "I mean...do you _want_ to be with me, Harry? Do you?"

Harry's chest tightens as he searches his heart. "I...of course. Yes. I want to make it work, Will. I do."

Will pauses, searching Harry's face. He exhales loudly through his nose, dropping his eyes to the ground. "God, I hope you mean that. I _really_ do, H. Because I do to. But..."

"But?" Harry cocks an eyebrow in question.

"But...I don't see how we could give it a _real_ shot with him in the picture."

Harry's not sure he just heard correctly. If maybe he has misunderstood Will. His head's feeling a bit fuzzy so maybe, just _maybe_ he's got it all wrong. "A-Are you saying what I think you're saying? You want me to choose? Between...between you and...and Louis?"

Will's expression is pained but earnest as he slowly nods. "If you _really_ want to give us a go, H, then...yeah. I suppose that's what I am saying."

Harry's breath catches as a heavy feeling settles in the pit of his stomach. The feeling of needing to escape rumbling through his system like an avalanche. He squeezes his eyes shut trying to contemplate Will's ultimatum. _Ultimatum._

_Who in the fuck does that?!?!_

"Harry-"

Harry turns away gripping the sides of his head as he shakes it in disbelief. "I...I honestly can't believe you would give me a fucking ultimatum, Will." He turns abruptly on his heel to face the other man. "What do you expect me to do? Huh? Throw away almost six years of friendship on a whim-"

"A whim?!?!"

"You know what I'm saying, Will. For fuck's sake!"

"I guess I do then. I'm not..." Will chokes on a sob, his hand coming up to muffle it. " _We're_ not worth it to you."

Harry is utterly flummoxed. _Is this what having a boyfriend is all about? Jealousy and ultimatum's?_

_Is this what EVERY relationship is going to be like with Louis still being a part of my life? Goddammit!_

"That's not fair, Will..." he says softly. _But I see your point..._

"Well..." Will trails off. "I'm sorry H but...that's how I feel."

Harry tries to picture it. Louis no longer a part of his life. Knowing that they have promo for their fifth album coming up and, of course, being in the same fucking band how did Will actually think Harry would go about cutting Louis out of his life completely. It's ridiculous to ask and Harry finds himself saying as much.

"I know you can't cut him out of your life completely, baby." Will inches closer to Harry who stands with his hands in the pockets of his jeans, head to the ground, green eyes sightless as the younger man holds an inner dialogue with himself. "I know you can't do that. Just...I know I'm not completely off when I said that he wants you, Harry. It's obvious to me now even if you can't see it. _I can!"_

"Well then what would you have me do? Huh?" Harry feels himself getting agitated. Agitated to a point where he knows that if he doesn't walk out the door right now he's going to say something he will come to regret. Or...

"Take me with you!"

_Huh?_

"Erm...what?"

"Take me with you. When you do your promo and all that. I can come and...and..."

"Babysit me?"

"Harry," Will whines, reaching for Harry's hand.

Harry's shaking his head, at what? He's not completely sure his mind has caught up with his body just yet. He lets out a bark of laughter to prove that very point.

Will is visibly startled at the sudden outburst as is Harry himself.

"What...what the fuck, Harry? You think this is a joke? Do you? Because I don't!"

"No. No, I don't. I just...just...no. I cannot be with someone who feels they have to babysit me to make sure I'm not standing too close to Louis or watching everything I say just so they can pick it apart piece by piece and make it into something that it's not. I'm sorry but that's the hell I've had to live through for the past five years and I'm not about to do it again." Harry feels the rush of adrenaline working it's way up from the bottom of his spine to the tip of his tongue giving him the confidence to speak up. Something he wish he could have done all those years ago...

Will steps back, speechless.

"I'm not doing it again, Will. I'm not and that's it. End of. And I'm sorry if I've hurt you but what you are asking of me is...well, it hurts me. And I suppose that's it then, isn't it?"

They stare at each other in tense silence. The air between them thick with emotion and words left unspoken. Tears rimming both men's eyes but only Will allows them to flow over, leaving glistening streaks down to his chin. Harry refuses to cry, swallowing thickly and raising his eyes to the ceiling to stave off anymore tears.

"I've gotta go." Harry backs away slowly, thumbing over his shoulder at the door to the flat. "I'm...just...I have to go. I'm sorry, Will." And with that he turns on his heel, rushing down the stairs and out to his car never looking back.

 

_________________________________________________________

 

He was so used to the sharp buzzing pain that dragged along his skin. This was old hat to Louis. His arms and chest littered with the most permanent form of art. There was a time when he wouldn't have even thought of 'marring' his virgin skin. But his admiration of Harry's courage and assuredness when the younger lad got his first tattoo made him realize that he shouldn't close his mind to something so beautiful. So permanent. So beautifully permanent.

Much like how he felt about Harry when they first met. Louis _knew_ his life would be forever altered because this beautiful, hilarious, and sweet young lad had been thrust into his life like the missing piece to the puzzle that was his life until that point. So beautifully permanent. A place only Harry could fill in his life like no other. _A soulmate of the best mate variety. Or simply...soulmate._

"Are you sure you don't want me to add something to it?" Hank asked, wiping away the dot of black ink pooled along Louis' forearm. "A rose? Snake? Some scrollwork along the blade maybe?"

Louis' shaking his head as he looks over the nearly finished piece. "Just this, thanks. And...it's perfect, mate. Exactly what I wanted."

The other man gives Louis a half smile before the sharp buzzing begins once again and the familiar pain washes over him like a distant memory.

 

_________________________________________________________

 

**Early 2013**

 

Louis is sitting on a leather prop couch with the other boys relaxing as they await the start of their latest photo shoot. It's all very familiar with the crew being some of the same trusted faces that are at every such event. Louis had been surprised that Eleanor had been asked to attend seeing as she had class that day but Louis didn't question it. It wasn't a new occurrence and he did enjoy getting to spend some time with her outside of public events where it just seemed so staged which...well, of course it always was.

"Hope this wasn't putting you out, love," Louis murmured to Eleanor as the other boys bantered loudly beside him.

The brunette was perched on the arm of the couch, long fingers toying with the ends of her hair. She pops her gum and gives Louis a smile.

"Not at all. Absolutely despise the class I had to miss so no worries."

Louis returns the smile and gives her knee a quick squeeze. "S'all good then, yeah?"

She nods, returning to her strand inspection.

 Just then the door to the studio room squeaks open and...

It wasn't fair of Harry to put Louis in this situation. Not when he knew he couldn't reciprocate. _Wouldn't. Wouldn't_ reciprocate. He's not a cheater and besides. What they had done together in the past was really just a phase. Experimenting on Louis' part and yeah. Maybe it shouldn't have gotten so far because...well, because Harry fell in love with him. And Louis felt like shit. He did. When he watched Harry's hurt turn to anger then resentment. He tried to smooth it over by always letting Harry know that he wasn't going anywhere. That they would always be best mates. The best. A thumbs up here and there. Their secret sign to each other that "Hey. I'm still here. Everything is going to be ok."

But here Harry is now, walking around the studio in his fucking tight ass boxer briefs without a care in the world. His skin tanned and littered beautifully with tattoos as unique as the man they adorned. _Man..._

Harry was _all_ man now. His body was chiseled and taut. Soft around his hips and Louis is reminded of a time when he used to bite Harry there to get him going. Worked like a charm every time. Make the younger boy squirm with giggles that quickly turned to panting sighs as Louis worked his way up Harry's body before capturing his lips in a kiss. Sighs turning to breathy moans that without fail got Louis hard almost instantaneously. There was just something about the irony of the softness of the boy he was eliciting these sounds from and the deep rumble of a man's voice that emanated from within said boy. It was intoxicating to Louis and he always needed it like a drug. Needed Harry like a drug...

Louis blinked, clearing his throat as he watched Harry literally _strut_ into the studio from the little dressing room off to the side. He caught Louis' eye and gave a quick, almost imperceptible wink before his eyes wandered over to the female figure next to the older man. Louis watches with a tightness in his chest as Harry's face falls before he looks away.

"Louis," Zayn is whispering in his ear. "Bro, control yourself." Zayn's eyes fall to Louis' lap where he is sporting a small bulge in his increasingly tight trousers.

_Fucking hell!_

Louis crosses his legs before throwing a glance to an oblivious Eleanor over his shoulder. The girl is now glued to her phone without a care in the world it seems.

"Oi! Styles!" Niall shouts, playfully. "Put some clothes on ya flasher!"

_No. Don't. It's been so long..._

Harry ambles over towards the couch with a fluffy white robe Louis must have missed draped over his arm. Louis needs to adjust desperately but if he moves an inch Harry will know. Know that he's getting a rise out of Louis, if that wasn't what his intention was to begin with.

"Boys. S'nothing any of you haven't seen before." His eyes slide over to a squirming Louis with a smirk.

Louis reflexively licks his lips as their eyes meet and he _so_ wants to reach out and just... _touch_ but, NO!

He catches himself, looking down and away before checking in with Eleanor. "Y'alright, love?"

The girl looks up from her phone, pocketing it with a quick smile. "Yeah." She glances over to Harry still standing in front of her boyfriend. "Harry." She gives him a tense nod in greeting before turning to Louis. "Lou? I'm kind of chilly. Do you think you could go grab me my sweater from the dressing room?" She makes a show of her request, wrapping her arms around herself with an over exaggerated shiver.

Louis is about to respond but before he can Harry speaks up. "I'm heading back that way. I'll grab it for you." And...yeah. That's odd. But when Louis dares glance over in Harry's direction to assess whether Harry hasn't been the victim of Body Snatchers from some far off galaxy all he sees is a slowly retreating broad-shouldered _man._ Tight, pert bum swaying lazily as Harry struts back towards the direction he came from. Bathrobe tossed carelessly over his shoulder and Louis wonders why Harry was still fucking carrying the bathrobe if he wasn't going to wear it, dammit!!!

_He's doing this on purpose, for fuck's sake! This has got to stop. It's...it's not fair to Eleanor. It just...it's just not...and me! It's like he's deliberately...FUCK!_

"I'll be right back."

Before anyone can say a word and before Louis can even register his own feet moving him in the same direction he is standing behind a bent over Harry who is rooting through a small pile of bags and clothing on the floor of the dressing room.

"Harry!"

The younger man startles, standing upright with a fuzzy cream sweater clutched in his hands. "Fuck!" he exclaims, spinning around. "Don't scare me like that, Lou!"

Their stylists are no where in sight and for once Louis is grateful because he needs to speak to Harry alone right now. Even though he knows what it looks like there aren't any prying eyes to report back to the higher-ups and really. They're just going to talk, anyway.

Harry clasps his hands together in front of his groin to shield himself with the sweater he still holds.

Louis rolls his eyes. "Oh, please. Modesty, H? _Now?_   It doesn't become you, love." Louis wants to smack himself across the face. _Love!_

Harry smirks, tossing the sweater over to Louis in one swift move. "Here's your _girlfriend's_ sweater. Better hurry back now before she gets... _uncomfortable_ knowing you're in the same room alone with little old me."

Louis groans as Harry grabs a pair of tight blue jeans off a rack of clothing marked with his name on it and begins slipping his foot into one of the legs. "I know what you're doing, Haz. It's not fair. It's...it's got to stop!"

He means it. He does. But there's no bite to Louis' words like he knows there should be. He watches as Harry begins pulling the skin tight material up his endless left leg before slipping in the next. He swallows audibly.

"I don't know what you're talking about... _love_." The hurt is evident in Harry's voice and Louis is brought back to the time when that simple word meant so much more for them both. For each other. One can't simply fall out of love so easily and he knows Harry still loves him. Is still _in love_ with him. So, really. Fairness seems to be a horrid term to use right now when it doesn't apply to anyone in this situation.

Louis softens, shoulders slumping forward squeezing his eyes shut. He sighs, stepping closer to Harry who is now pulling a black t-shirt over his head. "Harry," he whispers. "I'm sorry."

Louis hadn't realized how close he was standing in front of Harry until the younger man's curls were popping out the neck hole of the shirt mere inches from his face. Both men's breaths catch in their throats. Frozen. Alone. Together. For the first time in quite a while but...and Louis wants to just reach out and smooth the curls away that are hanging over Harry's right eye but...but...

Before he can think twice that is exactly what Louis does. His fingertips brush delicately across Harry's forehead before they take on a life of their own and glide down along the length of his jaw.

Harry's eyes flutter closed with a pained expression marring his features. It feels all too much for both of them.

"I'm sorry you're hurting, Harry. I don't want you to feel hurt," Louis says, brushing his thumb against the barely there scruff along Harry's chin.

Harry leans into the touch, eyebrows furrowing as a single tear escapes between his lashes. "I know," he says, voice trembling. "I know."

Louis' chest tightens and he can't be bothered to look around to see if anyone can see him as he envelopes Harry in his arms. "Please don't cry, love. Please don't."

His fingers card through the curls at the back of Harry's head as he feels two large hands grasp at his waist desperately. Small sobs escape the other man's lips so close to Louis' ear and he feels like utter shit. Complete shit for doing this to Harry. Again. If anything they were best mates and nothing should have ever gotten in the way of that but...fucking feelings! He just had to go and fuck it all up by letting Harry develop feelings for him! Not that...not that he didn't develop some feelings of his own but...well...that's neither here nor there. He was in charge of his feelings and able to see the forest through the trees. He'd been given this chance that he never thought he deserved but was thrust upon him all the same. All this time it has felt so precarious and he just couldn't... _wouldn't_...do anything to jeopardize it.

Harry's hands glide up Louis' back, arms circling around to grip onto the shorter man's shoulders. "I can't just turn it off, Lou. I can't. Not like you can."

Louis tenses. Is that what Harry thinks he did? Shut off his feelings for him like...like a light switch? "Harry...," he begins, inching back so as to look Harry in the eye before he speaks. "Harry, I didn't 'turn off' my feelings for you. It's just...we _can't._ "

Harry steps back wiping furiously at his eyes and nose. "Can't, huh?" he huffs, grabbing a tissue off of the makeup station. "Or _won't_?"

"Both, Harry. I'm with Eleanor, you know that! And it's just not...you know I...I've been given the chance of a lifetime to do what I love. We all have! I, for one, can't throw that away because I'm...I don't know! Confused, maybe?"

Harry's eyebrows shoot up, mouth dropping open in disbelief. "Confused?!?! Really?!?! I thought it was all cleared up, Lou? I thought I helped you clear that all up!"

Louis cringes because, yes. Even though they are in another room said room is still rather close to the others who could quite easily overhear them if voices were raised just enough. "Shhhh. Alright, alright." He holds up his hands placatingly. "Yes. I know. You did. But like I said..."

"You've been given a chance of a lifetime, I know," Harry says, mockingly. His face softens. "But what about love, Lou? Why not give love a chance?"

Louis faltered in the silence that followed, his mind swirling with emotions. God, Harry deserved to be loved and to be in love and treated like the beautifully brilliant man that he is but...that just couldn't be by Louis. It _couldn't._

"I didn't expect any of this, Haz. You, the boys, this amazing and fucking crazy life we get to lead. But it's here. I've got it. _We've_ got it. _None_ of us want to fuck it up."

"And by being with me that would be 'fucking it up', is what you're saying?"

Louis sighs, exasperatedly. "We've been through this, Harry!"

Harry steps closer crowding Louis against the door to the dressing room, noses mere inches from each other's as he speaks in a hushed voice. "I need to hear you say it to my face, Lou. Right now. Again. Say you don't love me."

Harry has moved even closer and Louis can feel the heat of the other man's breath ghosting across his own lips as his eyes close without permission. "H-Harry, you...you know I-"

Large, strong hands glide along Louis' arms until they reach his biceps, giving them a gentle yet firm squeeze. "Say it, Lou. Because fuck if you don't say it to me right now I swear to God I will keep on loving you and holding out hope that some day soon you will give us a chance." Harry brings their foreheads together and Louis melts into the touch feeling like the only thing holding him up is the firm presence of the man in front of him.

"Lou?" Eleanor's voice enters through the hollow wood of the door behind him. Louis straightens, leaning his head back against the door with a loud exhale. "Are you coming out?"

Harry's head is hung, still poised as if their foreheads are touching. Louis sees the man's shoulders shaking with muffled laughter at the irony and Louis can't deny the hilarity of the timing and of his girlfriend's choice of words. 

He laughs. "Erm...yeah. In a mo', love."

Louis feels Harry tense up at the word and once again he wants to slap himself but...hey. She is his girlfriend. He can't keep tip-toeing around Harry if he is in a genuine relationship with Eleanor. But he can't help feeling like he's let his friend down...

Harry brings his hands to his face rubbing his palms up and down over his eyes before shaking his head and arms like a fighter about to enter the ring trying to psyche himself up for whatever he's about to face. He laughs again, but this time it's clearly without humor. "I guess I've got my answer then, don't I?"

"Lou?" The girl's voice comes through once again only this time more insistent. "Louis, can you please come back. I'm... _chilly_!"

"Frigid, more like it," Harry mumbles under his breath backing away from Louis to finish getting dressed.

Louis misses the warmth of the man as soon as he's gone from in front of him but he quickly brushes the feeling aside. He clears his throat, ignoring Harry's admittedly hilarious jab at his girlfriend and turns to peek his head out the door. "Here you go, El," he says, handing her over her sweater that he still has clutched in his hands. "Be out in a minute."

Eleanor looks him over suspiciously, eyebrow cocked. "Louis...what's going on? You've been in there a long time and-"

Before she can finish, Louis feels the door being pulled from his light grasp as Harry is brushing past the both of them. "He's all yours," Harry says, a tightness to his voice that Louis hasn't heard in quite some time.

Louis tries to keep his face void of any emotion watching Harry make his way over to the other boys and crew awaiting their return. Though he feels like tearing his own eyes out with the gamut of emotions swirling through his head at that moment, his girlfriend is standing next to him still eyeing him suspiciously as she dons her sweater.

He turns to her with a tight-lipped smile, his Adam's apple bobbing with an audible swallow. "Let's head back, yeah." He drapes his arm loosely around her shoulder guiding her back towards the studio. "All warm now?" Louis says, giving her arm a light squeeze. He knows he's overcompensating because of the obvious tension in the air but he couldn't give a lesser fuck at this point.

He barely registers Eleanor nodding through the haze of Harry's words reverberating around his brain. _I will keep on loving you..._

_...holding out hope..._

_...give us a chance..._

 

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

**Present Day**

 

Louis watches as the plastic wrap is wound around his forearm, his mind suddenly clearing as inspiration strikes. He reaches out a hand to stop Hank before the tattoo artist applies the surgical tape to keep the wrap in place.

"Actually...," Louis smiles to himself, "there _is_ one more thing if you have the time."


	14. Ready to run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just...enjoy ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something tells me this is going to be everyone's FAVORITE chapter. It was certainly my favorite to write ;) Also one of the longest chapters I've written so far so I guess I'm making up for the long wait in between.  
> And please, please, please let me know what you thought of this chapter. This is the most nerve-wracking chapter I've ever written so I'm a bit nervous how you all will receive it. Too little...too much...just enough?
> 
> Thank you SO MUCH for all the love and especially the comments! It really keeps me motivated and excited to keep going. I hope you are all enjoying it so far. The end is near...;)

 

Chapter 14 [cover art ](http://daniellavictoriaao3.tumblr.com/image/143455043091)by hazstylestrash

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Since the whole café incident the press had been poking their unconscionable little noses into every move Louis made. The two weeks afterwards were filled with incessant texts and calls from Lowe and his team hoping Louis would back out of the break-up with Eleanor. When the two of them had met with the PR head the shit had not yet quite hit the fan as thoroughly as it did just a few days later. There was no way in hell Louis wanted to spend another minute unhappy in a relationship that he now realized was more or less a self-imposed closeting attempt that he was too scared to admit to. The tabs were already sowing the seeds that had been planted regarding the end of Elounor so there was no backing out now. At least he and Eleanor agreed on that and held a united front when they finalized the end of their relationship in a formal meeting with the entire PR team.

Lowe had cornered Louis before leaving that day and tentatively brought up the idea of, in a few months time, bringing in a possible new love interest for Louis but the singer just shrugged him off and told the rep he would need time to think about it. Louis had needed a quick exit and an argument regarding who had control over Louis' love life would have been futile. He didn't have it in him to fight for something he wasn't quite sure he had. At least...not yet.

So after his talk with Gemma and a quick call to a mutual friend of theirs' to confirm Harry was indeed still there, Louis hopped on a Red Eye to L.A.  He was officially going MIA. He had his plan in place. He'd done his research on Twitter earlier looking for exactly what he needed to do to prove without outright  _coming out_ that he was very NOT opposed to the thought of Larry Stylinson still being real. That the rumors of he and Harry being together didn't bother him in the least and that, in fact, he quite liked the idea. Hopefully Harry would see it the same way. Because if it's one thing Louis is sure of it's that he is NOT leaving L.A. without getting to tell Harry how he feels. How he's all in. If...well, if coming out is the only way Louis will be able to win Harry over at this point then...well, he'll cross that bridge when he gets there.

 

~~~

 

Thankfully, no one had been tipped off that Louis was in L.A. so he made it off of the plane and to their mutual friend Jeff's house without notice. Jeff, who had left for a business trip that same night, had opened up his pool house for him to crash in until Louis could meet with Harry the next evening (if all went according to plan, that is).  He'd sent a text that morning to his friend, and owner of Shamrock Social Club, Hank to set up a private session to get inked the morning after he arrived and the man was more than willing to oblige.

"Always hoped you two would get your shit together," Hank said after Louis told him of the plan for his tat. Apparently Hank seemed to have been privy to Harry's feelings for him over some late night inking sessions of his own. The younger boy would wax poetic about him to the tattoo artist so often that Hank had finally called him out on it and Harry caved, admitting his true feelings.

"We're like bartenders," Hank laughed. "Fucking shrinks or something. I don't mind, though. Comes with the territory, you know."

Louis just wondered how many other instances Harry had opened up to people regarding his feelings. However, expecting to feel terrified with the possibility of someone finding out that there was more to the two of them than friendship he was surprised to feel...sadness. Guilt and utter sadness for all the years Harry had to go through watching someone he was so achingly in love with 'choose' someone else. He couldn't imagine putting Harry through that again and...well, now he sort of knows how that feels in a way. Looking on as Harry kissed Will. Not Louis. Held hands with Will. Not Louis. Laughed at _Will's_ jokes. Not...well. That's not true. He still knew how to make the younger man bark with laughter. Never forgot, really. It had always been his favorite thing to do. And if he went one more day without being able to hear Harry's laughter from something _he_ said he...well, Louis just might give up on love altogether. What would be the point to it all then, really?

So that is why his mind is currently racing with what his 'opening line' should be as he squirms nervously in the back of an Uber on his way to Harry's house in L.A.  His new ink still fresh and slick with the lotion he rubbed on it after his shower a little over an hour ago,  Louis thinks he's never been quite this nervous before. Even taking into account all the auditions, performances, interviews, footie matches and PR 'meetings' he still is pretty convinced this is the moment his life will _completely_ change. That his future happiness is hinged on this moment and whether or not he can convince Harry that this time...this time he's ready. This time there is no lying to himself or to anyone else about who he is and who he...who he loves.

"Right here is fine," Louis tells the driver once they reach the outside gate of Harry's driveway. He wants the few extra seconds he'll need to walk the rest of the way to practice what he is going to say once Harry let's him in. _If_ Harry lets him in, that is. God! He really has little to no idea how this is all going to play out. Is he being presumptuous in thinking that Harry would still feel the same way about them that he once did? Is it just something that he needed to get out of his system before he could truly...move on?  Maybe Harry had given up all hope and faith in him. In him _ever_ not giving a fuck what anyone said or believed about the two of them.

Louis wouldn't blame him but it doesn't mean he's not going to try his damnedest to convince him otherwise.

He smoothes his hands over his chest before tugging on the hem of his gray and white henly nervously. He can't help feeling a bit silly. Like a boy about to pick up his date for the school dance or summat. He'd laugh at himself if he wasn't about to piss himself with the amount of anxiety buzzing through his veins currently. So he swallows down his nerves and rings the buzzer at the gate waiting with clammy hands for Harry to pick up and hopefully open the gate.

It doesn't take long for the speaker to crackle to life. "Lou?"

And oh, yes! Harry can see him, he realizes then noticing the security camera perched atop the stone pillar adjacent to the iron gate. He fixes his fringe self-consciously and then thinks himself an idiot because...yeah. Harry can see him primping as he waits.  _How_ _e_ _mbarrassing_ , he thinks. But...then again. "Harry? Haz? Please let me in. I...we. _We_ need to talk."

His voice doesn't waver and he mentally gives himself a pat on the back. There's no way Harry won't take him seriously. He's the King of Seriousness. He's calm. He's cool. He's collected. He will _not_ piss himself from the overwhelming sense of uncertainty that lays beyond the gate before him. He might throw up but he will NOT piss himself!

There's a pause on the other end of the speaker and Harry must have his finger still on the intercom button because Louis can make out the shaky breaths clearly highlighting Harry's indecisiveness. And Louis thinks _That's it. He hates me. He doesn't want to see me. He can't even-_

The gate starts to move ever so slowly and Louis' heart jumps into his throat. He looks up into the camera with hopeful eyes and mouths _thank you_ before stepping through the now opened gate.

It's a short walk up the stony drive to the grand black door to Harry's house and Louis spends it taking deep breaths and willing his heart to stop pounding out of his chest. Sweaty palms are bad enough but a heart attack on top of it all just wouldn't do. Things to say...lovely man to hopefully snog the fuck out of and all that.

Staring at his Vans as he makes his way up to the house, when Louis finally looks up his breath catches in his throat as he takes in the sight before him. Harry. Leaning against the door frame in a white fluffy bathrobe and slippers. And as far as Louis can make out...little else underneath judging by Harry's bare ankles and collarbones peeking out. His damp hair grazing his shoulders in darkened ringlets. _God, he's beautiful._

Louis swallows thickly. "I-I caught you at a bad time I suppose, yeah? Spa day, is it?" Louis hopes the hint of playfulness in his voice lessens the tension in the air between them that is making it so hard to breathe.

Harry's eyes give him a once-over before he grasps at the collar of his robe to cover himself sheepishly. A small smile tugs at the corner of his mouth and Louis counts it as a win. "Just got out of the shower. I did deep condition my hair and do a wonderful cucumber mint mask so I suppose you could say it was a 'spa day', yes."

 _Cheeky,_ Louis thinks as he feels the tension in his shoulders lessen. The knots in his stomach slowly if still precariously untying. He's not being completely shunned _and_ Harry sees him fit to banter with so yes. A small victory. He'll take it!

Louis lets out a nervous chuckle. "Ah. I thought you had a glow about you. Cucumber-mint you say?"

Harry raises his eyebrows giving a quick nod before breaking out into a tentative grin. He pauses, clearing his throat. His eyes never leaving Louis'. "Get in," he says softly, gesturing for Louis to follow him inside.

A rush of air leaves Louis' lungs in relief as he closes the distance between them and follows Harry closing the door gently behind them once inside.

Stepping into the foyer Louis realizes he's never been to Harry's L.A. home since it had been renovated. A couple of years now. And the last time was not under the best of circumstances seeing as it was when they had one of their biggest arguments to date. Louis shudders as he remembers...

 

**Early 2014**

"Then let's not even look at each other on stage anymore. You stay on your side and I'll stay on mine!" Harry is growing impatient and angry as Louis stands in his foyer, the younger man's arms crossed like a petulant child.

"Haz, that's ridiculous! We just can't...you know...people always get the wrong idea and-"

"The 'wrong idea'?!?!" Harry says, voice laced with hurt that Louis doesn't seem to notice or if he does doesn't seem to care.

"Yes. The wrong idea. It's frustrating to have people think that...that every little move I make, every time I look at you or smile at you or speak to you...that it means..." he sighs, running a hair through his messy fringe that seems to be growing longer by the minute.

"That we're fucking?"

"Haz!!!"

"What, then? Because to me it means that you still give at least a small shit about me. About our friendship." Harry rolls his lips between his teeth as they start to quiver but the tears that escape his eyes give him away.

"Now you're crying? Don't cry. Don't fucking cry, Harry! That's not fair!"

Harry can't contain his shock at his supposed friend's words. _Fair??? I'll give him fair!_

He huffs as he steps closer to Louis, the older man taking a step back. Harry stops in his tracks. "Did you...did you just...did you just back away from me, Lou?"

And Harry doesn't know whether to be hurt or angry or...fuck it! He's both!

Infuriated, he closes the distance between them getting nose to nose with Louis who does nothing but stand frozen and silent. The older man's eyes remain steely as if he's the one who has been wronged and it just adds to Harry's fury.

"If you are willing to let  _your_ insecurities dictate  _our_ friendship then maybe it's better off that we don't acknowledge each other AT ALL!" Harry shouts the last bit and Louis winces, squeezing his eyes shut in surprise. Harry is never one to raise his voice so it leaves him a bit unnerved by this sudden change in his best mate. _Former_?

Harry reaches behind Louis grabbing the door handle and Louis steps aside quickly, still in a bit of shock at the palpable anger emanating from the other man.

The door swings swiftly open and Harry stands there. Just...stands there. His eyes ablaze, staring at the wall ahead. He waits expectantly and Louis can't believe it.

_He's kicking me out! Fucking wanker!!!_

"You're kicking me out?!?! Are you seriously kicking me out?!?!"

Harry remains unmoving. Face unchanged and eyes staring resolutely ahead.

Louis huffs as he breezes past Harry towards the open door. But just as he steps outside he feels a nauseatingly sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. Like as soon as he steps out into 'the real world' their friendship will be forever changed. Possibly irreparably.

He quickly turns but is greeted by the slamming of the door mere inches from his face.

 

 

**PRESENT DAY**

 

He watches in silence as Harry ambles into his kitchen all granite and stainless steel and, no doubt to Louis, top-of-the-line everything. Harry had always been such an eager chef and baker. Something Louis always admired and was somewhat envious of. Of course, Harry had tried without much success to teach Louis but even the basics left him hopelessly lost. Plus, it was nice to watch the younger lad in his element. Tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth as he chopped veggies or whisked some concoction till it was a frothy masterpiece of some sort or another. Yes. Louis quite loved watching Harry.

"So...cuppa?" Harry's questioning voice breaks through the haze of Louis' reminiscence. "Just so happens I have Yorkshire," Harry smiles softly, holding up a brightly colored tin emblazoned with Yorkshire Tea along the front.

Louis nods returning the smile and hesitantly joins Harry as he prepares them both tea.

He doesn't know what to do or say or where to begin but Louis decides it's best if Harry isn't handling any sort of scalding liquid when he figures it all out. So they drink their tea in silence. Harry leaning his hip against the countertop and Louis seated at the far end of the butcher block kitchen island, they allow the familiar yet tense silence envelop them. It's Harry that speaks first.

"I'm sorry I never returned your texts or calls. I just...I needed to get away." He clears his throat nervously. "Will and I...we..."

"I know, Harry. And...I would say I'm sorry but..."

Harry looks up from where he was staring into his mug, frown furrowing his eyebrows. "How do you know?"

Louis' voice falters. "Don't be cross with her, Harry, but I called Gemma. Sh-she told me what happened."

"What exactly did she say?," Harry asks softly, averting his eyes. 

The beating of butterfly wings in Louis' gut have him itching to move so he does. He gets up from his stool, placing his still steaming mug of tea quietly down on the butcher block almost as if any sound would shatter this moment.

_This moment._

_God! It's make or break time, Louis! He'll either punch you or, hopefully and very much preferably, kiss you._

He hears Harry's breath hitch when he's finally standing in front of him. "Wh-what did she say, Lou?" His voice is quiet and wavering and Louis must stop himself from just reaching out and kissing the confused frown off of this beautiful man's face.

Instead, he slowly unfurls Harry's fingers from around his mug and places it on the counter behind him. He tentatively takes Harry's hands in his own, the younger man looking down as their fingers intertwine between them. His green eyes squeeze shut as he takes a shaky breath through his nose.

"She said that he wanted you to choose. Between me and him."

Eyes still squeezed tightly shut Harry speaks, voice barely above a whisper now. "And what else did she say?"

_This is it..._

_It's now or never..._  

Louis disentangles their fingers, slowly bringing his hands up to cup Harry's jaw as he steps even closer. "That you chose me, Hazza. That you chose _us._ "

Harry leans his forehead against Louis' with a quiet sob. He begins to slowly nod, damp curls tickling Louis' cheeks. "Yeah," he breathes. "Yeah. I did."

Louis thumbs away the stray tears escaping down Harry's cheeks as they stand there, Harry bringing his hands up to cup Louis' elbows trying to ground himself. The swell of words yet spoken making the air thick in the inch between their lips.

Louis inhales shakily as he moves one hand to card through the curls at the back of Harry's neck. "And I choose _you_ , love. I choose you."

Harry lets out a wet and breathy laugh bringing his hands up to Louis cheeks. "Yeah?"

They're both trying fruitlessly to contain the rush of emotions attacking them from all angles as both men are now smiling like the fools in love that they are. Louis nods and he really can't fucking wait to kiss this man so...he doesn't.

He noses at Harry's face until their smiling lips meet in a clash of teeth that leaves them a giggling mess. "Yeah, I do. I love you, Harry," Louis murmers between wet pecks. "Always have, always will."

Harry wraps his arms tightly around Louis' tiny waist nearly lifting him off the ground as he tilts his head to deepen their kiss. Louis very eagerly obliges as he grips onto Harry's curls as if his life depended on it.

It's been so long. _Too long..._

Both men's hands tremble with eagerness. Desperate to grab ahold of this moment like it would somehow be taken away from them if they let go of each other. It's unfortunately not a foreign concept to either of them. But alas, there's no PR reps hovering in the corner giving them warning looks because they're too close. There's no Simon or Management waiting in the wings ready to strike out at them by coming up with the next scheme to solidify Louis' heterosexuality to the public.

No. Right now it is just the two of them. Finally.

And then suddenly...

Louis feels Harry tense under his fingertips. "Lou?" Harry whispers, lips grazing Louis' still as he speaks.

"Mnhm?" Louis leans his head back, looking up into Harry's still glistening eyes. "What is it love?"

Harry inhales shakily meeting Louis' gaze and Louis' heart jolts in his chest. "Do you really, Lou? I mean...do you _really_ choose me like I've chosen you?"

And Louis knows what he means but he really hasn't figured out what his next step would be other than winning Harry's heart back. He hadn't really figured out if he had the courage to jump through all the proverbial hoops that would undoubtedly be set up by their PR team once he told them. But, Harry was so worth it. _T_ _hey_ were so worth it.

"Yes, Harry." Louis' mouth curved with tenderness as he traced his fingers down the sliver of Harry's exposed chest peeking out from his robe.

The younger man shivered at the touch reaching up to grasp Louis' forearms.

Louis winced at the touch, sucking air in through his teeth as the sensitive skin of his left forearm tingled uncomfortably.

Harry dropped his hands with a look of worry. "What is it? Did I...did I hurt you? What's wrong with your arm?"

Dipping his head lightly, Louis bit his lip to contain his nervous grin. "Well...I wanted you to know. I mean...I needed you to know that...that I'm serious about us, Haz. That you are it for me. You are the love of my life and I'm not afraid of what people will say about...about me. About _us_! Not anymore. In fact, I'd rather prefer it if it was quite bloody obvious that I am 100% in love with you to be honest."

Harry's lips part in a surprised smile at Louis' words but he raises a questioning eyebrow nonetheless. "But...your arm? What does that have to do-"

Louis licks his lips nervously as he reaches down to gingerly roll up his sleeve, the dark ink shiny under the kitchen lights.

Harry inspects the tattoo carefully, a look of confused wonderment spreading across his features. "Is...is that a dagger?"

Louis nods, tracing his fingers lightly over the imprinted blade. "To go along with your rose, Harry."

"But, Louis. The fans...on Twitter. They were talking about how when I got the rose...that...well. You know what they say about our tattoos."

"Yes, actually. Why do you think I got it, love? So that there is _no doubt_ that they are right about us. That this" Louis grasps Harry's hand placing it on the fresh ink on his arm despite the slight discomfort, "this is me letting the world know that _you_ , Harry Edward Styles, compliment me. You...complete me. You are my other half, love."

Harry grins brightly through the tears now blurring his vision. "Lou," he breathes. "Lou." Shaking his head in utter disbelief he swiped at his eyes with the heels of his hands before looking down at the tattoo once again.

Louis knows the moment he sees the words. The three words in cursive tattooed next to the blade. The three words that hold so much meaning to the both of them even if Harry needs some reminding.

"Given a chance?" Harry reads, eyebrows raised inquiringly. "I...what?"

"Oh, love," Louis begins. "You once asked me why I wouldn't give love a chance. Give _u_ _s_ a chance. Do you remember that? The day of that photoshoot when I followed you into the dressing room?"

Realization slowly dawns on Harry's face as the memory becomes fresh in his mind and he nods slowly, his heart beginning to flutter wildly in his chest.

"This is me. Telling you. That if given the chance now...with you...if you still...," Louis is fumbling with his words as he watches as Harry begins to nod his head in earnest.

"Yes! Yes! Yes of course, Louis!!!!" Harry says through a teary grin threatening to split his face. Gathering him up in his arms, he hugs Louis snugly against him. "Of course!"

Louis' shoulders slump in relief as he buries his face into Harry's curls, nuzzling them sweetly. "Oh, God Harry! I love you so fucking much," he whispers softly, breath hot against the other man's ear.

Harry leans into the sensation. Leans into the words spoken as if wrapping himself in their warmth. He squeezes Louis just a little bit tighter, feeling Louis' heart thudding against his own. "I'm _so_ in love with you, Louis. God! I can't believe this is happening. Finally!"

Louis laughs lightly before grazing his lips against the side of Harry's neck, darting his tongue out to taste because...well...

_Because I can now, dammit!_

Clean.

Harry tastes clean.

And Home.

Harry tastes like home and Louis realizes as the younger man's hands graze down the planes of his back, a soft moan leaving his lips, that there's no place else he'd rather be.

 

~~~~

 

So much fucking time to make up for. _Too much fucking time wasted not in each other's arms...kissing another's lips...touching another's skin..._

Both men's minds are mirrored in thought as they cling to each other, their bodies swaying to and fro in contentment. Louis' lips trailing wet kisses along the juncture of Harry's neck and shoulder, eliciting soft breathy moans from parted plush lips.

"Louis...maybe..." Harry begins, his voice vibrating with the barely contained eagerness to progress to something... _more._ "Maybe we should...(soft gasp)...move...erm...to the..."

Louis' lips brush his earlobe right then and Harry instinctively arches his body toward him. "Wherever you want me, love" Louis breathes into his ear, voice a seductive whisper as he grazes the soft flesh.

Harry groans, noticing his bathrobe and briefs have become unfairly restrictive making him uncomfortably warm.

And just like he was reading his mind, Louis moves one hand down to deftly unfurl the knotted belt of the bathrobe while burying his other hand in Harry's curls as he begins to suckle lightly under Harry's jaw.

"Oh...God!" Harry's voice is rough and it sends a bolt of heat straight to Louis' half hard cock straining in his too-tight jeans. 

Louis winds his arms inside Harry's robe and around his back, dragging his bitten down fingernails down the smooth skin. His mouth still working a love bite under Harry's jaw, he gasps in surprise when strong hands are suddenly gripping his arse and kneading into the ample flesh.

"Bedroom! Now!" Harry pulls away, albeit reluctantly. Taking Louis' hand he pulls him eagerly along behind him down the hall to the double doors of his bedroom. Louis' skin tingles with excitement, the flesh of Harry's palm against his own just... _not enough!_ His entire body aching to be touched, Louis tugs on Harry's hand to stop him right before they reach the doors. Backing him up against the wall outside Harry's bedroom, Louis hungrily covers the other man's mouth with his own. His fingertips find their way under the material covering Harry's shoulders and he slides it down till the robe is hitting the ground soundlessly, pooling at their feet.

Louis steps back then, breaking the desperate kisses as his eyes slide slowly and seductively downwards. Biting his lower lip he gazes back up through his eyelashes at a panting Harry. He traces his fingertips lightly over Harry's fully tented briefs, the other man's fists clenching at his sides at the touch. It's almost... _too much._

_But not enough._

Definitely _not enough!_

"Is this...", Louis palms Harry, lightly stroking his clothed cock, "Is this my fault? Did I do this, Harry?"

_Oh, the fucking tease!_

Harry nods, eyes heavy with want as he flattens his back against the wall as if it was the only thing holding him upright. His fingernails dig into the wooden slats lining the hallway, knuckles whiting out as Louis' hand works him slowly over.

The older man's tongue is poking out of the side of his mouth as he admires his work through hooded eyes. "I guess I should do something about it then, yeah? It's only right."

And _oh! The fucking tease!!!!_

Harry whines high in his throat. "Louis! Please..."

" 'Please' what, love?" His palming is becoming relentless now, his gaze traveling upward to search Harry's face, his eyes. He smiles coyly. "What do you want me to do?"

"Anything, Lou," Harry pants, reaching out to grip onto Louis' arm working him over. "But...I want to...to touch..."

"You want to touch me, love? Is that what you want?"

_God! Fucking YES!_

Harry bites down on his lower lip, stifling a whine. He nods, tightening his grip on Louis' arm and he's amazed he hasn't exploded from the prolonged anticipation that is becoming almost unbearable.

Louis drops his hand and laces his fingers with Harry's own. Gently tugging Harry's hand he nods towards the bedroom doors.

Licking his lips nervously, Louis smiles and says "Then let's make up for lost time, shall we love?"

 

~~~~

 

"I-I've never...erm...oh, God this is embarrassing now, isn't it?"

After leading Harry over to the bed piled high with varying shades of pastel colored throw pillows Louis realizes that, other than what he had done with Harry in the past (little more than handjobs and horny teenaged frottage) he was probably MUCH less experienced than the other man was. It made his stomach drop to know that he didn't get to experience anything more with Harry. That Harry has experienced... _things..._ with other men. Other men that weren't him. Weren't Louis.

Harry, spread out on his back in only his briefs, shakes his head in earnest. He reaches out for Louis who had paused with one knee on the mattress ready to join him on the bed, before making his confession.

"No, love" Harry says, soothingly. Then reaching out for Louis, he adds "C'mere."

Louis lifts his other leg onto the bed, his mouth watering at the sight of this... _man_... _dear, God! Is he ALL man, now!_...laid out before him. "I want to make you feel good, Haz."

Harry moans as the implication sends waves of exitement through him.

Louis moves to straddle Harry's thighs and Harry sits up wrapping an arm around Louis' still clothed waist and...

"First let's get this off, shall we?" He tugs at the hem of Louis' shirt and Louis raises his arms to allow Harry to remove his shirt. Harry swiftly tosses it onto the floor. "And..." He glides his hands down Louis' trembling chest before moving them to his lower back, fingers reaching under the waistband of Louis' jeans.

Louis bites his lip, looking up at Harry coyly. "Wanna help me with that, love?" He reaches behind him to bring one of Harry's hands to the bulge in his jeans.

"Oh, God! Louis!" Harry softly moans as he rubs his thumb over Louis' clothed cock.

A shudder passes through Louis at the touch. "C'mon now, love. Haven't got all day," he says with a playful smirk.

"Mnhm," Harry breathes out roughly through his nose, giving Louis' cock one last firm caress.

He wastes no time flipping Louis over onto his back, a surprised squawk coming out of the older man's mouth at the sudden change in position. "Now..." Harry smiles seductively, eyes darkened with palpable lust. "Let's get these off, shall we?" He slowly slides his palms up the soft material encasing Louis' muscular thighs, kneading into the flesh underneath here and there as he makes his way towards his final destination.

"So beautiful," he breathes, mesmerized. Aching for it. Just... _aching_ for _Louis._

_God, how I've waited for this! And now...now I get to..._

He presses his hands firmly into Louis hips on either side of his straining, impossibly hard length. Louis writhes underneath his touch, hips bucking up once before Harry presses down once more.

"Shhh. Shhhh, Lou. I've got you."

Louis whines, a pained expression passing over his face briefly. _Need...more. Need so much more!_

Harry palms Louis one last time before swiftly lowering the zipper covering what his mouth has been watering over for the last half an hour. Louis lifts his hips up in assistance, his mind a fuzzy mess of _Oh, fuck_ 's and _Can't fucking believe this is happening_ 's,

Harry slowly pulls Louis' legs from the jeans, the other man's shoes already removed in haste earlier before he crawled onto the bed.

Louis feels like he should be more self-conscious about Harry seeing him naked for the first time in... _God...2...3 years!_ But he's surprised at how comfortable he is laying out, completely exposed save for his tented pale blue boxer briefs. And if Harry's slow and worshipful gaze that travels from the tops of Louis' feet to his pleading blue eyes is any indication Harry has absolutely _NO_ problem with any part of Louis' body.

"God, Lou. Have I ever told you how fucking beautiful, how _perfect_ you are?" Harry crawls almost cat-like up the length of Louis' body until his face is hovering mere inches above the other man's.

Louis can literally feel the blush creeping along his cheeks and isn't sure he can even speak. Isn't sure how to respond, actually because well...yes. Harry had _always_ let Louis know that he thought he was beautiful. That he wasn't the flawed mess with the too soft curves and the over-the-top camp behavior that he had been made to believe he was by the higher ups and image consultants assessing them at every turn. The professionals that made him feel less than for just being himself. His _true self_. Harry always made him feel... _more than._ _Worthy. Completely accepted, every bit of him._

And as he gazes up into the soft green eyes looking down on him he can't believe he ever doubted the depth of his love for this man. This...unbelievably _lovely, gorgeous, angel_ of a man.

He nods with a wistful smile, his hand reaching up to card through Harry's cascading curls. "Yeah, love. Yeah, you have. And I'm so bloody sorry I've never let you know how much those words have meant to me over the years. How beautiful you've always made me _feel_." He presses his lips to Harry's, caressing his mouth more than kissing it because it just feels right like this. Soft. The heat is still there but there's just so much _more_ between the two of them. So much more that needs to be said. But...

 _We've got time,_ Louis thinks, parting his lips to deepen the kiss tongue reaching out in search of Harry's own. He'd forgotten how damn soft Harry's lips were and _God, how could I ever have gone without kissing this man???_

"Love you so much," Harry pants as their lips briefly part before reclaiming Louis' mouth once again. "I need you, Lou."

Louis is letting out little high-pitched whimpers, feeling Harry's hardness gliding against his own aching cock as Harry leisurely rolls his hips as they kiss. He doesn't know exactly what else the night has in store for them but what he does know is that he needs to get his hands, mouth, _any fucking part of him_ on Harry's beautiful, _beautiful_ dick! Right fucking now!

"Haz, I need," he gasps softly on one particularly pleasurable grind of their hips, "need to... _fucking hell_...I need to touch you! Wanna touch your...wanna see..."

Harry noses at Louis' cheek and then drags his kiss-swollen lips to Louis' ear. "What do you want to see? What do you want to touch, love? Tell me." He sucks Louis' earlobe into his mouth before releasing it with a soft nip.

Louis shivers, his body tingling from the heat of Harry's breath against his ear. A soft moan escapes his parted lips. " _Fuck..."_

A throaty groan bubbles from Harry, his face still buried in Louis' neck. "Yes. We'll get to that, baby."

 _Baby..._  

Louis stifles a moan at the implication of what Harry just said. But before he can lament once again over his utter lack of experience in the cock-in-bum department, Harry is whispering lowly in his ear once again. "But I'd like to hear you tell me _exactly_   what you want. I want to give you anything" Harry darts his tongue shallowly into Louis' ear " _everything"_ he does it again, eliciting a high-pitched moan from the back of Louis' throat "all of me." He rolls his hips and Louis responds in kind instinctively.

And Louis thinks he's never felt this level of anticipation in his life. Never felt like he literally _needed_ something so badly in his entire fucking life. "I want to suck your cock, love," he whispers, arching his neck as Harry begins to suck and nibble down his jaw. "I-I need to get my mouth on you. Need to taste you."

"Jesus, Lou! _Fuck!_ " Harry lifts his head from Louis' neck with a look of lustful awe. "Have you...I mean... _we_ never have so I assume..."

 _I'm fucking ruining this moment, aren't I?_ Harry laments, biting down on his tongue. "I'm sorry," he continues.

Louis smiles, endeared. "There's a first time for everything, love. And there's no other cock I would I would like my first time to be with."

Harry would giggle if his groin wasn't currently throbbing in interest at Louis' words. He swallows audibly. "Well, then," he leans back on his haunches, spreading his arms out in presentation. "Do with me what you wish."

Louis licks his lips, every ounce of nerves replaced with pure lust. Experience be damned!

_I'll learn as I go, for fuck's sake!_

In one minute flat he has Harry on his back once again, as he climbs between his parted legs. He feels all at once desperate to touch Harry yet wanting to take his time. Take in every inch of his skin. Every hair. Every freckle. Every smooth curve and every hardened muscle. Study every piece of this _man_ who's body he's only had the pleasure of knowing as that of a soft-edged boy.

Harry must mistake Louis' reverential pause as hesitation to continue because he says, "Lou, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do."

Those words lay heavily in Louis' heart. Because, he thinks, for the last four years he had been somewhat forced into doing things that in all actuality he really didn't want to be doing. Giving up on the one thing...the one _person..._ that ever really stood by him. That ever really made him feel like he could be someone. Be... _himself._

"Love," he smiles softly down at Harry. "Believe me when I say that there isn't a thing I don't want to do with, to and for you. You're the love of my life, Haz." He sniffles, a silent sob leaving his lips.

He notices the wetness of Harry's eyes, a trembling smile turning up the corners of his plush mouth. "Have I told you how deliriously in love with you I am, Louis William Tomlinson?" He sits up, pulling Louis into a warm embrace. Heated skin caressing heated skin. Soft kisses landing on whatever skin is within range on the other man's body, flesh dampened by each other's tears of happiness. Hands clinging desperately even though they are fully aware that neither of them are ever again going to let _anyone_ or _anything_ tear them apart.

"We've got time, Lou," Harry whispers into Louis' ear. "All the time in the world."

And as Louis relaxes further into his boy's arms a contented sigh passing through his lips, he thinks to himself _Fucking right we do, Love. Let them try and tear us apart again._

 


	15. I'll Make This Feel Like Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis and Harry talk. Among...other things. ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment, share, bookmark, subscribe and all that good stuff. I love it all and I appreciate every single one of you who even give this a read.

Chapter 15 [cover art ](http://daniellavictoriaao3.tumblr.com/image/143459181431)by hazstylestrash

 

 

Louis had almost let himself forget what it felt like to wake up with Harry curled up in his arms. Almost let himself forget how much he missed it. _Needed it._

Harry's hair was of course much longer now but still smelled just as sweet. Just as familiar. Still soft enough to bury his nose in and drift off into a peaceful sleep. Not a care in the world.

Except with this new day came more confusion than ever for Louis. More than he cared to think about as this man in his arms laid peacefully ignorant to the inner turmoil brewing inside Louis' mind.

_So beautiful. So...worth it._

Harry should never have had to deal with Louis' shit and Louis knows it. His own insecurities about...about his sexuality. For fuck's sake! He's going to be 24 in less than a month and he's just admitting it to himself than he's been living a goddamn lie! Wasting so much time apart from Harry, not _knowing_ Harry as a man, not even being _friends_ with Harry. At least not like he now knows he should have been. And as he watches the even rise and fall of Harry's broad shoulders only inches away from him he realizes that there is _so much_ more to learn.

After holding each other for what felt like hours just reveling in the feel of each other's skin, wiping away each other's tears of relief and joy, sharing soft kisses and sweet words, they fall asleep in each other's arms. The heat that had them clawing at each other earlier replaced with patience and love and the need to memorize each other once again. Every press of lips against skin an unspoken promise. Every soft caress an assurance to each other that  _this_ is where they wanted to be. Where they _needed_ to be.

As the sun streams in through the billowy white fabric of the curtains Louis watches the light play along Harry's skin and the fine hairs on his arm. His gaze travels along the every inch of Harry's exposed skin aching to memorize every freckle. Every hair. Every scar. He studies the column of Harry's neck laid bare by his hair pooling on the pillow like a halo. Louis imagines all the moments he will now get to nuzzle and lay kisses along the soft skin there. He analyzes the soft, chestnut waves that have grown so long since the last time he has had the pleasure of running his fingers through it. Noting all the paler strands interspersed between the darker ones. _So soft._ He carefully inches closer to inhale that old familiar scent of apple blossom and... _Harry._

_Home._

Louis traces a careful finger from Harry's shoulder down to his elbow before snuggling closer to continue on down his forearm and the back of his hand that is resting on the mattress. Harry barely stirs. Always one to sleep like a bear but...Louis has _plans_. Even with the ache still in his throat and behind his eyes from the emotional overload of the night before Louis still has every intention on making good on last night's promise. Experience or not.

He smirks to himself proudly before lifting the sheet both of them are tangled up in from the waist down, careful not to disturb the bed too much. This is supposed to be a _surprise_ wake up and it won't be much of a surprise if Harry awoke before Louis is fully invested in the task.

Thankfully the sheet is illuminated from the sunlight streaming in so Louis was able to see and _God_ did he enjoy what he was seeing. Toned, nearly hairless thigh. So strong and defined.  _Perfect._ Harry's little bum barely covered by the smallest boxer briefs Louis has ever seen. The underside of each cheek poking out the tiniest bit and Louis had to restrain himself from nibbling the exposed skin. His mouth already watering he tore himself away making a mental note to explore Harry's bum at length a bit later. He had other pressing matters to attend to currently.

He settled himself on his side, face to groin with Harry's sleeping form. Louis bit his lip nervously, a slow unconscious smile quirking up the corners of his mouth. _Better late than never,_ he thinks as he noses gently at Harry's clothed cock happily surprised that Harry seems to be half hard already. He can't help himself as he feels his own cock filling up, an overwhelming electric heat suddenly coursing through his bloodstream. His worry over his lack of experience suddenly disappearing as instinct takes over. Louis needed to _admire_ just what he had been missing out on. Needed to... _worship._ Because really there wasn't any other more appropriate word for what Harry's body deserved. He deserved to have every fucking inch of his body worshipped. Starting with his enormously... _impressive_ cock.

Louis noses along Harry's shaft tucked away behind the soft black fabric. Memorizing the scent of sweetness, a hint of sweat and something along the lines of apples lightly filling his nostrils. Suddenly Harry shifts and he is on his back with a quiet groan before his breathing becomes regulated once again.

_Like a fucking bear_ , Louis muses. _Well, let's see if I can't bring this bear out of hibernation._

He has a sudden rush of confidence and much easier access to Harry's cock now that the other man is on his back. Louis licks his already spit-slicked lips before laying open mouth wet kisses along Harry's covered shaft suddenly _hungry_ for it. Harry stirs but his breathing evens out once again. Louis has his work cut out for him.

He barely has time to move before Harry is suddenly flipping onto his stomach with a quiet exhale through his nose.

_Fuck! Now what?_

Now this is getting tricky but Louis is always up for a challenge and besides. He is getting ravenous now. His mouth still watering and his own cock beginning to throb in anticipation. Then...he has a brilliant, _brilliant_ idea!

_Kill two birds and all that..._

He dives in, swiftly lowering Harry's boxer briefs down until his soft round bum is fully exposed. Harry's balls peeking out from between his thighs. Louis would laugh at the sight if he wasn't so turned on. Which...is new. And he allows himself the long-distanced memory of his first realization that the feel of a man's, nee _Harry's,_ cock in his hands aroused him to no end.

_Fucking ravenous..._

Louis pokes his tongue out giving a soft lick to the darker flesh of Harry's balls before suckling them into his mouth gently. He noses between Harry's cheeks, covered by a very fine layer of hair inhaling more of the same scent he has begun to memorize. Louis nips lightly at the curve of each cheek before reaching underneath Harry with deft fingers to release his cock trapped between his body and the mattress underneath.

_Holy...fucking..._

Louis' eyes widen at the sight before him. He has his work cut out for him as all hopes of his first attempt at deep throating Harry fly out the window. He'll work up to it, he tells himself. He'll have to.

But God is Harry's cock beautiful. Beautiful and much... _much_ bigger than what Louis remembered it to be. But then again, he's never had his mouth so close to it in all it's glory before now.

With a deep breath and a heavy throbbing in between his own legs, Louis brings his lips to the head of Harry's length. _Warm. Soft._

He takes in as much as he can until his nose is buried in between Harry's cheeks. And then... _finally_...Harry stirs with a sharp exhale followed by a soft moan.

"Lou?" Harry mumbles with a sleep-rough voice above the covers. Louis can hear the pleasantly surprised smile in Harry's tone.

"Mnhm?" Louis responds as he slid his mouth up and down Harry's quickly filling shaft once again. He popped off wetly, sucking in the excess saliva through his teeth audibly. "What is it love?"

Harry's giggle catches in his throat as Louis begins kneading Harry's balls between his fingers. "Fucking hell!" Harry whispers, gripping his pillow tighter and fighting the urge to roll his pelvis into the bed for more friction. Soft moans are muffled into the pillow as Louis sucks Harry's cock in earnest, both hands now caressing Harry's bum cheeks in the same rhythm. "Oh, my God! _Louis!_ "

Despite the awkward angle Louis finds his footing quite easily in the cock-sucking from behind department. In fact, he is picking it up rather quickly. He would pop off, laying a wet kiss to Harry's reddened head before nipping and suckling at the under curve of each of Harry's bum cheeks. Sucking the softness into his mouth roughly leaving bruises behind. All Louis can think about is making Harry feel good. And though this is the first time he has felt the heaviness of another man's cock in his own mouth it felt so... _natural. So instinctual, almost._

Harry groans loudly, writhing beneath him.

"Y'alright?"

"Y-yeah. Yeah. Fucking _yes_ , I'm alright! Bloody fucking hell!" And suddenly Harry's hand is in Louis' hair, gripping the strands between his fingers. " _Louis,"_ he whines. "Don't stop. _Please._ Don't fucking stop!"

Louis feels the sudden wetness at the head of his own aching hardness. _Holy fucking shit! He's begging! God that's fucking HOT!_

"Lift up, love." Louis gently guides Harry's hips up, helping him off with his boxer briefs balling and tossing them to the side. He holds Harry's hips in place as he begins peppering soft kisses to the flesh of his bum now pointed to the heaven's.

Harry sighs contentedly at the gentle touches but he wants... _more._

"Lou...," he groans softly. "You're teasing me, sweetheart." Harry shakes his hips from side to side interrupting Louis' ministrations.

Louis pauses, his hands kneading into the fleshy mounds beneath his fingertips. "Can't help it. Your arse is just...it's calling to me, Haz." He growls low in his throat before he takes one last playful bite of Harry's bum causing the younger man to squeal delightedly.

"You're a fucking menace Louis Tomlinson. Now get up here!"

Louis chuckles as he makes his way above the covers rearranging himself in Harry's arms, their limbs quickly intertwining. Laying face to face Harry rubs his nose lightly against Louis' with a sleepy grin, dimples on full display. 

"Hi."

"Hi."

"What a way to wake up." Harry pecks Louis' smiling lips chastely before angling his head to deepen the kiss. He could taste his essence on Louis' tongue. The perfume of Harry's body wash scenting Louis' face. It is intoxicating and Harry can't get enough. He moans softly into the kiss before pulling back slightly to meet Louis' eyes. "For a supposed lack of experience you're...ahem...really taking initiative."

Louis smirks seductively, his eyes dark and hooded. His hand sliding slowly down Harry's nearly hairless chest, fingertips finally grazing through the soft hairs travelling down, down, _down._

Harry's lips part in a quiet gasp as Louis takes him in hand, his hips bucking up into the touch.

"Making up for lost time. Remember?" Harry watches with bated breath, eyes closing as Louis slides beneath the covers once more.

 

 

~~~

 

 

"You are a fucking _natural,_ Lou. I-I mean for a first time...I-I are you _sure_ that was your first time?" Harry stammers, sighing in pleasant exhaustion just having had the best orgasm of his life so far. He never doubted it would be now that there isn't anything holding either of them back. There is no sense of this being only a temporary fling that they shouldn't get too lost in lest they fall too far or too deeply. No sense of either one of them not being sure of what the other was feeling. Whether this will all disappear should someone find out. This was it. Louis was his and he was Louis'. There was no turning back. They are in this together now. _Together. As it always should have been._

Louis giggles into his hand as he wipes at the corners of his mouth relaxing back onto the pillow next to Harry. "Well, Curly. I suppose I'm just gifted. Shame I've been stifling such a gift all these years, yeah?"

Harry's smile dims just a bit and it doesn't go unnoticed.

Louis reaches out a hand to cup Harry's jaw softly. "Oh, love. This is just the beginning for us. There's so much more to come and I promise. _I promise_...there is no turning back for me. And...and even though this is all new for me and I'm not as experienced as some of the other men you've been with-"

"Other men?" Harry's eyebrows furrow in confusion. "Louis. I've only ever been with Will and...and well, I messed around a bit with...with David."

"David? As in David Sou-" Louis sits up then, sheet pooling at his waist. Harry follows hesitantly.

"Yes.  _That_ David. It was brief and it wasn't a relationship. Just some fun now and then but we never went very far." Harry grimaces. "This feels weird. Is it getting weird? I shouldn't be telling you-"

"No. I mean...I just thought. You've always known you were...so I just assumed..."

"Well, I've snogged a fair lot of boys but other than that David and Will and...you, of course were my only other _sexual_ experiences, you know."

Louis nods slowly, tucking an errant curl behind Harry's ear. "I just wish...I just wish I could've been your first _everything._ You know?" He smiles wistfully, avoiding Harry's eyes.

Harry brings his hand up to cover Louis' still stroking the curls by his ear. Bringing the older man's fingertips to his lips, Harry kisses them gently. "Oh, Lou. We'll have many firsts, love. _Many_ firsts."

Louis gazes up at Harry through his eyelashes with a sad smile. "I know. But, I feel like it should have been...like it should have been me who you lost your virginity to."

Harry's heart flutters in his chest at the thought. The thought that Louis doesn't _know_. That Louis has been so caught up in his own inexperience that he didn't stop to consider the depth of Harry's love for him and how completely and utterly lost Harry has been over him to the point of never feeling comfortable enough to give that part of himself to someone else.

"Lou. I've never. I-I couldn't." He takes Louis' hand in his own, intertwining their fingers on the bed between them.

Louis' blue eyes narrow speculatively. "Never? But...even with Will?"

Harry sighs. "God knows he wanted to. We almost got there the night we got back from tour but...I couldn't. He understood. He knew I'd never had sex before but...I could tell he was disappointed."

He trails his thumb along the top of Louis' hand, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "But, you know. You've always had this hold over me, Lou. As much as I tried to fight it sometimes you've always held that part of me that was meant for... _more."_

Louis gently squeezes his hand and Harry finally looks up to meet his gaze. He is met with tearful blue eyes and a smile. "Fucking hell, Harry," Louis chuckles wetly. "I've never been so happy to cockblock someone before!"

Harry smiles, tears prickling at the backs of his own eyes. He nudges Louis' shoulder with his own playfully. "Yeah. Me neither. I mean...eventually I'm sure it would've happened but I'm just...I'm so happy you came to your fucking senses, Lou." Tears spill from his eyes and down his cheeks. " _So_ fucking happy. Because there's no one else I'd rather give myself to for the first time than you. Because..." a soft sob escapes Harry's lips. "Because...you are  _it_ for me, Lou. You are the love of my life. You've had my heart since the first day I ever laid eyes on you in that bathroom back at the X-Factor. And you'll have it for the rest of my life. If you want it, that is."

If Louis knew exactly what 'swooning' felt like he would imagine it would be what he is feeling right now. Completely overwhelmed with emotion to the point of giddiness and pure fondness. So much so that it is taking his breath away. "Haz," he began, swiping at his own tear-streaked cheeks. "I have wasted too much time lying to myself and everyone around me about who and what I really am. Who I really _love_. You...you are beautiful Harry. And I'm sorry for taking so _fucking_ long to realize that _you"_ he reaches with both hands to cup Harry's cheeks, placing a soft peck to plush lips "are _the_ absolute love of my life and there isn't anything to be afraid of with you by my side."

Harry grins, tears falling freely now down his face. "I love you, Louis," he whispers, bringing their lips together for a soft and tender kiss.

Louis sighs as both men's lips meet once again as they lose themselves in the moment that _no one_ can take away from them. "I love _you_ , Hazza."

 

 

~~~

 

 

Louis watches Harry's soft hips as they swing side to side, the younger man's defined back and arm muscles flexing as he whisks. It has been too long since he has had a breakfast quite like the masterpieces Harry used to make him. It has also been just as long since he has gotten to _watch_ Harry make him one of his masterpieces.

If it was up to Harry he would be naked right now but Louis had insisted he at least put on his briefs. He is starving and if Harry's cock and bum are on display the whole time Harry is cooking Louis isn't sure any food would make it to his mouth. It would be too preoccupied with, well... _Harry_. Harry's cock. Harry's lips. Harry's skin. Any part really. He isn't feeling very particular when _every_ part of Harry is so fucking delectable.

So Louis is resigned to simply watch as Harry hums some internal tune and prances about around the kitchen with his little bum. Louis has quite a tough life.

"Two slices of cheese in your omelet, yes?" Harry asks, glancing over his shoulder at Louis who is sitting at the kitchen island behind him.

Louis nods, a slow smile creeping up because Harry _remembers._ Of course he does. He's lovely like that.

"Y'know you could start the kettle if you like. Mi casa es su casa," Harry quips with an especially vibrant sway of his hips.

_Lovely._

Louis pauses as his smile spreads like a wild fire, his eyes nearly shut by the strength of it. He knows it's just a saying. _Mi casa es su casa. My house is your house. My home is your home. Whatever's mine is yours as well._ But Harry doesn't know how spot on those words are for Louis. How even during the times when they were barely speaking Harry always remained his grounding force. When he needed to be reminded that, despite all of the time spent away from his family and despite all of the important life events that he was missing out on because of their work, Harry was his constant. He has always held a special place among Louis' family seeing as how they were inseparable from the moment they met. Unable to go too long without the other. How many holidays and birthdays and anydays that Harry had spent with Louis and his family and vice versa...

Yeah. Harry always reminded him of being home. Fuck. Harry _was_ his home.

"Tea, Lou? You on that or..." Harry's voice drifts off in question, breaking Louis away from his thoughts.

Louis clears his throat stepping down off of the stool. "Yes, of course."

 

 

 ~~~

 

 

 

Harry's cheesy omelets on toast are even better than Louis remembers. The amount of cheese- _spot on_! The fluffiness of the eggs- _perfection_! The chef- _absolutely lovely_! 

They down their breakfast in record time eager to get on with the rest of their day together. Despite being in a complete love cocoon (Harry's own words exactly which makes Louis roll his eyes fondly,  the younger man wrapping him up in his arms to simulate a cocoon) both men had words and thoughts bubbling at the surface that needed to be let out. Though their love for each other was now quite clearly mutual both of them knew it wasn't going to be an easy road.

"God, Lou!" Harry smiles, settling on the couch next to Louis tea mug in hand. "S'just like old times, innit? I mean, not exactly but...it's like we can, I don't know. Start over?"

Louis smiles wistfully down into the milky tea in his own mug. "Yeah. Of course."

"What?" Harry shifts towards Louis, placing his mug down on the coffee table in front of them. He places an arm around Louis' shoulders gently drawing him in. "What's bothering you? I mean, well I'm sure there's lots of things we should talk about now that we both have our clothes on." He noses at Louis' neck before taking the mug from Louis' hands and placing it on the coffee table next to his.

Louis stifles a grin.

_God, how can I be so happy right now? How is this level of happiness even fucking possible? How have I gone this long without knowing this kind of feeling?_

"Lou? You're thinking." It's not a question.

He clears his throat. "I am."

_So much to say..._

"There's so much to say, really." He inhales deeply, preparing himself.

Harry nods encouragingly.

"Ok, then." Louis claps his hands once, rubs them together and then places them on his knees turning to face Harry. "I'm a bit scared, is all H."

Harry nods once again, encouraging Louis to continue.

"This is all new to me, Harry. You've always known you were..." He pauses, brows furrowing as something he has been wondering breaks into his train of thought. "Oh, by the way! Were you _ever_ into girls? I mean, you said you were bisexual when you first came out to Simon and me. Did that somehow change? How does that work?" Louis face palms. "Fuck! I'm sorry. That's...that's rude innit?"

Harry reaches up with a laugh to remove Louis' palm from his forehead. "No, Lou. It's alright. Like you said. You're new to this. But, yeah. For a bit I thought I was into girls. Turns out I was just fascinated by the beauty of women. I have, like, so much respect for women and I can't deny that I've looked at a woman and said 'wow, she's really pretty' but...no." He shakes his head. "I'm not _sexually_ attracted to women."

Louis is quiet, his insides melting. He'd tease Harry about his cheesiness but all he wants to do right now is get his lips on him. Now that he can...

"You and your beautiful words." He leans forward and gives Harry a chaste peck. "And your beautiful heart." Another chaste peck. "And your beautiful face." And another...

Harry giggles, placing his hands on Louis' shoulders to pause the attack on his lips. "Ok, ok!"

Louis smiles settling back against the arm of the couch. "Alright. Alright. So." He pauses thoughtfully. "I mean...I've had sex with girls, well _a_ girl. Can't say I didn't enjoy it but I just...I don't know. There was always something missing, you know?"

Harry nods, his lips drawn between his teeth. It's not that he doesn't want to be there for Louis at this moment. His complete acceptance of his sexuality. He just would rather not have to visualize Louis actually _enjoying_ sex with Eleanor is all. "I felt the same whenever I was kissing a girl. I mean I had girlfriends, you know that."

Louis hums in assent, nodding.

"But there was never any spark. No... _fire_ , you know. Not like when...when I kiss _you_." Harry slides his hand over to Louis' resting between them. He intertwines their fingers while peering up through his lashes at a blushing Louis.

"Same."

"I mean, I know you've said to me in the past that you thought you were bisexual but there are _s_ _o many_ sexualities along the spectrum. You don't really have to worry about labeling yourself. Unless...unless you're thinking about what you're going to tell everyone when you come out."

Louis squirms at the words _coming out._

Harry notices instantly and feels his heart catch in his throat.

"You _are_ coming out, Lou? Aren't you?" Harry's voice is strained, as he feels himself tense at the uncertainty he suddenly feels wash over him. He was so sure Louis was 'all in'.

_Isn't that what he said? 'All in'? 'All in' basically fucking means 'coming out'! If not, then..._

Louis' mouth opens but he utters no words before slowly deflating with a sigh. "Of course, Haz. Of course. But...it's not that simple. Of all people who should know that I would think you would understand."

Harry's not sure he feels appeased by Louis' words but he'll give him the benefit of the doubt. "Ok," he says slowly. "But you _are_ aware that I have no plans on hiding anymore, Louis? Like...I love you." He meets Louis' gaze.  "And I'll be there for you when you decide you're ready but-"

Louis panics as he feels Harry slipping from his grasp. "I'm ready, Harry!" He hurries, squeezing Harry's hands tighter in reassurance. His eyes becoming earnest and pleading.  This is what he had been afraid of happening. Harry second guessing giving him a chance. "Believe me. It's just how to go about it now that I know what I want and who I am."

Harry nods in understanding. So many hoops. And Louis didn't exactly sign a contract stating that after five years he would be able to publicly come out of the closet. Hell. Louis didn't even know he was technically _in a closet_ five years ago. He was in a very _heterosexual_ relationship so...there was really no need to think that way.

But...yeah. Harry understands.

"Suppose I should set up a meeting with PR, yeah?" Louis is shaking. It's all getting very real now.

Harry places a calming hand on Louis' knee giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Hey. I'm here for you, Louis." He scoots even closer, his other hand coming up to gently massage the back of Louis' neck. "I'll be here every step of the way. Even if you're not sure...if you...if you change your mind-"

Louis shakes his head vehemently, drawing his eyes to Harry quickly. "I _won't_ Harry!" He softens. "And I know you'll be here for me because that's just...that's just who you are. You're an amazing man. A _man_ , Harry! Can you believe it? We're not those horny little teenagers anymore trying to sneak off for a quick snog or handy hoping not to get caught. We're...we're _men_!"

Harry stifles a grin. "I'm aware, Lou. And thank you. You're just as amazing. An amazing _man."_ The grin breaks through when Louis pulls a face. "But what are you on about?"

Louis sighs, curling his legs up underneath him. "We've grown up, Hazza. There's been so much time lost for us. So much we probably don't even know about each other now that we're-"

"Men. I know, " Harry finishes with a laugh. "Well, you know I don't like olives."

"That's _not_ what I mean and you know it," Louis says, rolling his eyes and poking Harry's cheek with his pointer finger.

Harry bats his hand away, playfully. "Sooo...do you want to _court_ me, Mr. Tomlinson," he says cheekily batting his eyelashes.

"Sod off, you cheeky bastard," Louis laughs, poking his toes into Harry's bare thigh.

"Are you going to _woooooooo_ me, Lewis?"

"That's it!"

Harry screeches as Louis gets to his feet and proceeds to jump on the couch, feet straddled on either side of a giggling Harry. Bouncing his legs up and down, Louis begins tickling Harry under his arm pits and the younger man writhes breathless beneath him.

"S-s-stop! Stop, Louis! LOUEEEH!" Harry cackles, gripping the back of the other man's thighs to steady him.

"What, Harold? Did you think I had forgotten that you're ticklish?" Louis huffs as he digs his fingers deeper into Harry's sensitive flesh.

Harry responds by sweeping Louis' legs out from under him, his arse landing with a thud squarely on Harry's thighs.

"Oof!"

And then...

_Well...what have we got here?_

Louis cocks an eyebrow, regarding the obvious bulge in Harry's briefs with a seductive smirk. "Well that's something to know. Tickling turns you on. Noted. Ok." He rubs the heel of his palm against Harry's swollen cock, eliciting a soft gasp from plush and bitten lips.

Harry tilts his head with a coy smile. " _You_ turn me on."

Louis feels himself filling up at Harry's words. He bites his lower lip with a groan rolling his hips as he glides his hands up Harry's chest, encircling his arms around Harry's neck and drawing him in so that Louis can capture his mouth with his own. Burying his hands in Harry's thick strands Louis gives a gentle tug. Harry gasps into Louis' mouth and grips Louis' rolling hips tighter. Guiding Louis' swollen length against his own in an ever-increasing rhythm.

_Holy fuck!_ Louis doesn't remember it being like this when they were younger. So heated. So... _rough_. He _loves_ it! He wants _more!_

The air is filled with the soft gasps and moans of the two men as they grind against one another in perfect rhythm. Louis gasps particularly loudly when Harry's hands reach down underneath his borrowed sweatpants to firmly grasp Louis' arse, kneading the ample flesh earnestly. Louis feels a flash of pleasure from a part of himself he had never really thought he would get pleasure from. He feels his entrance flutter as Harry spreads his cheeks apart before squeezing them together in a rhythm to match their rolling hips.

"Fuck, Harry. Feels so fucking good," Louis pants into Harry's open mouth before darting out his tongue to wet his parched lips.

Harry groans and leans forward to capture Louis' mouth once more. "There's so much more, Lou." Harry says between urgent kisses. "I'm gonna...gonna fucking do it all with you. _Everything."_

"Yeah?" Louis whines, feeling his pleasure building. "What are you gonna do to me, Haz? Tell me." He licks out at Harry's open mouth, the other man's head jerking forward to chase Louis' mouth with his own.

_Fucking tease. Tommo the tease..._

"I'm gonna suck you." Harry brings one hand to the Louis' bulge, gripping it in his palm through the soft fabric.

Louis moans. "Yeah?"

Harry nods slowly as Louis bucks his hips up into the touch. "Mnhm." He slips his fingers down under the waistband of Louis' sweatpants to take him in hand.

Louis makes a high whine in the back of his throat, eyebrows raised and furrowed in intense pleasure. "Yeah?"

"Mnhm." Harry nods again as their hips continue to roll at a near-frantic pace. "And I'm going to open you up."

"Yeah?"

Harry nods again, feeling his own pleasure building. "Mnhm."

"Then...then what are you going to do to me? Tell me. Now. _Tell me!_ "

Harry can tell they're both nearly there, the tip of Louis' cock glistening and an angry red waiting to explode as it pokes out of the top of Harry's fist with each roll of Louis' hips.

Louis falls forward with a low growl to suck at the column of Harry's sweat-slick neck. Harry's head falls back against the couch in pleasure.

He glides the hand still on Louis bum up the curve of Louis' waist and around to his chest before carding his fingers into the hair at the back of Louis' head and giving them a sharp tug. Louis' lips pop off his neck and the older man groans as Harry whispers heatedly into his ear. "Then...I'm going to absolutely _wreck you._ "

Louis cums with a high, breathy shout with Harry's fingers still tugging at his hair.

Harry thinks he has never seen anything quite so erotic before as he watches Louis' body shiver with each shot of cum that lands on Harry's bare chest. Harry quickly reaches into his own briefs to remove his throbbing cock and pumps once...twice...before his own cum is mixing with Louis' on his chest in pulsing spurts.

Both men shiver through the aftershocks of their orgasms, breathless and silent.

Louis lets out an airy laugh as he takes in the sight before him.  "You're a right mess, aren't you?"

Harry grins, contentedly. "S'your fault."

"Your welcome then," Louis responds with a wet peck to Harry's cheek.

Harry laughs shakily as Louis climbs off of his lap to retrieve a flannel from the kitchen to clean him off. He returns a minute later making quick work of the mess they _both_ made.

Louis can feel Harry's eyes on him as he glides the wet flannel over Harry's chest and abs careful to catch every last drop of the sticky liquid.

Louis can even see, out of the corner of his eye, the slow smile that spreads across Harry's lips as he watches him. 

"I love you, Lou," he whispers, green eyes still glued to Louis.

He's already got a few ideas what he's going to say to Lowe, to Simon, to McGee at Modest!. He's already formulating a plan for how he's going to let the world know officially that he is not, in fact, quite as straight as he had once thought himself to be. He's even come up with some song lyrics that just may help to get the job done, solidifying to anyone who listens with an open heart who he is and who he loves.

But right now, at this moment, with Harry looking down on him with soft eyes and a fond smile that would melt anyone's heart the only thing he can say are the words that have been in his heart long before he walked through Harry's front door. "I love you, too Harry. With all my heart."

 


	16. Revealing Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok. So I have to apologize for the extreme delay in posting this chapter. It is basically two chapters in one because there was so much to cover and if I wanted to keep this fic at 17 chapters then I had to fit it all into this one. 
> 
> As always, thank you so much for leaving comments, kudos, sharing, bookmarking, subscribing. All that good stuff. And for giving a WIP a shot even if it was a pain to wait for updates.
> 
> I hope you have enjoyed this story so far. The end is near. Hopefully for these two boys in real life as well.

**Chapter 16[Cover Art ](http://daniellavictoriaao3.tumblr.com/image/143914100696)by hazstylestrash**

 

 

 

 

 

Louis slowly stirs, the feel of warm and expensive sheets underneath his fingertips where there should be the soft skin of his boyfriend.

_Boyfriend..._

_Holy shit. I suppose that's going to take some getting used to._

He smiles, eyes still heavy with sleep as he buries his nose into Harry's vacant pillow inhaling the familiar scent. He bites his lower lip, happiness threatening to burst out of him in a rush of boyish giggles.

_How is this my life?!?!?! How can I feel this..._ right? _This..._ content _?_  

"Wakey, wakey!"

Louis rolls over at the sound of Harry's voice. There his boyfriend stands with a face-splitting grin and holding a breakfast tray filled with a full English.

"Hello, love," Louis yawns, making grabby hands towards Harry. "S'that for me?"

Harry goes around to his side of the bed placing the tray on his nightstand carefully before climbing under the covers next to Louis. "It's for _us,_ " he corrects, falling into Louis' outstretched arms.

Louis hums, pulling Harry to his bare chest. Long, soft tresses tickle his neck and collarbones as Harry buries his head underneath his chin. "Very thoughtful..."

The warmth of Harry's plush lips placing a series of slow kisses to his neck sends a shiver straight to Louis' core. "Figured you may have worked up an appetite," Harry whispers into Louis' skin.

Louis laughs, his fingers caressing the length of Harry's bare back. "Yeah, you could say that."

Harry nips at Louis' collarbone, giggling as he intertwines their legs under the sheets. Their muscles still ache deliciously from the insane amount of 'catching up' they did the morning, afternoon, and evening before. They had barely had the time to rehydrate let alone get a bite to eat. Constantly wrapped up in one another, neither willing to break the delicate thread of intimacy that had just been reestablished between them. Too much time wasted. Their basic human needs could be met later.

After a few good morning kisses, their rumbling tummies got the best of them and they ate together legs still intertwined underneath the sheets.

A shared shower and a couple of blowjobs later and both men were eager to start their second day together as a couple. Speaking of...

"Are you scared?"

The weight of Louis' phone is heavy in his hands as he meets Harry's questioning gaze. Harry shifts closer to him, reaching out his hand across the couch to give Louis' knee a reassuring squeeze.

"Terrified," Louis answers, tongue darting out to swipe at his bottom lip nervously. His palms are sweaty and he's pretty sure his heart is about to burst out of his chest with the ferocity it is beating against his ribs but...this is a conversation that is a long time coming.

"I'm here, Lou. Just...if you need me I'm right here. Everything will be all right."

And the thing is...yeah. Louis knows it will be. At least with this part of the process. It's just...

"Maybe I should wait until we fly back, yeah?" Louis says, voice wavering. "Do it in person? Doesn't seem like something one should tell their mum over the phone, you know? It's...it's kind of a big deal, innit?"

Harry's eyes soften as he places a gentle kiss to Louis' temple. "Whatever you want, babe."

Louis leans into the kiss, sighing resignedly. There's a long pause before Louis speaks. "Yeah. Maybe I'll just..." he clears his throat, sitting up straight. His fingers dart across the screen of his phone, bringing up the oft-dialed contact before he loses his nerve.

Harry sits back quietly, hand still resting assuredly on Louis' knee.

_Still here..._

_Right here..._

  
"Louis?"

No matter how many times he hears her voice he still can't get used to the way it instantly calms him. Every muscle unknotting in response to the familiar tone.

"Yes, mum. It's me. How's things?"

"Where are you, Lou?" she ignores his question. "What's going on?"

Perceptive mums. Louis has to give credit where credit is due. His mum can read him like a book even across an ocean and a continent.

"I'm in Los Angeles, mum." He pauses. "With Harry."

He waits for those words to sink in wishing that it would all just be clear to her. Just by saying those two words. _With Harry_.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. We've...erm...we're...I'm..." Louis stammers, tears prickling the corners of his eyes. His hands are shaking now. When did his hands start shaking.

Harry notices and reaches for Louis hand bringing it to his lips to place a gentle kiss to his boyfriend's trembling palm. "You can do this, Louis," he whispers, rubbing his thumb over Louis' knuckles soothingly.

Warmth filled Louis' chest at the sound of Harry's voice but it couldn't stop the thickness in his throat and suddenly the dam broke.

"Mum..." Louis whimpered and Harry gripped his hand just that much tighter. "There's just so much...I..."

"Oh, Boo," his mum soothed, her voice like a healing balm. "It's alright, love. It's alright."

"N-No it's...it's not because I've just...I've. I'm...," he pauses, inhaling sharply. "Harry and I...we're. Well, we _were_ before. And then not. And I've just been lying to myself thinking it would all go away. That if I just ignored the way I was feeling, that if I just _tried_ to just, you know, 'play along' that the feelings would go away. That maybe it was just Harry. That I was _confused._ " Louis' openly sobbing, tears falling freely now.

"Louis. Sweetheart. Breathe, love. _Breathe._ "

"I'm sorry, mum. I'm sorry I never told you. I should've told you I just...but now I'm good, yeah." Louis' eyes dart over to a tearful Harry, a smile flitting across the younger man's lips. 

"Louis?"

"Yeah, mum?"

"Could you put Harry on the phone, please?"

"Harry?"

Harry raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"Erm...yeah. Sure. You can talk to Harry. One moment." Louis hands over his phone, his mouth curving into an unconscious smile at the surprised look on Harry's face.

"Jay!" Harry clears his throat, squirming a bit in his seat. "How are you?"

"Harry...Harry be good to him." Jay's voice quavers. "Love him with everything that you have because he deserves all the happiness in the world. He's my angel, Harry. And I just want him to be happy and he was always his happiest and brightest when with you."

Harry's breath catches in his throat. So...his mum _knew_? Has  _always_ known? "I-I will, Jay."

"I've no doubt about that," she says, smile evident in her tone. "No doubt at all."

Louis shoots him a curious glance and Harry responds with a reassuring smile. "I'll love him till the day I die, Jay. I promise you that."

Harry watches as Louis' lips part at the realization of what his mum has asked of Harry. 

"Till my last breath."

 

~~~

 

 

It's been over a week since Louis arrived at Harry's doorstep in L.A. with his heart in his hands. And since then they've spent every minute re-acquainting themselves with each other both as best mates and lovers. Days spent lounging by Harry's pool and rehashing familiar stories of times they shared together. Hours spent over meals and countless glasses of wine filling each other in on what they've missed out on in each others' lives. Hours and hours spent exploring each other's body. Touching. Kissing. Caressing. _Memorizing._

One particular evening they decide to have their own little picnic in front of the fireplace complete with wine and various cheeses and charcuterie.

"Ooooh," Louis cooed, wiggling his eyebrows at the spread Harry had laid out. "Fancy."

Harry, already seated on the living room floor with glass of wine in hand, reached for Louis gently pulling him down next to him. "All for you."

Louis smiled. A blush creeping up his neck as he took the glass of wine Harry offered him.

He supposed he was going to have to get used to all of this wooing though, really. Harry already had him hook, line and sinker.

After their meal was finished and the bottle of wine laid empty next to them on the floor, they lay wrapped up in each other's arms reveling in the warmth of the fire before them. Tracing patterns with their fingertips into each other's skin, secret messages some of which had them giggling- _b_ _lue balls_  (Louis)- _Bubble bum_ (Harry)-and other's that had them pause for soft, lingering kisses- _Forever..., Always..._

The last week had been like a dream for them both. One that they were reluctant to wake from. But every dream must fade back into harsh reality and with it came the recognition that they weren't alone in all of this.

So they discreetly fly back to London on a midnight flight to face the music, so to speak. 

The day after they arrive back on British soil Louis invites the other boys to his home. Thankfully they are all free so they agree without hesitation and plans are made for a day of relaxation and catching up. However, Louis is filled with an amalgam of emotions so strong and jumbled he can't even put a name to most of them. He's ashamed. He knows that. Ashamed that he has fought who he inherently is for so fucking long, dragging them all into the lies even that even he had fooled himself into believing. All the times Liam defended the validity of his and Eleanor's relationship... _God!_

He can only hope that they are still willing to speak with him afterwards. After they know.

 

 

Louis has to bite his quivering bottom lip as he hands each of the boys a beer. They settle down at their own pace having no idea that Harry is waiting with baited breath listening in from Louis' bedroom right above the den. They'd both agreed that revealing all of these sudden changes- _Hey, lads! Guess what! I've been into blokes this whole time! Yay! Oh! And I'm with Harry now! We're giving it a go! We're in love! He's the love of my life and shit. Did I mention that to prove that I'm 100% committed to this relationship I am going to publicly come out! Yay!!!!!-_ at once would be quite a shock to the system. Harry had insisted they were big boys and could handle it and he wanted to be there to support Louis when he revealed his truths. It's only the most important moment of his life and what kind of a boyfriend would Harry be if he wasn't there holding his hand?

So when the boys are at least two beers in all nice and relaxed Louis decides to just... _go for it._

_"What would you say if I told you that Harry and I are together and he is, in fact, upstairs right now?" Louis can't meet their eyes so he just focuses all of his attention on destroying the label on his beer bottle, dragging his non-existent thumbnail through the soggy glue still clinging to the dark glass. He knows Liam, sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of him has frozen, bottle halfway to his mouth. Niall, rummaging through the bowl of party mix on his lap, suddenly falls into a coughing fit. And Zayn..._

"Fff...whaaaat?" Zayn, sitting on the opposite end of the couch from Louis, splutters. "Say again, Louis?"

Louis clears his throat nervously, eyebrows raised but eyes still glued to his nearly naked, label-less bottle of beer. "Harry. And I. We're...together."

"Like... _together_ together?" Niall asks, placing the forgotten bowl of snacks on the coffee table in front of him.

Liam slowly turns around and scoots away so he can see Louis properly. "Are you fucking with us?"

Right then a gentle cough comes from the small balcony overlooking the den and all eyes raise to meet the sound. There stands Harry sheepishly waving both hands down at the four men below. "Nope. He's not fucking with you, Liam," he answers simply, a small smile dimpling his cheeks.

Louis thinks, as he watches Harry descend the stairs to join them, that he couldn't possibly love Harry any more than he does at that moment. He had felt about ready to swallow his tongue under the glaring light of an interrogation lamp. A firing squad's next victim. He just really had thought he could ace his coming out to the boys but...he finds he just simply can't do it alone. So, yes. Thank God for his boy for knowing when he needs him most.

Louis feels his shoulders infinitesimally relax as Harry finally reaches them, a rush of air vibrating his lips on an exhale when the younger man comes to stand in front of him.

"Hello, love," Harry smiles, reaching up and grazing his fingertips against Louis' cheek.

Louis can feel all eyes on them and, even without looking directly at them, knows that all three of the boys' jaws are hitting the floor. 

Liam is the first to break the static-like silence.

"So...all this time, Lou? All of this time...with Eleanor? Was that...I mean...I kind of had an idea with you two but-"

"An idea?" Niall interjects with a surprised laugh. He turns his smile to Louis then Harry, eyes warm and light. "I'm glad you two are finally on the same fucking page. Took you long enough, Louis, but it's about fucking time is all I'm saying." He stands up and closes the distance quickly, leaning down and embracing first a surprised Louis then a smiling Harry with a hearty pat on the back. "I'm proud of you guys. So happy for you. Really."

"Me too. Fuck. Get 'ere. 'Bout time, lads," Zayn says, hugging them both before dragging Harry down next to Louis on the couch.

The room erupts into a dull roar of questions and congratulations but Liam's silence and lack of movement is deafening. Louis' eyes are glued to him and the voices around him seem to fade into the background, Liam's questioning gaze the only thing he sees.

"Lima?"

Liam looks up at Louis at the sound of the nickname like waking from a daze, brows furrowed in question. He clears his throat. "Yeah. Yeah, alright."

Louis sighs, scooting onto the floor to sit next to Liam. The other boys notice the movement but give the two their space. Of all of the lads, Liam had taken the brunt of the responsibility for deflecting the incessant rumors of 'Larry Stylinson' over the years. Acting like a spokesman of sorts, hammering in the notion that the band didn't harbor any secrets to be told. That Louis was a committed boyfriend who was the victim of annoying and false rumors that were only a hindrance to the band as a whole. He thought he was doing good, however. Louis understood this. He knew Liam was only trying to do what he thought necessary and right and for the good of the band. And, at the time, Louis thanked him for it (albeit, in hindsight, with a strange gnawing tug at his conscience).

So, in essence, nobody stood to look more of a 'fool' out of the three other lads than Liam did. Louis felt like utter shit.

"Lima. I'm so fucking embarrassed, you have no idea," Louis says, hugging his knees to his chest like a safety net. He can feel the hurt radiating off of the man next to him. "I was scared and...and confused. I just...I guess I was just fooling myself, yeah? And I didn't want to drag you lot into my mess. It wouldn't have been fair." He huffs out a humorless laugh and Liam fidgets next to him, and Louis can feel his big brown eyes on him.

He chances a glance at Liam, hoping he doesn't encounter anything resembling anger or hatred.

But Liam's eyes are brimming with tears and filled with nothing but love. "Louis..." he breathes and before Louis can blink Liam is pulling him into his arms, gripping him so tightly he thinks all the air might be leaving his lungs. "Louis, I wish I knew. I wish you hadn't felt the need to hide this from us. I'm so sorry I couldn't see...that I didn't  _know_. _Fuck!_ "

Liam is full on sobbing by now and his grip on Louis was loosening enough that the older man was able to speak, sighing in relief into the embrace. "It's alright, lad. Please. It's alright. Everything's aces now, yeah?"

"I mean, I guess we all _knew_ to some degree," Liam continued, pulling back a bit from Louis to meet his eyes.

Louis suppresses a watery smile, eyes prickling with tears because... _o_ _f course they did. Of course...almost everyone did, didn't they?_

"And I knew. I just...I had such a strange feeling. Like, there had to be more for you two." Liam says. "You mean too much to each other. You always have. Of course we _all_ knew that. It hurt us all to see the two of you drifting, you know?"

Louis hums in agreement, eyes wandering to the three other men in the room now listening in on their conversation with warm smiles and kind eyes. Louis feels his heart swell in his chest, an overwhelming sense of love and acceptance making the stress of the last few days, hell the last few  _years_ that much less. He tries to blink back the tears now blurring his vision but to no avail.

"I'm so sorry, boys," he sobs as Liam, Niall, and Zayn surround him on the floor with an equally tearful Harry looking on, a hand covering his quivering smile.

"Stop apologizing, Louis," Zayn says, his tone soft and soothing. Shaking his head he continues. "There isn't anything to apologize for. I can't imagine- _we_ can't imagine," he glances around at the others, "what you must have been going through."

"Yeah," Niall interjects. "But...no offense. I think we all knew there was something going on with you two. Like, I don't know man."

"Wait," Liam says, eyebrows reaching his hairline. "How long has this...? Have you two actually been...you know...?" He makes a sexual gesture with his fingers, eyes darting between Louis and Harry questioningly.

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Harry mutters under his breath, slapping his hand over his eyes and grimacing.

Louis turns beet red but smiles, ruefully. "Well...not that there's been any," Louis mimics Liam's suggestive hand gesture and Harry groans, hand still firmly over his eyes in continued embarrassment at the implication. For their part, Niall and Zayn look just as interested in Louis' answer as Liam does, leaning forward attentively.

So Louis tells them. He tells them their story sans the juicy details, of course. He tells them how he came to realize what Harry had known of himself all along. That he is queer. He tells them how Harry had helped him on his road of self-discovery and self-acceptance. Opening his eyes and his heart to feelings he hadn't let himself truly embrace though they had been there all along. He told them how he felt pressured and guilted into suppressing his feelings for Harry by the powers that be to the point of losing himself completely to the ruse of his carefully constructed public image. That of a straight and deeply devoted boyfriend. They all knew about the initial set-up with Eleanor and the reasons for it but they also knew that feelings between the two had eventually become genuine. However, what they didn't know was that the 'feelings' he had held for his girlfriend could have never measured up to the love he felt for his best friend.

As the others listen to Louis speak, Harry gingerly sits down behind his boyfriend. It's new is the thing. He hesitates not wanting to make the other boys uncomfortable with the sudden intense physical affection that he and Louis have recently rekindled. The gentle touches and casually sweet kisses given to each other just because...well, fuck! Just because they can! And it can be done without forethought. Fucking finally! Finally he has everything he could ever want in life. Everything he could ever _need._

He watches with a proud smile as Louis slowly rolls up his shirt sleeve and recounts how he had flown to L.A. deciding to make a grand gesture of his love for Harry and his dedication to their relationship by inking his love writhing plain sight. For all to see.

With wide eyes and murmurs of "Siiiiick" and "Holy shit!" and Niall's astute observation of "To go with Harry's fucking rose? You fucking sap!" the boys take in the dagger adorning his skin.

Harry's breath catches in his throat as Louis glances over his shoulder at him with a shy smile and a blush creeping along his cheeks.

_God, he's beautiful._

_And he's mine._

_I'm his and he's mine and we're in love. He loves me. He really, really does._

_How the fuck did I get so lucky?_

He has an overwhelming need to kiss his boyfriend's sweet, sweet face. To wrap his arms around Louis and hold him to his chest. The intense affection he feels at this very moment is almost overpowering his senses and he can't stop himself as he circles Louis' waist and hooks his chin over his shoulder, placing a sweet kiss to the curve of his neck. Louis melts into the contact with a sigh as the other three observe them with soft smiles, open hearts and something reminiscent of...relief.

 

They all agree that Louis' happiness is paramount to any 'negative press' they suspect their team may say will happen should he decide to come out publily.

Not that they would give two shits whether any negative press will come out of it, anyway. And any fans that choose to leave because of Louis coming out well...

"Good fucking riddance!" Zayn says to that.

The rest of them nod in agreement, all finishing off their latest beer. They had congregated around the dining room table a few beers back, various snack foods spread out before them, to discuss what Louis' coming out would mean for the band as a whole.

It shouldn't even be a discussion but Louis is a businessman at heart. He knows that even though in this day and age it _shouldn't_ matter whether One Direction has two queer members there are some that think it 'bad for business' and, in some parts of the world, 'off-putting'.

Harry is practically sitting in his lap he's scooted his chair so close, his long and gentle fingers finding Louis' under the table and he gives a gentle squeeze.

_I'm here._

_I'm with you._

_We're in this together._

_It's going to be all right._

Just a gentle squeeze and the message is clear to Louis. He returns the squeeze and laces their fingers together.

_Together._

Louis sighs, contentedly. "We just wanted to make sure we're all on the same page, you know? I mean, yeah. It's my life but it's all of us that could be affected, yeah? I couldn't, in good conscience, meet with PR and Management and the rest of those arseholes without discussing it with you lot first. Wouldn't feel right."

His three friends nod in understanding before they fall into a brief, yet comfortable silence as they pick at the food in front of them.

Niall pops the last bit of the pizza bagel on his plate into his mouth and is the first to break the quiet. "So what did your mums say?"

Louis watches as various bits of cheese and sauce spray from between Niall's lips and the others cringe in disgust.

"Gross!" Liam exclaims, flicking off an errant piece of masticated pizza bagel that landed on his hand from across the table.

The room erupts into laughter as Harry wads up a paper napkin and tosses it at Liam who flinches but picks it up when it lands on the table in front of him.

As he takes in the scene in front of him, eyes tearing with uncontrollable laughter he is met with an overwhelming sense of love.

And acceptance.

And...

It just...feels _nice_.

It feels... _right._

All of them.

All  _five_ of them able to laugh again. Together.

Like it could have been all along.

Like it _should_ have been all along.

And now it is.

 

~~~

 

 

The boys leave after playing a couple of rounds of pool in Louis' game room and at least another three rounds of beer. As soon as the door closes behind them Louis and Harry fall onto the couch in relief and exhaustion, Louis pulling Harry back against him between the V of his legs and holding him snugly to his chest. It had been so hard to not touch Harry as much as he had wanted to over the last few hours. Wanting to hold him in his arms, bury his face in his neck to breathe him in, taste his skin. It had been all they had been doing over the past couple of days. Just getting used to sharing the intimacy that they had had when they were younger as grown men was electrifying. And Louis was already addicted.

Harry yawns loudly, stretching his arms up behind him and around the back of Louis' neck. His fingertips caress the fine hairs there, Louis' head rolling back into the touch.

"That went exceptionally well", Harry says, lazily.

Louis hums in agreement, reaching up to hold Harry's hands in place. The electricity of Harry's innocent touch has him almost purring.

Slowly, Louis grazes his fingertips down Harry's arms making the other man shudder. 

"Lou," he whines as Louis begins tracing patterns along the sliver of Harry's exposed abdomen. "We've got an early day tomorr- _oh!"_ he trails off as Louis begins sucking on the heated skin at the base of Harry's neck.

Harry's eyes slip closed and his lips part with a quiet gasp. The feeling of Louis' slick lips and tongue on his flesh just this side of all-consuming. Louis bends his knees to wrap his legs around Harry's middle drawing him in even closer.

And there's no denying the hardness now pressed into the base of Harry's spine.

Louis mumbles something Harry doesn't quite catch but all coherency is lost as Louis tightens the grip of his legs around Harry's middle rolling his hips to gain some type of friction. His tongue flicking out at Harry's earlobe, sucking it in between his teeth.

Harry groans, his fingers clenching around Louis' ankles drawing them closer to him. "Fucking hell."

"Can't get enough of you," Louis breathes hotly against the side of Harry's neck

Louis' hips begin to move with focused purpose as he palms Harry's growing bulge before unzipping the fly and sliding his fingers inside.

Harry moans loudly as Louis takes him in hand. Throwing his head back against Louis' shoulder, Harry trembles.

" _Louis..._ " Harry sighs, a breathy whisper.

He sounds positively  _obscene_. Like he's almost begging for more. And who is Louis to ignore such a delicious request from him gorgeous, writhing mess of a boyfriend.

Louis lets out a low growl before gripping Harry's chin and pulling his lips to his in a heated, teeth-clashing kiss. Any worries about getting an early start the next day quickly forgotten.

 

 

~~~

 

 

His palms are sweaty and he can't stop rubbing them together no matter how many times Harry tries to hold his hand to calm him. The ride up to the conference room on the 4th floor is taking too fucking long and he's never thought of himself as being claustrophobic up until this point. But the brushed metal and wood panelling of the four walls he and Harry are enclosed in right now couldn't feel any more like a coffin to him right now.

Funny that. Riding up in a coffin to be 'reborn'...so to speak.

Harry grips his shoulder, slender fingers gently pressing into his flesh. Leaning in, his lips brushing up against Louis' ear Harry whispers soothingly "S'gonna be alright, Lou. Whatever happens...we're in this together now, yeah?"

Louis can't help but relax with those soft-spoken words. The warmth of Harry's breath still ghosting on his neck Louis gives his palms once last rub before intertwining their fingers together.

_Together..._

Louis' lips tremble with a nervous smile but a smile nonetheless as he leans into Harry placing a lingering kiss to his shoulder. "Together."

 

 

"Fuck."

Before they even realize it and none too soon the elevator doors are opening and none other than Brian Lowe is greeting them on the other side, his eyes slowly widening and the somewhat pleasant smile that had been on his face falling instantly as he takes the two of them in. Because, of course, Louis and Harry's hands are still firmly intertwined between them. Louis leaning heavily into Harry's side as if he is the only thing keeping him standing. It's all very...intimate. And the last thing Lowe was expecting.

"Don't do this to me," Lowe says more to himself than to anyone as Harry and Louis, clasped hands still firmly in place, exit the elevator. "Not now."

Louis' stomach may drop a little but he takes it as a good sign that Lowe doesn't go off on them right then and there. 

The man runs a hand aggressively through his hair as he turns back towards his office with a defeated sigh.

Louis gives Harry's hand a quick squeeze before he releases it much to Harry's dismay. They follow Lowe knowing all too well the route to the office they had been called into countless times over the years for one reason or another.

 

~~~

 

"How long?"

Silence.

" _How...long?_ " Lowe presses them, his eyes squeezed tightly shut as he pinches the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger.

"Erm...how long we've been...erm..."

"Yes, Louis. How long have you two been doing whatever it is that you think that you are doing?"

Harry shifts and Louis can literally feel the anger building in the younger man. Harry's brow furrows as he leans forward in his chair mouth open ready to speak.

"Not you!" Lowe holds up a hand to Harry, and Harry freezes. "Him." Lowe points his finger at Louis with a look that almost says he's hoping that Louis might just jump up and say " _HA! Just fuckin' with ya!"_

"Officially?" Louis smirks, knowing the rise it'll get out of the suit.

"Fucking hell! How fucking long have you two been..." Lowe waves his hands between Harry and Louis searching for words.

"Fucking?" Harry supplies and Louis, though a bit shocked at Harry's boldness can't help feel a swell of pride in his chest at the cheekiness.

Lowe's face turns bright red and Louis could swear that if it was possible steam would be bursting out of the other man's ears. But before Lowe can respond Louis interjects.

"Well, Harry love. A gentleman never kisses and tells. And we are gentlemen so if Bri here needs some inspiration for his wank bank I don't think it proper to-"

Lowe groans in a way which Louis amusedly finds wholly unprofessional and somewhat comical, interrupting his train of thought. "Y'alright there, Bri?" he asks without pausing for a breath.

Suddenly, Louis feels Harry's calming touch on his shoulder giving him pause. He knows he can get carried away sometimes especially when his nerves have gotten the better of him.

He can feel himself coming down, his jitteriness ebbing with each soothing rub of Harry's thumb against his clavicle and when their eyes meet its as if Harry is willing Louis into a state of submission which...ok. That's something...interesting, Louis supposes. Whatever it is that Harry's doing, his big green eyes soft yet pointed enough to pierce Louis' frenetic conscience, it's definitely working.

Louis takes a deep breath, reaching up a hand to cover Harry's on his shoulder. He gives it a squeeze before moving his gaze over to Lowe who is watching them silently with an unreadable expression. And it's funny but Louis thinks Harry's magic has somehow worked on Lowe's nerves as well, because the man seems visibly calmer, an almost imperceptible smile lifting one corner of his mouth.

"We have been together _officially_ for just over a week. But..." Harry trails off not quite sure how to summarize the depth and complexity of the past five years of their relationship.

But it doesn't look like he'll have to as Lowe sighs resignedly, leaning back in his chair with a slow nod. "Yeah. Of course." He clears his throat before taking a long pause. Louis can almost see the PR wheels spinning in the man's head. "Ok." He clears his throat again, leaning forward to rest his elbows on the desk in front of him. "So...you know this can't come out of nowhere overnight, I hope."

Louis catches Harry nodding in response out of the corner of his eye and he feels comforted by this. It's not like, after years of basically living a lie in the public's eye, he can simply rip off the proverbial Band-Aid and jump out of the closet. He knows this and he's so glad Harry knows this as well. He's said it before and felt the bristle of Harry's skin under his fingertips at the mention of hoops having to be jumped through before they can be free to be together publicly. Harry's defenses raising at the mere implication that Louis isn't ready to go in guns blazing to shout their love from the rooftops.

No. Louis happens to have a level and business-like head on his shoulders whereas Harry has and always has had his heart on his sleeve. It's something Louis has always loved and feared when it came to Harry. He loved fiercely but so damn obviously at the most inopportune times. When things weren't always so damn simple between them. When maybe Louis just wasn't ready to accept whatever Harry wanted, no. _Needed_ to give him.

"Yeah. We know." Harry reaches for Louis hand, intertwining their fingers before bringing them both to rest on his knee.

Louis smiles softly, his eyes searching out Harry's just to remind him that, yes. _Together._

_We're in this together. No matter how many hoops that may be set up for me and you the end game is US. Together. There's no going back to the awkwardness between us. The obvious avoidance and minimal if any interaction in public that had everyone believing we hated each other. Never again. NEVER AGAIN!_

And it's all the reassurance Louis needs that Harry understands when the younger man is bringing their intertwined fingers up to his lips placing a tender kiss to Louis' knuckles.

 

 

~~~

 

 

Six months. They have to wait six fucking months to let the world know that they are in love. That's what Lowe proposes. A 'glass closet'. 'Seeding'. 'Gradual normalization and progression' to 'reacquaint the public' with Louis and Harry interacting. All Louis hears is _'hoops, hoops, hoops'_ and thinks dejectedly, _Seems fitting._ _ _I've already made Harry wait 5 years. What's another six months?__

Lowe dismisses them after about an hour of discussing the ins and outs of a gradual coming out stating, rather nervously, that a meeting must be called with reps from management and their label to discuss this 'new development'. He'd get back to them by the end of the day with a when and where.  Seems ridiculous that even though they won't be continuing with their same management company into the new year they still have to have their approval and Louis can't wait for it to be over. Of course both he and Harry had consulted with their soon-to-be new management, Azoff Music Management, before even thinking to approach Lowe about what their options are.

"Play along," Irving had said. "For now." And that was that. They'd be signing on to a new label in the new year as well and Azoff was conferring with the execs there regarding the matter on the boys' behalf as well. It was all a complicated mess of 'Old Team' 'New Team' politics and both Louis and Harry were infinitely frustrated with it all but...

They trusted Azoff's guidance implicitly. He went on to tell them that it isn't out of the ordinary for these 'types of situations' to play out gradually over periods of time. Loose ends had to be tied to maintain trusted relationships within the industry. He gave Harry's 'relationship' with Taylor as an example. In the course of two months both of their teams played the 'rumored' relationship and Taylor's 'break-up'-related album as just that. Rumors that were never fully validated but widely speculated. It wasn't an ideal tying of a loose end but Taylor was more than happy to go along with it seeing as her success has never waned in the time since and the loyalty of her own fanbase would never be a question in her or her team's minds.

So, yeah. While waiting six months to be able to publicly call Harry his boyfriend sucks royally he supposes substantially loosening the ties that once held them back from one another wasn't too much of a burden to bare. So the next six months, dedicated to promoting their latest album, Made In the A.M., was sure to be interesting. And when all the interviews and talk show performances were finally over...they'd finally, _finally_ be free.


	17. The beginning of forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: If smut is not your thing...turn back around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINAL CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!
> 
> Dear God it's finally over!!! I have been procrastinating to no end with finishing this last chapter. I beta'd this fic all on my very own so honestly if you find any mistakes let me know. So sorry for the long wait for this final chapter. It's been a year and a half since I started this and from Chapter 1 till now I think I may have gotten the hang of this writing fanfics thing. I hope so anyway. Lots of things have changed within the fandom and with the guys so there are a lot of canon discrepencies because of that. Zayn leaving, 'babygate', all the lovely mind-numbing drama that seems to follow us and them. Blah, blah, blah.  
> Anyway, I sincerely hope you enjoyed reading this and I hope and pray that both Louis and Harry will have their happy ending very very soon.  
> Love to you all and, once again, kudos, comments, shares are GREATLY appreciated.

**Chapter 17 Cover Art by hazstylestrash at end of chapter**

 

 

 

**January 21st, 2016-Harry's House (Los Angeles)**  

 

** LOUIS **

 

The 20 or so unscented candles he had purchased are lit and he makes sure they are kept far enough away from anything that may potentially catch fire. They don't need any distractions tonight. They have waited long enough.

Fragrant white and pink rose petals make a pathway from the doorway of Harry's bedroom to the king size four-poster bed where more petals are strewn atop the linens. Louis stands at the foot of the bed admiring the incredibly cliché, yet incredibly romantic atmosphere he has set for this very special night.

_Damn, I'm good._ He nods to himself approvingly before he leaves the bedroom to start up some music.

He has a playlist all ready. Songs set specifically for each part of their evening. First dinner, then after-dinner drinks in front of the fire which would undoubtedly include cuddling and...possibly  _other_ _things_. Louis had thought briefly about setting up a film for them to watch but...enough is enough. They both knew what the night was ultimately for so why waste time on unnecessary activities and prolong the inevitable.

Again. They've waited long enough.

Eating is simply a formality that will provide fuel they will need for the rest of the night. The wine will serve to calm their nerves. Tonight...well. Tonight is _special._

They have researched and watched gay porn if only for the technical aspects of what they are about to do. Harry is, of course, much more well-versed in the area of the ins and outs of two men being intimate. What needs to be done before, during, and after. Prepping to make it more comfortable for whomever ends up being on bottom (they decide they want to wing it and see what feels right in the heat of the moment), positions that will offer the most pleasure in terms of prostate stimulation, and just what to expect in terms of pain and pleasure. It was essentially a study session that ended with the both of them sporting painfully obvious erections.

They got each other off twice that night. Homework is nice sometimes...

 

After setting up his iPod in the living room Louis fiddles with the dimmer switch debating on whether he will go full-on cheesy and make an attempt at mood lighting. Too dark-they wouldn't be able to see each other clearly. And Louis plans on mentally documenting every smile, every emotion in Harry's eyes. He doesn't want to chance it so...lights on full. It isn't worth missing every bit of Harry he can get.

He then moves over to the dining room just off of the living room. They'll be able to see the fireplace and the fire Louis has set clearly enough from their seats lending to the romantic mood he's going for. He lights a couple of votives and arranges them carefully on the table. The wine is chilling and the places are set. He has most definitely thought of everything.

Louis has had Harry's favorite meal, a kale Caesar salad with roasted chicken and corn off the cob, delivered from Café Habana. He doesn't want to chance starting off the night with the possibility of food poisoning so he makes the wise choice of leaving the cooking to the professionals.

He does however pick up a dozen long stemmed strawberries and a tub of vanilla bean infused whipped cream for dessert.  How much more romantic can feeding each other strawberries and whipped cream get. Louis figures not much. Perhaps feeding each other strawberries and whipped cream _in front of a fire!_

_Oh, hell yes_ , Louis thinks excitedly as he makes a point to remember his change in their dessert plans for the evening.

As he is going through his mental checklist one more time while plating Harry's salad Louis hears the unmistakable sound of the front door opening.

 

 

 

**HARRY** **-(1 hour earlier)**

 

It's a special little hole in the wall shop that houses rare and hard to find items just special enough for someone who holds his heart as tightly as Louis does. The owner has closed the store an hour early just for him. He really didn't want a big fuss to be made but the owner insisted.

"No problem, Mr. Styles." The owner smiles, taking Harry's hand between his own two big meaty paws and giving it a quick shake. "It's no problem at all. Now. What is it exactly that you are looking for? Anything in particular?"

Harry inhales, his chest puffing out as his eyes wander the trinkets underneath the glass countertop. He exhales loudly rolling back on his heels, fingers tapping on the glass surface nervously. "Not too sure, really. Just looking for something...special."

His eyes dart up catching the owner's knowing smirk. Harry clears his throat as he returns his gaze to the items below.

"A special night, eh? A special friend, perhaps?" the owner says with a thick accent which Harry suspects is of a Middle Eastern origin.

Harry begins loudly drumming his fingers on the countertop as he draws a deep breath. "Something like that. Yeah. A pretty special someone actually." A slow smile spreads across Harry's face, his eyes crinkling with the enormity of it as he pictures Louis at home preparing for their evening. Fussing about probably lighting candles because he knows how much Harry _loves_ his candles. Maybe even cooking! Harry shakes his head at that thought. Louis wouldn't risk it. Harry's smile grows fonder as he continues to peruse while the shop owner keeps a respectable distance.

"Perhaps if you told me a little about this person I would be better able to help you choose something that they will like."

Harry has wandered to the other side of the shop just about to respond with a 'I'll know it when I see it' when his eyes fall upon _it_. "Oh, my God. It's perfect," he whispers, as a flutter of excitement courses through him. It's just a little something but it's perfect. A thick woven black leather [bracelet](http://www.amazon.com/Braided-Leather-Bracelet-Magnetic-Rainbow/dp/B00F3C4WSQ) with a cylindrical metal piece at its center accented with stripes the colors of the rainbow. It's understated but it spoke to the enormity of Louis' journey over the last few months. He may not be able to wear it out publicly quite yet but Harry hopes Louis will appreciate the sentiment as a loving nod to Louis' self-discovery.

"You find what you are looking for," the owner says, voice booming from back behind the counter before making his way over to assist Harry. When he approaches, the owner smiles widely at Harry's choice in gift. "Wonderful choice, young man. I must confess my lovely wife, Meena, was the crafter of this fine piece." The pride was evident in the owner's voice as Harry watched him remove the bracelet from the shelf with careful and loving hands.

Harry listened as the owner gave him a detailed description of the bracelet. But he couldn't help it as his mind began to wander to the man waiting for him at home, his belly swooping in anticipation at the night ahead of them. The night that they've both been waiting for for so long.

He couldn't get home soon enough.

 

 

**LOUIS** and **Harry** **(present)**

 

 

Louis' eyes fall shut as he takes a deep breath to calm his nerves. His butterflies have their own butterflies. But as soon as he hears Harry's voice a tidal wave of relief floods over him and he relaxes instantly.

"Lou?" Harry rounds the corner into the dining room, his eyes soft and his smile bright. Louis' breath catches at the sight of him. "Lou, it's perfect," Harry whispers, his jaw dropping in awe as he takes in his surroundings.

Louis smiles with a relieved sigh. He set the mood right. Made it, as Harry said, _perfect._ Because Harry should know he deserves nothing less. "Yeah?"

Harry gasps when he spots his favorite meal laid out artfully on his plate. His eyebrows nearly reaching his hairline as he points to the salad. "You...Lou! I can't believe you!" He moves to embrace a now blushing Louis.

Louis stifles a giggle, burying his face in the crook of Harry's neck and inhaling the sweet smell of his man. Louis knows his romance. Louis is the king of romance. And Harry is, of course, his prince. 

"You're perfect, Lou. Thank you so much," Harry whispers, breath hot against Louis' ear.

Louis shivers and Harry squeezes him a little tighter before pulling back just enough to place a kiss at the tip of his nose.

"Love you."

"Love you, too Haz. So much." Louis nuzzles at Harry's cheek, his fingertips gently gliding up and down Harry's back underneath his peach colored blouse. "Only the best for you, love."

Harry's lips slowly descend to meet Louis' in a sweet and tender kiss. "And _you_ , baby," Harry whispers, their mouths barely parting. "Only the best for _you_."

Louis melts at the term of endearment, knees practically buckling. He might actually be swooning. 

This is his life now and he has never _never_ been happier.

Harry massages the back of Louis' neck as their kiss continues, deepening as Harry encourages Louis' lips to open with a gentle thrust of his tongue. Louis sighs as his lips part allowing Harry to enter.

Louis fists Harry's silk shirt not giving one ounce of shit whether he ruins the delicate fabric. He'd just as soon rip the blouse open, let the buttons scatter where they may as he takes Harry's ever-erect nipples between his teeth, lapping over every inch of skin. Making Harry moan and pant and-

"Mmmm, Lou." Harry pulls back once again but not before Louis can take Harry's plush bottom lip between his teeth, giving it a playful nip. Harry groans giving Louis a quick peck before placing his hands on his boyfriend's shoulders to gently detach their lips. "We should eat, love. We...erm. We're going to need our energy, yeah?"

Now Harry's the one who's blushing but Louis can feel his cheeks warming up as well at the implication of Harry's words.

Louis nods, ducking his head with a shy grin. "Yeah." He clears his throat. "Yeah. Let's eat."

 

 

 

Harry had left all the preparation for the night to Louis at his boyfriend's insistence and he has not been disappointed. Louis could not have made this night any more magical than it already has been. Dinner was spectacular, of course. And although there was a trace of nervousness because of what they both knew they were about to do it was as if nothing had ever changed between them. Holding hands across the table as they ate, feet intertwined underneath as they ate, drank, conversed; Never at a loss for words whether it was a rehashing of their day or their excitement over what the next few months had in store for them. First and foremost they had truly become best mates again and that was more than Harry could've ever hoped for. And now tonight they would be joined more closely than Harry had ever dreamed they could be. Would _ever_ be.

This was his life now and he could not be any happier.

And then Louis brings out strawberries and whipped cream before he leads Harry over to sit down in front of the fire and Harry's breath is taken away.

"Oh, _love_!" Harry practically moans as Louis feeds him the first of the ripe, juicy berries nearly covered with the deliciously fluffy cream.

Louis nearly passes out as he watches Harry's pink lips wrap themselves around the berry, whipped cream making the act that much more suggestive.

_Holy...fucking...shit_ , Louis thinks. His tongue flicks out to wet his own lips, his mouth suddenly gone dry.

"You like that, baby?" he asks, dropping the stem back onto the plate and picking up another. "Did I do good?"

Harry swipes his thumb across his own lip catching a dot of whipped cream before sucking on the pad, his darkened eyes never leaving Louis'. His gaze intense as he smiles. "You did _insanely_ good, Lou. So fucking good."

Louis smirks suggestively before breaking the stem off of the strawberry in his hand, placing the fruit between his teeth.

Harry swallows, catching on to Louis' intent.

He leans in closer, their mouths now only an inch apart. Without a second thought Harry lapped at the generous helping of whipped cream covering the tip of the berry, savoring it on his tongue with a breathy moan.

A quiet whimper emanates from deep within Louis' throat, eyebrows drawn together and up in aroused amazement.

_Holy...fucking...shit. HolyfuckingshitHolyfuckingshit. Sofuckinghotsofuckinghot. Sogoddamnedfuckinghot!_

Harry dives in for the bite, breaking off a piece of the berry before capturing Louis' waiting mouth in a sweet and juicy kiss.

"Holy fuck, baby." Louis draws back, quickly chewing and swallowing his bit of the berry. He watches with bated breath as Harry finishes his half, his lips just as red and just as juicy as the fruit. "You're really...this is...we...holy-" Louis stammers.

But before he can even voice a coherent thought Harry is pulling him in by the back of the neck. "Will you c'mere already," he practically growls as he smashes their open lips together, mouths hot and wet.

They kiss feverishly, desperately. Pent up emotion flooding every inch of their bodies and minds.

Louis surprises Harry as he moves to ease Harry gently down onto his back, boxing Harry's hips in with his thighs. Their lips barely part with the movement before they are rejoined once again, Louis cradling Harry's head, fingers buried in the soft tresses. Harry's hands come up to rest on Louis' thighs, rubbing up and down in a heated rhythm. They swallow each others' soft moans and whimpers as they find their tempo.

Harry feels the feathery touch of Louis' fingers as they slide down his stomach through the opening of his blouse. Their lips part and Louis lowers his eyes to focus as he unbuttons the blouse with trembling fingers.

Though his heart is racing and his cock is becoming painfully hard, Louis' nerves do not go unnoticed by Harry. "Hey. Hey, Lou," he whispers softly. He stills Louis' hands, rubbing his thumbs soothingly across Louis' still trembling fingers. "Let's take our time, yeah? Slow things down a bit maybe?"

Louis looks up at him, eyes darting over Harry's face questioningly. He's breathing is coming in little shaky bursts and Harry can spot the beginning of a panic attack a mile away. Then as quickly as it began it was over and Louis' sparkling blue eyes began to soften with a smile. "Y-Yeah. You're right." Louis places a soft peck on Harry's lips, breathing deeply willing himself to calm down. He's not quite sure why he's gotten himself so worked up to the point of nearly hyperventilating but once Harry's voice broke through his wall of nerves, his beautiful and warm eyes staring down at him. In that moment he felt nothing but love. "We have all night, don't we?"

Harry cups Louis' jaw tracing a fingertip across his lower lip. He nods, looking deeply into Louis' eyes trying to convey everything that he is feeling in that moment. Every emotion coursing through his veins. "Yes, my love. We do."

Louis visibly relaxes and Harry takes it upon himself to sit up to envelop the quivering man in his arms, bringing him to his chest. His hand moves gently up and down the length of Louis' back and he feels Louis melt into his hold, his face snuggling up under Harry's chin.

They stay like that for a bit, simply holding each other and willing time to slow down. For their pulses to slow down. They've both softened, their pants no longer as restrictive as they had been earlier when things got a bit too heated too fast. The mood had changed as well. Where it once felt desperate and urgent now it was calm and soothing. Loving. Romantic once again.

"I love you so much, Lou," Harry said, his warm breath ghosting over Louis' brow. He presses a soft, lingering kiss to his forehead.

Louis nods almost imperceptibly. "Yeah," he chokes out. "Yeah...me too, Haz." A quiet sob escapes him and he feels a tear spring from behind his closed lids. It's not like Louis had planned on getting so extremely overwhelmed with emotion. Of course it's a big step. An even bigger step when you take into account that he has barely had any time to process that he is a man who desperately wants to make love to another man. To Harry. That it's even in the realm of possibility for him wouldn't have even been a though a few months ago. He was so desperately in the closet that he almost lost himself and what truly made him happier than he's ever been. Almost lost _who_ made him happier than he's ever been. And now here he is. About to make love to his best mate.

To _Harry_.

To _his_ Haz...

To the love of his life.

A life that he had almost thrown away had it not been for the realization that he could not live another day only to watch this man love another. Only to watch _his love_ move on with someone else. Someone other than him.

That would have been a sad existence, he realizes.

"Shhhhh. Shhhhh, baby," Harry soothes, petting the back of Louis' head. His fingers tangling in the soft fringe. "S'okay. You're ok, love. Shhhh."

Louis gave a watery laugh, pulling back a bit to look up lovingly into Harry's eyes. "I'm just...I'm just so fucking lucky. I love you so much and I've put you through so much and here we are. About to...about to have sex-"

"Make love, Lou," Harry interjects with a sweet smile, thumbing away some of Louis' fallen tears.

"Make love," Louis continues with a smile just as sweet. "We're about to make love for the first time and I mean...it's your _first time_ as well and I'm just...I'm so honored." Louis smiles through the tears that have begun to flow again.

"Oh, my love. I think I may have waited forever for you."

Louis bows his head and blinks away his tears before looking up once again to meet Harry's gaze. "Well I'm glad you didn't have to." His chest tightens with emotion as he joins their lips in a soft caress.

"Make love to me, Lou," Harry breathes against Louis' lips. "Please."

Louis brings their foreheads together giving a gentle nod. "Yeah. Yeah, I think I will."

 

 

As soon as Harry steps into the candlelit bedroom, Louis leading him by the hand, he feels the unmistakable tickle of tears in the corners of his eyes. He is speechless. In awe of the lengths Louis has gone to to make this evening as special as he can. To make Harry feel as loved as he can. "Lou..."

"You like it?" Louis asks, a hopeful lilt to his voice.

Harry wipes at the corner of his eyes with his free hand before drawing a by now shirtless Louis to him, bare chest to bare chest. He's too filled with emotion to speak so all he does is nod emphatically, planting a wet kiss to the juncture of Louis' neck and shoulder.

Louis' hands find their way to Harry's waist before he traces his fingers gently down to squeeze the meat of Harry's hips. His neck arching to give Harry clearer access to lay his increasingly urgent kisses, his tongue making a pathway from Louis' shoulder to the soft space behind his ear.

Louis feels himself harden as Harry continues, his boyfriend's fingertips now exploring the planes of Louis' chest. Teasing his hardening nipples. Lightly tracing a path over his skin.

A soft, high pitched whimper escapes Louis when Harry nips at his jaw. "I am so fucking in love with y-" Harry's last words are smothered on Louis' lips, his fingers gripping the base of Louis' neck to crash their mouths together. The sound of Kings of Leon's Sex on Fire fading into the background until all that is left is the desperate pants and swallowed whimpers between the two men.

Harry begins backing Louis towards the bed, their bare toes crushing the fragrant rose petals on their way. When the back of Louis' legs hits the edge of the bed he grips onto Harry's shoulders bringing Harry down on top of him without breaking their kiss. Soon belts are unfastened, jeans are pooling around ankles and they find their tempo once again as their hardened cocks are rubbing languidly together. They set an almost teasing rhythm. Hips rolling and grinding, Harry between Louis' legs, ankles still chained together by their jeans yet somehow the position becoming feasible as they clung to each other heatedly. 

Both men toe absently at the jeans around their ankles eliciting giggles against each other's lips at the awkwardness of the action.

"Fucking fuckers," Louis grumbles through a smile, finally freeing himself.

Harry titters as his jeans follow suit joining Louis' in a pile on the floor. Harry gasps in pleasant surprise as Louis' hands find their way down the back of his briefs, squeezing a handful of Harry's bum. Lifting. Separating. Pressing together as if guiding Harry's hardness to his own in a tantalizing rhythm that has both men panting into each other's mouths. Chests heaving as the pace increases, as their nerves become nothing but a long-forgotten hindrance. 

Louis can feel himself peaking already, his cock leaking pre cum enough to feel through his briefs. Which... _why are their briefs still on???_

"Harry?"

"Hmmm?"

Harry keeps up the pace, laying open mouthed kisses and licks along Louis' neck and down his chest.

Louis groans. "Haz, love. I don't know if I can last. This is just... _ah!_ " Louis gasps loudly as Harry swiftly pulls Louis' cock out of his briefs, taking him down whole.

"Mmmmm," he moans, mouth full of Louis' thickness. The vibration sends a wave of pleasure through Louis' cock and he feels his heart start to pound at the intensity. After a few bobs, Harry pulls off with a pop placing a wet pouted lip kiss to the head. 

Louis watches in wide-eyed arousal as Harry fattens his tongue swiping from base to tip. Darkened green eyes flick up to meet Louis' gaze before Harry is taking him down whole again, his lips brushing the short hairs at the base. Harry inhales loudly through his nose, relishing the scent of _Louis._  

Instinctively Louis runs his hand through Harry's long locks and holds his own head up with the other in order to get a better view as Harry sucks him off. He's never seen anything more beautiful than Harry Styles sucking his cock. _Nothing compares. Not even close._ His pink puffy lips enveloping the girth of Louis' hardness, spit-slicked and dripping from working Louis over with everything in him. _Fucking stunning._

But then Harry pops off again, crawling up the length of Louis' body while removing his own briefs with the other, swiftly flicking them over the side of the bed with his toes. "Hey baby," he smiles when he's face to face with Louis. 

Louis returns the smile through hooded eyes. "Hey yourself," he growls. "C'mere." Reaching between their bodies Louis takes Harry's blessed length in hand. Stroking him slowly he watches as above him Harry's eyes fall shut with a soft moan.

"Baby. Lou, feels so good." Harry's hips begin rocking up, fucking up into Louis' hand as he continues to stroke him. 

It's then Louis realizes how much _bigger_ Harry is than him. Sure Louis has an impressive girth but he's at about an average length whereas Harry. Well, Harry is outrageously blessed in both departments. Of course he knows this. He's had the man's cock in his mouth over the past few months more times than he can count. But it's when the reality of what they are about to do and where said cocks are going to be squeezing their way into does it _really_ hit Louis. 

He knows they said they'd 'wing it' and see what feels right in the moment but...

"Haz?" He continues stroking Harry who is now working on a bruise right under Louis' jaw.

"Hmmm?" His lips never disconnect from Louis' skin as he responds.

"Would you...Can I...I mean we can both eventually but maybe tonight...you know. The first time and all...I mean _I've_ already-"

Harry pops off of his neck, drawing his head back to meet Louis' eyes. "Sure, love. Whatever makes you feel comfortable." 

_Oh. Ok. That was rather easy. Worried for nothing then._

"Yeah? Ok. Yeah." Louis nods, Harry now smiling softly down at him.

"Yeah. So..."

"So yeah. I suppose now I'm...I need to...erm...lube?" Louis' nerves begin picking up again thinking of this next step but Harry simply quirks a brow, licking his swollen lips and Louis suddenly wants nothing more than to open this man up with his fingers.

Quickly Harry rolls off of Louis and reaches over into the drawer of the nightstand returning to Louis' side small bottle of lube in hand. "I-I could if you don't want-"

Louis immediately snatches the bottle out of Harry's hand with darkened eyes. "On your back love. Chop-chop."

If anyone can make someone laugh during their first time it would be Louis. Harry chuckles gladly abiding, crawling on all fours towards the head of the bed, his bare bum rocking from side to side like some sexy stalking feline.

_Holy fuck. Harry...is hairless._ Louis' eyes widen as he takes in the sight of Harry's pink entrance. Louis hadn't thought much about what he would think when it all came down to ass play. Not sure if he'd really be into the whole thing but if the increased throbbing in his own cock at the sight of Harry's puckered skin was any indication then yeah. He was most definitely pro ass-play. Team ass-play all the fucking way.

Louis groans as Harry peers seductively over his shoulder before flopping onto his back, hands intertwined behind his head and knees bent up invitingly. He quirks an eyebrow in question a playfully seductive smirk set to his lips. "Well?"

_What kind of fucking sex kitten type shit is this!?!?!?!?_

Louis feels his cock jump against his lower stomach at the sight of his boyfriend ready and waiting for him.  With a quick nip to his lower lip, Louis flicks the cap open on the bottle of lube with his thumb before crawling up between Harry's open legs. His eyes flick up to meet Harry's gaze as he pours out an ample amount of the clear slippery liquid to coat his fingers. Harry has his bottom lip held tightly between his teeth, eyebrows drawn together and up as he watches Louis with a clear sense of aroused anticipation. 

Fingers sufficiently slicked up, Louis clears his throat. He almost wants to say something funny since he's about to have his fingers up Harry's arse for the first time ever and there's got to be a good ice breaker in the back of his mind somewhere. One that would undoubtedly draw a laugh from his boyfriend. But he thinks better of it. _Maybe later_ , he thinks as he brings his middle finger to Harry's waiting, exposed entrance. 

Harry's eyes drift close at the first touch, his lip popping out from between his teeth with a sharp inhale. Louis' longest finger circles the pinkened rim, relishing the newness of the feel of it.

And then...

Harry throws his head back as Louis' breaches his tightened entrance, a soft moan emanating from his parted lips. 

Louis checks with him to see if he's caused his boyfriend any pain and with a quick shake of Harry's head Louis begins to move his finger. Slowly in and out at first before he brings his pointer finger into the mix.

It's a new feeling for Louis, of course, but Harry has confessed to fingering himself on multiple occasions so at least he knows what to expect. In fact...

"That's good, Lou. I...I'm ready," he looks down at Louis, a tinge of pink flushing his cheeks. "I," he lowers his eyes shyly before gazing back up through his eyelashes like the fucking sex kitten that he is, "may have had a bit of fun with Big Blue after you went to bed last night."

_Big Blue!_  Louis' eyes widen and his mouth runs dry as he pictures Harry fucking himself with his favorite vibrator. "O-Okay, then," Louis stutters out, his tongue flicking out to moisten his lips. He pours some more lube onto his hands, slicking up his throbbing cock with trembling fingers.

"Lou?"

Louis' eyes dart up at the soft sound of Harry's deep voice and is met with wide, adoring eyes. 

"I love you," Harry whispers, his hand coming up to caress Louis' jaw.

Louis feels his hands still as his nerves instantly drain away and he leans his cheek into the touch. He hums. "Mmm. I love you to, baby."

Harry grins, raising his head and bringing Louis to him for a kiss. Legs spread wider, Harry wordlessly gives his permission for entrance.

Louis' body thrums in anticipation, his heartbeat picking up as he brings his cock to Harry's waiting rim. Gliding his length back and forth teasingly has Harry soon writhing beneath him.

" _Baby..._ " He whines, but is cut short as Louis' cock slowly pushes past his rim. Harry grips onto the back of Louis' neck, deepening their kiss as the he feels himself adjust to Louis' girth. The pain is tolerable and as Harry feels it ease with a quick squeeze to Louis' hips he says "Now move."

To say that Louis had no idea what he has been missing out on is a gross understatement. The tightness enveloping his cock is almost overwhelming to the point that Louis feels like a teen again, ready to cum embarrassingly quickly. It is a phenomenal feeling that has him realizing that he must pace himself if he is to last.

He blows out a puff of air as he readies himself, hips pulling back slowly before pushing forward at an even pace. "Oh, my God," he breathes, shakily as Harry wraps his long legs around Louis' waist, ankles crossing behind his back. "Oh, my God. Baby..."

Their eyes meet as Louis picks up the pace, rocking into Harry and eliciting soft grunts from the parted plush lips of the man writhing beneath him. Louis then brings his hands up underneath Harry's arms and around to grip onto his shoulders, gaining leverage as he begins to pound into Harry.

" _Oh, fuck! Yes! Yeah,_ " Harry shouts as Louis hits his prostate head on.

Harry's screams of pleasure send shockwaves straight to Louis' cock and he knows it won't be long for him now. He begins sucking a bruise onto Harry's shoulder stifling his own ecstatic moans.

" _Harder, Lou! Harder!"_ Harry shouts. " _Fuck me harder!"_

And, well...who is Louis to not oblige. He snaps his hips back before pounding into Harry at a faster pace. Harry's hand slides down between them as he begins stroking himself in earnest. 

Barely a minute later and...there it is. The shooting sense of pleasure straight to Louis' cock. "Oh, God. Baby, I'm gonna cum," Louis says, voice becoming progressively higher in pitch as he reaches his peak.  "I'm cumming! I'm cumming, Haz!" And with a high-pitched breathy moan Louis stills then shudders as he empties himself in waves into Harry.

Harry isn't far behind as the mere sight of Louis succumbing to his orgasm has him painting his own chest with hot spurts moments later,  his breath coming in long, surrendering moans. The intensity of his orgasm words simply cannot describe. 

Louis slowly pulls out and rolls to lay next to Harry. Harry grimaces at the sudden emptiness before relaxing back into the overwhelming feeling of satiation. Both men lay shuddering, gasping for air. 

"Holy shit," Harry pants out, his chest heaving with a lip-quivering grin plastered on his face.

"'Holy shit' is right," Louis laughs, breathily.

Harry's hand twitches lazily between them in search of Louis'. Louis catches the hint and reaches out to intertwine their fingers. As their breathing gradually evens out and their heartbeats are no longer audible in their own ears, the two men turn to one another, sated and loving smiles brightening their faces.

"Baby, that was..." Harry begins.

Louis inches closer silencing his boyfriend with a soft kiss. "Yeah. Yeah it was."

 

What could have been an awkward experience turned out to be one of the most insanely intense and soul-bonding moments of their lives.

After cleaning each other up they fall asleep with peaceful smiles, Harry's head pillowed over Louis' heart. The rhythmic beating lulling him into a blissfully sated slumber.

 

 

 ~~~

 

 

The next morning Louis wakes up to a goofy, dimpled smile hovering above him. "Hmmm? Morning."

Somehow, Harry's smile grows brighter. "Morning!" He chirps before lowering his voice comically and drawling out "Lover."

Louis rolls his eyes, stifling a pleased smile. He detects the hint of minty toothpaste on Harry's breath and suspects the man's been up for a bit. All bright-eyed and bushy-tailed looking, practically brimming with curious excitement.

"What's got you all chirpy this morning?" Louis mumbles, overly conscious of his less than stellar morning breath.

Harry rolls his lips between his teeth, eyes crinkling with an eager grin. Then his lips break free with the enormity of his smile and he says "Got you a present, lover."

Louis' curiosity is peaked so he dismisses the awfully cheesy term of endearment and abruptly sits up, the comforter pooling at his waist. "Ooooh! Gimme, gimme!" He makes grabby hands, palms facing the ceiling.

Harry huffs a laugh. "Jeez, Lou. Ok. Ok." He brings out a little black bag he had been hiding behind his back with a dramatic flourish. "Ta da!"

"Aw, Haz! You shouldn't have," Louis coos, taking the bag and lifting out the crumpled pale blue paper within. Inside, a slate gray velvet pouch lay nestled atop even more pale blue crumpled paper. Louis smiles up at an attentive Harry before reaching for the pouch and emptying its contents into the palm of his hand.

Harry hopes the sharp intake of breath that Louis takes when he first sees the bracelet is a good sign. He can't tell for sure as Louis has his head bowed looking down at the bracelet in his hands that lay in his lap. There's a beat of silence and then...

"Harry," Louis breathes, barely above a whisper.

It's then that Harry makes out the unmistakable crinkle at the corners of Louis' eyes as a happy grin overtakes his face.

Louis finally lifts his head, grin on full display. "It's perfect, Harry." He leans forward to brush a gentle kiss against Harry's smiling lips.

"Yeah?" Harry asks, relief evident in his voice.

And the thing is...ask Louis months ago if he would willingly wear anything that would even hint that he may possibly be anything other than straight and he would have laughed in your face. Now? In this moment? He would drape himself in a rainbow toga, wearing rainbow-colored Vans and a bushy rainbow clown wig as he walked hand-in-hand with the absolute _love of his life_ down the busiest street in the world because he is just that happy and secure in himself and who is is and who he loves. This gift. This _pride_ bracelet. A symbol of _his_ pride. It's not only a symbol of his pride as a queer man but also a symbol of his journey from being a deeply closeted individual to a soon-to-be open and honest public figure.

_This is just the beginning_ , Louis muses as he slips the the bracelet on to his left wrist. "Yeah, love. Absolutely perfect."   

 

 

 ~~~

 

**February 1st, 2016**  

 

 

As he waits on line at the Yoga Center's juice bar for his post-workout smoothie Harry can not contain his smile. Yes. Of course it is his 22nd birthday. But even better? Today was _the_ day!!!

He and Louis hadn't been able to sleep last night with all the excitement to come today. Their first step, albeit a small one, will be nothing short of monumental. 

 

 

**The night before...**

_"So are you going to leave witty comments on all of my selfies now?" Louis asks Harry snaking his arms around his boyfriend's waist as they lay curled up in their bed. "Or are you going to be the silent observer and simply double tap?"_

_Harry turns his face into his pillow and grins, Louis' fingers drawing circles around his belly button._

_"Hmm?" Louis smiles, burying his nose into the curls at the back of Harry's neck. "What's it gonna be, my love?"_

_Harry giggles at his boyfriend's teasing touch. "Dunno. You'll just have to wait and see, won't you now?"_

_"Oh, ho! Is that how it's gonna be, yeah?" Louis digs his fingertips into the flesh of Harry's abdomen playfully._

_Harry lets out a squeak, writhing beneath Louis' touch. "Y-Yessss...STOP!" Harry giggles uncontrollably as Louis continues his assault. "Stop, Lou! I'm still sore!"_

_That makes Louis pause with a lascivious smirk. "Well you asked for it, Haz! As I recall, your exact words were 'Ride me harder. C'mon now! Make it hurt. I can take it!'_

_Harry turns crimson, hiding his face behind his hands as Louis gives an insanely accurate impression of him from the night before as Louis rode his cock expertly. "Yeah...well. You did and it still does. So..."_

_Louis groans, moving Harry's hair so he can place languid kisses along the back of Harry's neck. "And you did take it well, didn't you?"_

_Harry arches his neck to give Louis better access. "MmmHmmm."_

_Last night had been Louis' turn on bottom and let's just say...they discovered he possesses a gift for the role. A blessed, blessed gift that Harry can definitely attest to. As can his aching back._

_"Baby," Harry mumbles, Louis working on yet another love bite on the back of his neck. This'll make #4. He's a fucking vampire!_

_Louis hums in acknowledgement too preoccupied to form proper words._

_Harry reaches up his arm behind him, running his fingers through Louis' sleep and sex-ravaged hair. "This is it, Lou. I mean it should seem like such a littl thing but it's...like it's really-ah!-not." Harry gasps when Louis playfully nips at his handiwork._

_Louis sighs and Harry rolls over to face him, their noses brushing from the closeness. "I know," Lous frowns. "Rather stupid that it's such a big thing, though. I mean_ I _was_   _stupid for thinking doing it would...like..."_

_"Make it seem that we were really together and that you were gay?"_

_And it sounds even more stupid now to Louis' ears._

God! I was so fucking scared!  _Louis' frown deepens. "Yeah. That."_

_Harry grazes his nose against Louis', tracing a circle around the little rounded tip. He inches his body closer, bringing his hand to rest on Louis' waist beneath the covers. "But that's why this is such a big step, love. I'm so fucking proud of you._ So _proud."_

_Louis smiles ruefully, averting his eyes. Of course Harry would say that. He's always been Louis' biggest cheerleader._   _Even when he had every right to hate Louis._

_"Hey." Harry dips his head a bit to catch Louis' eyes and Louis looks up meeting Harry's gaze, long eyelashes fluttering with the movement. "I don't care about any of that anymore. I don't care about how you started avoiding me on stage, or stopped hanging out like we used to just in case someone got a pic or...or...even for fucking Eleanor!"_

_Harry grips his boyfriend tighter as he draws his head back in order to meet Louis' eyes pointedly, making sure that his reassurances were getting through to him._

_Louis' smile was small but genuine. "Yeah? Even all the hell I put you through?"_

_Harry raspberries, rolling his eyes dramatically. "Water under the bridge!"_

_Louis nibbles on his bottom lip as his smile seems to grow a bit. A bit of sunshine peeking out of those blue-gray beauties that Harry could spend the rest of his life,_ will _spend the rest of his life staring into._

_"I mean it, Lou. All I care about is the here and now. You. Me. Here. Now. Together. It's all that matters. The past means nothing. We're only moving forward now, you and I. Together."_

_And Louis quite likes the sound of that. Moving forward together. Like it always should have been, really. But if Harry can forgive him for all that he put him through then maybe he should start focusing on their forever and ensuring that Harry knows that he made the right decision in giving Louis a second chance._

_Leaning in to capture his boyfriend's sleep puffy lips, Louis whispers "I quite like the sound of that, my love."_

 

 

~~~

 

 

**February 1st, 2016 (present)**

 

His phone goes off with the notification just as he reaches the counter. He glances at the clock on the wall.

_10 a.m. Louis must have just woken up, the lazy head._ Harry smiles, giddy at the thought as he reaches into his pocket to retrieve his phone.

The notification is clear on his lock screen but he opens up the app, the enormity of the grin on his face nearly scrunching his eyes completely closed.

"Next!" The girl behind the counter calls. He steps out of the way to allow the woman behind him to go ahead of him.

He moves to the side as the woman steps up to the counter with a grateful nod, Instagram queued up on his phone screen. Bouncing lightly from foot to foot he presses on the activity icon with a muffled squeal, turning a few heads in his direction in the process.

But he couldn't care less because...there it is. For all of their fans to see. For the entire _world_ to see. 

 

 

 

 

~~~

 

 

** August 1st, 2016 **

 

Six months.

It's been six months filled with time spent both privately and _publicly_ with each other. Six months filled with speculation from fans both on social media and in person regarding the depth of their relationship. Harry and Louis have gradually upped their interaction during interviews and promotional performances on talk shows. Banter becoming a regular thing between the two, always seated next to each other during interviews. Lingering touches, longing looks and secret (or rather not-so-secret) smiles that come naturally but are made sure that the cameras catch. 

Their new team has been so supportive of Louis' coming out as well as their relationship becoming public and have been working with the media, providing them with the necessary seeding material to ensure that neither Louis nor Harry violate their NDA's with their old team. Their relationship is meant to seem a gradual occurance. Something recent and not at all something that has been 'covered up' by their former managers, PR, and label with the use of forced closeting. It's a bitter pill to swallow knowing that their old team gets away scot free but contracts are contracts. And when enough time has passed they'll tell their story. It may not have been completely smooth sailing but they made it through the toughest of weather that life had to throw at them. Together...

 

 

He pulls his Mercedes into the spot and slides the gear into park with a nervous smile, his hands nearly shaking. The Grove is bustling, to say the least. There's crowds of well-dressed people some sipping iced drinks, carrying shopping bags dangling from their manicured fingers, eyes shielded by designer sunglasses glued to their phones. Ready to snap a pic of a spotted celeb at a moments notice.

Perfect place for a coming out.

"Ready?" His passenger asks, voice sure and strong.

Harry turns in his seat taking in the beautiful, beaming smile warming his boyfriend's face.

Louis holds out his hand, the bracelet Harry had given him all those months ago in honor of his journey firmly fastened around his wrist. 

_I am so fucking proud of this man_ , Harry thinks as he takes Louis' hand and intertwined their fingers. "Ready."

 

 

[The Beginning of Forever...](http://daniellavictoriaao3.tumblr.com/image/144016776161)  by hazstylestrash

 

 

 

 


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